Chronicles Of A Married Man - 19

If only married women could hear what their husbands say about them when they hang out with their fellow men. 

Maybe it will help if they have such “insider” information as it would make a world of difference in their marriages. The kind of secrets of about our friends’ marriages we have to keep, that even their wives don’t know.

During hangouts or idle times in waiting rooms, tea shacks and coffee rooms; transit parks, heli-lounge and airports; and the notorious drinking palours or night clubs; lots of information are passed out. It’s an opportunity for men to vent, rant and get lots of stuffs off their chests. Sometimes it could be therapeutic and the kind of advice they give there can be mind-boggling. Some men don’t bother visiting marriage counselors and pastors because they get all sorts of advice about how to run their families over a bottle of beer.


Sometime ago during one sit-out while we were waiting for chopper to take us to a remote location. One nice looking hunk of a man started talking during our conversation. “My wife has been quarreling with me for the past two months. She doesn’t even cook for me. I just get home, drop expense money for her and off I go”, he muttered.

Someone sitting close by said “why won’t the quarrel last for two months when you are giving her ammunition to fight?”. The man looking surprised asked “what do you mean by that?”. “You still feed and take care of her, that’s why she still has power fighting with you na. How can you give money to someone who is quarreling with and can’t even cook for you?”, he responded. I could see the guy’s face lighten up. You can only imagine the dimension the quarrel will take when the guy returns home.

I remember some years ago when I told my friends during a hang then in Warri that I “lick plate”. The way they dragged me that day was not for the faint-hearted. They even called me “woman-wrapper”.  If i was not a strong willed person, they would have damaged my sex life and even my ego. Years later I met two of them and one is now priding himself as “Mr. 40 minutes”, on how he can now give “head” for 40 minutes!


So, another of such parliament held two weeks ago and of course, we talked about family. Mr. X (not his real name) started it all. He wasn’t looking so happy and we had to ask. “Oboy wetin dey do you? if beer and jolly nor fit make you happy. What’s the problem?”

“It’s my wife”, he started. “That woman is nagging the life out of me. Anything I do now is talk. I can’t even have 5 minutes of peace at home again. I may have messed up before, una know the matter na! But I have moved away from that but she won’t. How long will I keep running away from home because of talk?”, 

 I felt sorry for him.



Then the flood gate burst open. “Where do we get these types of women from these days, if this is how difficult marriages were, how were our parents able to marry and happily live with three or more wives? you can imagine my wife telling me we are in a partnership even when I pay fees, rent and do 100% of the home running expenses. Partnership kill you there, I told her; I even told her she is welcome to pack out if she can’t follow the program. She won’t be the first, after all divorce is a common thing now”. That was Baba K ranting. Speaking like a typical Urhobo man.

Our former “manchelor” who just got married last month added his bit, “my wife was telling me she will go back to her parents’ house when I go back offshore pending when I come back. I told her if she tries it, she should not bother coming back. She is married now, make her husband house contain her!”


We continued the banters amidst rounds of alcohol but alas, the best advice for Mr. X on that night was given by the oldest amongst us in age and in marriage; Oloye as we usually call him. 

“Mr. X ooo!”, he began, of course his eyes were already “dirty”. “Give that woman a job and a baby! Her naggings are mainly due to idleness. This is not peculiar to only you and your wife. Your marriage is just three years and you are already crying. You kept a grown-ass woman at home doing nothing and you are giving her money thinking that money will make her happy, no na! It doesn’t work that way”.

He continued “I know babies are from God, but which baby will want to come to a home where there is no happiness? When you can’t even fuck with a happy mind but just because you want a baby. Get her a job, or something to keep her busy, the naggings will stop. And one last thing, stop running away from home, you need to keep talking with her. Nagging nor dey kill person”, he concluded.


Listening to Oloye, all I could do was smile. It reminded me of my wife. Does she even have the energy to be nagging now? She used to be a drama queen. She values her peace now. She will always say now “stress yourself and die, na your loss”

At the end of the day, “meeting” closed and everyone went home to manage their “problems”. We will be fine las las.

Let me that People go into marriages these days with a confrontational and “war” mindset. When I read and hear single ladies and guys talk about marriages especially online, my first thought will be “marry first na…you go know”.

Some of you need to be calming down. There is nothing you will do that has not be done before. Elizabeth Taylor got married eight times to seven men, Steven Seagal has married four women already!

When we tell people to try and make their marriage work, it’s not saying that they should endure unfavourable conditions unnecessarily. It’s just that the cause of most heartaches and quarrels in marriages today are things and issues we can easily ignore and make peace about. Whether you decide to keep your home or not is entirely up to you.

Next week,I will touch on a very Important topic, E go shock una!

Till then, e go be!

Ciao!