Hmmmm.......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WORRIED
Good Day my people .....
Please ,for those that have at least 1 child up to 18 months, how do you and your hubby make out time for each other?....As par lovemaking and other bedmatics.
My people, it is only when my daughter sleeps we get to be together and she does not sleep for so long....so it is almost always quickie. Even at night she wakes up when I'm not there and how she gets to know I have zoomed off is what I can't fathom.
Foreplay between hubby and I has gone into extinction, as for house help, we live in the diaspora so having a nanny is a big deal here.
Now I'm expecting our 2nd child and I keep wondering how our intimate life will be if only one is affecting it already, how will 2 be? .....
Please ,help me cos I dont enjoy s#x again cos it's all about thrusting now ,and we can't even do without lubricant cos I'm always dry due to lack of foreplay all in the bid to finish before little madam wakes up .
Doors here have no locks so she can walk in on us which has happened on a few occasions when she was very much younger.
Since she turned 13 months we have been very careful and she hasn't seen again.
As for toys and cartoons, we have tried but she gets distracted and bored after like 7-10 mins and starts looking for us crying and shouting .
This is seriously affecting our s#x lives.
*The kind of intimacy you are asking to regain is gone for now and there is nothing you can do about it my dear.... This is one of the disadvantages of being parents.....
*The kind of intimacy you are asking to regain is gone for now and there is nothing you can do about it my dear.... This is one of the disadvantages of being parents.....
Wait but nah inside the complain you take carry second belle so nah..hehehehehe
please make do with what you have until time sorts things out.
Why dont you have locks on the doors? you can fix locks on the particular doors you want my dear!
Please bear and wait until when she start school and always gets very tired and sleeps off easily.
I don't even know what to say to you like right now and you just try to do what's best for you
ReplyDeleteYou have to try.
DeleteDate nights
Get aways
Baby sitters
We used to go out once in two weeks for date nights
Drop our kids over for sleep overs at my sisters'
You can take weekends off
It can never be the same when kids start coming, except when they are much older but if you don't put in the work now, it will harder later cus you'd have grown apart or gotten too used to the routine.
For us, it's mostly at night when baby must have slept, I will leave him in my room and go to my husband's room, when we're done, I retire to his side.
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Awon it’s not good for couples to stay in different rooms … 😂😂😂😂😂😂see how you mistakenly exposed yourself, what happens to the baby staying in the same room with the parents in a babycot until she is a lil bit grown so I guys can do all fun stuff of changing diapers and all together… yenyenyenyen
DeleteAre you female?
DeleteAre you female?
DeletePut her in day care,then you can have your intimacy time . Drink plenty water first thing in the morning for the dryness since you are pregnant.good luck
ReplyDeleteNawa o,I wish you the best advice you can get here.
ReplyDeleteYou mean your daughter does not sleep at night hours?
ReplyDeleteYou have to gradually wean her from you
seeing that you will soon have another baby.
A child at that age should be able to sleep for at least 3 hours at a stretch
during the nights.
Me sef confuse oo. Wean your child from you biko.
DeleteI'm surprised too, poster you need to start sleep training her to sleep for longer hours. You and hubby can utilise the late nights and early mornings when she is deeply asleep.
DeleteMadam, it's part of marriage. Yiu just have to endure. You could have been doing the full 360degree if you were in Nigeria with grandma to hold her for small holidays.
ReplyDeleteJust adjust to it and stop worrying about it.
Please, all this "enduring" until whenever, is why we see chronicles and anonymous confessions from married people, about how they are so distant from their spouses, and just live as roommates!
DeleteToo often, we see women staying at home with the kids whilst the man goes to weddings, parties and even Church alone. All because they don't want the kids to go and embarrass them! Take them and teach them how to comport themselves in public!
Teach them manners. Have a look that when you give them, they know to behave themselves.
Putting all your energy into your kids and none into your marriage, is a huge disservice! One day those kids will leave home...and what will you be left with?
@SMH, you didn't address the poster's complaint, but rather digressed.
DeleteDoors have no locks but no one is stopping you guys fixing one. Children alter the lives of parents. You have to endure. Our parents did.
ReplyDeleteEndure.
@baltika, In some rented apartments in the diaspora, you are not allowed to make such changes and some apartment rooms do not come with locks. I believe this is the case with the poster.
DeleteLet them use something heavy to block the door from inside. Improvise! Its not good at all for kids to hv such imageries. I can still remember some imageries from when i was little. Believe it all not, sole ppl hv photographic memories. Dont wait till shes geoN before u do something about it. Warm tea before bedtime with lots of beverage will make her sleep or pap.
DeleteMadam put lock on your door simple. All these stories sef.
ReplyDeleteOmg, thank God for this platform, I get to learn a lot on here. This is the exact situation I’m into right now, I’ve been TTC for the second child for the past 5 months but can’t because we can’t have time for intimacy again since our first baby arrived. I’m so looking forward to learning from comments. We live & work abroad as well so baby is always stuck with us. Stella locks are not allowed here else if the heath visitor sees it, it becomes a big concern.
ReplyDeletePull a chair against the door then
DeleteThe truth is that if you don't create boundary routines for your kids they will never or hardly adhere to it.
DeleteFrom "babyhood" let your kids have their rooms and learn to stay there.
I dint do this, but my brother who did, enjoys his private time
His son at 12months, knows not to leave his court once he is kept in it for the night.
He has his water bottle by his side and stays peacefully until he falls asleep.
Africans hardly create routines for their kids and it affects alot of areas later on.
If she is almost 2, she should start falling into a routine. Try to make sure she doesn’t sleep in the evenings so she can sleep longer at night.
ReplyDeleteAlso begin to set rules to try reduce the clingy behavior. I don’t think you should stay with her till she sleeps, you can tell her it’s bedtime and let her go to bed. It will take effort, but you will see the dividends. The kids will be able to go to bed and stay there till they fall asleep.
That is the life of women in diaspora. They suffer a lot during the child bearing years and the early years of raising the kids.Your husband needs to understand and make adjustment. Don’t let him visit Nigeria, if not those hungry girls will chop him raw and carry belle o. Next, they come here referring to someone’s wife as his ‘ex’ to gain empathy, asking for your prayers so that the man can leave his suffering wife to marry them. Premium tears and lamentation awaits many of them. You can’t plant pain in people’s farm and expect to reap joy in yours.
ReplyDelete"Your husband needs to understand and make adjustment." What adjustment(s) should he make? You've not given any advice. All you can advice is prevent the husband from visiting Nigeria, lol.
DeleteAnon 18:15, preventing one’s spouse from visiting Nigeria alone is still a valid advise. How many spouses with very young children have quality time for quality sex abroad? Many of these men go to Niger to enjoy quality sex. Ask Maryland women, their story plenty.
DeleteManage what you have for now, a few years more, things will change. I was like that before but now, she is over seven yrs old and things have changed. She sleeps deeply and even snores at night, she doesn't disturb anymore, so we have the whole night to ourselves. She has been like this since she turned five.
ReplyDeleteAll I see is "Doors here have no locks".
ReplyDeleteManage for now until when baby number two reaches play age, maybe then you can enjoy your foreplay et al.
Poster...we are in same shoes. I live in the abroad tok
ReplyDeleteI have a three year old and a 6month old. Our sex life has taken a deep dive due to children.
The best time to do the dò is at night when our two children sleeps or very early morning Ẹ.g. 6am etc.
Forget your spontaneous sex. It's not going to happen for another few years.
Most people telling you to get a door lock do not know that it's against health and safety laws to have locks on internal doors in a UK building.
Even plastic child proof locks are not encouraged due to health and safety.
Anyways...my advice is...do the dò late at night or in the morning.plan it in advance. And live with the fact that sometimes it won't work.
Depending on the type of door knob u have, pls buy a grip 'n twist door knob cover. Most of the major stores sell it. Once you install it on your door knob, it's difficult for a child to open the door. You may look it up online to see what it looks like. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteSo if the child is at the door knocking and shouting up a storm because the door is locked,what do you do then? I have read a story about parents who were busy having sex while the baby was crying in his cot in another room not knowing that the baby was in distress. After sex,they went to check on the baby only to see him dead in his crib.
DeletePoster,please don't put locks on your door for now. Your child is more important than sex or foreplay. They will outgrow this clingy stage with time. You and hubby should get creative for now or make do.
Who keeps a baby in another room without a baby monitor with a video or webcam? U can always check on them by looking into ur screen
DeleteMy baby first baby is 13 months old and I'm currently pregnant with our 2rd child. I continued to enjoy intimacy with hubby, even when baby was really young. He goes to bed say 8pm,and doesn't awaken till 12 or 1am for a feed. Between those hours, I go to hubby's room and we do the do. Sometimes,i send him off to grandma's.. Ps. I live in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteIf the grip n twist doesn't work for your door knob, you can try the outsmart lever handle lock. I'm in Canada and these locks cost less than CAD20. The grip n twist is much cheaper sef. U can find them at Walmart, home depot and canadian tire here
ReplyDeleteFor those telling her to install locks on the door...please, understand that the ways of Nigeria (and Africa) are NOT the ways of most Western societies.
ReplyDeleteUnless they own the property outright, or through a mortgage, they cannot make modifications to the home. Tenancy agreements outline what one can and cannot do in the property...and installing locks; repainting the walls a different colour; hammering nails to hang paintings/photos are usually some of the things you cannot do...or you will lose part or all of your security deposit!
I was look for this comment. You dare not put nails on the wall sef to hang things or ur security deposit is as good as gone.
DeleteOh, I just read d remaining part of your comment and it's exactly what I wrote
DeleteThere's a filler you can buy from home depot or Canadian tire if you there are holes on your wall from hangings it cost less than $10, and there's a colour pen in any colour of your choice you can use to cover the filler. I have used these items. As for doors 🚪 you can put locks but make sure to replace them with the old ones before your walk through and you will get your damage deposit back. Maybe this poster lives in the UK and I am not familiar with the rules there but in Canada there are grey areas you can use to your advantage. Me and my husband bathe late and use our bath time do our thing.
DeleteI always use my security debit as my last rent cos of stories that touch I can’t shout Biko
DeleteHmmmm at that age babies can't process anything so y afraid of love making when she won't know or remember what you guys are doing get her toys plenty of it to distract her so she can play alot with it put cartoons that are baby friendly and watch get carried away while you are all the passionate love making you can get
ReplyDeleteYou're wrong. Very wrong! They see, they remember.
DeleteNo please, kids should never be regarded as ‘too small’. These images and actions get stored in their memory. True they won’t understand immediately what they have seen, but due to that innocence, they could replicate these things innocently and you begin to wonder where they learnt such from!
DeleteSays who? My colleague's son who isn't one yet,usually hugs all the girls in daycare because he sees his parent doing it all the time..The girls used to run and scream..And he can't even walk properly yet he will hold them tight and fall on them..The daycare woman asked his mum to be careful about what she does infront of him
DeleteSays who? My colleague's son who isn't one yet,usually hugs all the girls in daycare because he sees his parent doing it all the time..The girls used to run and scream..And he can't even walk properly yet he will hold them tight and fall on them..The daycare woman asked his mum to be careful about what she does infront of him
DeletePlease do not bear until whenever. Leaving things until something else happens, is how distance between a couple creeps in!
ReplyDeleteSleep train your child! It's best to do this when the child is still an infant, but I don't think it's too late. There are several mummy-baby websites that can provide useful tips on how to do so. Utilize them!
Use specific training for a toddler, as it's different from that of a newborn and infant.
Poster, buy a bouncy castle for your Baby, if you haven’t got a big garden for a big one, buy a smaller indoor one.
ReplyDeleteWhen she jump tire, she go sleep deep for night.... lol.
Alternatively, take her for a long walk to tire her out every evening and let her eat well before bed.
Otherwise, you have to wait till she gets into nursery where playing tires her out and inturn give her a deep sleep.
Don’t go and fix locks that would put you into trouble with your HV Abeg.
Good luck!
It is long overdue for you to sleep - train your child. Sleep train this one before the second baby comes. Otherwise, you'll be looking for sleep and not even intimacy with your husband.
ReplyDeleteYou need to sleep train your child so she can sleep through the night. I’m also having this problem and I really need to sleep train my child as well. She’ll cry for couple of nights but assure her you’re around. Sleep train her in a crib (cot) so she won’t get out.
ReplyDeleteI really need to sleep train my daughter too, she doesn't go to bed early. She can stay up as late as 12am on some days (my husband and I sleep late), but once she hits the sheet like this, she's out for 8-10hrs at a stretch. She stopped waking up to feed at night around her 8th month or so.
Delete@ Dainty T, 12am is late for your daughter at that age o. Especially at this crucial time as her brain is still developing. also for proper growth and good circadian rhythm for healthy sleep. You don’t want her having problems later as lack of proper sleep can affect ones health. Definitely sleep train her; It’s not too late at all. And also you’ll have some alone and bonding time with you and your husband. She should be in bed between 8 and 9pm and latest 10pm. 10pm is late for a child self but at least 10pm once in a while is fine.
DeleteYour child is still to young to process these things. If your 3 or 4 year old child walks in on you having sex, a simple explanation such as - mummy and daddy are hugging each other because they love each other will do the magic. Your child is 18month and you should not be worried at all.
ReplyDeleteThis is the time to start training your child to sleep at certain hours and to sleep in his/her room.
It's great that you are mindful of the natural little things that can cause a couple to drift apart unknowingly. Not to worry, you will be fine.
18mths is too old to try hanky panky in front of
DeleteCreate a routine for the child.
ReplyDeleteShe's not too young for that,this will enable her have time to sleep.
Also, take time to understand her, loosing attention 5 to 7mins may mean alot.
Read up on Attention Deficit Disorder.
Agree with hubby on parenting plans and beyond penetration, keep your intimacy alive with quick touches, steal kisses, sexting each other etc. It can keep you wet and anticipating that the little time you do the do will just be an icing on the cake Parenting toddlers can be a lot of work but its doable.
You can!
Safe delivery.
Also try to play with her a lot, running around, tickling her, playing jumping jacks and enough fresh outdoor activities then drive her around etc. Feed her properly and well. She'll sleep off and long. Meanwhile u guys can be making out a lot during the period also. Trust me, she can even lay on the room floor and u guys can have ur time. Use pillows to surround her while she sleeps to stimulate ur body.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy
Poster your baby has gotten too useful to you and your hubby, so please be patient cos you have your husband all to yourself for life. Mo need to rush but be patient soon the child will grown and start sleeping well.
ReplyDeleteI could have written this.
ReplyDeleteI have a daughter, same age. We stay abroad, doors with no lock too. I thought afterall she's still young lets finish off ( if she wakes up mid show) that was a bad idea. Last week I saw her mimicking her dad on top of me...
Ahhhh you guys need to be careful o anon 00:58. She’ll start doing this with other kids and next thing they’ll tell you she needs therapy and refer you to In home therapy. You guys should stop this behavior please. Very bad idea.
DeleteI’m a single mum and I sleep trained my son at age 1 because I was tired of feeding him during the night. He cried so much for 5 days while sleep training but by the 5th day he realised mummy mean business so he started sleeping easy in his cot by himself no more sleeping on my bed.
ReplyDeleteThen when he moved to a toddler bed he would wake up at 5/6am and barge into my room to wake me up. At age 5 I trained my son to never coming into my room in the morning unless I call his name. Instead to wake up read or book or play quietly while mummy is sleeping. He is 7 now and omo I sleep well.
Bible says train your child so that they give you peace
Shalom