STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WALKING AWAY
Good day Stella,
I'm leaving my marriage and this is why.
How can my husband be friends with a female (single) neighbor? She doesn't even talk to me but forming bestie with my husband.
We have been married for 8 months now and that's how long we have been living here. We moved into this place together, not like he knew her before he met me.
Oga is already friends with all the ladies both married and single. They gift him Zobo, eggs and whatever they can come up with. They come knocking at my door, asking for my husband to help them with either generator or something else. Who was doing all these before we moved here? There is a security man at the gate and they think I'm stupid.
This one I'm particular about is into him and he encourages her. This girl who is about the same age with me will see me and walk past me but when I'm with my husband on the road, she will stop and my husband will leave me and move towards her and rub bodies with her like lovers do. zero regard for me.
When he is home on weekends, he rather spend his time gisting with her.
I have fought, begged my husband to just respect me and not embarrass me in this compound but he said I'm foolish and can't tell him who to talk to.
He warned for my good, that if I confront her, that she will tear me into pieces.
My pastor says he is charmed, I don't think so. He is acting like a teenager in love. Let him enjoy.
A bike man that carried me home one day, was telling me how he saw her caressing his face in the dark. He suspects they are already having an affair, I do too, Because he disappears sometimes in the name of going out to buy airtime at night.
Did I also mention how he no longer care for me since my baby bump started showing.
I can't even have a conversation with him anymore, anytime I open mouth to talk to him now, its either I get abused or he ignores me.
I'm pregnant. But I'm thinking of moving to my Father's house in the village, my younger brother lives there alone and its a very big house. I can start a petty business over there. But I don't know how I can manage that with baby on the way. If I stay here and give birth, he will most likely take my child from me when I'm leaving.
I have a fragile heart and can't endure in this. I find myself crying every damn day now.
I haven't caught him red handed having s3x and I don't need to. Its obvious.
Maybe if he was cheating and still cares and respects me, I can manage.
But he doesn't. I still love him but it's over for me.
Another one is, he doesn't take calls in front of me anymore. When I ask about his mum or siblings he tells me to mind my business (can you imagine that).
I have spoken with his mother about this and she didn't have much to say, except that I should do whatever I can to keep myself in good health for the child's sake.
Wo, that is what I'm doing.
*What kind of man is this? Well for your mental well being i think it is OK to leave temporarily but i dont think if you leave you will come back to meet your husband single oh......That is the risk involved in walking away...
Have you watched Prayer room movie?
My dear do what makes you happy, the situation you described up there is pathetic!
It is well my dear. Weren't these sign there before you entered this journey. Now that you entered work on yourself. Repackage youself with either a hustle or an education if that what you need. Since you still love him just do you.
ReplyDeleteI think it be nice you walk away as your mind is already made up..What kinda husband do you even have sef? Smh!
DeleteExcessCode, I'm sorry to say but your question is a stupid one!!!
DeleteI don't even know where to start.
DeleteI am so sorry for your predicament.
How did you guys even meet each other? because if you can't talk to your husband who should you be able to talk to?
Please I think you should actually take a break because high blood pressure in pregnancy is a huge risk.
You need love and attention and if your brother will give that to you then fine.
Dear ladies, please stop getting married to men you can't talk to, they rather see you as a wahala woman and avoid dating your type than having someone you fear to the point you can't have them respect you.
We also need to stop encouraging the term "if he cheats but respect you stay" how about nobody cheats, and respect each other.
How do you have husband's who can't feel your pain or even try to do better.
I can't blame the girl because he has definitely belittled you in her presence, please do not confront her for your own safety.
Just put yourself first, whatever will give you peace should be paramount.
Also get something doing for yourself and baby.
STOP noticing him. I know it's hard, but try. Just be normal! Don't act like the girl pisses you off. Be blank.
DeleteDo the nice stuffs you do at home, look good and pray hard!
Get a purpose and sometimes go visit your home and spend time there to cool off.
Succubus is at play here!
You are their target not even your husband. He's just the means to an end! It's you they want to destroy!
If you leave him, they will wreck him and bundle him back 2u.
Cookie, sorry to say, I think her question is quite intelligent. You need to find out where things started going wrong so you can know if it's fixable.
DeleteTheir marriage is still too young for this amount of disrespect. How then was the courtship?
The poster has a problem. She's jealous and I daresay suspicious. Who even discusses martial issues with a bike man Biko? Dude might just be a very friendly character. I have a neighbour like that. A people's person. Is that a crime? She should carry her Kaya and push jare. Afterall, as she said, there are plenty waiting to take her place.
DeleteYou don't know that people change unbelievable change?
DeleteWow!!! Sorry dear.
ReplyDeleteI'm speechless 😶
I believe your story, I just want to know how yourself and the bike man that carried you talked to the point of telling you that your husband and this lady are meeting in the dark.
ReplyDeleteIs the bike man your cousin or something?
Kai Isaac abeg leave that okada man talk, that is not the issue here
Deletewhat a question! smh
DeleteIsaac for 1st time ur not making sense. Abi someone took ur phone? This question is dissapointing and insensitive comn from u.
DeleteSo many gaps in your story. Did you and your husband date before you married? And how can it all be falling apart after just 8 months? I just can’t believe it is all his fault. Are you sure your attitude is not helping to push him away? Since you say if he cared for you you would have tolerated, why don’t you try to find out why he suddenly stopped caring?
ReplyDeleteSo her attitude is enough reason for him to disrespect her like this??
DeleteAnd some of you will be insulting the BBN girls..... Shior
See me oo@ cookie, what is the anon saying?
DeleteHer attitude stinks and you both can't sit and talk about it.
DeleteThe next best thing is to start frolicking with single ladies without shame.
I will still ask, what kind of marriage do we have these days? People can't sit and talk about doing better?
There will always be huddles in any relationship but don't you discuss ways to be better?
I can never understand this.
May God fix it for you dear.
ReplyDeleteFoolish and selfish man.
This got me annoyed honestly. What level of insensitivity is this. Why did married men suddenly become hotcakes?
ReplyDeleteI think your pastor is right.
ReplyDeleteNa. Charms and juju are just an excuse that cheating naija men give to women to avoid accountability
DeleteThe pastor is so right on this one! There are cheating that don't make sense! Just know Jaruma kids are around
DeleteI believe that our God is able to change every situation to a pleasant one. If He can plant a baby in the womb, and brings it out. There is nothing He cannot change. Making blood to become a human being is not an easy feat! Stop complaining to man for solution, go to God in prayers, and watch him put an asunder btw them. While praying, call her name, talk to your baby in the womb about the issue,be in agreement with he/she. Don't fast but be in the mood of prayers. Newly Weds tends to have issues but with God, all things are possible. It happen with me too.
DeleteI saw poverty, and it saw me! My husband called me different names, even told me to my face that he will go back to his ex. Nne, my story is plenty but rest assured that he is a changed man now. I prayed oooooooh! Satan is always fighting marriages. Be steadfast in the Lord!
This is not easy but can u ignore him?
ReplyDeleteLike forget about him, just pretend he doesn't exist anymore..
When he's back from work give him his food, don't ask him where's going or about he's family,call them if u want to but stop reporting him upndan..
Just focus on yourself,stop trying to discuss with him or beg for he's attention..
Continue until u put to bed and then if he doesn't change after a year, before taking that decision of leaving.. marriage is not just courtship
While u ignore him, pray for your marriage, don't just abandon ur marriage because one demon..
Poster pls try this advice above it worked for me. ignore him and find happiness in other stuff it like you are giving him too much importance and attention.
DeleteTrue. It worked for me too. I almost left 4 months into my marriage and 2 weeks after I discovered I was pregnant because my husband was cheating and did not care about me.
DeleteI reported him to his friend, his best man during the wedding and the friend really spoke to him. He apologized later that night but I felt his apology was not sincere and I made up my mind to endure, and leave after giving birth. Discussed everything I was passing through in the marriage with my family and they supported my decision to leave. However, my mum and sis went into serious prayers and fasting. At first, I didn't pray bcus I felt it was his fault.
Anyway, eventually, I started praying and began ignoring him. The usual me that will call him up to 5 times a day stopped calling, he was the only one calling. We work in 2 different neighbouring states and he comes home most weekend. I don't call to ask if he's coming home any more and I stopped caring if he comes or not. Even when he was sick, I ask after his health and that's the end of the conversation. I was still good with his family, I call and visit them as though all was well. I and my husband started living as strangers. The me that was behaving like my life revolved around him suddenly went cold. No conversation, no intimacy nothing.
After 2 weeks, he started making efforts to bring back the communication. Started showing so much care and was always coming home. He stopped calling those girls and suddenly changed. He now respects me and shows care. When I saw the changes in him, I also started working on myself. Now our marriage it better than it was in the beginning. I don't know if he still cheats, he's not showing the signs but I will not go out of my way to snoop. He promised he has left all the girls and our bond is now stronger than ever.
So you can try praying and totally ignoring his existence. I did not fast because I was pregnant but my sis fasted and prayed for me with my mum.
Inform your family members to pray with you while you also pray to God to grant peace and love in your union.
May the peace of God locate you and your family. Amen.
Another magic that works. While ignoring, PRAY!!!
DeleteThat man is for the streets, pls leave there for your baby and mental health. Men with their deficient chromosome stay embarrassing their spouses, smh.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad you have a good head and putting yourself and baby first. I hope the time apart will radically change his behaviour and if not..trash him like the trash that he is. 🗑
Exactly!!!
DeleteAs a married man (yes, a married man), I have come to realize that women are mean to one another. If you are a married woman, do your best to protect your home and make your husband your best friend. To the poster, it seems your single neighbor has charmed your husband (think about all the rubbish they advertise on social media in the name of kaya-rubbish and uncountable ones out there to 'hook' men...you might just be one of the victims). For your physical, mental and spiritual well-being, you may want to give them some space.
ReplyDeleteAbeg leave all that charm rubbish...that's the excuse lazy men give to get away with their lack of discipline and rinnosh behaviour.
DeleteUna no dey shame sef? So so charm everywhere...na only penis the charm dey work? Lolll clowns....
The things I read about marriages on this blogs scare me so much that I sometimes wonder if my husband has been pretending all these years and would soon show his true color. God forbid.
ReplyDeletePoster i feel so sad about your situation. Pls make arrangements and leave for your health and baby’s. You married a community man that has no respect for you.
May God direct and be with you in this tough time of your life and may he send you helpers.
The definition of risk is really A woman going into marriage without a tangible source of income or well to do family as back up. ‘war room’ will start your early morning and night devotional. Both for preventive and remedial purposes.
Me too, I read and give my husband side eyes. I am going to have to stop these chronicles biko.
DeleteThey just make your mind begin to wander!
You better be careful people are different, and the way men are being portray here without hearing from the men involved should not make you come into conclusion about all men. Most issues are as a result of falling from both sides of the relationship.
Deleteyvone keep deceiving yourself. Delusional much im watchong you. Use the other id. Mtsewwww.
DeleteIf you live on SDK long enough, you will believe all women are saints and all men are irresponsible.
DeleteJust know that you will attract what you read, brood, think about the most.
Also, know that a lot of women project what they read, or even watch in movies on their own situations. Don't do that. Use sense.
Just seperate for a while for your peace and that of the baby
ReplyDeleteMay be he'll come back to his senses during the separation
Also pray, pray, and pray since you still love him
Poster, you married a veeeery cruel man. Sadly, I don't believe he was charmed.
ReplyDeleteIf you were the one frolicking with a single guy and disappearing for hours now and then, would he take it?
If leaving him would help your mental health pls do so before you develop one complication or another ....it's this same lady that will move in as he s wife.
If she could easily charm him(based on assumption ), what makes you think your life and your baby's are safe?
Marriage of 8months fa?
Go to your father's house. If he still wants you, he knows what to do. If he never comes for you, then he no longer loves you and spending your entire life with a man who loathes you is the real HELL on earth.
That's why it is said that marriage is for mature men and women, not boys and girls.
ReplyDeleteYou are still a girl. A very little one at that. You shouldn't have gotten married. You aren't yet mature for marriage. Maybe leaving and getting mature will really do you good. You probably married because you have fully developed breasts and reproductive organs, a degree and you are past 21. And maybe guyman has money, or your friends were getting married, so you had to join the bandwagon of ndi Mrs. You felt you were ripe for marriage. Lol. You felt marriage will be siriri werere. Haha. You neva start.
If I ask you now what is your purpose in life, I'm not sure you can beat your chest and roll it out without blinking. That is why your whole life now revolves around how a fellow mortal conducts his own life and how his conduct makes you feel. Did you have life so smooth as a single woman? So why do you think marriage is African magic?
From your write up, you clearly lack spiritual, emotional and psychological maturity. Your pastor said your husband is charmed. You didn't even give it a thought. You just concluded it is puppy love. Lol. Your pastor should have also added that you are under the charm of immaturity.
I didn't even want to comment because your chronicle is annoying to me. But I said, here is a young woman that is completely oblivious of what life is really about. Maybe a word chipped in can go a long way.
Madam, your pursuit now should solely be how to find God, get really close to him and be in continuous walk with him. That is the first step to finding peace and joy in life. Your husband won't give you what you want. Neither can any mortal that breathes. Only God can give you what you desire. If it is blissful and peaceful marriage, only him can give you that.
Leaving your marriage isn't the solution to your marital woes. Even if you leave and remarry, you will still encounter problems. So what will you do then? Leave again? Let me tell you something. Those ladies have weighed you spiritually and have seen that you are less than feather weight. And that physically, you no reach anywhere. Maturity, you no kuku get. That is why they are rubbing it direct in your face.
My advice:
1. Give your life to Jesus. Start afresh, but this time, with the Holy Spirit. He is 24 hours with you. Anything you tell him, he'll respond and give answers. He loves you and wants only the best for you. But you aren't giving him a chance.
2. For now, use protection when sleeping with your husband to avoid diseases.
3. Pray. I mean, pray until you see a change. Look around for women that are suffering the same thing with you and pour out your heart to God on their behalf. Please, let your prayers not be complaints but issue decrees as to what you want.
4. Live in the attitude of perpetual thanksgiving. That is the only atmosphere the Holy Spirit can dwell in.
5. Read the bible daily. At least one chapter everyday. That's your weapon in warfare. Also memorize verses, so you can grow spiritually.
6. Find your life's purpose. It will keep you distracted while you wait for your expected change.
Life is full of challenges. Running away doesn't solve any. Confronting them in the power of the Lord makes you win. You will win.
Gosh, the way you have assumed, presumed and concluded only negative things about this woman ehn.
DeleteAll u epitomes of perfection on this blog. It is well.
Madam poster, they said u should pray pray and pray until u hit depression oh 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Poster, Pls carry yourself out of that situation, if he really likes or love you, he will come looking for u and most importantly also stop embarrassing you.
Trying to sound intelligent and mature, you ended up sounding sick, ignorant and delusional. SMH
DeleteNigerian women and suffer head, patriarchy have created women monster, who think they know better and live better just because they have adjusted to the stupidity of a culture who oppress women and supported by their little god aka pastors. SMH
Dear Jechix, why do you blame this woman for her husband's wandering penis? Did she tell you she is not born again? I'm sorry but your type of mentality makes Christianity tire person. So because I am a Christian I should live my life in sadness? How long does one pray for a man's dick to stay in a place? Until she gets an incurable disease abi?You think a man will agree to use protection with his pregnant wife?Indeed common sense is not common even for those who claim they read their Bible daily and pray without ceasing. You should have more sense than this o. Haba
DeleteWhat is this abeg??
DeleteWho is this one again? What's the meaning of the rubbish you wrote?
DeleteGod!!!
DeleteI can't believe this
In my whole 8years of marriage, I don't think I have come across a more suffer head advice.
Dear women, you matter, even if you want to know God, know Him for yourself, not because you need him to change a man for you.
Secondly marriage will not take you to heaven, know this and know Peace.
If you want to be happy, please do what gives you peace the most.
What is "find women who are going through the same thing" because she's in some form of AA meeting for cheaters wives🤣
I hate when they say "face what makes you happy" then why is marriage a partnership? (Why does the bible call us "one") if I am supposed to face only what concerns me.
"Give him food and mind your business" they say, then where is the friendship?
Why will I want to live like roommates all my damn life? Filled with sadness
This is why women cheat these days (though wrong) once one man ignites that fire...boom! They fall, when all they have at home are "roommates"
A girl as young as this, should spend her whole life sad.
A man has to change for himself, you can't force him.
Bitter and angry women will not go to heaven.
Dear poster, choose happiness please pick peace.
Now they have blamed you for not being mature enough as if your maturity will make your husband's penis not to fall into another's vagina.
The earlier we change this narrative, men will keep treating you all like trash.
Jechix, until you wear someone's shoes, pls don't judge. Nobody knows what the poster has been through because it's impossible for her to put her true emotions in words. Poster, I know you must be going through alot of humiliation. Try and talk to him again, pray, exhaust all avenues to communicate with him before leaving. And if all fails and you move back to your father's house, then pls don't waste your life waiting for him to come for you. Face your life and child. May God guide you
DeleteLol. See replies. Una good evening ooo.
Delete@18:52. Sorry if I sounded judgemental. But the truth is the poster is cowering before problems which she can easily surmount. I just tried to make her sit up and take her charge of her life. No one can make you cry if you don't want to. The situation is really painful but life only allows success and happiness for those who fight for thier rights.
Lolll this Jechix always sounding like Yori Yori...awon cement smokers...m
DeletePoster biko take the advice and ignore her condemnation and insults.
DeletePush up you are a hypocrite. You are 8 yeard in marriage but you are aaking someone less than one year to leave. Wicked soul. Poster listen to push up at yoyryo own peril.ur
DeleteHey God!
DeleteWomen are really really suffering, omo see panel beating of this poor woman.
She should as well become a doormat or statue.
May God save us woman from all these puritans in this blog, Amen.
She already stated she wants to leave her marriage and forget her husband. Were you blind? Did u not read or u chose to fail at comprehending her point? U just came with ur frustrations to project your inadequacies on this poster wrote alot of rubbish and made no point. Pls go back to the drawing board. Ur here saying she lacks maturity but u lack basic emotional intelligence meanwhile I'm sure your life is worse
DeleteI hope u will do more prayer n accept harsher criticism without complaining when one small girl starts gbenshing ur husband too. Advice ofo. O so pe "The poster is immature " but ur emotionally immature, haughty, cold n judgemental. Hope u know God hates ur type too? Arindin
DeleteAdvice ofo 😂😂
DeleteJechix you are judgmental and lack empathy. Tour type make people run from Christ and all he stands for. Christ is loving and understanding.
DeleteNo need, just leave him. Let the neighbor's Enjoy. She will meet same fate.life is turn by turn, and please dont go back to him when he comes begging. I always wonder why men get married only to be misbehaving like this.
ReplyDeleteThis is depressing, the two of you should pack out as soon as your rent expires, since these all started when you guys moved in. But for now make God Almighty your all, friend, parents, colleague day and night.
ReplyDeleteAs in, so depressing and pathetic
DeleteOh dear!!!!, I don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteCan you take it to God in prayer and find someone responsible that you can unburden so u don't suffer depression.
Before you leave,I'll suggest you arrange for a family meeting from both sides so that the reasonable male and female elders from his end can open his eyes to see his folly and call him to order before it's too late for him...
ReplyDeleteStand on the word of God through it all....
ReplyDeleteWe women are emotional being, I think maybe you should hang on a little as long as domestic violence is not involved(till the baby is born, just maybe he cld come back to his senses.. because I was of the opinion that if you walk away and he never asks of you,but for d mean time zero your mind on your baby, focus all your love on d baby, just ignore and him and don't fuss over him, it's hard,I know,just try,,, if after d baby is born and he still doesn't change ,then take a walk.. you alone knows where d shoes pinches, so if you can't endure again, pls leave, for your sanity and well-being... It is well...
ReplyDeleteYou're telling someone that is emotionally down to hang in there until she develops health complication that might put her unborn child in harm's way abi? All for what? To answer Mrs... Mstchww.
DeleteNice advice 👍🏿
DeleteKnack am pigeon
ReplyDeleteSeconded, rubbish man and side chick
DeleteThat man is defintely not charmed! He is just plain irresponsible! Thats why a period of seperation is not bad at all. Take that time and go to the village. At least for the sake of the baby so you can have a stress free pregnancy. If he wants a reconcilaition, he knows where to find you. All the best.
ReplyDeleteThank you jare. Call this man's bluff. He needs to know you deserve to be treated better.
DeleteIf he loves you, he'll behave, if he doesn't, the marriage is over already, so why stay and keep chopping sh*t? It's not good for your mental state.
Its not going to be easy girl,but pls try ur best to ignore him.Take care of ur health and ur unborn baby.Get busy,make new friends,take ur Antenatal drugs,dont even enquire about his shady movements and phone calls anymore cos it will only cause u more heartbreak.And please once the baby is born,if he continues this behaviour,take contraceptives so u dont take in again and plan ur next move.
ReplyDeleteShes a very wicked girl and will surely reap the fruits of ur labour.Its sad that women do this to fellow women.
2months into my own marriage, one Jezebel ,tried it with me,but the way I solved mine,might not be compatible with ur present pregnancy status (it involved setting of trap for both of them and confrontation, and finally reporting her to her serious boyfriend)I been dey craze den ooo.
All in all,just take care of urself and ur mental health cos thats the most important of all..Some men are just useless.
I don't think you should leave your home. Don't let the devil win this battle, fight for your marriage dear; if not for anything, to put the devil to shame.
ReplyDeleteStart by reconciling with God, if you're not genuinely born again. Then, take more care of yourself (look good), pray for your marriage (tell God to transform your husband and put your love in his heart), still show him love no matter what he does.
You will win....
Loll eyin Mayweather, afi 'fight for your marriage.' Did she marry herself? Did she take her views with a broom? This is the type of continuous rubbish you wine will tolerate because answering Mrs is more important than recieving the respect and honour you deserve.
DeleteYou lot consider yourselves worthless that's why you marry absolutely worthless Nigerian men who add zero value to your life.
8 months marriage, husband is recieving eggs and watermelon from female neighbours as the tata that he is. And you say charmed? He is simply DAFT. These type of cursed randy males you are the reason why I detest Nigerian men. Always looking for where to plug in their pricks since it is just sperm in their heads. PIGS.
You are the worthless ones here how many Nigerian men have you dated. You are very toxic. All relationship have issues including same sex relationship. And you what do you add to your relationship? Your comment stink and you lack depth.
Delete18.43 👌 opening her mouth to refer to people as worthless speaks volumes about this person. Anon 17.46, pls look for 'worthy oyinbo'to marry assuming they even accept you. Nonsense. Rather than face the topic, they will be generalizing.
DeleteWait till baby comes cos men change when they see their own flesh and blood, and while yoi are there. Ignore and manage and be neutral. Stop fighting him, hussle and look after yourself. You are getting free accommodation and food. Use this advantage, dont go to village and be suffering your head o
ReplyDeleteMarriage of 8 months that should still be in the honeymoon phase, the man is already stressing you.
ReplyDeleteMay we not marry idiots as spouses
You've not heard of people changing in a very surprising way? Anyone putting trust in a human being assumed not to be an idiot is in for a surprise.
DeleteThe first 6 months of marriage are sometimes the toughest.
Delete20:00, it shouldn't be so. Why should it be?
DeleteAnon 20:00, the toughness is in discovering yourselves. Not in disrespecting and cheating on a wife you vowed to love and cherish, just 8 months ago. I ask again, where is the love? And if there's no love, what are they doing together?
DeleteI concur with Jechix, on how to navigate as regards your ordeal poster.
ReplyDeleteI constantly ask these questions about #SELF-DISCOVERY
1. What is your Temperament Trait?
2. What is your Love Language?
3. What is the essence of your being?
Only if you can provide answers to the above questions, then you can begin your Self-Discovery Journey.
Maintain an atmosphere of worship with Holy Spirit, channel all your anger, resentment, bitterness in prayers to God regardless your religion.
Name your baby, I mean give your baby a name and call him/her name in your prayers. Decree that her coming to this world will be blessing and also pray for your husband too. Make this a habit day and night.
Wait for result... God will turn things around for you.
Don't quit your marriage except its life is at stake.
GBAOO!
So disturbed emotional health is not part of someone's life being at stake abi until she runs mad.. unhappiness is also a disease that can kill if you don't know.
Delete@giftmoesha, the mental wellbeing of a woman is no concern for the Mama GOs out there.
Delete@giftmoesha, Pregnancy comes with divers symptoms. What I meant is a subtle and powerful way to overcome her challenges maritally.
DeleteI'm not boasting but when the foundation of marriage is built on Solid Rock (Jesus Christ), when trials, temptation of divers nature come calling just remember God and take it to Him in prayers.
The battle is spiritual, "For the weapon of are warfare are not carnal but are mighty through God to the pulling down of stronghold" Quote from Holy Bible.
What I've suggested above is for her to follow provided she wants and requires solution.
How come only the woman is admonished to pray and fight for her marriage, what of the men? Abi this na the curse of eve? Why oh why do we absolve men from all accountability and responsibility when it comes to building a marriage? Are they dogs?? Is the woman married to herself??
DeletePlease don't leave. You are having pregnancy symptoms. He will be fine don't pressure him
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, first of all, take a deep breath and exhale. Ndo o🤗. Now, let me shout it again for single ladies and even the married women too: It's Job and Savings first BEFORE marriage! This is because if you do not have a "rainy day savings" somewhere, you are not yet "ready" for marriage samsam. Now you may ask: how much should my "rainy day savings" be? My answer is "it depends on your social status and location but it must include these three...basically👇"
ReplyDelete1. Rent for a comfortable emergency accommodation. The "comfortable" there implies a standard that you are already used to.
2. Living allowance for at least one year. This means that you can feed yourself +children for at least one year. It also means you must try to bear only the number of children you can care for ALONE. Emphasis on "alone". If oga wants 6 children and you know you can only care for 3 if worst comes to worst, then madam, bear 3 jeje. Madness no dey write letter before e start o. Shebi you see wetin 8months marriage dey manifest so. Some people own dey start after 30 years sef.
3. Suya and fruit juice allowance. The description is just symbolic. You will be doing a lot of soulfood eating as you listen to good music and repackage your life so that depression and suicidal thoughts will be far from you. These little moments of going to the movies, dancing with the kids and indulging their taste buds will go a long way to brighten your mood. All of you.
If you do not have money for the above, you are not yet ready for an "African marriage" and yes, an African marriage is different from any other kind of marriage. In the abroad, dem go judge the matter wella especially if you provide correct evidence. Here, dem go award you 5k (per child) a month and that's even if family, church and friends don't prevail on you not to go to court. So, you need to protect yourself before you enter; most men do. Besides, when a man knows you can live fine with or without his money, he accords you a certain level of respect.
I have an acquaintance who has moved out twice because of these types of rubbish. When the husband went to "reconcile" on those two occasions, she ensured he refunded the rent and other monies spent as a condition for moving back to their house. It's been over 3 years now without any more rubbish. Why? Because she has shown him that with or without him, life goes on.
It's when you start squatting upandan and moving back to family house that depressing insults will come. When everyone knows you are fine and balling, they won't give you yeye advice to be chopping avoidable rubbish. That lady fit kill you; shebi you know? Person wey gather mind dey chop compound gbola with her full chest na "chidinma" o. That environment no safe for you at all especially in your condition. Your emotions are so messed up right now and understandably so. Even okada man don turn to your confidante for area. Small time, that one sef go begin toast you. Na so insults dey multiply.
As for that compound ekuke you call husband, stop fighting or threatening him. Ignore him totally like he doesn't exist. If moving back to your village is your best bet at the moment, then move there for now. Keep your plans to yourself and execute on the day he and his compound-b*tch won't be around. May the Lord take away this burden and grant you safe delivery.
Finally, do your own family members/elders know what is going on? Shebi dem collect bride price? Involve them o before the bewitched mumu will "goan lie on top your head" later when him eyes don clear because in Africa, when a woman cheats, it's her fault; when her husband cheats, it's her fault; when marriage scatter, it's her fault; when her children misbehave, it's her fault. The only thing that's not an African woman's fault is when her children succeed. They will say they "took after their father" then. Ndi mgbu😏.
Perfecto .
DeleteYou are wise
Insightful.
DeleteRealistically the TRUTH.
Nice one Amebonawork.
Gbam
DeleteWell written @ Amebonawork
DeleteWaooooooooo I love your analysis 😘😘😘😘😘
DeleteI love you amebonawork. ❤️ Such a smart and mature person you are. No need adding comment to what you wrote. Gbam Gbam gbam
DeleteHow can I like this comment 100 times?
DeleteI quite empathize with you dear for this unwarranted assault on your marriage.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is work. Wedding is gone (where most times most preparations go into. Not
in anyway suggesting that was your case).
Now, your focus should be on God (prayers and Scripture study) and birthing your baby
safely.
Yes, if you leave, your house might become a house of a "man with a harem."
The alternative is to find a very "safe and open church" where you will be going
daily to pour out your heart to the Lord. You will find the Peace of God replacing
this hurtful burdens.
I don't know where you people got this ''marriage is work' thing from. I always prophecy that my marriage will never be hard work and it will never be. With the mindset that 'marriage is work', 'work' will probably be given to u in that marriage.
DeleteRead several easy marriages, seen a couple of those and I'm currently experiencing one of those.
We need to stop seeing marriage as it was for our parents. We are in the 21st century ffs
Eka, key word in your comment is currently. Marriages, like life, has different turns and twists sometimes. Better take it easy with the smugness.
DeleteEka
DeleteWhat I wrote there is "marriage is work." I don't know where you borrowed the "hard" you added to your own.
Let me tell you a Scripture you do not know or understand;
Philippians 2:12"Work out your salvation with fear and trembling..."
And when you talk about salvation, you are talking about the mystery of the marriage between Christ and
the church. Read Ephesians 5 and see and learn.
Do not comment to condemn things you do not understand.
Poster, funny enough, some bvs will ask you to leave.but will remain in their own marriages even with so many problems worse than your own.please don't listem to them. Some ofthem even write chronicle worse than yours and bring it on here. Fight for your marriage. Some are not married but they telling you to gon.sime have not resch 5years for marriage. Hmmbmn. Dont listen to them.
ReplyDeleteI strongly support what 18:02 is saying, bless you dear @ 18:02.
DeleteKeep fighting you hear?
Keep suffering.
Any disease he brings manage it like that.
If he continues to make you a laughing stock in the compound and on the Street manage mai dia. You hear.
Whatever he does, manage it. After all he is your head of your head.
You hear, keep suffering. Those people telling you to leave are suffering like you. Your own suffering might be better than your suffering, so keep suffering.
Have you watched War Room? Have you drank coconut oil?
It's so pathetic. I want to ask you this. Do you still look sexy? Cos most women tend to be carefree about how they look. They will start tying wrapper. You can be pregnant and still be hot,sexy and beautiful. Get prayerful too. Dont confront the lady but let your doings do the talking. Get more beautiful in terms of your dressing and get busy. Find anything to do... God be with u.
ReplyDeleteSoooooo, the Caroline Ekanem, Beyonce ,Usifo that their husbands cheated on, were they not looking beautiful? Or is there another definition of beautiful that we dont know of???
DeleteYou dont know randy Nigerian men can even fuck foetus if they get a chance. Tueh!
You never get belle before. Some kain belle wey you no go fit sit down sef.
DeletePoster, you need to get away from that toxic environment because it's not good for you. Was it not here we read about the woman that died because she was taking only honey to break her fast for more than a week Just because she was praying for her marriage?
Na woman be the suffer head inside marriage abi?
18:30, thank your stars today is Sunday!
Delete2 people work on a marriage
DeleteIrresponsibility and foolish behaviour should stop being encouraged
Oh God, why are we like this nau? Imagine the questions. She is PREGNANT! HE SHOULD BE SUPPORTIVE.
DeleteI'm sure some will even ask those who lose their lives to child birth,: "why did you have to die , is it not just pregnancy?"
I can't deal with Nigerian sufferhead wife mentality abeg.
Is it not women like her that their husbands pamper when they are pregnant? Do they have 2 heads?
Poster, I’m sorry you’re going through this in pregnancy. But I’m also happy that you think you’ve now had enough.
ReplyDeleteI support your decision to leave. But please don’t leave and come back if he hasn’t changed and shown you that he has changed. Don’t leave just because you want to use that to threaten him, and when he calls your bluff you come back.
Leave because you really are done with his nonsense.
If you think it’s pregnancy that’s making your emotions heightened, please calm down and give birth, also gathering money during the period. Then when you’re emotionally stable, you reassess. And then you do what you have to do
Your husband is a wicked man.
I wish you all the best.
Very wicked man!
DeleteJust 8 months ooo, please your health and that of your baby comes first..
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for what you are passing through,I pray God directs you..
Oh dear
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about what you are passing through.
May the Lord restore the peace of your home in Jesus Name.
You shall laugh last over this situation
E-hugs
Poster, if only you truly know God's capacity to save and deliver. I advise you to report your husband to God. Yes... so far he is truly your husband, report him. Tell God how you want your marriage to be. Consistently pray for your marriage, whether good or bad. Continue praying. Dont leave...
ReplyDeleteAbout emotions, the earlier you realize that no man can give you emotional satisfaction the better for you.
Poster, you married an irresponsible man, ignore him for now, it's not gonna be easy, for your health and that of your unborn baby.
ReplyDeleteWe have two times of men, those that acknowledge their wrongs in Cheating and those that turn it around and see themselves as "HOT CAKES",because to them for a wife to be complaining about their moves it means they are hot and you feed their Ego.
ReplyDeleteYou have fed your husband Ego so much with your Complains that he have realise that he is probably worth more,while in the actual Sense he is just an IRRESPONSIBLE MAN...... I know is not easy,but ignore him, give him space if need be, go out, relax, look at yourself in the MIRROR, take good pictures, my Dear take a deep look at yourself, YOU ARE A SPEC , you deserve Peace and respect, he is the one that has a problem because my dear your husband is a CONFUSED MAN THAT DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANT,(His worth is more in the small chops and free Kpekus),I know is not easy;but in the actual sense is he worth taking your PEACE??? instead of feeling bad you should instead feel pity for him, because he is going into the DARK.
Dear poster, firstly I feel like giving you a hug. All I can tell you from my 5 years of experience is to always put yourself first. You are pregnant and you need all the love in this world. I won’t tell you to leave but all I can say is, if anything happens to you now, your husband will remarry fast and won’t miss you and your child will grow up without a mom. If you feel you can handle all this and still take good care of yourself and your health, you can stay. If you can’t handle this situation, please leave. May God restore peace and love to your home.
ReplyDeleteI hope single ladies are listening. Have your own money and a source of income before marriage. You are a human being. You are not a child. Stop leaving your destiny in a man's hands as if you are not an adult. Pls don't have more children than you can lokk after. Single women dont come here to just read and not learn. I still seeing many of my sistets entering marriage, no source of income, no savings. A word is sufficient for the wise.
ReplyDeleteI hope single ladies are listening. Have your own money and a source of income before marriage. You are a human being. You are not a child. Stop leaving your destiny in a man's hands as if you are not an adult. Pls don't have more children than you can lokk after. Single women dont come here to just read and not learn. I still seeing many of my sistets entering marriage, no source of income, no savings. A word is sufficient for the wise.
ReplyDeleteAbove all, pray to marry a good man.
DeleteYes, there are good men.
Please choose wisely. Money with bad character is a recipe for disaster.
Ignore them all, they will soon beef themselves. Stop being friendly with those women, ignore even their greeting, especially d one h suspect, if they bring orishirishi for him to eat n he ain't home, reject it , if they come to knock and he ain't in, ignore them, ignore ooo..carry yourself with pride, if it looks like they report u to ur childish husband n he stupidly confronts u, DENY. them no reach!
ReplyDeletePoster, you have to use your brain here o. Some women here asking you to leave are in a worse situation in their marriages but still haven't left.
ReplyDeleteThere's no situation that is too big for God oo. Just run to JESUS by first of all genuinely giving your life to him, then ask him to help you. He will help you to your greatest surprise.
I wish you luck