STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LIVING WITH THE DIRTIEST HUMAN BEING IN THE WORLD
Hi Stella,
Hi Stella,
I am married to a wonderful man. He is kind and peaceful. But there's a big problem right now in our home.
When we started dating, he told me he had a son when he was a teenager. The mother of his son is married now and they both co-parent their son(He is now 21 years old). Before we got married, his son was on a long vacation with his mum, but he moved back in with us after the wedding.
The issue now is that I cannot live with this guy in the same house .
He is the dirtiest person I have ever seen in my life. He has not used a toothbrush in years(His parents are aware). His room smells like someone died in it,he doesn't take showers for days. His dad is the one that does his laundry, cleans his room, changes his bedsheets etc. He does 0 chores.
They spoilt him so much and did everything for him while growing up and now he doesn't know how to do anything himself. He doesn't want to go the Uni, he just wakes up, plays computer games and eats. I try to ignore since I take care of the house myself and make sure his room is closed(he stays in his room all day).
I even had to separate our cutleries because I couldn't share same with him(his teeth are decaying already). I have complained several times to his dad and he told him he doesn't want to stress him because the boy's mother's family has mental issues history.
I am currently pregnant , and I don't want to bring a child into this type of irritating situation. This guy has already reported me to his mum(she called my husband), that I don't interact with him well. I know I'm guilty of this but I throw up anytime he comes close to me. So I hide from him most times plus pregnancy hormones have made it harder for me now.
He is such an easygoing person but his parents messed up his life. I have told his dad our children will not be treated like that. What do I do in this situation? They have refused to seek help. His mum and husband also doesn't want him to stay with them permanently because she claims their apartment is too small but I'm sure they are pushing him to us.
I can't stand the smell anymore. Please advise me.
*This young man already has mental health issues lurking... How can someone not want to do anything but eat and play games all day and stays in his room all? HE IS SICK ALREADY!
He has not brushed his for years? OMG!
Let him go to his mothers place to stay, you have tried please!
Call his mum and have a talk with her about her son needing help, you cannot bring up a baby in this environment. what if he wants to carry the baby? or wants to give a peck? Your husband and his baby mama are very wicked self centered parents for doing this to this child.
I dont know what to say and i dont know if i am making sense.... THROW HIM OUT!!
This is seriously seriously..I think it be nice you two send him back to his mum at this point..Jeez!
ReplyDeleteStella please put *Readers discretion adviced" I screamed, everyone were shocked wondering what happened.
DeleteLook Poster you need to make ensure your husband takes him to a psychiatrist either Yaba or Aro. Please those are institutions that will help him. Why is your husband so selfish that he had to put you in this unfortunate situation.
He has to make some hard decisions. His own children should not be exposed to such flith and rot. *omg I am sick* 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
Serious*
DeleteWhat if it your husband family are the people with mental issues? What if the mother was deceived too by upholding information about the mental issues and she decided to push all the wahala to him? What if he is nice to you and the boy out of guilt? Make your enquiry before getting pregnant again.
DeletePlease update us later.
Or what if the boy is like that because of something your husband did or a secret between those two? If you snoop am sure you will find a lot of hidden secret.
DeleteYou are right they should get help, if he refuses, give your self sense and move out for your child's sake. Immediately I started reading, I just knew it was mental issue before you got to the part where he revealed it was from his wife family. This illness can be managed with regular take of drugs for it. Go to Yaba. The boy will get back his life and be grateful to you for it. Goodluck!
DeleteHmmm since you've spoken to your husband and nothing changed, politely call his mom and have a mother to mother talk with her. I'm sure she knows how her son is, just calm down and reason with her, tell her you're willing to go hard on him if she also puts in her best.
ReplyDeletePlease think before you throw him out, you're the step-mother, no matter how legit your reasons are, people will always find fault.
Apply wisdom!
Just a pity you are the one being troubling about this guy. I'm sure the mental issue is hereditary. Hold your husband to take the boy to yabaleft for assessment.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind anything your husband would try to do to stop it. Hold his sokoto well and both of you should help.
The mama don't care and will do everything within her power to push the son to you.
Kpele.
Please talk to your husband and give him reasons. It's hard to train children and harder to train someone's children
ReplyDeleteThis is serious.. WHAT 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteThis is totally SCARYYYY!!
ReplyDeleteYour husband might be hiding the possibility of the son being mentally unstable madam,he just used style to say his moms family has history!
Which parent just allow Thier kids stay home all day?
Maybe you should talk to him and tell him the truth about himself. Be upfront and tell him no one will interact with him with this attitude and behavior. And his being a closed in person is not the way we are designed to be. He will need people at every turn. He needs to go to school to earn a living.
ReplyDeleteBe kind and tell him you will help him if he is ready otherwise you don't see him living with you if he doesn't change.
You need to spell it out to him how he needs to be up and doing. He is not a baby to be waited on.
Then start gradually, as in tell him what to do. Pick your clothes, sweep your room. His father should teach him how to wash. And put your foot down..
Also talk to his mother like Sdk said.
You cab give him an ultimatum and even your husband.
All the best.
This!
DeleteLady T, it is not in her place to do all these things you typed.
DeleteActually Anon, it is now her place. When you marry a person, you marry everything about them. And it's unfortunate cause YOU CAN'T JUST KICK A SON OUT OF HIS FATHER'S HOUSE in this part of the world. Her best chance is to calm down, I know her condition is delicate but let her for one minute imagine the boy was her son. Show him love and talk to him calmly but firmly. If he doesn't change, then drastic measures is in order and it must be his father that throws him out not her.
DeleteNice suggestion Lady T.
DeleteCarry him to a psychiatrist.
ReplyDeleteHe seems to be depressed already.
Let them do the cbt for you.
The guy has serious antisocial disorder..Please poster both you and hubby need to seek help for this guy..Please!! He may look gentle but he can be capable of anything...All the best and I pray for wisdom
DeleteThis is beyond depression, CBT or DCT matter. He needs a proper Psychological evaluation.
DeleteHmmmmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteMy sister this ur matter tire wrapper.
Where was the young man when you were dating your husband?
Marriage itself is hard work then adding this.
Am sorry to say this, your husband wants you to parent an idolent, mentally challenged young man
It's a tough call Sis.
Press for the young man to go back to his mum.
Or arrange for a school for him.
Bringing him up will be very challenging for you.
GOD HELP YOU
The guy is 21. He's an adult. Pregnancy has also made her extra sensitive to his smell. Poster, as the parents have failed him, please ask yourself what you would do if he was your son? Perhaps you are the person good will use to turn him around. He sounds more like an American child to me because something definitely constrained the parents from taking action. Please help him. My friend took action right away and washed hers with a hose when he stepped out. It was a hard job but it had to be done. The only challenge I see is his mental health and you will need expert advice for that. If you guys live abroad and have insurance, psychological services are covered. If you are in Naija, secondary school tactics can work too, but you will need help. Don't throw him out. You will regret it. Treat him as yours. People can be retrained
DeleteOmg things are happening
ReplyDeleteWtf did I just read.
He has a mental issue, why not seek help for him
How could the parents be looking like to this extent. Ha!!😦
You need to have this conversations with the two parties involved, make them see reasons,no woman is allowed to take this rubbish haba.
The mother should understand your POV and they should take him to psychiatric home.
Eewww!! Woman you better stand on your ground oo. The boy should go back to his mother
😳😳😳 hain!! Poster, sorry oo.
ReplyDeletePlease, have a discussion with your husband. He should take this boy to see a psychiatrist doctor before the situation gets out of hand....threaten your husband since he is taking the matter lightly ( press his mumu button naa) any which way. What they are breeding is dangerous and soon it will explode. Yuck! I can't deal..... Please in anything you do, don't throw him out but get help fast, involve people if need be.....Na wa o! Things dey happen.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it why are they refusing taking him to hospital abi there is skeleton in someone's cupboard. I tire for this matter sef
While seeking for medical help your husband should him him brush and take a shower before leaving home, if possible set an alarm so that he will do it by all means, shave his armpit and pubic hairs then buy body spray and make him sweep his room twice daily and wah his bathroom 2 a week by him self else no food
DeleteAnd you can start NO BRUDH/BATH no FOOD rule
*brush
DeleteWhich kain palaba be this? This guy has a faulty bagrand and it will take a lot of effort to change him. It's like trying to teach an old dog new tricks.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can start by showing him love. Unfortunate, that may not work because you are pregnant and your hormones are at war.
May God give you the wisdom to handle this. All the best
Its a really serious situation but I think you can still help him, why not show him some love and talk to him about what is on ground, let him know that if he doesn't do anything about himself today, he would not be able to fit in anywhere. A few years ago I came in contact with a young man who did not know how to do anything for himself. His parents were separated. When I met him, I saw in him a young man who was easy going and respectful. When he told me about all that was happening to him, I just decided to help the little I could. A few years after, he had learnt how to take care of himself and the people around him, he turned out to be a very thoughtful young man, married and doing well for himself. I'm grateful to God that I did what I did then. A lot of times I felt like chasing him out of my house because of horrible smell but I realized that he didn't know how to do any better because nobody taught him. I'm sorry for the long read but if you can pls help him.
DeleteMadam, i am sorry for your dilemma. You already said the boy is easy going; maybe the boy just needs to be loved albeit though love. Sending him back to his mother is not doing anyone any good including the boy and your husband that already carries some sort of guilt. Your best bet is to come up with a joint rehabilitation plan with your husband and his mother. Tell them your concerns about the new baby and the boys health and future. Let you husband have the hygiene talk with him; about frequency of bath, laundry and cleanup. You find some long project for him to do everyday in preparation for his little brother/sister. Tell him to help you prepare nursery, learn carpentry to build a crib and find some other daily task you can give him in preparation. Let his mother talk to him about seeing a therapist in necessary and picking up some volunteering job even if part time.
ReplyDeletehis dad doesnt have any sense for not trying to help his son.That boy need to see a psychiatric doctor asap before he goes completely mad.
ReplyDeleteomo this is crazy.... I applaud you for being able to tolerate and endure this long, SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE QUICK!! like it's an emergency as long as I'm concerned
ReplyDeleteIs he autistic? Or is there something your husband isn't telling you? I feel there is more. Not just mental health issues. If there isn't, why don't they want to seek for help. This is a tough situation. Since he has innate mental issues, then he should be taken to a doctor to ascertain what the problem really is. And permanent solutions proffered. You can't continue like this.
ReplyDeleteTry and find out his interests. So they can set up something for him which can be taking him out of the house once in a while. You can also playfully cajole him to clean up. Make promises to give him things he likes if he can keep clean. Tell your husband about it so he can join in fulfilling the promises. And if you guys can afford it, employ someone who comes around, at least twice weekly to clean his room.
Please, in the meantime, take it easy with him. You said he is easy going. You guys can also rotate his stay. One month with you, and the next with his mum. Let her also share in the burden. Pray for him. I feel for the young man. God can turn his life completely around. Nothing is impossible for God.
He is mentally ill already, they are many things they haven't told you, maybe they did some spiritual work so he won't get violent or manifest, that is why the father is cleaning up after a 21 year old and isn't bothered that he isn't driven to better his life in any way, they are happy that he isn't violent and the mother doesn't want him in her space.
ReplyDeleteInsist with the father that he gets help, he won't need bed space in Yaba Left cos he isn't out of control, just regular sessions with a therapist, taking his medication religiously and hopefully engaged in a business so he can become more independent.
My dear Poster, do it now oh, I am talking from experience before you are stuck with a full blown invalid adult for life because take it or leave it, the more they leave him without any treatment, the more he is deteriorating. He needs to be on constant medication and observation.
This!!!
DeleteHmmmm, another realistic angle!
DeleteThis is crazy but it can easily be resolved. Whether you like it or not, you're is mother too so you can talk to him. Take a stand. If you don't do so now, you future kids will follow in his footsteps no Matter how hard you try. Make rules and stick by them. His parents thought him one way don't mean you can't create your own methods. It's your house, you have to stop your husband from doing his laundry. At 21 he's an adult and for how long. When he marries what next?
ReplyDeleteYou, your husband and his mother will become the reason many women go through unnecessary stress in marriages with men that can't pick up a pin to help their women. Very bad.
Talk to him and treat him how you'd treat your younger brother if he was a pig.
Its either he's rehabilitated or she's out. Pregnant women are vulnerable , imagine living with someone possessed. Poster, go to your parents or siblings biko
ReplyDeleteI can’t believe people you women with the array of comments I’ve read so far. I pity men who falls into your hands. And you are all mothers. If he was your child, would you allow your present husband to send him back to your ex husband? Agreed, he was not well raised, but what stops you his step mum from making a well raised man out of him with the support of his dad or is marriage no longer for better for worse? Imagine sending your own son to Yaba or Aro psychiatric hospital because he is the dirtiest person you ever met? Nothing is new under the sun, he just need someone to tell him there is a new sheriff in town, new ways of doing things. I raise yansh for all you women o
ReplyDeleteThank you. Good talk
DeleteAnon 16:39, what do you think happens in Yaba left and Aro? Do you think they dump the mentally challenged persons there permanently? If you are not sure, ask questions and be enlightened. They only give bedspace to those that are violent and unruly, encourage them to socialize, eat, take medication etc, eventually, they are discharged, bed space is even damn expensive, you will be praying for your person to get to the point of discharge soon.
DeleteThe young man in this narrative won't even need to be there permanently, he will only be assigned to a consultant who will place him on medication and have regular sessions with him while monitoring his progress, till he is able to function on his own without her help. Most of them usually have to continue the medication till further notice. If this poster does this for her step son, she is actually doing the best anyone can do for him, making them dependent on you as his parents are doing won't help him.
It is always easy to tell good stories, not everyone can deal. I for one would have left the marriage since. That guy can wake up one day and stab everyone at home. How can anyone be in a room all day? It is not her problem and she can take herself out of the situation. This one that is calm can act anytime and you people want this woman to start mothering him?
DeleteA pregnant woman is not supposed to be raising a 21 year old. No parent should be raising their child at 21. She is under no obligation to raise someone else’s 21year old.
DeleteStop trying to guilt trip women. Train your sons and stop expecting someone else to do it for you. Tomorrow they will marry this one off to someone’s daughter. And some other person will tell her to manage and raise the man. Tufia!!!
Anon 16:39 and Zitat, I pity you guys. You are clearly ignorant about mental illnesses. The boy is mentally ill and needs psychiatric intervention. Where else will he get it if not a psychiatric hospital?
DeleteAnon, she's showing that by boy love by encouraging the dad to take him to a mental health hospital. All is not well with him. He is not a spoilt child, rather he is one in dire need of medical attention
DeleteAnon and Zitat, it is like both of you didn't bother reading the chronicle and rush to comment ooops to bash women!
DeleteYou blindly didn't see the effort the poster is making but the husband (dad) doesn't or isn't supportive.
So what you rather the lady do?
Obviously even if she pour out her blood for you lot, it still won't do!
The young man needs help, professional HELP, I sincerely hope and pray that God touches your husband to be more supportive and encourage his son to seek help.
Your husband stylishly told you the problem so it's time he goes to see a psychiatrist.
ReplyDeleteTreat as urgent please because he might also harm himself and then put you in trouble.
Safe delivery poster.
Poster, he may actually have mental health problems. One of the first signs of mental issue is complete lack of personal hygiene. Pls persuade your husband to take him for a psychiatric evaluation before his case gets out of hand. Whatever is going on with that young man should be arrested before it's too late
ReplyDeleteCan you talk to him?. Throwing him out is never the answer,HE NEEDS HELP ASAP!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, Kindly HELP the Boy. Please see the situation like he is your child. PLEASE TOUCH A LIFE, I don't know how close you are to God but please make a positive impact in his life. The essence of life is to touch lives positively. Please pray for him. Take him like your child, while you talk to your husband about taking him to a psychiatric hospital please don't ignore THE POWER OF PRAYER. Almighty God has a way of rewarding us for everything we do. As you wake up every day and pray for your yourself and husband please mention his name and matter specifically to Almighty God. Please just HELP him. Don't discard him please moreso as you stated that he is an easy going boy. It's not really his fault that he found himself in that situation.
ReplyDeletePlease save a life..
show him love
ReplyDeleteget to know him don't throw him out
teach him how to clean up with love
and take him to church to pray
I recommend MFM
Nawaooo
ReplyDeleteI can't even live with this kind of creature at all.
Please tell your hubby that either the adult creature is ready to change by learning everything now or he should stay with his mother.
Or stay with his for either the mother or father grandmother
It's obvious your husband's son is not mentally stable. Only God knows why his parents have refused to seek medical help for his condition. For your own good, move out if your husband refuses to take him to a psychiatric hospital. That guy is a ticking time bomb. All the signs are glaring for all to see. 1. The fact that he spends all day playing games in his room at 21, without any future ambition ..2 He lacks basic personal hygiene. 3. He is antisocial. These are classic signs of schizophrenia. Pls take action and save yourself and baby if the father refuses to care for his son. Both parents haven't said the whole truth yet. And pls, even a spoilt child, understands when he stinks to the extent of inconveniencing others and will normally take action to improve.
ReplyDeletelet your husband rent a self-contained apartment for him. He is an adult, if he doesn't learn to be responsible now when will he start? if your husband complains he will be alone, let him hire a Nanny for him as well what rubbish.
ReplyDelete21 yrs should be out there fending for himself. He is mature enough to have a clear route to his future.
ReplyDeleteHe should be taken to the psychiatric home where he belongs for now.
Hmmm, if he were your son would you leave him like that? Take this boy as your son and watch God do wonderful things for you. Let him go for a complete medical check up to be sure exactly what is wrong with him especially thyroid checks.. Do this for for the sake of your unborn kid too
ReplyDeleteDear poster, the boy has some sort of mental illness (social withdrawal is a sign) and also SPD (sensory processing disorder). Look it up, children with SPD have problems with brushing teeth, having bath, don't like to be touched etc. Basically they are sensitive to touch, light, sound etc. Use of mouth wash can help. Therapy is what he needs, If he were your child you will get him help. Also note SPD is genetic and you are pregnant...........
ReplyDeletePoster, your husband has to deal with this mess. I suspect that he knows his son is not mentally ok. Because which Nigerian parent who can afford university fees will allow their child sit at home playing games and not brushing his teeth.
ReplyDeleteWhat you have described points strongly to something on the schizophrenic spectrum, or clinical depression. Or a mix.
Insist that he sees a psychiatrist and you want to know the outcome.
But na wa for your husband. How can he hide this type of serious thing from you (assuming he’s mentally unstable).
I can’t imagine having to deal daily with odors emanating from a human being when pregnant. Gosh!!!
Poster before I read to the point you stated his moms family has mental sickness record I already felt he has mental issues or his parents(your husband and his mom) has a secret that concerns this boy they haven't told you, could it be they are gaining from his situation like some juju stuff, money ritual stuff?
ReplyDeleteYou really need to watch it cos it isn't normal for a human being, a mature one at that to be living this way. Something is wrong some where, and don't wait till something bad happens to you and your unborn baby or future children before you tackle this issue. It is a serious one and you need all the strength, wisdom and help to handle.
It is well with you poster.
Kai this is terrible
Please the young man needs to be managed by a professional Psychologist. He needs help. Don't be too hard on him for you don't really know what he's been through.
ReplyDeleteWhat’s with the emotional blackmail!!
ReplyDeleteHold people accountable for their deeds and not be quick to throw someone(in most cases, women), who probably was most likely lied to, under the bus.
This young man is a 21 years old adult whose parents (poster’s husband and baby mama) obviously neglected!
It is NOT this poster’s call to baby him as y’all are insinuating. Her sense of smell is presently at an all time high, I honestly applaud her for tolerating thus far.
Given the current situation, the poster has to insist his father steps up and salvage the situation before it gets outta hand cos if it were the other way round, this young man WOULDN’T have been allowed to live in their home.
The young man direly needs to have a shower, be taken to the dentist and a psychiatrist ASAP. This is no trivial matter, your husband has to step up and NOT put this on you.
If he is as easy going as you’ve stated, get your hubby to step up to his obligatory duties and nip this in the bud!
If he wouldn’t, the young man should be sent back to his mum. The grave mistake was letting it all slide when he first moved in.