STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED ON WHAT TO DO
Dear Stella
I really thank you for the opportunity to share my story and seek advice from your bvs.
This is about my elder sister (actually a cousin) but I prefer to call her my sister.
This cousin of mine thinks of me as her little sister.
She is very kind, sensitive, very beautiful and with the smile of an angel. She greets and smiles with everybody.
During my father's burial, she was the only one by my side. Everything I was supposed to do during the burial was done by both of us, she never left me alone even though she had a 3 months old baby then.
She is the only one in my life right now that would go sick with worry if anything should happen to me.
She is married to a foreigner and shares a son with him. And this is where the trouble starts.
My sister is tired of her marriage, she desperately wants a divorce. She accuses the man of neglecting her needs and her sons' who according to her supposed to be in school already.
Recently, their landlord gave them a quit notice because they have not been paying rent. They asked for my help, I decided to collect loan from my job to cover them for 2 years, as that was the landlord's condition. The husband is paying back in installments.
Now the husband has said if my sister decides to follow through with the divorce he will return to his country. Which means he won't be able to complete the loan repayment (this will simply kill me).
I have pleaded with her to work things out with her husband and she says I'm selfish and cares more about the money than her peace of mind.
I believe her husband is a good man.
He is not abusive towards her, he does not womanize, she says so herself. He works very hard. Just that he doesn't make much to give her as she would like.
We have tried setting up businesses for her but they all crumbled, she is not just motivated to work for her own money.
He pastor "daddy" told her she married a man that doesn't belong to her, that her own husband is still waiting. She has been brainwashed and Her Ex is part of the problem too.
The reason she hasn't left yet is, she doesn't have a house to move into. So, she called a relative who can afford to rent an accommodation for her. She lied to the man that her husband is violent towards her. She has called me to backup her story, so that she can get the money.
Dear Stella and good bvs
I love my sister very much and I want her happiness but I find it difficult to support her in this;
Firstly, her husband doesn't deserve to be accused wrongly. Secondly, is the loan, and I will definitely lose my job and be in debt too.
Please tell me what you think is best I do.
Help her get the life she dreams of or make it impossible for her to get the money so that she will remain in that marriage and they can finish paying back the loan.
PS: she has no way of supporting herself when she moves out.
Dear Stella
I really thank you for the opportunity to share my story and seek advice from your bvs.
This is about my elder sister (actually a cousin) but I prefer to call her my sister.
This cousin of mine thinks of me as her little sister.
She is very kind, sensitive, very beautiful and with the smile of an angel. She greets and smiles with everybody.
During my father's burial, she was the only one by my side. Everything I was supposed to do during the burial was done by both of us, she never left me alone even though she had a 3 months old baby then.
She is the only one in my life right now that would go sick with worry if anything should happen to me.
She is married to a foreigner and shares a son with him. And this is where the trouble starts.
My sister is tired of her marriage, she desperately wants a divorce. She accuses the man of neglecting her needs and her sons' who according to her supposed to be in school already.
Recently, their landlord gave them a quit notice because they have not been paying rent. They asked for my help, I decided to collect loan from my job to cover them for 2 years, as that was the landlord's condition. The husband is paying back in installments.
Now the husband has said if my sister decides to follow through with the divorce he will return to his country. Which means he won't be able to complete the loan repayment (this will simply kill me).
I have pleaded with her to work things out with her husband and she says I'm selfish and cares more about the money than her peace of mind.
I believe her husband is a good man.
He is not abusive towards her, he does not womanize, she says so herself. He works very hard. Just that he doesn't make much to give her as she would like.
We have tried setting up businesses for her but they all crumbled, she is not just motivated to work for her own money.
He pastor "daddy" told her she married a man that doesn't belong to her, that her own husband is still waiting. She has been brainwashed and Her Ex is part of the problem too.
The reason she hasn't left yet is, she doesn't have a house to move into. So, she called a relative who can afford to rent an accommodation for her. She lied to the man that her husband is violent towards her. She has called me to backup her story, so that she can get the money.
Dear Stella and good bvs
I love my sister very much and I want her happiness but I find it difficult to support her in this;
Firstly, her husband doesn't deserve to be accused wrongly. Secondly, is the loan, and I will definitely lose my job and be in debt too.
Please tell me what you think is best I do.
Help her get the life she dreams of or make it impossible for her to get the money so that she will remain in that marriage and they can finish paying back the loan.
PS: she has no way of supporting herself when she moves out.
*Hmmmm na wah!!....why did you go and borrow money to someone you are not even sure will pay back? I dont know what to advice you, your cousin is an adult and can decide for herself if she is tired of her Marriage.......
You may have to forget about your money and mind your business.
Hmmm! I am pretty sure you won't get the complete money back again and tbvh,you have really messed up big time
ReplyDeleteThis is why in some cases you drink water and mind your business.
DeletePoster truth be told,that your sister is wicked!!, because he's not meeting up financially she wanna japa okay oo tomorrow get belle
ReplyDeleteYour so called cousin is a lazy and selfish being who wants to live the bougie life on someone else's pocket, get ready to kiss that your relationship goodbye, its going to get rough between you both from here on.
DeleteIf she still decides to get a divorce and husband wants to move back, tell them to get a new tenant for the house, they should let the landlord know so they can collect a share of the money the new tenant will pay, they hand over the money to you (at this point, note you might not get your complete money back), then you offset the better part of your loan with it. EOD.
They can drag out their marital battles, don't make it your business.
Na so.
ReplyDeleteForget about the money and mind your business or go n beg the landlord for partial return.
Because truly you re begging her to stay because of the loan.
Let her leave the marriage and "test" outside.
Your cuz wanna live the affluent lifestyle, as per lebanese wife but it's not looking like it will be possible so she wants out. Goodluck to her.
ReplyDeleteChai Black berry who told you it's a Lebanese?
DeleteWhat type of person is your cousin? Why does she want to ruin her life for nothing? She thinks it’s easy out there as a single mum? Or she thinks the pastor that has brainwashed her will be there for her when she gets frustrated? Let her stay in her marriage and receive motivation and WORK! They should pay your money. Don’t answer that relative’s call.or tell him you don’t know. Why isn’t she thinking of the trouble she might cause you?
ReplyDeleteWhen you even said foreigner I thought you meant oyigbo expatriate sef. Na wa o
A pastor encouraging a married woman to leave her marriage because he feels the man isn't the right man??? Wonderful!!!
DeletePoster, do not collaborate with her and lie against her husband in order to get money from your relation...
Also, let her explain to you on how they will pay off the loan...
Next time, don't borrow on behalf of someone money you can't pay back.....
Sheey una don see wetin Daddy G.O don cause for this marriage. On Freeze post earlier they were asking him to mind his business.
ReplyDeletePoster my advise for you is to find a way to collect the money you borrowed as loan so as not to lose your job. Also, do not lie. Tell you cousin that you cannot lie that you will rather be left out of the verification process by the relative.
Every time blame pastors, blame pastors, forgetting that the Bible tells us that in the last days there will be many false prophets. People should learn to take accountability for their decisions and stop letting others make those decisions for them.
DeletePls never ever collect loan on someone's behalf. I can never do that shit. I can't even stand as a guarantor sef for someone to collect loan.
ReplyDeleteMy 'cousin' (just like urs) came to me once and said she needed to collect a loan from one foreign app like that but they require someone with foreign documents to stand as guarantor. Told her straight up that I can't do that. I apologised and she thanked me and has not spoken to me since then. Dunno if it's related.
That being said, I see ur cousin and her husband and being utterly mean towards you. What does she mean by you only care about the money??? Shouldn't you care about it since the loan was collected by and u would be the one to suffer the consequences???? If there's no domestic violence involved, can't she endure till the loan has been paid off????
As for the man threatening to leave the country, I want to assume he also stated that he would stop paying the loan. I can't see how such a man can be described as a good man like you have described him. So him paying off his debt is dependent on his wife not leaving him???? Is he not a blackmailer like this??? Can't he travel out but still continue with his payments afterall it's his debt?????
You need to talk to ur cousin to hang in there until he has paid off the loan and if she doesn't agree then she's really wicked sha.
May the sacrifices we make for people not end up turning into “Na who send me message” Amen 🙏
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteI learnt the hard way that no matter the financially difficult situation a close friend/family is in, if i personally don't have the means to help, i won't borrow from anywhere to give them unless we sign legal documents. Turns out i can't vouch for anyone... Poster, seems you're going to learn the hard way too. Kpele.
ReplyDeleteYou can't force your cousin to stay when she wants to leave, you may not fully understand her situation oo.. couple something ehn, we looking from the outside can never fully understand.
Aside from pleading with her husband to keep paying even if your cousin decides to leave, i don't know what you can do. Goodluck and please next time if you want to help but don't have the means to.. don't. If you must then make it legal.
And don't you think you've helped enough? Do not lie for her.
Don’t lie for her pls just open her yansh secretly else alarm go blow for your head was she blind when she married him? She wants to taste Instagram life by the time them lash osho free for outside finish her beauty go turn to soured akamu rubbish person
ReplyDeleteYour cousin is sort of selfish but you don't know,She uses people and discard,She should continue.You too should mind your own business and leave her alone
ReplyDeleteGoing out of your way to borrow to pay rent was wrong. They were not sick. The worst that could have possibly happened was to move to a smaller apartment. Your sister cannot continue to mortgage her happiness because of the money you borrowed. I read about a guy who killed his friend because he doesn't want to pay back the 30k he borrowed hours ago. Life is a learning process. I hope you learn from your mistake. Next time ask yourself, what's the worst that can possibly happen if my sister/ friend doesn't pay his rent. If your answer is not death, take a deep breath and help with the little you have and move more. You didn't tell us how much you borrowed, the percentage that has been paid. Yes, your is insensitive to your plight . It is possible for her to exercise patience so her husband can pay the borrowed money. But despite her insensitivity, she deserves to be happy. It is a complex situation. I just hope whatever is going on will not eventually affect the way both of you love and stand by each other. Her pastor and Ex are not the problemn please, if your sister allows them to manipulate her, she is the problem. All the best.
ReplyDelete1. Go to the police and report (backed with a good lawyer) and make sure the man is not allowed to leave the country until he completes payment of your money. Please be ruthless about this. Drop the softness towards both of them. If it means detaining him, please do so. Let him even borrow and pay you back. Imagine the rubbish!
ReplyDelete2. Don't you ever back your sister in her lies. Tell the total truth. Since she has chosen to foolishly believe a fellow mortal like her, that should be her headache not yours.
3. Did you write an agreement with them? If no, chai! That was wrong. Use the law to get them to sign an agreement.
I am writing all these because your source of livelihood is at stake here. If you can manage joblessness and lack for long, then why not? But if not, babe, do the needful.
I am not saying she should stay in the marriage. She has actually left. Na her body still dey dia. All I'm saying is she must cooperate and pay the debt thereafter she can fly to the moon for all we care.
She helped you in the past does not mean you should throw yourself in the gutter to pay back. She may call you all sorts but my dear, deep down she knows the truth. She's just using emotional blackmail on you based on the fact that she helped you in the past. Abeg shun that one. If you take your stand for the right now, she'd be angry but respect and so would others. You guys will make up later.
Next time don't ever stake your source of income for anything/anyone. Don't ever! Nobody deserves that.
Remember if you lie against an innocent man, it will come back to you in multiple folds.
Take care.
Such a smart advice
DeletePoster, don't support your sister in her evil plans. Tomorrow, if things become better for the man, she'll paint you as the demon so she can get him back.
ReplyDeleteContinue to give her good advice even if she doesn't want to hear. Tell her firmly that you won't support her in lying against the man.
Also, don't let her shame you into ignoring that loan. They must pay back. Shikena!
Poster's cousin is the type that believes a foreigner(white/yellow/olive-skinned) is ticket to the good life. She found out the wealth is not by race.
DeleteHer cousin is LAZY (every business started for her crumbled). She's probably the type that goes after 'oyinbo' as an easy way to live off men. WHY IS SHE NOT WORKING since she couldn't run a business❓
Poster, DO NOT LIE to cover up for her to get money to rent her own place from your relative.
INSIST that she and her husband pay off the debt you incurred for their rent EVEN if she leaves her marriage today.
Plead with their landlord to refund you the balance of the rent and quit them from that house if they are both adamant.
Your cousin could go squat with you if you like having been there for you in the past.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR COUSIN. I did it and eventually got used to her absence. HEAVEN DID NOT FALL!
All I can say for now is that someday, she and her husband will be friends again and U will become the enemy
ReplyDeleteI am not Nigerian, so I cannot say for certain which of the money transfer apps (Venmo, Cash App, Zelle, PayPal etc.) are permitted in NG... but at the last resort, you can get your money through Western Union, or Bank transfers.
ReplyDeleteIf he is a fellow African, there should be less hassle than if he was based in Europe or North America. CalBank, Access Bank, UBA, Zenith, Barclays/ABSA have branches in multiple countries on the continent. Can you not work it out that way?
I noticed you said your cousin is not motivated to work for her own money...in this day and age?? Hmmm!!!
No strength to type. But girl do not back up that story...strive to get your money(you have already made thr mistake of borrowing them money) .
ReplyDeleteJust know the 2 of una sisters go fall out shaa. But yiu can't lose your job/money for them
Wash your hands off her,forget sentiments,she was not brain washed,she is just looking for who to blame for her wicked intentions,.
ReplyDeleteHer eyes are not in her home because she desires more, I hate people who are not responsible for their actions.
Someone who can do this can turn around and Stab you tomorrow,not all relationships are meant to be,some have a life span irrespective of what that person has done for you.
If you don't cut off now,something bigger than money will happens and you will be at the full blown receiving end.
Poster, sometimes people just get tired of their relationship not because their spouse is doing anything wrong. I know a woman who left her marriage, her husband never hit her, wasn't physically abusive or verbal, he didn't drink, he never cheated but to her he was complacent. We all thought she was crazy, like the man is trying just manage but she almost committed suicide so she divorced him and had been happy alone with her children for over 13 years now. We realised urging her to stay when she had emotionally checked out of the marriage was the worst thing, if she had successfully committed suicide we would all blame ourselves, is she didn't succeed in killing herself, she might have killed the man or her children or even the whole family. We just have to accept people don't like what they don't like and even if they seem to be leaving a marriage for no good reason according to us and what we think are the normal reasons to leave a marriage, its entirely upto them.
ReplyDeleteI don’t have any advice for u but in your next life don’t take loan for someone else’s problem, only a fool does that especially when d people involved are not working or don’t look like who will pay back , were u really expecting her to pay when she has zero motivation to work? Are u sensible like this ? U can’t force her to stay with the man if she doesn’t want to, so if he leaves u won’t get your money back, consider this as bad debt gone or whatever and as for helping her to lie, that’s your headache , if u had allowed her to leave the man maybe she won’t need u to lie for her ,either way, this won’t end well and there was a 85% chance U won’t get your money back
ReplyDeleteIf you can let go of the loan and pay it with your money then you should let her be and focus on repaying back the loan but if you cannot repay all the loan yourself then never be a party to her lies.
ReplyDeleteTell her you love her but at this junction you need to let her understand that you took the bold risk with collecting loan cos you love and care about her. She should try and be considerate at this point, if she can pay back the outstanding loan amount then you are off her neck to do whatever makes her happy.
She think her pastor and ex has a better plan for her by telling her to walk away from a man that is working hard to take care of her. Yet she is ungrateful but want to leave the marriage just to go misbehave without thinking of you. Please never be a party to her evil plan cos she is selfish.
Don't be a party to lies
DeleteWhatever you choose to do, do not accuse a man of something he did not do (D.V). Don't do it.
ReplyDeletePoster, in all you do. Please don't lie to cover up for her. She might put you in much bigger trouble if care is not taken.
ReplyDeleteI am confused.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of oyinbo (foreigner) cannot pay his rest here???
Or is he a refugee? Genuinely confused. Dont mean any insult. Meanwhile, dont ever accuse anyone falsely or stand with anyone to do so.
Ask your sister how you will get back your money
ReplyDelete