It's not only a man and a woman who experience pain of a broken relationship, families and friends do too when something that was so good and true turns sour.
I had this one friend, let's call her 'Beebee' during my school days. She was the definition of intelligent, godly, beautiful in and out and always willing to go out of her way to help. I loved her so much. Our friendship made us do better in our academics through our studies together and night classes, drew us closer to God by having fastings, prayers and attending fellowship together. We were inseparable. We talked about everything from our plans of getting a job after graduation, starting a family, celebrating milestones and promising to never stop keeping in touch.
The last time we saw was when we came for school clearance. She hardly picked up my calls and never bothered to call back. I would send tons of text messages begging her to pick up my calls or call me back but she never did.
When we saw, I was hurt and cold towards her because I expected her to explain why she went AWOL on us. She gave a flimsy reason of needing space to sort out some personal issues and apologized sincerely. The same process took place during service year and at a point, I had to ask her if I offended her and beg for forgiveness for an offence I didn't know when I committed.
I got fed up and stopped reaching out. I was surprised to see several calls from her five years later desperately begging me through a text to pick up her calls and forgive her. I replied and told her I held nothing against her but I was not interested anymore in being friends with her. When she realized I wouldn't budge, she resorted to new month good will messages. I in turn proceeded to block her calls and on all social media platforms.
Sometimes, I still wonder how it all went wrong and what role I unintentionally played in why our friendship deteriorated, or I guess the blame should not be on me since I tried my best and it wasn't good enough.
I understand how you feel. I had a friend like that too who shut me out after 🎓 and landing a great job. I've forgiven her and moved on. Some people come into your lives as blessings, others as lessons.
ReplyDeleteSame thing I experience Ms Dee..I had to two friends we were so close in school then...We started drawing apart from final year..I reached out to both of them during my NYSC on facebook, whosai...Then followed one on Instagram, both are married now but nothing...In life, I have learnt that some friends serves different purposes and you really can't force people to be in your life...I wronged her one of them then which I apologized for but hey Life still goes on...3 friends cannot play forever..That's why I don't really kept friends so much but try to follow peace with all men...Thanks Ms Dee you took me down memory lane
DeleteYou would have picked!
DeleteI feel your own pains, but she just may truthfully be going through things that needs alone time to sort!
That stage after Uni is always somehow. Everyone embraces their reality! Some have it good, some have it bad.
Sometimes if you are having it bad, you avoid old acquaintances so you don't fall into depression.
Also, apart from secondary school; friendships in Uni and above are always for a certain purpose or benefit. You may counter this; but it's the truth. When the purpose is served, people move on.
Sorry for how you felt when she ghosted you. I am sure she was doing what she felt was best for her and not trying to intentionally hurt you.
I personally think most friendship happen for a particular reason or purpose;and when that purpose expires;you all have to move on and become more of a "high and Bye" friends..
ReplyDeleteIt doesnt mean anyone wronged each other;but simply because the purpose for that friendship has been fulfilled and everybody has to move on to the next phase of their respective lives...
For example;most of your primary school friends aren't speaking with you today;same with secondary and University,and not because of anything bad but because right now you are in another phase of life which brings new people,purpose,alignment and also new friendship..
It could be Career,family,distance etc..
In summary;20 children born 20 years ago can never continue playing together for the next 20 years;its just life and reality..
@MARTINS
👌👌👌
DeleteWords fill with wisdom. Dalu Martins nwokeoma
DeleteGod bless you Martin
DeleteThanks Martin.
DeleteFriendship has different phase in time and purpose.
I had a Friend like that too. We were very close until he started dating one girl that told him she wasn't comfortable with his closeness to me (we don't even live in the same state). It was when the girl cheated on him and everything went sore that he told me his reasons for going cold on me. We continued the friendship after that, only for him to start giving me attitude like a year later. After trying all I can to keep the friendship alive, I let it go. Almost two years after, he called me to invite me to his cousin's wedding, I just told him I am not coming. We haven't spoken since then.
ReplyDeleteSince then, if I am not getting the same energy I am giving in a relationship, I just silently move on. Nobody can stress me.
I think you should have picked her call to hear what she wanted to say.
“Nobody can stress me” 👍🏿👍🏿
DeleteIt gets to a stage you just have to be on your own, that’s life.
That's life,I have had friends also,whom we've all parted ways, some nicely, some rudely.
ReplyDeleteI still don't get why someone would just ignore calls and messages,it hurts,I guess that's an indirect way of letting the person know, they're no longer interested.
We need friends in life but when one party starts acting up,it's best to just let go,after trying to reach out to them with any response.
ReplyDeleteNice topic Mrs Dee 👍
DeleteLike I have warned some people here to stop referring me as their friend which never happened cos I don't really know who they are.
You can't be my friend when I don't know you or talk to you.
I keep small circle and we still get in touch.
Blame is on you how? I don't know her but from my experience with females, she has always been slightly jealous of you, she couldn't cut contact because you were useful to her while in school, after school, the jealousy overtook her and she stopped picking your calls. I have had this experience several times, I don't do friends anymore, there is one around me forming close and tight and I am already seeing the jealous signs on her and keeping her at arm's length.
ReplyDeleteWhy are they always jealous? I honestly don't know, people tend to envy you when you are a contented person, when they notice you don't roll in the mud of envy like them.
Yeah, my friend suddenly went cold, I have called to ask her what is the problem but she said nothing. Before now, she hardly replies my text message. My husband called too but she said she's busy, this is a person that is always on WhatsApp but will see and ignore my messages. I've decided to give her space jare
ReplyDeleteAs people we talk about the end of romantic relationships and how hard it is all the time. The end of a friendhip is just as hard.
ReplyDeleteWhat if she had mental health issues or was suffering depression.
ReplyDeletePple handle things differently.
Hear her out first .
When we refuse to forgive sometimes ask yourself - what if this person passes away while we are not talking , how will I feel ?
I think you should have just picked her call and heard what she had to say to be able to reach proper closure.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I completely understand that some friendships can be a real nag.
In my own situation, this particular girl and I were so close in a way that people thought we were twins. It was great while we were at it but I noticed I was the one who had to make the sacrifices. We only did what she wanted us to do, go where she wanted us to go and all that. I let all the self centredess go cos we really have been there for each other.
I had to let it all go though when she was pregnant with her 2nd child and had to do a baby shower. At that time I was admitted in the hospital cos I was so ill.
She called to ask how I was and if I'd be coming. I said it's not possible while on a hospital bed. She hissed and hung up. I was confused.
When I got out of hospital, I tried reaching out to her and she kept up with the attitude. Even when she gave birth, I still put a call through to her despite her behaviour and her being out of the country. She continued and that was the last she heard from me.
During the lockdown, she sent me a "checking up on you" message and I just said thanks and wishing you and yours well. I kept it very simple. She's checked a few times after that and I respond with a one liner or in monosyllables. I cannot destroy myself and my dignity just for friendship.
I believe we have both served our purpose in each others lives and that's just fine!
Hmm... some friendship serve no purpose at all. If one person has to be the one making all the sacrifices,then that was no true friendship.
DeleteGlad you've moved on, wishing you all the best in life.
growth comes with it's own whole ball game, new goals, circle and little time.
ReplyDeleteTo cut the long story short Sha, "expired friendship no be beef"
A friend cut me off when she got married, went to see her a few times but noticed she started ignoring my calls.it hurt but i ahd to move on
ReplyDeleteAlot of women do that I don't know why. I was so pain when my friend of almost 13 years cut me off. I am not perfect. I was part of her bridal train and even contributed money towards her bridal shower. I love her like a sister. I called her after she gave birth to check on her but she never responded. I felt so bad and wondered what I did wrong. Fast forward to 2 years later I gave birth and got married. I was really struggling around that time she got married but did my best to show up for her wedding. Friends will avoid you if you are struggling or not doing well. For some women is getting married and feeling their status upgrade. When she saw that I was doing well she tried reaching out to me but am not letting anyone in my life again. The story too much. But moral of the story is I learn to love myself and not depend on friends. Sorry for typo.
DeleteA lot of friends I have, we don't really talk much anymore but when we do, it's like we never ever stopped talking. That's just the way we are. I don't think I can say there's any close friend I have lost no matter how long we haven't spoken
ReplyDeleteAbegi, search your heart. One of my so called “angel” friends felt so comfortable telling me that her mother said I am jealous of her because she’s married and I am not. 1) that never crossed my mind. 2) I was happy for her. 3) Her husband if he asked me for a hand in marriage I will rather remain single. Sometimes we have other people who can project their mental illness on our relationships, be careful. This is a girl I always went out of my way for. When she had the guts to continuously try to blame me for her issues, I recognized I may be dealing with a family that is sick. I just ghosted her and I feel so much better. She was a truly sick person in the head. Obviously got it from the mother, too bad I tolerated that bullshit.
ReplyDeleteHypocrisy at the highest order... some of you beevees are actually the bad friends that needed to be cut off. Na now everybody become saints.
ReplyDeleteI am okay with people cutting me off at this point in my life because I can't keep up with fakeness anymore.I have been through hell and back with friends. I wear my heart on my sleeves so I love deeply and I am loyal to a fault. I think because God sees how I love foolishly and how hurt I get, when I have friends who are not genuine, I start to get revelations about them or I start to sense something strange about them in my spirit.
ReplyDeleteI think for friendship to work, at least in my own case, your spirit has to agree with theirs and theirs with yours. I have maintained only one friendship for over 10 years and despite our ups and downs, we are still going strong. When I'm acting foolishly, she helps me reset my brain. We confide in each other and support each other spiritually. I have decided to stick with that friend only, I can't be crying like river because of betrayal and pain from friends.
Who freindship epp?
ReplyDeleteI am perfectly okay being by myself !
I am beginning to agree that the opposite gender makes freindship worthwhile, but I don marry ,and in this Naija kinda mentality a married person seeking just freindship from the opposite gender is labeled what again???
So ,I dey alright by me and myself !
By God's grace.