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STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

DAMAGED BY ADDICTIONS

Hello Stella… Good to send this mail to you again. I’ve been an addict to two things for the past few years; one for more than half of my life- porn/masturbation and the internet for the past 8 years. Now, in one of your daily posts “Educative, Entertaining and Inspirational” I learned that a man produces 50 liters of sperm in a life time. I think I have less than three liters left for I have taken matters way too much into my hands.



It all started when I was a teenager, aged 15. My brother would travel to Lagos while I would be left at home. I never grew up with my parents. I could be home for three weeks and the only persons around were our neighbors whose children I used to mingle with. Somehow, I got an adult video from them. “Welcome to the world of addictions” says the devil.



I began to rent adult films. My feeding money would go into it. Pocket money. Sometimes, even if my brother is around, once he goes to work, I would use my feeding money to satisfy my insatiable self.


I never knew ejaculation so; my left-hand deflowered me in one of those episodes. It was one hell of a hot spunky Saturday night. “God of Israel have mercy!”


Whap-whap-whap… everyday. Whoop-whoop-whoop… fookoo-fookoo-fookoo…


Little by little, my conscience left me.

For 7 years, my hand was the go to place. 7 stars general wanktard.



Interestingly, I had the opportunity to sleep with many girls that I turned down. I mean, when I had my official adult s#x, my girlfriend never believed she was the first girl I was officially having s#x with as an adult. She was a virgin.


Now, if I say as an adult, it means I knew about sex as little as a 5 year old. Cousins and aunties. And my bad boy older brother (God bless your soul bro. I love you) initiated me.

Getting s#x from a woman does not stop me from wanking. It does little to stop me. Right after s#x, I am off to the bathroom to wank out the remaining demons left in my loins.


I have produced hundreds of body counts in an attempt to use s#x as an alternative. Hundreds. No official figures.

I am the guy who sees a woman today and would want to get down with her, only to realize that I have “done” her before.

We move.


Mind you, I am not a sexual predator. Naaaa, I don’t see myself as that. At least, no one has said so of me. If you are down, we do it. You are not, and we move. In the long run, you would forget I ever wanted to get down with you. I’m that cool.


But I can’t control my left hand. Lol… I used to think it would grow bigger than my right hand though.


Recently, I wanted to show someone something on the net, and there I was typing xvideos publicly. I quickly closed the browsing app.


In a meeting last week with some very important personalities, instead of opening my browser to show them what it should be, I was opening xvideos.


Then I began to have a rethink.


That is not me.

That is not the sharp intelligent book worm chap that reads like crazy.

I am no longer the workaholic I used to be.

I just want to cum.

I am not the focused man I wanted to be anymore.

Right after that meeting, I left feeling bad.

I mean…

I am married now to someone who is not a s#x craved kind of person. She has no idea. She only thinks I love s#x and a bit freaky. But the reality is that I have mastered and masked these cravings.


For the past few days, she noticed I have not demanded for s#x. She’s suspecting I am seeing someone.

She don’t know nothing.

I am tired of my demons.

I want my life back.

I once confessed this to three of my friends. We all cried. 13 years ago.

Second confession is this chronicle.

Writing this makes me feel better.

I pray I get over this.