Thursday IHN

 Guten Tag Leute.......

IN HOUSE MEMO.

How una dey? Those of you who want a continuation of the Salma gist can go ahead ranting to yourselves, i am tired of your ish..... 

Whoever is trying to play games with me, please know that I no dey house,if you force me to dey house, you no go like how i go pull your pant........

Please if you need data, dont mail me, mail my PA,she will keep your details for any data giveaway. OK?

Enjoy the rest of the day please!

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IJEOMA'S GIST CORNER

UNREPENTANT WOMANISER

So there's this handsome dude in our area, guy fine scatter. 

Babes were fighting over him everyday until bobo turn to 'womanizer' without control. 

He was always chasing everything in skirts. He became known both in the area and in the campus as a hard core 'womanizer' with sweet mouth which he uses to get his victims. We were in the area one day when his friends 'carried' him back from school, guy was almost dead, he couldn't talk and was just starring into space (reminds me of my close friend, story for another day). Hmmmmm, that's how everyone gathered and started looking for solution, his family were running helter scatter to help their dear son and brother. 

When he regained consciousness, he narrated how he was 'chasing' one fine babe in school, babe asked him to stop following and disturbing her that he won't like what he'll 'see'. Guy turned deaf ears thinking she was just playing hard to get.

He confessed that the babe warned him seriously but he thought it was the 'normal' women shakara. He said he kept following her and right in his very eyes, the babe DISAPPEARED and that was all he could remember. 

He vowed never to womanize again and turned 'born again' to show appreciation to God for saving him. Potential womanizers, after hearing what happened to Ugo, aborted their missions. We all were happy each time we saw him with his giant Bible, preaching and talking about God.

My good people of SDK, una no go believe am o, e never reach three complete months o, guy don put him Bible for drawer, gone back to his vomit, add plenty speed join......Ha no be this same Ugo wey dem carry like stick enter area be this??????

Its in his DNA..hehehehehehhehehehehhehehehhehe

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FGN SURVIVAL FUNDS



Good day Bv’s, how yalll doing? I know it’s been a bit, but trust me I follow all that’s going on!.....


So onto the matter, Na so I Dey drive go Mushin with my cousins o, that’s how my stupid carpenter (I’m into Furnitures by the way and Stella has advertised for me, and all y’all were like ooooh, aaaaah! Nice designs et al.... Merciiii Stellz )

was frustrating my life, I don call the idiot taya! 

My credit got exhausted and walahi my spending account was already hitting red!

 That’s how I said let me load credit from my bank app, that’s how I saw my balance was looking like woman wey get belle! 

Account don heavy! 

Decided to check to see who sent me Lump sum only for me to see 30k in 3 batches, ah ah! Who remembered me? That’s how I looked well and saw “FGN Survival Fund” huh? How come?


Now the funny thing is, I have never filled any form for anything relating to FG, not even the NPower thingy!

 I was scared o!

 I say if I chop this money I don’t want them to call me one day and say I should come for interview next thing I will see them putting brass bracelets on my wrists!

 Biko I love my life, anyways I sha called people and they said it’s legit!, well so far so good, the balance still Dey my account. Now my people rejoice with me ooooo! I don spend out of am, the one I can replace back sha o! But by this evening if the money still Dey I go fles am finish!! 

Sai Buhari! (Side eyes at Essah)

 Ikwakwakwakwakwakwakwa


Kelvin Dat Edo Boi (Stellz Cousin)

Dem no fit send you go jail becos of 30k wey dem send you nau.... Abeg enjoy am , you need to survive.

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GIST FROM THURSDAY SPONTANEOUS POST


Once you loose your integrity, even you will know that you are no longer there.
I remember my NYSC days with a lot of nostalgia.

I was posted to a TV station in Bauchi. But what I really wanted was a teaching job. So I got myself a teaching job at a secondary school where I taught English and Literature.


I enjoyed myself.

One day the principal told me that the proprietor - a smart Igbo businessman wanted to see me at the other branch of the school. I thought there was trouble.

So I was driven to the other branch of the school by the principal . When I got there I was put in one of the staff rooms and given some English questions to answer.

I thought they had seen some errors in my work and wanted to reconfirm that I could teach English.

The questions were incredibly cheap. So I made an attempt to spend very little time answering them.

The principal was surprised when I told him I was done.

When I was about to leave, he counted some money and handed them to me. It was then that I understood that I had been used as a machinery.

I asked him what the money was for. And he told me that the students were writing an external examination and they want their result to be good. I would be called for more works later.

I was embarrassed.

I returned the money and told him that I regretted answering the questions. I didn't know what they were for.

And added 'But please, don't call me for such next time.'

I didn't know how they were going to interpret that.
Maybe they would say I was proud. Maybe they would asked me to leave their job. I didn't think much about it.

But from my experience later in that school, what I got in return was - a lot of respect.

The proprietor would drive me to the bank and to my lodge in his massive white car. People thought that I was so important 🤣.

He told me one time that he would like to be like me but it was not easy - to him I was a serious born again Christian.

But I didn't think of myself as such. For example, I didn't see any problem with sagging pants or chewing bubble gum or being a little crazy.

I would describe myself as a liberal.
But no matter who you are. Once you compromise your integrity, you are no longer there - you are losing and you are lost.







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LAUGH OUT LOUD

Honestly things are so hard in Nigeria now. Just imagine this morning one guy in my street was begging me to buy his Cat, saying he needed money badly.....well I told him that I don't need a Cat.. infact that I don't even have any rat in my house. He said he will bring Rat  in the evening.

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