Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TROUBLESOME MOTHER
Good day Mrs. Korkus,
Something has been bothering me and I wish it to be shared as a chronicle so I can get the opinion of your blog visitors
The thing is, I feel my mom is causing a lot of psychological distress to my dad and I don't know what to do. I just returned from school and I can't believe how lean my dad has become. He doesn't have that sparkle in him, there's this sad look in his eyes. He doesn't even sleep in the room with her anymore he sleeps in the sitting room on the chair! The man is probably avoiding her dramas
What can I do? He has b.p and is on medication I don't want anything to happen to him.
He works so hard to provide and he gets little care from my mom. She shouts at him at the slightest thing.
I'm beginning to dislike her I don't want to use the word "hate" but I feel she's not taking care of my dad her husband. I wouldn't want to treat my husband this way, she can stay the whole day without being aware if he's eaten or not meanwhile she's the only one that eats three square meal everyday.
She's fat and glowing while my dad is not looking good at all, she claims it's because of the medications he's on but he didn't just start taking them, I've seen older men who takes medications too and they don't look this way. I love my dad and I hate to see him this way. My siblings and I are barely at home, we're in the University.
Please, help me help my dad I beg of you
Thank you..
*Ah this one hard oh.... what kind of mum is this? or perhaps something else is wrong with your Dad? This is so sad!!
Lest just say she is getting back at him for previous hurts/betrayals which she can't let go, unless she has just been difficult from time immemorial.
ReplyDeleteMonsters they made.
DeleteHow can u conclude like that !!
Lots of bad wives abound o.
It's possible cuz for someone to have planned to dangerously deal with his or her partner after 5years, then u know the world is coming to an end
DeleteThank You BB.
DeleteHe might have hurt her wen they were Younger,
He might have taken certain decisions against her in the past.
This is What I and My sisters are facing.
We have been Begging my Mom to forgive my Dad.
So Poster,Let your Dad and You with your Siblings Beg your Mom
@Blackberry Godbless you jare.. exactly what I was about to type. Stella might be right also, something else is wrong with your dad take him for check up.
DeleteIt’s the way women are. I wonder what happened to them when they grow older, they become meaner, uncaring, particularly when children are involved, they face the children squarely as if both of you didn’t birth them. It’s not about previous hurt or betrayal at all, it’s the way women are, men should plan and gear up for this stage later in the marriage, as if women too don’t hurt men. I’m sorry about your Dad, he should get up and take care of himself, he shouldn’t wallow in self pity and die of hypertension after sacrificing everything to marry and raise children, now that he should be enjoying the fruits of his labor, his partner is acting up
Deleteabeg lets not rush into conclusions or try to justify this, whether or not he did anything wrong in the past it doesn't mean she should treat him this way with the way the poster described it.. its so bad...I really hope things change
DeleteDon't ever say that, a lot of men are suffering and are victims of domestic abuse. See my neighbor Mr. Nelson just finished having a dose of afternoon nagging from his wife. This man works in NNPC, in short, this is the 3rd time in a week we are hearing her scream this week. The poster you guys should protect your father. Call your father's people secretly and report your mom to them. if not for the way a friend's family handled their mom she would have sent their dad to an early grave, but his kids were having none of it. Some women are evil, she might not even be feeding him plus nagging him.
DeleteI think you guys are too young. You guys should hold a meeting, if she does not want to stay she should pack her kaya to back to her parents house.
So this is how you women are, when someone you marry hurt or betray you, you wait until old age to revenge, yet carry Bible sit down for front on Sunday’s praying to Jesus for forgiveness of sins, someone you both have children together with, that you have been on a journey of life for years, this is eye opening. So if it’s the woman who offended the man, man too should wait till old age to revenge and you call this life?
DeleteThat is what is happening in my family, my dad was emotionally abusive and manipulative to our mum while we were growing up.she lost her self esteem because of him then he squandered all his wealth now that they are old she can't forgive him and punishes him at the slightest. We are even begging her to forgive and forget or divorce him sef, he keeps begging for forgiveness and she is so full of regrets that she wasted her youth with him hoping he would change. We are begging her too it is well
DeleteIf your dad hurt her one way or the other and she chose now to pay him back, then she’s wicked.
DeleteAbeg call ur other siblings and do family meeting asap
DeleteSluttychic you are not wrong to say she's wicked but some men are just reaping what they sow, the funny thing is some of them do not feel they should ask their wife for forgiveness for the wickedness done to them while they were Hale and hearty but feels they should just forget about the past and be taken care of and be loved, it doesn't work that way.
DeleteI have experienced first hand all the wickedness my uncle(my dad's elder brother) put his wife through, she lived like a widow and it was so pathetic that I had to stop visiting them because I was already feeling depressed for her. But now he's down with diabetes and stroke and had to retire home but his wife decided to go back to her father's house, now people are saying all sort of rubbish about her not being a virtuous wife. Do I blame her? No
Until you walk in her shoe or experience half the suffering she went through, then you'll continue to call her wicked. Nobody can force forgiveness on her, let her forgive when she has healed and ready to forgive from the bottom of her heart.Wheart.
What is it they say about karma again?
If that man were to be a bad man,I tell you this girl won't be bothered to write a chronicle because she might have seen her Dad maltreat the mom.
DeleteThen if the man were also to be a bad man,it's too early for him to be weak and at his wife's mercy!
We tend to forget that as we have wicked men so do we have wicked women!
If I have not witnessed this situation close home before, I won't understand why the wife is this way!
BB you may be right. Poster go and have a heart to heart talk with your mum, whatever she reveals, ask for forgiveness. When you see a woman behaving this way...
DeleteFear women, some always have payback period, so, men shouldn't be treating their wives anyhow.
Poster, use this period to take care of your father wellaa, but your mum should be given him food unless he doesn't like eating her food.
This is terribly bad and i can't wrap my head over the reason why some people change so drastically..Na real wa!
ReplyDeleteMadam,what exactly does your mum do to him that is making him lean? You said nothing about that. What if your dad is genuinely I'll? Have you talked to your dad and asked him what is going on? Don't just conclude it is your mum who is causing anything before finding out.
ReplyDelete@15:07, read the post again. She said the mother doesn't care if her husband has eaten or not. The poster isn't blind to see what's obviously going on.
DeleteSo if somebody does not care if you have eaten, you will not eat. Perhaps daddy should learn how to cook?
DeleteFemilicious, you are not far from what we are talking about here, you are wicked!
DeleteA man that is sick should learn how to cook while he has a healthy wife?
An undergraduate is not a baby not to know what is happening in her house, for that man to be sleeping on the couch means the wife is deeply troubling him and he is not a weak man but a man who is helplessly in love with his family and doesn't want their dirty linen aired in the public!
But if he is truly be starved , so he should cooperate with the starvation plan?
DeletePls speak to your mum and tell to take care of her husband that he doesn't look good at all. And I tell her if anything happens to your dad she will lose you as a child because you will not come around her anymore just use this to shake her small and see if she will change. They are good wife as there are bad wife they are good mothers and they are bad mothers. May God come through for you and your family
ReplyDeleteThe man can also learn to cook. He has to take good care of himself. Stop blaming women for everything. She is his wife not his slave.
Delete@15:56, a wife cooking for the husband is not slavery! You all should stop this woke stupidity going around!
Delete15.56
DeleteA man goes out everyday to work for the good of his wife and family, the wife stays home all day with no kids to look after. The very least she can do is to cook and tend to the man when he comes back.
Let us have sense please.
So cooking for your own husband is slavery to you? Smh.
Delete16:40, leave them in their “wokedom” they know absolutely nothing.
@Adabeeke, do you know that most women work as much as their husbands nowadays? Men should also take care of themselves abeg.
DeleteWe’re talking about this family here, not most women.
DeleteShe said her Dad works hard to provide for the family. She didn’t say both parents do. The least the man deserves is food on a plate and a little care when he gets home.
Same thing I’ll do for my mum when she gets back after a long day of providing. It is common human decency for Christ sake.
I can’t with this fake wokeness.
Any woman that is young and/or unmarried here, take online advice at your own peril. When I was much younger and so blaady naive, I thought the women online forming women warrior were correct, it almost cost me.
Seive carefully through online advice and apply logic
God bless you.
DeleteThis girl, continue looking for what's not lost and you will find it. Did your father complain to you? Has any of them tell you something is wrong? The 2 of them know something which they don't want you to know. Leave married couple's issues alone.
ReplyDeleteYou can tell your dad he's becoming a shadow of himself. Encourage him to cook for himself if your mum won't cook for him if he knows how to cook. Call him often to check up on him and encourage him to be happy. If he's sleeping in the sitting room without complain then know he's probably done something he's not proud of in the marriage.
Are you for real ????
DeleteThis ur comment is not encouraging at all...You mean she should forget about being concerned about the health issues of her lovely father?
DeleteDon't you think she truly loves her father for her to feel so bad about his present condition?
I don't know if you are a male or female but don't forget that, u will have ur own kids and everyone pray to have lovely children that will always love their parents
@ anonymous 15:10 I don't think there is anything wrong with your second paragraph.
Deletewe had better stopped deceiving ourselves, if your spouse is not cooking for you trash your pride enter the kitchen and cook so as not to starve while you look for a way to sort things out
I just smh for this comment. Zero empathy for your own father.
Deleteget a maid that will be taking care of him.
DeleteAnonymous 15:10 are you for real, he should cook for himself? How about if she does not want to cook she should pack back to her fathers house. If he need to take care of himself then she is as good as useless.
DeleteI assume the poster is complaining because she grew up seeing her mother cooking and taking care of her father, but that's not the case now hence her cause for concern.
DeleteWhat is in cooking that is so much of a big deal? If he did something he isn’t proud of, he should be starved?
DeleteWhy don't you talk to your father and discover what could be wrong with him. Don't take your mother's word.
ReplyDeleteYour dad will appreciate it if you show him concern before you go back to school.
May God heal their marriage.
Ask your dad how they live in you guys absence. Then talk to your mum. If dad provides for you guys, what are you scared of in talking to your mom? Or could be your dad did something she does not want to forgive or let go there by "punishing" him and him taking it as his "guilty verdict?"
ReplyDeleteNo matter what his health is supreme. Get involved. I hope your siblings are aware of situation at home. Collectively, she can't win against all of you since your dad provides for the family. Take a collective stance and if she opposes, it means there's more to what you're seeing.
Good luck.
Let your mum know if anything happens to your dad, you won't forgive her. No soft landing with this.
ReplyDeleteMy friend's stepmom was a troublesome woman. She is always fighting their dad. On a faithful day, she picked a knife to stab her husband (thank God the man ran outside) my friend was called by her younger siblings to come home(she is married). She said she didn't even try to stop her from killing her dad. She told her she is free to kill her husband with her wahala or the knife, but she should remember she has young kids watching and they will forever remember their mum killed their dad. Also, she should be ready to carry the responsibility of being a mum and dad to all her kids ALONE. That was the last time she fought her husband.
Let your mum know you hate the way she treats your dad and it is beginning to affect your opinion of her. She needs to know her kids sees all.
I don't understand this cuz I wonder why it mum tend to behanlve on that manner.
ReplyDeleteTo me,I think it's best if you sit her down and ask her few questions, so she can explain to you if there is anything ur dad has done wrong that has made her not take good care of ur dad
Also, you need sit ur dad down and also ask him what's wrong, he might have one or two things to say.
Trust me
Sit your dad down and tell him your observations and ask him to open up to you what's wrong.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a brother, he will be more likely in a position to extract this information.
Your mom appears to be the quarrelsome woman described in the bible that it is better to live
in the desert or rooftop than with her.
I don't understand why some women behave this way but you can seek understanding from reading
the Bible and praying too.
Poster since things wasn't like this before now is possible your dad did something to your mum that made her dislike him or she could be finding closure with someone reason she is giving you attitude.
ReplyDeleteYou should take your mum out and have a heart to heart talk wirh your mum to find out why she is acting strang. Do not fight her first till gubare sure, find out what happened and then try to resolve the issue.
You should also talk to your dad maybe you could find out some information.
Is this how your mum has always treated your dad? If not, something must have happened.
ReplyDeleteIf you love your parents, try observing first and give them days or months before you talk to both of them separately before you rush to conclusion.
ReplyDeleteStay blessed
Talk to your dad about your concerns and ask if there's something bothering him.
ReplyDeleteAlso talk to your mum too. Let her know your fears and concerns.
There comes a stage in life men just want to live the rest of his life in peace. Your Dad knows something, and that thing bothers him so much, he decided to let sleeping dog lie, hence his moving to the living room. What will he gain divorcing your mum when the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know. If you can afford it, get a caregiver to take good care of your Dad. Your mum has reached a stage no one can talk to her again. Let her be, some families do have them. If you don’t want to lose your Dad to untimely death, do some asap because with the way you describe your mum, she will move on quick after the deed is done
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, so sorry about what you are seeing your dad go through. My mum went through hell in the hands of my father. She died unhappy at age 58 years. She was treated so badly that I wondered why could have happened. I later discovered that my dad was forced to marry her when they were young. He never loved her. Do not hate your mum, try not to hate her. Show her love as you show your dad love too. There are so many hurtful issues that our parents are dealing with. It will be so unfair to judge either of them. If you show your mum so much love, she will tell you some deeper things that may help her get closure and forgive your dad. Be kind to both of them at all times.
ReplyDeleteFind out what the problem is and come back with a complete story. You sound like daddy's girl so ask him what the problem is
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I don't know why most chronicle posters send in half information. Please learn to send in detailed information so as to get the best advice.
DeleteLovelace
Please let your Dad seek the help of his Family members in getting someone like a Househelp or a Relative to take care of him. He should just ignore your Mum then her head will reset quickly.
ReplyDeletePoster, do you school very far from home? If you are close by and it won’t be too much stress for you, you can go to school from home for now so you can take care of him. Seeing you around will Cher him up.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know why your mum is doing that but it’s not fair. Please find a way to take care of your father.
Thank you Mrs. Korkus for posting.
DeleteI'm the poster and I school far away from home
I just came home for holiday this month since last year and I'm noticing all these.
I just feel bad, home was never like this before
Thank you
DeletePoster ,maybe payback time for your dad.
ReplyDeleteSo women mad gan.Ur dad might have shown ur mum hell when he was hale and healthy.
I can never support a woman who waits until the old age to deal with her husband who hurt her in their younger days. That is a devil incarnate. Either you leave or you forgive. Poster, talk to your mother. Ask her what's going on. Get a way to get ur father to talk. Don't let it continue like this. Believe me, there is too much problems on the world to add the fact that u lost ur dad because of lack of care or Wahala from your mom. Those woke community that are telling him to enter the kitchen and cook, was ur fathers cooking for himself at old age? Rubbish. The issue is beyond food. Try and find out. Threaten if it will give results.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much.
DeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as someone who was in a similar position, I would suggest y’all speak to your mum and bring her to order. Threaten to take your dad away and renting another accommodation of which you will involve the elders in the family. I wish we knew and noticed early enough before my dad got tired and just decided to go meet his maker. It was in 2019 we realized that our mum was so selfish and harsh to him. Just like your dad, my dad did all the working and catering of the family. My mum has never ever worked a day. He established a big sewing house for her. I don’t even recall her taking up any expenses. My dad is a man of few words and very hardworking. In the last days, he kept on telling us (the girls) that my mum and immediate junior brother are conspiring against him but we brushed it aside into, old man talk. Since my mum has started staying with us(SPARINGLY bc she goes back to her location) she complains about everything and anything EXCEPT her siblings. She will complain about eating yam (not her kind of meal) but when she wants to fry it, half of a tuber will go(I’m using that as an example amongst many others).
Y’all should have a sit down with your parents and caution her. Threaten her that if your dad is no more, she would be held responsible and she should not expect anyone of you to be there for her.
Good luck dear.
Dear, don’t be too fast to judge. Your father may have a cancer somewhere. Take him to the Doctor to check him out properly. Does he complain of stomach pain abd they say he has ulcer?. It may be something sinister apart from your mother’s misbehavior.
ReplyDeleteYour mum had sugar boy outside.
ReplyDeleteYou people should employ someone to look after your dad
Has
ReplyDeleteI advise that you take your dad out when he is relaxed. He will tell you what's wrong with him. Cheers
ReplyDeleteI don't know why BV are always quick to blame the men even when the story doesn't suggest so.
ReplyDeleteDomestic abuse against men is real, maybe that's what your dad is going through. Though some people will argue that your dad past behaviour is consequential to the present harsh behaviour of your mum. I will instead posit that in a marriage, no matter how good or bad, the husband is not always 100% the beast, and the wife is not always 100% the angel. Issues happen. Some comments above stated your dad might have done something bad in the past, I will say your mum might have done even worse.
ReplyDeletePlease attend more to the health challenge of your dad, support him emotionally and have a sit down conversation with your mum, when she is in a good mood, to figure out about what is going on.