Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Good day Stella,
Please my fellow BVs how do you politely reject food from your friends? I am a very neat person and particular about where and what i eat. So i have this very close friend that each time i go to her house she offers me food but i always reject it and she feels so bad about it which hurts me.
Another of my friend, She has indirectly said i dont eat her food. Am not perfect but am very particular about my hygiene. These said women are so dirty. One of them in my presence was cutting veggies and changed her daughter s diapers and then continued without even washing her hands and I could perceive the poo on her hands while seated close to her.
Good day Stella,
Please my fellow BVs how do you politely reject food from your friends? I am a very neat person and particular about where and what i eat. So i have this very close friend that each time i go to her house she offers me food but i always reject it and she feels so bad about it which hurts me.
Another of my friend, She has indirectly said i dont eat her food. Am not perfect but am very particular about my hygiene. These said women are so dirty. One of them in my presence was cutting veggies and changed her daughter s diapers and then continued without even washing her hands and I could perceive the poo on her hands while seated close to her.
She offered me food which i politely rejected. It hurts me so much that i avoid going to their houses most times because i do not want to be offered food and hurt them when i reject their offer.
Please you guys should give me a permanent solution to this. Can i just politely tell them i dont eat in people s houses??? I need to be diplomatic.
Poo smelling on hands while cooking? Oh gosh let me go and throw up....
Please you guys should give me a permanent solution to this. Can i just politely tell them i dont eat in people s houses??? I need to be diplomatic.
Poo smelling on hands while cooking? Oh gosh let me go and throw up....
So poster, all your friends are dirty ? You are the only clean one?nawa o!
ReplyDeleteLMAAAOOO
DeleteShe said these particular friends.
DeleteMadam don't worry. They will be alright. Meanwhile, you missed the opportunity to correct her when you saw her going back to cooking without washing her hands.
I have a question tho; do you eat from restaurants street food vendors?
If you are as neat as you claim how come you are attracting dirty friends...
DeletePoster, why is it so difficult for you to say 'no thanks'.
DeleteI hardly eat in people's houses and saying no has never been an issue.
How is this a problem again?
DeleteIn this diet age is what you don't know how to say no?
Who even still eats without planning now? Hian!
Not my meal time, Today is water cleanse, I don't do protein on weekdays etc.
Abeg shift. Next!!!
You can't be a very neat person and be hanging out with dirty people
ReplyDeletePlease, let your friends know about their unhygienic lifestyle; tell them you don't eat outside.
How can someone be your friend and you can't talk to them about their hygiene??
DeleteTell them the reason you don't eat outside and also talk to them about hygiene, it's for their own good!!!
Hey Momma🥰🥰🥰🥰
So how come your friends are "all dirty women" whereas you are not? Curious.
ReplyDeleteI have always known people to move with like minds and characters; right?
And if I cannot point out my friend's faults and correct the person gently and politely, then, there is no friendship existing.
Proverbs 27:9 The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.
Did you see that?
We are alike. I’m very very careful where I eat.
ReplyDeleteJust reduce the visits. I nor fit chop dirty cos we be “friends”
I love my body and stomach too much and I won’t eat dirt out of shame so you don’t get angry. Vex o, Na you sabi.
The other day I went to the market, I saw one lady put her hand inside her privates and was scratching away. I just shook my head.
Before I buy anything from you, I’ll size you up first.
I have certain people I patronize to avoid disgusting thoughts.
🤣🤣🤣 Jewelu the drama queen.
ReplyDeletePoster since u claim these women are ur friends,why don't u have a talk with them about their hygiene.If I see my friend doing something I don't like I'll tell her o with joke but I've passed the message.Like the day u saw her changing diapers without washing her hands..babe abeg use soap wash that ur hand o if not na only u go eat ur food o.
Poster, you can't displease yourself to please others. Like you said, just tell them you don't eat food cooked by anyone except yourself or eateries like Kilimanjaro. They may be angry initially, but will have to accept you that way. People always adjust.
ReplyDeleteIf you are close to them, as in, you know how they will react, kindly point it out to them, that thief hygiene level is below par. They may not even know.
*their hygiene level
DeleteWhy not tell them about their poor personal hygiene? Yes tell them and if them tell you to go away not to visit them so be it...How can you change diaper and not wash your hands..That is just so terrible...In Nigeria here, not eating from your host is seen as being ''socially rude'' so tell them for just not you alone but for their family sake...
ReplyDeleteThere is something late Chaz B would say ''If each one could reach one and if each one could teach one what a beautiful nation Nigeria will be'' ....We are all connected to each other..So tell them Hoo-haa no need being diplomatic..
Awwwwwnnn...I remember that statement. God rest his soul
DeleteNo need being diplomatic?
DeleteHow do people think it's ok to say your mind brutally and without sensitivity as to how it would affect the recipient? If you tell someone a life saving truth but you are not diplomatic about how you deliver the message, you will end up only making the person feel bad or angry and the person will see you as attacking his or her person. Then the massage and effort is totally wasted.
Ms Saphire it is my opinion and comment..Lmao on sensitivity...Did my comment indicate she should scream like a lion on what her friends are doing...If you can't say the bitter truth to your friend then you have no business being a friend...If you think being diplomatic when it comes to health is the best then so be it...I will tell you hoo-haa no need romancing the truth here...
DeleteMom Ella Amen
Please, I WON'T BE DIPLOMATIC when correcting an adult about hygiene! I will be BLUNT!
DeleteBasic hygiene they should have learnt early or observed from others.
Excuses, excuses! That's why NIGERIA HAS NO STANDARDS IN ANYTHING. 🙄😤🤦♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️
Tell them u don't eat out...chikena
ReplyDeleteJust politely tell them you stopped eating out because you've discovered you end up getting some form of diarrhoea and stomach upset whenever you do (leave it open ended as it could be as a result of allergies or a host of other things).
ReplyDeleteOr just tell them you have borderline OCD tendencies and don't like other people cooking the food you eat.
U can politly explain to her the reason why u do reject her food,.she might change
ReplyDeleteEwwwwww.. tell them you have phobia of eating in peoples houses.. if you eat in people’s houses you’d start getting panic attacks and anxiety
ReplyDeleteThey are your close friends so your hygiene should be rubbing off on them and you could have urged the woman cutting veggies to wash her hands. You will not just be helping just her but also her poor baby and her entire family.
ReplyDeleteRejecting their food is not just the answer, encourage them to clean up. You can gently hint or offer to hold her child to allow her wash her hands thoroughly.
Stop going there till they accept you for who you are.
ReplyDeleteIf you must visit them, then make sure to always buy food or snacks and drinks from the eatery when going there. You all will eat together and everybody will be happy. Shikena.
ReplyDeleteIs like u dnt stay home to be offered food all the time. Learn when they are likely to eat and stay out.
ReplyDeleteBe Your self they will come around. Life has taught me that it is safer not to accept food from people especially so called friends.
ReplyDeleteI just finished eating o or pls pack takeaway for me, I feel full then give it to someone that needs it.
ReplyDeleteBut you have to diplomatically pass a message on hygiene to them. Coin one and send as a WhatsApp broadcast to them😁
You know your friends better than we do. If they are people open to corrections, you can have a a discussion with them about their hygiene, if not, just tell them that you are allergic to at of things or tell them you a have sensitive stomach
ReplyDeleteTell them you don’t eat outside or ask for take away and give it away to someone who needs it.
ReplyDeleteGive what away?! CONTAMINATED FOOD you won't eat! 🙄
DeleteSomeone has not yet accused you of food-poisoning after your 'give-away food'. 🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️
Food that is not fit for you is got for some one else to eat??? You must be an egbe.
DeleteO can never eat food not prepared by me,my mum or my sis, I'm just like this poster, I find it hard to eat food not cooked by myself,and I really envy people that eat out a lot, if I'm out n hungry, I will rather take bottled drink, up til now I have never tasted kunu,even though I envy people drinking it, but it won't just pass, I'm tired of this ,I want to change,but I can't just help it, when I delivered, I spend 3 days eating just juice n tea before my mom came, I have just 1 type of bread I eat, I can't even put agege bread in my mouth, I'm tired ,I need help, o just can't help myself, I've never eaten any if my friends food, and funny enough they always ear my food happily,I select people I but edibles from, I don't buy from a nursing mother ,God forgive me for that, I traveled to my brothers place, I didnt eat the wives food, I had to stylishly carry pot cook before huger go finish me, during service year, I lived with a family friend for a year,and I never tasted their food😢😢😢. I need help too
ReplyDeleteNothing can help you, my dear. That's just the way you are. Aart from not buying edibles from nursing moms anot eating in brother's house, we're alike.
DeleteI have been in this situation countless of time. Being an OCD, you can't help but feel you are the only neat person in your world. The best way to handle this is to just hang out with them in the kitchen, by so doing, you will stick your nose in the cooking process and join in participating without feeling irritated afterwards. this has helped me to accept food from people but not food cooked behind me ohhh. i must be there before i can eat. This is not lack of trust! it is just who we are!!!.
ReplyDelete👍👍👍💯
DeletePoster I can totally relate to what you wrote up there. I have a dear friend that was close to me. We talk on phone everyday but I dread going to her house even her husband dey run from house. He works with NDIC he goes out early in the morning and comes back late in the night he doesn't eat at home only weekends even some weekends he travels. That my friend eeeh her house is dirty is an understatement. They have dog,cat,rabbits living with them inside their house.The dog has ticks all over the cat dey shit anyhow for living room and bathroom. When I visit them I was sleeping in the room I saw ticks crawling all over the bed,if you see the speed i use in jumping down from the bed before tick go enter my ears. I sleep on the sofa in the living room. The kitchen na so dirty plates and pots dey full am with flies everywhere. The toilet is a story for another day. Dem no dey flush toilet the toilet seat is dirty when I visit them my body shuts down in terms of toilet. I ate egusi soup one time in my friend's house I purge tire o. I went to hospital na food poisoning oo. Since then I respect myself and stay away na for phone we dey gist. You see I took my time to explain the situation. Please stay away before you eat food poisoning ooo. Maka Ndu gi oo!
ReplyDeleteChai. Piglet woman🤮🤮
DeleteThat your friend is "APA DURTY"...she feels comfortable living like that? Kia...but please u can still help her out by advicing her to get a maid if she can't clean up herself.if she has kids they will grow up thinking it's ok to b unkept,Biko help her erh.
DeleteThank God for your life.
DeleteI remember having a friend during my undergraduate day, who uses same bowl for cloth washing including under wears to cook and wash plate
ReplyDeleteI called her attention to the act the first time I noticed, telling her that if she continues like this I will not even take a cup of water from her place.
She did it again and again and I kept to my word too, the funniest thing is that she will tell me that it's not like the undies got sticky to bowl
Yuck 😱
DeleteJust tell them you have a very sensitive stomach.
ReplyDeleteNo diplomacy. Tell them the truth and educate them on good hygiene❗
ReplyDeletePoster please, a few corrections:
"Another of my friend... (*Another friend of mine*), she has indirectly said i... ( *I*) dont... (*don't*) eat her food. Am.. (*I'm*) not perfect but... (**) very particular about my hygiene."
Say you are on plant diet because of your sensitive stomach. You’ve been having stomach issues recently and a doctor friend advised you to try plant diet.
ReplyDeleteMe that get irritated when I perceive unpleasantodor from a person or place.i don't visit some because of smell I perceive around them.theres this lady around me,she sells catfish alone,the thing is she smells of it everyday of the week, her kids too and even days she isn't working she smells of it too,it's irritating.one time I was moved to ask her she said " na the work wae I dae do" me sef I keep my mouth shut.one day I was eating when she came close to me, people of God I threw up immediately and lost appetite,i told her it's because of her fish smell she was really embarrassed but she still haven't changed...
ReplyDelete" them no dei take shame chop poison oh!"...
ReplyDelete...that being said, I can relate but mine is a little different. I am not very adventurous with food. I never ate out until Uni.
...so this blessed day, we (4 of us), visited a friend, he is from the north. His mother (very friendly woman), went to the kitchen even when we insisted we were okay. That's how she brought out Tuwo (I had never even seen real life tuwo before then) and a green looking, draw soup.
I kept asking why it was green and slippery, I did not see okra, did not see vegetable either. The mother was sitting just opposite us smiling in love, as the perfect host. I was the only female, and she really wanted to impress.
Good thing was she served us all in one bowl, so I kept gisting while the guys were eating, not one morsel had gone down my throat. Was glad when the bowl was emptied, only for mama to come with another full plate. She said she had been watching us and the guys cheated me, that they didn't let me eat, so she served my own specially. Father Lord! I had to take at least 2 handfuls. I purged all evening....
I understand that it is hard to turn down peoples food offer, when you are a guest. Personally too, I ask people if/what they would like to eat, before just dishing food out, except they are family or inner circle friends. Since they are your friends, maybe you can make it clear to them that you don't eat out, and that's how you were raised. They might start offering you drinks and snacks instead. Subtly too, you can correct unhygienic behaviours you see them do, gently oh! Good luck poster.
P.S: I am now a fan of Tuwo, still don't like the green soup though!
My roomie back then in school doesn't eat food prepared by someone else, even we her roomies that she'll see us cooking she no go gree chop. Anyway she doesn't buy food too, good thing is we were understanding. She changed room and her new roomie celebrated her birthday, aunty refused to eat the cake that she doesn't know who baked it. They
ReplyDeletewaited for her till she did hers and bought cake, they also refused to eat and nearly finished her with mouth. They were asking her if she knew who baked the cake. Problem no dey finish. Lool
One method is to playfully decline the food - "I dey watch my height" (we all know you cant grow taller). If your host push in feigned or real anger, reply: "seriously, I am not hungry now, I had a heavy meal before I left home. If I eat extra, ..."
ReplyDeleteFurther, stop staying very long during visits. Hosts feel obligated to offer food when you stay long with them because they expect you would be hungry even if you eat before leaving home.
With consistency, your friends will stop bothering you. They may even spread the word about your not accepting food to other friends.
But the journey is long. Be prepared to lose friends. Most Nigerian cultures see a visitor's rejection of food and water as an insult and an indirect accusation of attempt to poison or witchcraft.
Most people who know me, know I do not eat during visits to their homes but they still express displeasure at my refusals during my visits.
Because of this matter, one of my in-laws swore never to eat or drink in my home. During her first visit to my home, she came with snacks and drinks. One week after my wife was delivered of our baby, she visited. Though there was foodstuff in my home, she insisted on going to market to buy foodstuff to prepare lunch for herself and my friends she came with. I did not permit that. A big row occurred and led to stretched relationships.
So prepare yourself. Sharpen your wits. But be very jovial about your refusals, or stay home and e-connect with friends.
👍
DeleteOne method is to playfully decline the food - "I dey watch my height" (we all know you cant grow taller). If your host push in feigned or real anger, reply: "seriously, I am not hungry now, I had a heavy meal before I left home. If I eat extra, ..."
ReplyDeleteFurther, stop staying very long during visits. Hosts feel obligated to offer food when you stay long with them because they expect you would be hungry even if you eat before leaving home.
With consistency, your friends will stop bothering you. They may even spread the word about your not accepting food to other friends.
But the journey is long. Be prepared to lose friends. Most Nigerian cultures see a visitor's rejection of food and water as an insult and an indirect accusation of attempt to poison or witchcraft.
Most people who know me, know I do not eat during visits to their homes but they still express displeasure at my refusals during my visits.
Because of this matter, one of my in-laws swore never to eat or drink in my home. During her first visit to my home, she came with snacks and drinks. One week after my wife was delivered of our baby, she visited. Though there was foodstuff in my home, she insisted on going to market to buy foodstuff to prepare lunch for herself and my friends she came with. I did not permit that. A big row occurred and led to stretched relationships.
So prepare yourself. Sharpen your wits. But be very jovial about your refusals, or stay home and e-connect with friends.
Just simple diplomacy will help you out. Tell them you have a health condition. That you dont eat salt, pepper and oil sometimes incase they come to your house and you are eating these same things. Period.
ReplyDeletePoster, in that case, you have to stop eating out so that when you tell your friends you don't eat out, they would accept without feeling hurt.It is not wise that you eat at some friend's place and don't in some. Maybe start by telling them you are now on diet.
ReplyDelete