Hmmmm....
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED
Bvs, I'm in a fix. So, during the weekend my boss tried to rape me.
I'm so scared of starting a case and involving the Police. My mentor wants to involve a lawyer and asked me to tell my family. I told just a sister. I just want to move on because I can't stand the questionings. I had a panic attack trying to narrate it to my pastor and his wife.
Now, his wife just had a baby. I want him to pay but I can't stand being interrogated. I still see it in my mind. I went to work today and I feel numb. I don't know how to cope with this. I followed advise and I have some not so clear recordings of him admitting to it. He knelt and begged me. I had wanted to record our conversations but my phone stopped and I didn't get the actual struggle on record.
After, I had gotten calm, he started to beg and that was how I started another recording.
How do I heal? I have a habit of remembering painful events.
*I have one question to ask you but if i do, it will derail the post and all BVs might agree with me so i will keep quiet first on this...
You try oh!
Report him please
ReplyDeleteSo Rape still dey reign? Some people are shameless sha with all the Wahala for Nigeria. Boss wey no want wise go end up for shit aswear. Them no dey ever learn , I only pity his family on his behalf. Poster please report him before he reports you, the highest thing be say, you stop that Job for your sanity sake. Sorry for all that happened but meeeeehn you have to move on!
DeletePls quit the job and move on.
DeleteBut before this incident! Wat was the relationship with him like?? He fit don dey give u green light since and you did not give him serious warning. Am sorry about this ok.😓😓
You have to leave that company for the sake of your mental health pls.
E-hug🤗
@sexy hips are you stylishly trying to blame the victim? Nawa o
DeleteDid it happen? If no then stop thinking about all of that and stay focused..
ReplyDeleteBecause of one of you people's husband tried to rape her she should stop over thinking it since it didn't happen so if it had happen now then it would have made sense. No wonder tsk tsk tsk Nigerian women tufiakwa
DeleteLooks like green light gone wrong.
DeleteI hope Im wrong
Sorry about your ordeal. Maybe you should jst forgive him and move on.
ReplyDeleteDear BV i am sorry to read about what happened to you. It is quite heart breaking and can cause panic attacks and anxiety. Please talk to a therapist if you can afford one.
DeleteIf you work in an average to big company please make an official report at your HR dept. Request a transfer to another dept to avoid coming into contact with him. I know things are hard in Nigeria at the moment and no guarantee of another job if you resign, Be realistic about bills and hang in there while looking for another job if you are not transferred to another dept.Remain positive BV and yhings will work out for you.
Nne, sorry for your ordeal.
ReplyDeleteDo you work during the weekends?
Where did the attempted rape incident happen?
I smell a fish, a rat, a cow, a rabbit,
a fox...
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
That was the question Stella wantedbto ask!
DeleteLol
You don't want to start a case, yet you are telling people.
ReplyDeleteAbeg shift.
Na people like you dey encourage rape with your reaction. Not as if you are the one to pay the lawyer oo.
You're a wicked person
Delete15:14 You are a shitty person. Gosh!
DeleteWeekend,
ReplyDeleteYou follow married boss go hotel?😰😳😳😳😳😳
Can't see any mention of hotel. Might be they work weekends?
DeleteHow are you going to heal if you still work there?
@Trace
DeleteAre you the lawyer she hired?
Allow the girl to answer her questions.
Hehehe, Anon can't you see the question mark there? Just speculating..
DeleteHope he did not succed, and please if you are not comfortable in that environment quit already because you subject your self to sexual abuse
ReplyDeleteWhere did it happen?
I hope you get this same kind of advice if you ever get robbed.
Delete*before
DeleteStella I'm very interested in that question. For now i will say do whatever you feel is best for you.
ReplyDeleteAre you safe at your work place? If not you may have to leave.
ReplyDeleteHe begged you. Okay there are 2 sides did he sign an undertaking that he won't do it again?
Report him for attempted rape and how do you expect to heal and forget about the incident when you still work there??
ReplyDeleteSome things men do that I really find pathetic... it's so sad, really sorry about the ordeal poster, if you can't forgive him then I guess you have to leave that environment unless it'll only get worse.
ReplyDeleteHe raped you or tried to rape you? Which one? You went to work today and you didn't get the actual struggle on record. He apologised he knelt and begged you...story is not coherent. You sound like you have pity for him. You can report him to the police or resign from the company for your own good.
ReplyDelete@perempe, you lack comprehension.
DeleteDoes his name start with u and end with R cos his wife also just had a bab. He takes advantage of all his staff if you dont agree he will try to rape you the only way he stops if you quit as long as you work for him he must sleep with you.
ReplyDeleteAnother baba Ijesha. Similar thing happened in an oil servicing firm here, she was grabbed and groped... she reported to HR, involved both families, they begged her and she dropped d case. Yes she still works there but they moved her to a dept that basically has no career growth. Weigh your options and do what would give u peace.
ReplyDeleteIf you have seen the series "the morning show" you will know it's really not easy to put your career first and forget about it.
DeleteFor some people they have the ability to lock up bad memories, for other it never leaves and they keep questioning themselves
Some even commit suicide.
Dear poster, speak to someone, a therapist at least to handle your anxiety.
If you think reporting him will help others , then please do
Do whatever gives you peace.
Tell someone on his level or senior to him, but be mindful to ascertain that the person is logical, confident, trustworthy, objective and has a good standing at work.
ReplyDeleteSo you have this event on record, as well as have a bit of safety to plan your future moves.
Stay safe and it’s unfortunate you have to experience this.
Why do I feel you had a relationship with your boss. He probably lied that he was single or divorced, and now you know he's not you're trying to use the Rape card.
ReplyDeleteIt's just a feeling oh
And you still work with him??
ReplyDeleteWhat if he tries it again??
Better resign before that man rapes you finally oo
All that begging is a lie o, if is the same person that am thinking i may he wrong though better resign because that man will still rape you. Did he beg you saying his sorry he cant control himself he doesnt know what came over him and that is going to help you he won't try such again and he will beg you not to quit your Job. If you dont leave the Job that man will rape you forget his wife she knows her husband is a dog a randy he goat she cant do anything about it. So goodluck
ReplyDeleteYou want him to pay? Pay for what exactly?
ReplyDeleteI sympathize with you on the unfortunate situation but I hope it wasn't a setup by you to extort him?
Wants him to pay for attempting to rape her. That he didn't succeed doesn't mean he's innocent.
DeleteTo pay for a crime does not necessarily involve money.
Attempted rape is still a crime, he molested her.
DeleteIt doesn't have to get to penetration before it's considered molestation
I just didn’t understand ‘now his wife just had a baby’ and why it has an impact on your decision. You are feeling sorry for what will happen to mother and child if he pays for his crime? Then no one will be held accountable for their misbehavior.
ReplyDeleteYou are within your right to seek justice, and you should. If you don’t, I understand that as well, Nigerian law makes rape and attempted rape redress a tortuous process. If you want to give yourself a chance to forget this, you have to leave that office. Seeing him everyday will keep reopening the wound. It’s annoying, I know. He misbehaved, why should you be the one to leave? It’s for your peace of mind.
Hope the attempted rape happened at work? I know people work on weekends. I just hope you guys didn’t have a budding relationship which you didn’t want to get sexual. If so, he is married, you both should hands-off each other.
Poster you may need to quit that office so you can get over it.
DeleteWhat I don't understand is the
ReplyDelete" I had wanted to record our conversations but my phone stopped and I didn't get the actual struggle on record.
After, I had gotten calm, he started to beg and that was how I started another recording."
part. Did you know he was going to make rape attempt on you so you planned and started recording once you were together?
Until I am clear on that, I want to remain neutral.
««Her Majesty
Na wa ooooo! Just because Stella said she has a question, all of you must follow find question!!
DeleteIf you are with your boss and he starts saying things you don't understand or starts behaving a certain way, won't you record it as evidence? If she couldn't record the actual rape, won't she try and record the apology at least as evidence?
All your mumu questions aren't even making sense. Mtcheeew
If she knew of the rape attempt and planned everything, why would she be on blog asking how to heal?
Won't she be dragging that man by now trying to get paid?
Abeg i'm even having headache. Poster goodluck to you. If you are innocent, i hope you get the healing you are looking for.
Wetin una dey yarn self?
DeleteIf her phone was within reach when he attempted rape it would be easy to record the 'struggle
So why are you all trying to find loophole in her statement, na una be the detective. Make una take am easy o.
Poster if you have very sure financial resources/support to sue him please do. He is a beast on rampage.
Finally ladies it's very easy to notice when a man starts making inappropriate advances at you, let's all be smart in these days. And I say run 440, even if you loose your job your sanity will remain intact.
Some of these men once their wife get belle or born newly dem go begin find woman dem go unleash their starvation on.
DeleteFoolish idiots, common patients they can't have, no self control.
Na so one dey worry me the kind insult I give am ehh I no mind say na my friend I insult him full life, come block am for phone & whatsapp...
Report to the appropriate authorities and leave that place.
ReplyDeleteIf he tried to rape you in the office not ok but if you followed him to hotel why would you. Did you go there to discuss what some of you women are stupid sha
ReplyDeleteSorry poster,if it is possible and God gives you the grace,please quit that job.It happened to my younger sister,the boss started by sitting very close to her,attempting to kiss her then,wanting to have his way even when she was heavily pregnant,she always tell her husband all this and even we,her siblings,we asked her to get the recordings,which she did.Guess what?it was one policeman who is a member of the church she attends that advised against bringing up case against him,even when he saw evidence of struggle because her wrist was bruised in the process of struggle with her boss.Last last my sister resigned from the work,she got her own shop where she's selling foodstuff.Poster pray to God and if possible quit the job at least for your sanity.
ReplyDeleteHmm,all I can say is quit the job
ReplyDeletePoster, firstly, how old are you? How are we going to tell you how to heal? He attempted but didn't succeed. Good for you . However pressing charges will be long and arduous and you will be more emotionally tortured. My sincere advice is to leave that environment for good. Thank God that he didn't succeed and move on.
ReplyDeleteSo many questions to be answered by the poster
ReplyDelete*Do you work weekends?
*If yes, where you at the office when he attempted to rape u?
*Are you the only staff who work on weekend basis?
*The attempt took place where?(Hotel,your room or Office)
*Do you guys have unfinished business ( like him asking you out)
So many questions I love to ask but if you can provide answer to this then there will be a way forward
To prove a case of rape in Nigerian courts is an arduous task not to talk of attempted rape! Just report him to your HR dept for disciplinary actions to be taken. Is he the owner of the company? If yes, just move for your safety .
ReplyDeleteYou were struggling but recorded him begging??hmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteSorry for the rape