CHRONICLE Of A Married Man - 31

Married women cheat; lots of them do. 

Maybe not as much as the men. But when we talk about the single folks, the ladies cheat way more than the guys for obvious reasons (story for another day).


Sometime in 2007, while I was still in Bonny. A call came in that my uncle’s son was critically ill. Awilo, as we fondly called him then, was also working in Bonny then. The wife lived in Delta state with the children.

 The sickness was mysterious and nobody knew what was wrong with the child. All efforts at treating the him proved abortive and two weeks later, he died after being sick for over a month.

While they were still morning the first child, the second one (they had two children then) fell ill too with a similar pattern of sickness. That’s was when family concluded that this sickness wasn’t ordinary. 

Something was definitely wrong.

 They had to “investigate” it spiritually. The outcome of the findings was that they should asked the mother to confess. It was her actions or rather sin that was killing the children and the second one will mostly definitely die if she doesn’t speak on time.

She eventually confessed that she had been sleeping with one of their neighbors then because the husband wasn’t always around and “what to do” when she was bored and lonely. Besides, the neighbor has always been friends with her.

Hell broke loose and in other not to injure or kill her from anger Awilo told her to just leave the house. Eventually family and friends prevailed on Awilo to “forgive and forget”. The traditional sacrifices of cleansing were done and they are still married till this day. 

Awilo still does lots of travelling even up till now; and I believe the wife has been faithful . At least, the loss of the child was a hard way to learn such lessons.

So, let’s talk about cheating wives today and how lots of married men have been dealing with them. Trust me, lots of married women cheat in their marriages today; and funny enough in many cases, their husbands are aware and they still remain married. 

The most common of them is married women with lesbian partners and the new trend of married friends exchanging partners or doing periodic orgies for “spicing up” their marital lives. My wife told me of one such group she met recently.

Before I go further, let me throw some light on the issue of a married man having his wife cheat on him. Men are creatures with very huge egos. Societal and psychological evolution, has always tied the strength of men to their s#xual prowess. When a married woman cheats on the husband, most times the message that is passed across is “the husband is not man enough”. Such cases of cheating deals heavy blows on the egos of the men and most men won’t deal.

Lots of men are too embarrassed to talk about their cheating wives, especially when they still want to keep the marriage.

Also, the society especially here in Nigeria and most significantly in cultures like mine (the Urhobos) where cheating from married woman is highly frowned at and the spiritual consequences that goes with such acts (as can be seen in Awilo’s case); married women are not expected to cheat. When they do, the effects most times are usually very devastating.

But all that has changed now. It’s a new world order. Woman power is being championed. Even the ancestors aren’t as effective as they used to be; some of them are even “bribed” now not to act. Also, Christianity has chased away the old traditions and modernization has even driven home the point that “if men can cheat, women can cheat as well”

I will share some few points on how some men have been coping or rather keeping their families together even while their wives are cheating on them.

 Kindly note that this is not to justify cheating wives or encourage them. It is wrong in every ramification. But then, it’s a reality some of our married folks are living with right now.

First group, feign ignorance. Most men these days just pretend they don’t know their wives are cheating on them. We have lots of erectile dysfunction, small “Johns” and even gay men walking around. They don’t really care who their wives sleep with. Others would rather assume their wives has been faithful to them when she hasn’t been “touched” for years while they are happily married, but we know better now.


Second group, amicable cohabitation. With the rise of the woke culture now. There exists now different forms of marital arrangements ranging for marriage of convenience, sperm donors, open marriages and even polyandry which is now legal in South Africa. The most common among this group is the men that condone or even encourage their lesbian wives. They would rather she cheats with a woman than a fellow man, it will break their egos. Married people have come up with different arrangements that enables them live in peace while they each pursue their sexual preferences.

Third group, the helpless ones. For this group, the wife pays the bills and calls the shots. The man would rather have the roof over his head and bills paid rather than contend with the cheating wife. Don’t argue, it’s happening now.

And the last, the weird men. This group either for ritual purposes, s#xual fetish, inability to have children or the “cheating men” who have no qualms about their wives engaging in revenge cheating. In this group, the permutations abound. But the bottom line is they don’t really care if their wives are cheating on them

In conclusion, men have woken up to the new reality. The society has forced women to endure cheating husbands for generations. I think the men are feeling the heat more these days.

So, if you ask me what I would do if I catch my wife cheating on me. My answer as always remain the same. I will forgive her; especially if I know I contributed to her doing so. But then she has to go and settle with my village people. My ancestors are unforgiving.

Let the gbas gbos begin…


E go be!.

Ciao!