Chronicles Of A Married Man..- 30

When I hear people say that money can’t buy happiness; I normally ask them to define what happiness means.

I will discuss in the next weeks some of the issues that married men face. If you have been married for an upward of two years, you probably would have experienced one or more of issues like.....


Surviving unemployment, handling a case of a cheating wife, living with the in-laws from hell, married to a “snooper”, maneuvering through financial distress or wrong financial decisions, school fees wahala, managing a nagging wife and the almighty mid-life crisis.

Some of the above crisis I have witnessed and others I would rather not. But I will be sharing stories of experience of my friends and I to drive home my points. I do hope we can relate with some of them. .....

I met Obaro back in the days shortly after my service year when I was still teaching to keep body and soul together. He was a very cerebral and effervescent kind of person; my type. We naturally bonded and did things together. And since he was a member of the “St. Bottles ministry”, it even made it easier for the friendship to flow as we could afford to have fellowships ( “misdirection” as we used to call it back in the days in Warri) from our little teaching pay.

Obaro was way older than me and had more life experiences. At that time, he already had a Masters’ degree from University of Ibadan. He was doing the teaching job in the day and riding “Okada” in the evenings. By then he was living with his wife whom he was yet to officially marry but they already had a son who was 13yeears old at that time.

His wife is his secondary school sweetheart who got pregnant for him in SS3 and they kept the baby. They separated afterwards but kept in touch till Obaro finished schooling. But unfortunately, the wife didn’t go to the university but had to settle for auxiliary nurse. They eventually came back together after 11years. That was when I knew them.

Obaro was struggling and the wife stood by him all through. We had to rally round when the wife gave birth to the second child (14years younger than the first), to make sure we settle the bills and support them.

The next year, things took a turn for the better and I got a job and moved to Bonny while Obaro got a better paying job .

 Money started coming in.

One of the advices we normally give to ourselves (we that work in the oil and gas sector) is; Settle and establish your wife in case things go south. Obaro did just that. He did the wife’s marriage and opened a huge chemist shop for her. He even encouraged her to return to school.

Five years later, Obaro lost his job. Initially the wife was supporting him with some stipends and helping in the house expenses. But mama changed it for him after six months. She had had enough and was always nagging and making things difficult for him. To make matters worse Obare got entangled with another woman who was “helping to cool his head” as he later told me.

How could such a supportive wife who has been by his side all through the years even when he had nothing just change overnight? Was it because of his joblessness or other factors? Those were the questions I was asking him then. All Obaro told me was “my friend, in whatever you do, always have money. Don’t be jobless. Money indeed stops nonsense”.

They are still together till this day but the last time I saw him, Obaro is doing better now; he has completed his house project and doing his doctorate.

This brings to the fore the question...

 why would a woman become antagonistic when the man becomes jobless? How do jobless men cope in their marriage? Why won’t jobless husbands humble themselves and still want to “command” and lord over their wives while they are still jobless and the woman is trying to help?

One of the most annoying categories of such jobless men are the types that still go ahead to cheat on their wives when the woman is the one feeding them. Some still want to force uncomfortable conditions on such woman who are trying to support them in the state of jobless.

I am not making a case for the unruly wives who want to shame their husbands just because things are not going well.

Here are a few points to help survive the jobless phase of marriage if it happens to you.

One, learn to be humble. It makes sense if such a man will support and encourage the wife for holding forte while he is jobless and not complicated matters or take her for granted. Women are not naturally built for such responsibilities. So, when such happens, love, adore and respect them.


As a man, learn to start from the scratch when you become jobless. I know people that became supervisors before they lost their jobs. Some are still looking for such positions till this day. They don’t want to start afresh. There is so much a woman can bear. Let’s not push them to the limit.

Lastly, I will emphasize this again. Men empower your wives! When things are booming, establish your woman, build her business, support her skills, encourage her to grow. She will become your first line of defense if you lose you job. The Covid pandemic taught a lot of our oil and gas boys this lesson last year.

I am not going to talk about the women who frustrate their husbands when they become jobless, or deny them sex, or start degrading them for not being man enough or an infidel because they are jobless. I won’t talk about the nags or “look at your mates” ambassadors. I will let peace reign this week. 

Remember my friend Efe? He has sent my share of the bills for his upcoming wedding…

E go be. Till next week.

Ciao!