Hmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRYING ADVICE NEEDED
Stella pls help me to post it in the chronicles section.
BVs I need an urgent advise. I am a female civil servant. There was a guy I met online let's call him Mr A.
Mr A is a graduate but he makes shoes for a living and he is also into cryptocurrency. He is proposing marriage to me but his financial capacity is not strong to my taste.
I want a guy that will compliment me financially, spiritually, emotionally and in all ramifications. I don't want to shoulder financial responsibility in marriage alone been the fact that the guy is struggling.
In most Nigerian marriages, most women are the bread winners. I want to ask should I get married to this guy? Or I should wait till I see another suitor. Or should I get married to him ignoring his financial capacity.
I am already in my late 20s his character is good but you know you can't judge the attribute of a man till he is financially stable.
You already know what will happen if you marry him so why do you need us to tell you? he makes shoes for a living how? My dear he is not what you are looking for so please wait and stop feeling as your life is already ending and you must marry...
You already know what will happen if you marry him so why do you need us to tell you? he makes shoes for a living how? My dear he is not what you are looking for so please wait and stop feeling as your life is already ending and you must marry...
Marrying and being in a broke ass situation or marrying and being the one who takes care of the bills alone is not good at all. Some ladies dont mind marrying a man they can start with, you do so please dont marry him.
Marriage without money is hell fire!!!..
ReplyDeleteHe should go and make money first before looking for a woman to marry!..
Dont go and suffer in someone's house because of marriage..
You are in your late 20s and so fucking what?..
It's better to marry late and right!..
Marriage without money is not hell fire. What can make a marriage hell fire is lack of trust, lack of peace, domestic violence and the absence of God in that union.
DeleteEveryone is not destined to be "rich" (even the bible says we will always have the poor with us) but contentment is key in life. What if the man doesn't make enough? A woman can lead a very comfortable and happy married life while still earning more than her husband. The home is hers, the children are hers, the food she eats as well. If she carries most of the load because she has the capacity, Heaven will not fall. It is just a matter of mutual understanding.
It is only wrong if the man decides to be intentionally lazy. Ok, what if she marries a supposedly rich man and after the marriage he loses his job? what next?
..Just correcting the misconception.
Wendixx may God bless you for this beautiful comment 👏👏👏
DeleteThank you for the third paragraph @Wendixx
DeleteThis blogsite is an eye opener.
Wendix, I appreciate your position. I’m not the chronicle poster. Also, thank God you also made reference to where the guy is lazy or where he is completely comfortable living off the woman or where he picks and chooses which part of being the head of the home he likes eg for men who want to make all the decisions, be served meals, etc but can’t / refuse to man up to provide as God made it. And then there are children who need to feed, school, wear clothes etc. it’s CRAZY when there is no support from the supposed head who should in fact be the provider and be supported by the woman. That’s some peoples reality.
DeletePoster, go and pray and fast. God will speak to you. Marriage is not a decision that social media can make for you. Ask God. I am not saying God will make him rich overnight or tell you not to marry him because he’s broke. God can tell you to marry him and he will still be broke after 5 years. It’s God who rules in the affairs of men. He has a reason for everything. Ask him
I agree with some of your point wedex but we forget there are things called "choice" and " preference"
DeleteSome people can manage in such a situation and be happy, some can't.
Some were raised in homes where both parents brought equal contributions into the family some weren't.
Don't force people to conform to your own idea of how a family should be.
Dear poster,if you know you will be irritated or be disrespectful to a man who is comfortable or lazy about his ambition in life, please free him.
We have heard women complain bitterly about their husbands who are lackadaisical in thier pursuit for growth.
If you don't want to be one of those please free him.
If you are a woman who do not see carrying your family's burden as a problem (like that out lovely bv) by all means go ahead.
But never conform to something that doesn't bring you peace, also never reduce your standard or your desires for anyone, no one will be there for you tomorrow when you are crying.
Thank You Push Up, choice and preferences!
DeleteWhere did you get your statistics of most when being the bread winner in Nigeria, that is absolutely wrong, or example in the Northern and Eastern parts men are the main providers so your statistics is wrong.
DeleteWendixx, be there writing theory instead of being practical.
DeletePoster, Queen and Boss says alot of wild things, which I personally don't agree with but this time she's right. Financial stability is very important. If it matters to you and you have to write to Stella about it, then don't marry him.
Delete"In most Nigerian marriages, most women are the bread winners"
You people will just sit down and be manufacturing statistics from the air!
In which Nigerian homes are women now the bread winners?
Wendix did not ask you to conform to her idea, she only shared her views as everybody else here is doing.
DeleteBtw, what happens if the tides change for the rich man? What happens to your "choice" and "preference" then? You think life is a bed of roses? I laugh in spanish.
Anon 19.42, you that are being practical, please let us know the state of your financial life. Wundixx is entitled to her view as you are to yours.
DeleteWhere did you get your statistics of most womem being the bread winner in Nigeria, that is absolutely wrong, for example in the Northern and Eastern parts men are the main providers so your statistics is wrong.
DeleteMy dear,
DeleteI have been married for almost 9years, I am a realist.
I said if he seems lackadaisical in his ambition (laid back and lacks drive) let him be.
She's a hard worker and isn't expecting him to provide everything, she just doesn't want to be the one carrying the whole burden, there's nothing wrong with that (her choice, her preference) you do as you please.
I don't know why my comment is paining you, she can't even love a guy who lacks the drive she was raised to know.
If there's no love nor finance why should she go ahead?
So because the bibles says "the poor will always be with us" we should let ourselves be poor?
I believe you read my comment with understanding if not then it's not for you.
My own is, will we stick with this same responses when the poster is a man?
DeletePoster we all have what we believe can work for us, if this guy in your picture does not suit your long term dream, please let him go.
Money is important in marriage, only when each party brings something to the table. Not when one party depends wholly on the other, that's you surrendering yourself to be abused in a way. Equitable representation is what works better.
As ladies, we are quick to say 'don't marry him' but change tone when our male sibling is the broke one, looking to marry a financially stable lady.
The poster is thinking right, but lacks the willingness to let go totally. Find your grade, maybe then you wouldn't have money issue. But if he is not resting on his oars, and not statutorilly lazy, and also has great values. It could be the start of a good thing. Otherwise, find who can best fulfill your marital dream.
Do you have any idea about what you actually need in a husband? Please talk to God!
Focus on God. He will help you.
ReplyDeleteMarry your class. Don't marry down. Don't be a social climber either. In your 20s, you should be having fun and improving yourself so that as your own class is progressing, God is preparing an equally progressive man to meet you at a juncture and time only He has designed.
DeleteBrother shoe maker too should either improve or find his level.
Exactly find out from God, note we dint say "pastor"
DeleteThen is he ambitious, like is he a hard worker, I don't mean the cryptocurrency stuff.
I mean if his shoe making, does he post it on platforms? Does he look for ways to sell himself as well as his shoes? Etc.
He should also not depend on just this but look for other means.
If he is lazy or okay with the way he is then please free him.
See ehnn....Every man has a wife somewhere that fits him.
DeletePoster, An upcoming Man needs a woman who is ready to grow with him. If she thinks that he has potential, has vision ..and his future is bright, she can take her chance with him knowing that his level will change.
Poster you seem to be double minded, so I can tell you for free that if you eventually get Married to him, and things don't work out as planned, you will start regretting and make his life a living hell. Because your heart was never in it. Free the guy.
Not every woman will marry a struggling man. Some will marry wealthy settled men. Different strokes for different folks.
It's like going shopping for clothes, some are ready made designer wears. Buy and wear the same day
Others buy a material, then go through a process,(sometimes slow)....give a tailor , sow it etc until the finished product comes out beautifully.
My own advice is to the unmarried brothers in the house. Listen up fellaz.....
If you are still upcoming, don't pretend to your woman, tell her exactly how it is with you....look for the one who accepts you as you are and is ready to grow with you.
For the guys who are already wealthy or doing well. Lol you will have the best pick to marry from. Women will always flock around. But know this .....the day things go south! You might be shocked at how quickly her attitude can change.
Nothing reveals the true nature of a man or woman like adversity or hard times.
Madam Stella. I greet you
On 2 the Next
When you want to marry, there are so many things to consider beyond money and today.
ReplyDeleteDoes he genuinely love God?
Does he have a hussling spirit?
Does he treat you right?
Is he a good person?
Does he treat his immediate family well? And so many others.
Money is important but definitely not number 1 on the list.
All the best as you make your decision
Money is the number factor to consider before marriage oh, especially in Africa. Don't say I didn't warn you poster.
Delete15.45 With this kind of mentality, your type will gladly marry a ritualist or yahoo boy, shebi it's the number one factor. Smh.
DeleteSee ehnn....Every man has a wife somewhere that fits him.
DeletePoster, An upcoming Man needs a woman who is ready to grow with him. If she thinks that he has potential, has vision ..and his future is bright, she can take her chance with him knowing that his level will change.
Poster you seem to be double minded, so I can tell you for free that if you eventually get Married to him, and things don't work out as planned, you will start regretting and make his life a living hell. Because your heart was never in it. Free the guy.
Not every woman will marry a struggling man. Some will marry wealthy settled men. Different strokes for different folks.
It's like going shopping for clothes, some are ready made designer wears. Buy and wear the same day
Others buy a material, then go through a process,(sometimes slow)....give a tailor , sow it etc until the finished product comes out beautifully.
My own advice is to my unmarried in the house. Listen up fellaz.....
If you are still upcoming, don't pretend to your woman, tell her exactly how it is with you....look for the one who accepts you as you are and is ready to grow with you.
For the guys who are already wealthy or doing well. Lol you will have the best pick to marry from. Women will always flock around. But know this .....the day things go south! You might be shocked at how she will change so quickly.
Nothing reveals the true nature of a man or woman like adversity or hard times.
Madam Stella. I greet you
On 2 the Next
God bless Aymii.. you spit out!!
DeleteYou know what you want, go fo it. You want BVs to tell you who to marry. My dear, if you don't want to be the breadwinner of the home, don't marry a broke person. Men have their standards, this is yours. Simple. I agree with Stella.
ReplyDeletePlease poster, most Nigerian ladies/women are not breadwinners in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteThey are. Almost 70%.
Delete80% sef
DeleteThey are.... Am going through hell now... carrying load.. when the man is alive.
Delete15:13 stay there in your cocoon. Lolll. The country is bigger than your home and that of your family and few friends.
DeleteIf you know what goes on in peoples houses you will keep quiet.
Poster most breadwinners are men that's why silly girls are everywhere giving themselves cheap to men for survival, the heads of industries, ruling class etc are all men, infact women are the poorest people on earth, only few women are supporting their families, more working are working class now compared to when being anhouse wife was the order of the day, get your statistics right, you want to tell me all the mansions all over the country are built by women or women own all these expensive cars you see everywhere, men are the highest employers of labours, the dominate custom,police, medicine, politics, importing, judiciary, banking, real estate, factory workers, farmers, chef tailoring, bathing, teaching@, men own all the commercial and most private jets in Nigeria, they own most of the oil wells etc, stop passing wrong information, it makes you sound uninformed, so you want to tell me Hausa women provide for their men or is it Igbo men that are known for hardworking,.go to all the market and see men with big stores etc just go to any company and see who owns them and who are the major employees.
Delete18.07 And are you in everyone's house? 😏
DeletePoster most breadwinners are men that's why silly girls are everywhere giving themselves cheap to men for survival, the heads of industries, ruling class etc are all men, infact women are the poorest people on earth, only few women are supporting their families, more women are working class now compared to when being a house wife was the order of the day, get your statistics right, you want to tell me all the mansions all over the country are built by women or women own all these expensive cars you see everywhere, men are the highest employers of labours, the dominate custom,police, medicine, politics, importing, judiciary, banking, real estate, factory work, farming, chef tailoring, bathing, teaching, men own all the commercial and most private jets in Nigeria, they own most of the oil wells etc, stop passing wrong information, it makes you sound uninformed, so you want to tell me Hausa women provide for their men or is it Igbo men that are known to be hardworking,.go to all the markets and see men with big stores etc just go to any company and see who owns them and who are the major employees.
Delete19:52 those silly girls ur talking about are not married to the men. They are simply eating the fruit of the labour of the poor wife that helped build the man and suffered with him when he had very little, the poor wife's salary that is feeding the home, the man and the side chic. I don't plan for that to be my reality but there are dozens of comments and chronicles here daily from married women complaining that are breadwinners footing the bills of their lackadaisical husbands. So while u don't want it to be true , the reality is a lot of women are silent breadwinners in Nigerian homes. Face the fact and encourage your naija brothers to improve instead of shooting down something because it is too bitter for you to swallow
DeleteI pity you. You have already concluded that you'll shoulder the financial responsibility in the marriage based on what you see now?
ReplyDeleteAre you the one with the key to his future and can you boldly say he'll continue to be where he is now forever?
May your case not be like the poster in IHN yesterday who regrets letting a good man go because of this same excuse☝️.
Please ask God to show you what He has to say concerning this man.
Also ask yourself some pertinent questions and check if this man meets the requirements you want in a spouse.
Learn to decide for yourself, don't be swayed by other people's experiences in determining what you need or not.
Tanx twin squared
DeleteYou see the last sentence you made: Golden
DeleteI need to hug you for your comment.
DeleteYour last sentence is 💯
If we decide to apply all what we read online in our private lives, wahala go dey.
If he is not your taste, DO NOT SETTLE!
DeleteAnon 18:36 Thank you! Honestly the man could end up making it OR he may end up not making it. It can give either way. Poster don't listen to people asking you to gamble with your life and that of your future kids. They won't be there when ur suffering. Truly your thoughts make your reality so if u already feel negatively towards the guy, ur fears may manifest
DeleteThe way you said ‘but he makes shoes for a living’ like it’s a career path that’s not worthy. Honestly, it sounds condescending to me.
ReplyDeleteIf he’s hardworking, I don’t see why you shouldn’t give him a chance. With combine incomes, you guys can stay afloat and make it work. But you are still very young and don’t have to settle if it doesn’t work for you..afterall, it’s your taste that matters at the end of the day.
Combined income*
DeleteSomeone that makes shoes is an honest living..If you no like am Poster let him be...This life nothing is permanent...Learn to make decisions for yourself so if we all say you should marry him, will you go ahead just like that? Evaluate what you want and what you desire...You guys keep mentioning age, age and age . I have come to find out that most time, people don't put pressure on you but na you dey pressurize yourself....Babes they no dey mark latecomer register for marriage inugo
DeleteThank you 15:52
DeleteHe deserves someone who loves him as he is, not someone who doesn't want to proudly stand next to him as his wife. She will always doubt that she made the right choice because her heart yearns for a certain kind of man.
DeleteThank you anon 16:25
DeleteIf she's not that person she needs to bounce
It doesn't even make her a bad person, it just means he is not just for her.
Please stick to what and who makes you happy don't just settle.
This advice is for both men and women.
Me that is in my late thirties and still single and waiting for the right man, I should go and kill myself na. Since marriage is by age.una no dey ever learn from people's experience.
ReplyDeleteAnon 15:39 mwaaah!!! God will visit you soon
DeletePoster, the man must not be rich rich but, make sure he can comfortably take care of you and at least a child before agreeing to marry him. Again, check his background. Does his mum take up the financial burden without complaints? Most men that grew up in such environments are lazy and are always looking for rich single ladies to marry, so as to continue such pattern.
ReplyDeleteDoes he always start calculating while spending money on necessities? He has a poor mentality and believes that using washing machine is a waste of money.
Finally, does he have responsibilities? Like paying his parents monthly allowances? If he does without always nagging, he can take care of you with the little he has and will always work hard to take care of his family. But if no, he doesn't believe in giving. Don't make the mistake of marrying for marrying sake. Love is not enough oh.
MOST MEN THAT GREW UP IN HOMES WHERE THEIR MOTHERS WERE THE BREADWINNERS ARE USUALLY NOT MOTIVATED TO WORK HARD.
DeleteThank you baby girl!
Gbamest.... Thank you
DeleteYou talked true. If u can, use style and research to find out if he is those types used to asking for money from the mom, the sisters etc. In fact 15:52 summed it all up nicely. Not saying such men may not later change to providers later o, but only for women they really love and cherish and that is after they have been built up by another woman. You don't want risk being the placeholder wife that helps build the man only to get left for the dream woman later on that doesn't have to stress much cus the man provides for her financially. That is what happened in Steve Harvey's case. He met and fell in love with Marjorie Harvey and proclaimed he would marry her one day but he did not have the funds to toast her properly yet. They remained friends and he had his sights on her lowkey while marrying & divorcing 2 wives that helped build him up into the successful guy he is today. Marjorie Harvey was used to dating big big men so Steve knew he had to be successful n a provider in order to get her. When opportunity finally arose he snatched her up, wifed her, adopted her daughter Lori without qualms and cherishes her til today. Ladies choose wisely o and pray that whatever path u choose works for you
DeleteLet's assume the table have turned around and he's the one wit plenty money...do u think he will ever fancy you? All these poor humble men na bcos money never enter hand.
ReplyDeleteCheck well oo, bcos me I follow poor man make we start life, I even invested and the mumu man couldn't acct for a Kobo, everything went bankrupt. Him ma kuku vamoose, thank God say I hold myside. Now I no hurry for poor man waiting for me to help am start life. Open eyes, okay.
“ All these poor humble men na bcos money never enter hand”.
DeleteYou see this statement above, it needs to be taught in women conferences. In majority of the cases, once that man feels like he has made it, the switch in his character may rock your world if you don’t have God by your side. Knowing what I know now, I’ll advice a lady to remain single than settle for a man with potential or a man still struggling financially because once they make it, you may be shocked and not in a good way. I am speaking from my own experience and what I’ve seen way too many women go through once the man/husband they sacrificed a lot for became comfortable/rich. Only a very small percentage of them reciprocate the love and sacrifices after they make it.
If you do settle for such men as described above, ensure to have your own assets in your name or your children’s names. It’s highly important. Finally, just ask God to give your own man that He ordained for you.
In my own case, thank God for His saving Grace.
Everything is a gamble and there are no guarantees with anyone. I know of cases where male doctors have used their wives as beating post until they eventually killed them. A man is just a man and while it may appear that an established and financially secured man would be a choice there is no guarantee that you will have a blessed union. And that is just life, we all live life completely blind to the future. Wealth can get diminished with one bad business move or severe illness and who was at the top find themselves at the bottom. On the flip, one great opportunity taken could change the destiny of who was at the bottom and put them at the top.
DeleteBut everyone must be at peace with their choice in a spouse, so that whatever may come they know they entered it without any doubts and eyes wide open. This sender is full of doubts and therefore should leave this man and his marriage offer alone and go find what gives her heart peace.
Lollll but it's true. Poor me are always humble. Fake humility o. A poor woman can still do small shakara especially if she is intelligent and or fine but poor man will be baffing and spraying fake humility like perfume.
DeleteLet small change enter his hand...you that you struggling to even consider him him ehn, you will not even be good enough to dust his shoes.🤣🤣🤣🤣
17.46 well said. 👌
DeleteIn all things just pray that the tables turn in your favour. However o! I have to agree this time around because of past experiences. Ladies should never marry for potential or to be a Bob the builder wife. E get why. Many men are looking for who to help build them up so they can be good enough to toast their real spec. Not the men that will marry us sha. By the grace of God
DeletePoster, if you don't mind to suffer now and enjoy later, then go ahead but if know you will regret and start disturbing us with chronicles in future then please be patient and pray. There are no first comers in marriage oh
ReplyDeletePoster abeg do not rush and go into something you would regret later. Marry your taste.
ReplyDeletePlease if he’s not what you want then don’t marry him… don’t let anyone guilt trip you here!
ReplyDeleteThank you o
Delete"He go blow later" mentality
When he doesn't blow you become frustrated.
My dear take 250k to the market and see if you find any change left.
Things are getting harder
Focus on yourself please who you desire will find you
Don't go and kill yourself or someone's son in the future with frustration
I like the dude already. I'm happy he's not into yahoo yahoo or kidnapping for ransom. There are so many "rich people" these days without a verifiable source of income. A guy like Uduak Akpan could afford to dash you 50-100k per visit but shebi you sef don see say no be everything wey fold be kponmo. Eh-hen!
ReplyDeleteWhen you say he makes shoes, what kind of shoes? Does he have a workshop or sharing space with someone? Have you ever visited his home? How you see am? Does he have any plans to expand this shoe business? How? Listen to this guy first. Listen and "hear" him. All the international shoe designers started from somewhere. This big SDK of today used to be a journalist earning a salary. Today, she pays salaries and is way bigger than some of her former ogas especially in popularity. Maybe all this cobbler dude needs to "blow" is a visionary woman. Are you that visionary woman he needs?
Before you write him off, go and spend two days with him at the shop. Be unobtrusively observant. Watch how he relates with people. Does he do the daily contribution? How much? When it's lunch time, did he eat without meat? If he has interns (apprentice), observe how he treats them, eavesdrop on his phone conversations whilst there. After these two days, you will be in a better position to make an informed decision. E go shock you say this oga cobbler dey do 5k-10k daily contribution after expenses. As a civil servant, when was the last time you or your boss (that you do "yes sir, yes ma" for) count your own personal savings of 50k after buying garri bendel and paying utility bills?
What I'm simply saying is if you earn 100k and this dude can contribute same every month, yeah, you can start a family NOT because you are "already in your late twenties" but because he's an honest hardworking man that deserves a chance. Is he literate by the way?
Thank you very much.
DeleteGod bless you.
Delete🙌🙌🙌🙌 You made brilliant submissions
DeleteOne chilled malt for you,
DeletePoster, pls read and adhere to this comment also find out who the bread winner of his immediate family is. If it's the mother try and get his opinion about it.
DeleteDon't forget to pray
Rome wasn’t built in a day. He has a legit business and that’s something you aren’t proud of.
ReplyDeleteFrom your write up, you are not ready to go down that “humble beginnings” road. Na ready made you dey find.
Who nor get today go get tomorrow.
There are men who are rich but won’t drop a dime for family use.
Do not give up on someone you know can make you a better person just cos they are not financially stable.
That is why some of these ladies fall for the WRONG guys.
Delete@ Twins Squared. God bless you. We need to start normalizing black women marrying up, smartly, strategically and not out of a belief that African women must suffer or go thru humble beginnings before they start enjoying a marriage. Wtf Is that?? It is so nauseating abeg. Dunno when this nonsense started but part of the reason is that we so much idolise marriage in naija that many women have no issue sponsoring their wedding and being sole providers just to bear mrs.. White women esp Russian women fervently chase after affluent men, marry into wealth and there are no repercussions. but no
DeleteOoo in naija, wife material is the embodiment of suffering. You guys can keep that mental slavery mindset going if you want o. But don't dare look down on others that want better for themselves because u didn't have the balls or patience to do so!
I love shoemakers their job just seem so cool. He seems to have drive as he has entered crypto and I know he is doing that as a means to improve his financial condition.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you have not said once that you loved him or respected him. Matter of fact, there is no respect there you are only asking for help because he is the only one offering you marriage. If another man of your desiring was on your case you would not have sent in any Chronicle. You want wife status, but you don't want it through the source that is presenting itself.
Let him be because you don't really seem to even like him, you have not said one redeeming thing about him in your writeup, you cannot marry someone you feel is beneath you. Let him be, God will provide his match and God will also provide yours.
Rest! She doesn't have to lower her standards to bear Mrs. If u think u have to lower yours to get married that is on you! But aunty has said she doesn't want to marry potential and she has every right to choose. And u know what? Because of that she will get what she desires so pls gbenu soun
DeleteYou got it 100%, she does not love him! Pls don’t come back tomorrow nd say I am d one providing nd he doesn’t have money oo? If u marry him , know that he won’t provide d way u want nd u can’t force him to hussle for u nd your kids oo! People should advice u to marry him cos e fit better tomorrow, what if e no better? U go come write chronicle for us again abi?u are not even proud of him so leave him
DeleteAt anon 23:00, about 30 years ago there was a man that I knew who was driving a minibus transporting ppl from one place to another, today he owns a car rental business. He transformed himself from mere bus driver to business owner in an industry that he understands and is quite well off today.
DeleteMy mother's old furniture maker has moved himself up to full business owner with his own furniture making company and has multiple employees, he even has his catalog of products and only makes furniture if he wants to now.
My own aunt used to be a waitress in her youth, now she owns her hotel and restaurant and has been a successful business owner most of her adult life. And someone I know who was a regular electrician when I was a child is a master electrician today. I don't know how the sender knows the end of this man. And all of the real life cases that I have mentioned above are ppl who have no formal education beyond high school. I know so many graduates who have average lives and some even below average. Yes, she should leave that man alone.
the emperitical basis of this nonsense. Who did the research, where was the research done. What's the margin of error. That some women are the bread winners in their homes is not enough to make that generalisation.
ReplyDelete*empirical
DeleteNo be who marry first be the problem na how far. The one you will marry and start looking like a scarecrow because na you dey carry your family bills for head. I got married at 39 so what is this rush for marriage I don't understand? Develop yourself be stable financially before you put your head into marriage oo. SHINE YOUR EYES WELLA!
ReplyDeleteYour head dey there. The problem is the desire for marriage is so deeply imprinted within us by soceity that we just cant hear this advice until we enter and see for ourselves. Im raising my kids different.
DeleteLeave them na. They will allow society push them into suffering all in a bid to bear Mrs. Somebody. When u know what u want and what ur worth, u get it eventually but u see that settling of a thing is not it at all
DeleteYou need urgent advice? For marriage? Something that will span years and infact, a lifetime, is what you want to make decision on in few days? Be careful! Late 20s and you are in a hurry? You think marriage is wedding? Hmnnn. Take your time oooo.
ReplyDeleteWrite down the following questions, put a check box beside them and answer them sincerely. You can also add other questions that may come up in your mind.
1. Poster are you really ready to marry now? Late 20s isn't late for marriage. Even thirties. My position when it comes to marriage age is better marry right at 40 and enjoy bliss of at least 30-40 years in marriage than rush into it wrongly at 25 or less and cry for 50 years (or divorce for those who can't bear pain for long)..
2. Is he ready to marry now? Or he just feels let him marry you so you can complement him since you are doing better. Does he really love you. Is he responsible and does he show commitment? Does he have wandering eyes?
3. Have you written down what you want in a man? Please do this. It helps you focus and tick boxes anytime a man comes on.
4. Does he tick at least 80% out of 100% of the boxes? This brings about the compatibility issue. Do you enjoy his company? Do you see him as a future father to your children? Is that the kind of man you want to father your children? Can he lead a family spiritually because that is his major role as a head before being the provider.
5. Are you what he wants in a woman? Or is he marrying you because "how I for do?"
6. Are you proud to show him to people abi na background relationship? Is he also proud of being seen with you?
7. What does God say? Have you prayed about it? Do you have inner peace anytime thoughts of him come up?
Please answer these questions sincerely and tick the boxes correctly. Score it and you have your answer.
Financial capacity shouldn't be your major concern. Money is the lubricant of marriage wheels. But the wheels nko? Can it carry your destiny vehicle? What you see today isn't going to be what you see tomorrow (financially). The fact that he's a graduate should suffice. He is even earning a living! What if God takes that shoe making global? You no go cry say "for say I know". Just make sure he has a hustling spirit and pray for him. What if a man tells you, you are not financially up to his taste, how would you feel?
You made mention of spiritual, emotional and all ramifications but you are only bothered about the financial. You neva see woman wey marry rich man wey dey cry everyday? Me I don see oo. Please check all the ramifications very well before you make final decisions
It is not a must that you marry him but make sure you have with the help of the Holy Spirit, run a thorough check and certified that he isn't what you want before you leave him.
Above all, pray, pray and pray again. I wish you the most correct decision in your marital life in Jesus name.
Beautiful writeup...Poster please screenshot this comment and read it everyday...God bless you Jechix
DeleteFollow your intuition.
ReplyDeleteAnyone that tells you money is not important in marriage is lying to you.. don't you guys learn anything from chronicle posted here? Marry him you hear, we'll be here when your 2ñd chronicle loads.. 🚶🚶🚶🚶
ReplyDeleteAs a man I will never marry any liability woman period.
DeleteGo read IHN of yesterday. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteLet him go. You don't deserve him.
ReplyDeleteAnd who are you to determine who deserves who. Local fowl.
DeletePoster why don't you give him some time and see if he is hard working man. You can assist him financially to see his real colour before accept to marry him.
ReplyDeleteMoney is very very important in marriage.
Calm down and know what you want.
ReplyDeleteBeyond making shoes for a living, who is this guy? You made absoluteiy no mention of his character. Do you share the same ideals, principles visions about life etc?
ReplyDeleteHow does he treat other people apart from you? Does he help you be the best you can be?
These are things you consider before you commit to form a family with him. Marriage is serious team work my dear and it takes a whole lot more than money to make it work.