It's worth knowing that life is a constant push to do better and be better.
We aim to do better by our children, spouses, loved ones and friends, employees and colleagues, and also be better at our jobs and vocations, be better at leadership positions and be good examples to those who hold us in high esteem.
A lot of us struggle with anger, pride, envy, the inability to genuinely forgive. Some are very opinionated and find it difficult to accept they don't know it all, while others hardly apologize when they are wrong. If they finally succumb and attempt an apology, it ends up sounding unapologetic and they still manipulate the apology to make it appear it's the fault of the other person.
All of these are toxic behaviours and if we are lenient with ourselves despite our many flaws, why do we expect so much from others?
I've had personal experiences with friends who become uneasy and their expression hurt when I relay any good news about me. I still remember when I had my first babies, one of my friends came visiting and she was in attack mode throughout her visit. She accused me of zooming my babies' finger pictures on WhatsApp, when they were thinner in real life. She even went far by saying I was a dirty pig because I didn't take my bath very early in the morning before breastfeeding them. I was taken aback and kept wondering where all the bile was coming from.
This is just a tip of the iceberg and some people even have worse experiences.
I've learned to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume certain unseen factors may have contributed to their meanness and insensitivity.
The world would be a better place if we forgive the shortcomings of others ,same way we want to be forgiven.
I confess I have many flaws and I constantly struggle with anger and pride.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I will continue to work on them.
I have a friend I feel fed up with her friendship. This lady is never happy when you tell her good things about you. Always competing low key and thinking you are not seeing her.
DeleteWorse is that we both got into thirty single. She's older o. We both prayed for husband. I told her I won't let thirties make me marry the wrong man. When she turned 36 last year she bowed to pressure and toasted a man not her spec and married him. Me I am 34. Since after her wedding she has been harrasing my life with marriage talk. Trying to make me feel bad I am still single or maybe settle for just anyone like her. If you see insults hidden under advice daily. I just blocked her and stayed away from her.
@17:01, God bless you more for blocking her. Your kind of man will locate you sooner.
DeleteNice one ma'm, this was the exact thing I was preaching to my sis yesterday as she decided to hold on to the bad someone did to her instead of the good. I preached to her to cut the person some slacks and just see it as the Devil trying to use this individual to bring her down at the moment, but she no gree. I went on to tell her that this person did something bad and at the same time also wants to do something good so instead of looking at the bad why not look at the good she still no gree. I had to ask her if its possible that she has not hurt someone deeply before na there wahala come dey she said I should allow her feel the way she wants to and that I am being hypocritical. Both of us off phone
ReplyDeletePride hates correction
DeleteLeave her alone
Most Nigerians are seriously toxic and even on this blog.It's often times obviously seen..D**te,Ca*s*r and the anonymouses should get in here
ReplyDeleteEloquent u forgot to add their admin for their WhatsApp group..shooter gyal.
Deletei distance any form of Envy, Jelousy or competition. If that mos me toxic, I accept it with my full chest!
ReplyDeleteEnvy and jealous minds are the real village people talking about.
DeleteAbeg distance yourself well well ooo.
Those that doing competition with someone that doesn't care about their existence must be sick and have no self esteem.
Anybody that likes competition should try to compete with Dangote or Alakija,then you go no say you don arrive.
DeleteYea, like I would always say, forgiveness holds the key,it frees us all, humans will always be imperfect
ReplyDeleteI have always believed that not everyone is happy that you doing well or that things are going well for you. Most times I advise people to keep their good news to themselves because not everyone is happy for you and some might go as far to rubbish your good news or find a way to make you cry and suffer in life.
ReplyDeleteAww this is a very lovely piece.
ReplyDeleteThe problem even isn't about having these bad traits, its about learning to control them.
My weakness is I can be controlling...but most times I mean well. People say I act like a mom too much. Im learning to acknowledge that even if people would mk mistakes while under your watch, let them.
Experience still remains the best teacher.
And yeah, alot of Nigerians are toxic. This blog alone en...just shows people are actively online looking for things to get angry at. Well sha, na buhari I blame.
This is true, jealousy is a normal emotion, even God is jealous but some people allow those emotions to fester and grow to envy and bitterness, turning them to haters and probably planning someone’s downfall.
DeleteIf I ever feel a twinge of jealousy towards anybody, I catch myself immediately and remind myself that we are all on different journeys in life and my own time for everything I desire will definitely come. It might even be wise to draw nearer to the person and learn something that will make your journey easier and better.
Ms Dee no lies...We all have flaws which we should consciously work on. We hide the clique of "this is who i am; take me for me". You hardly find kindness around but instead we seek unhealthy validation from people and most times from stranger.
ReplyDeleteLast week I was upset that someone I loved disappointed me I was hurt but I just had to let it slide. I really need to learn how to lessen my expectations from people. Thank you Ms Dee
I agree with Mrs Dee... It beats my Imagination how some folks see being toxic as being sophisticated, up to notch or elegance.
ReplyDeleteMost of us are guilty of this, we even support and encourage it.
Typical examples are the successive BBN, you see people supporting characters that depicts toxicity. I don't want to mention names, we all know them.
Our society is filled with them; from our offices, churches to even our homes.
I understand that the state of our country is bad enough to make anyone noxious but it is not an excuse.
Every day people go through a lot, one sweet word, that cheering smiles, that beautiful 'well done' could go along way to ameliorate their plight. It doesn't take anything to be humble, kind, compassionate, benign, benevolent, charitable, nonthreatening,thoughtful, humane,kindhearted and what have you, instead it will bring back peace, tranquility, happiness and joy back to you.
Toxicity is not a way of life, neither is it the best form of living.
Be at peace with yourself and be at peace with everyone. If anyone makes you feel otherwise please totally avoid them.
We have a lot of Sadist looking for ways drown in their own Misery; avoid them.
Sella...
ReplyDeleteNobody is perfect, but watch those you let in your circle for your sanity sake.
Some people are so toxic. negativity have eaten them so deep that you will doubt if they are truly humans with conscience.
When you have out grown some certain things and build your mind to see positives ,you will find it hard relating with someone that is full of toxic and negativity.
They never believe in good or happy seeing good things happening.
Exactly, controlling who we let in our circle is one of the best ways to avoid toxicity and negative energy.
DeleteI have toxic traits, everyone does..but I don’t let them consume or define me. I refuse to say I’m struggling with them cos emotions are meant to be expressed..just be in control of em.
ReplyDeleteI have this classmate that is an iron bender choi and she doesn't even do it with sense. Over-exaggerated increasing hips reducing waist sotee surrounding poles and walls go follow bend. someone that doesn't even have shape real life. I ignore ignore but no it was becoming too much I had to confront her one day she now started giving me attitude.
ReplyDeleteWhat right does a CLASSMATE, who has no shape and fakes it for the gram, have to give a whole YOU, who ignored and ignored until you just had to CONFRONT her, an attitude?
DeleteWhat right?!
We are often not as self-aware as we think we are. We should take stock, before we label people.
Anon 13:49, from your post, you are the toxic person. Your friend is just posting pictures that make her feel good, living her life while you are so bitter that you had to confront her. I'm happy you confronted her so she can run far away from danger, which is YOU.
DeleteYour friend must be very wicked for forcing you to use your own data to click on her pictures one by one and comment. How dare she take you hostage and force you to follow her on social media against your will. Please report to the authorities ok?
Delete19:56, You're on a cloud nine i tell you. 😂😂😂
DeleteConvince me - are You me?
ReplyDeletecome here 🫂
DeletePeople say everyone is toxic but I still insist that some people don't have any trait of toxicity in them at all. At least I personally know like 4 people who are very normal.
ReplyDeleteI gave up on a lot of people during 2018 BBN when they were all supporting someone that was obviously very toxic.
We all have our flaws, I agree, but some of us are conscious of being less toxic and improving on our emotions and attitudes everytime.
You are such a Gem for that comment
DeleteYou are the toxic one. What is your business with who someone supports in bbn? They chose to see good in the person which your toxic eye didn't see. But no, you wanted the whole world to hate the person.
DeleteThis person you are referencing is actually a very very nice person. But you refused to see it!
Anon 20.00, have a look in the mirror please.
DeleteMrs Dee, while I agree that nobody is perfect, I must say that there are people who are not toxic at all. Their only flaw might be that they are too trusting, naive and have poor judgement of people's true character.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I need clarification on the issue of "cutting people off" which Meghan has been accused of. Funny enough, that's the only accusation I have heard and can see her demonstrate. My question is, should she have remained close to a father who repeatedly betrayed her, sold her out and destroyed her reputation or should she have remained close to her sister, Samantha who was all out to destroy her with horror stories of"evil" Meghan, signs of which we are still waiting to see? Even wrote a book to destroy a sister she was never close to. Is it ok to remain close to people who wish you a shocking degree of evil, laying curses on you? Should Abel have remained close to Cain if he knew his plans to kill him or should Joseph have remained close to his brothers after finding out they planned to kill him (but he was saved by only one brother who felt they shouldn't go that far.) Should a person remain close to evil because it comes from blood relatives? Please tell me, what did Meghan do wrong by cutting off people who destroyed her reputation to the point that she was no longer genuinely welcomed to the royal family and who are now pushing for her marriage to end? She cut off from Piers Morgan, whom she only met once, for 2 hours because he is media and there was a risk of stories leaking through him. You can't associate with Harry and still fraternize with the people that killed his mother...
Which of you would hold on to a beautiful belt that turned out to be a poisonous snake? Please advise.
Anger and reckless speaking should never be confused with being truthful
ReplyDeleteThe first is riddled with toxicity and bitterness
Most of the female business managers in FBN Ltd , PH North BDO branches are dangerously toxic. A few of the males too but the females? Pheew! Most of their RMs (marketing staff) are seriously depressed. These women are mean, make you feel worthless and frustrate you daily. Even the ass lickers ain't spared. This is TRUE. My prayers go up to RMs under these heartless people. I know most of you are still there because you have no or few options. May God deliver you all and may He touch the hearts of these people to be human. The BMs know the bank's targets are almost impossible to meet , making you a vulnerable , defenceless victim of their vicious attacks . I also hear this is the case in most banks in Nigeria. Very very sad.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right @ your first sentence.
ReplyDeleteThe Monday Morning weekly meetings in the office of the BDM are informally known as shredding sessions. Here, the BMs sit in conference style headed by the BDM . Each RM is called in one by one. Performance is reviewed for the week but mehn only the strong ones come out dry eyed. Your family , personality , education and every every is insulted by the BMs as they see fit. They laff at your face and they make you feel less than human. They shred you and leave you more depressed and demoralized. Then they slam more targets for the new week. Meeehn I can go on and on. May God save marketers specifically RMs in banks. The desperation and hopelessness is unimaginable! It's a cry out. Can't the government help these vulnerable people and check the excesses and corporate slavery?
ReplyDelete