NARRATIVE ONE
UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE
Guys, what do you do to someone whom you helped pay her house rent for two years straight later helped secure a job on the island of 6 figures salary.?
She is just a daughter of a church member I had pity on. I recently got married but this person could not give me a wedding gift till now. Be it a pen or a small cup. The matter to me but the thought behind it. On my birthday the same thing. Even the parent did the same. They just came pack all the goodies and left.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
Mind you, the gift is not my problem but it feels good when you feel valued. I don't have money problem either. I am a real estate developer/investor from a wealthy home So I am good and not broke.
I am just tired because this is how it is with most people I have helped. I did it for God but is it wrong to want to feel valued? Now she is coming to tell me about her wedding as the big sister she always calls me. I am also thinking of just going over with no gifts. I had plans to travel but would have cancelled my trip just to grace her wedding but not sure about that now. I just want to start treating people how they treat me.
Is anything wrong with that?
Her parents asked to make use of two of my cars for the wedding but I don't want to help out in anyway. I do not want to feel used. Is it wrong?
I know this feeling so well...You need to gather them together and have a talk with them so that they know how you feel.. Most Nigerians are users and if you dont put them in their place, they will never stop.
Let them know not appreciating you hurt..... Until you do so, dont give them any car to use, they can go and use rental services!
And cut them off if they do not change this behaviour..... CUT THEM OFF!
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NARRATIVE TWO
Did I marry wrong? I'm jobless. His business is just there, nothing coming from it. I've tried getting jobs but most require single ladies.
And cut them off if they do not change this behaviour..... CUT THEM OFF!
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NARRATIVE TWO
REASON FOR SEPARATION NEEDED
Did I marry wrong? I'm jobless. His business is just there, nothing coming from it. I've tried getting jobs but most require single ladies.
I have a kid, no money to take care of her. I'm thinking of separation so I can think straight and pull myself together and try for a job. Is this ground for separation?
*He is broke and you wanna Japa? my dear stay there, it is for better for worse.
Poster 1, I agree with what Stella said here. I don't hide my feelings from people. My friends says I'm too blunt but I don't care, that's who I am. So talk to them but not rudely and move on after that. Because they will definitely keep malice with you. Poster 2, marriage is not boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, that is why we advise you look before you leap. Best of luck
ReplyDeleteSome people are too good at taking and not giving! They will feel because you gave them, you have excess and don't need anything from them.
DeleteThis is what many givers face.
If you are not feeling happy again, stop giving them!
Who knows; maybe they feel they are doing you a favour being in your life and your gifts is what you are using to buy them.
Very ungrateful lots.
Mtschewwwww
Poster 1; your feelings are valid. If that is how you want it. I too can be very generous but if I dare sense ingratitude or entitlement, that's it. I will not burn the bridge but you will not smell my generosity again. Meanwhile, such people are dangerous. They don't see your actions towards them as a blessing. They rather hate you secretly and are jealous of you and would talk behind you.
DeletePoster 2; what your generation has turned marriage to ehn...any little thing, divorce. Anyway mosquito bite, separation. What was your hope when you were marrying him? You thought marriage will turn your husband to Ned Nwoko over night?
We have so many entitled people in this country.poster 1,cut them off already,they think since you have enough then no point for appreciation.
DeleteI won't say most Nigerians are users.
DeleteI will say it's best you speak to her, she can now relay the message to her family, bunche of ungrateful people.
I hate ungrateful people with a passion.
I had a friend who won't get you anything as a birthday gift, I called her out on her BS, and she decided to work on it.
I like a 50/50 friendship not a parasitic one.
Please speak to her.
Poster 1, you try ooooo if na me i don cut them off since what rubbish. Silly parasites, Poster 2 didn't u know him well before u married him ( financially & otherwise) my dear since you can't find a job why don't you start something no matter how small. Marriage is not a bed of roses there are always trying times
ReplyDeletePoster 1,if I were to be you. I won't call anybody to have a talk. They will pretend to change for a while, blow you away with eye service, use your cars for d wedding, collect money join sef and then go back to default setting after they have used your goodness again.
ReplyDeleteIf I am chanced to go for the wedding, I will. If I'm not, I won't cancel my own plans for dem. If u feel u can help with d cars, u are free but let them fuel d cars themselves and return it in good condition ( tell dem to return d cars in good condition o). Start giving people back the energy they give you. You are not wrong ma. Don't inconvenience yourself to please people that won't do same for you.
Poster 1 I share this @Prudent view, talking to them won't change anything, they may only do eye service for a while, character is like a smoke you can't hide it
DeletePoster 1,: I'm sorry about the ingrates you encountered, there are many more out there.
DeleteTalk to her and the parents who raised her with entitled mindset (an apple doesn't fall too far from the tree), yes.
Let them know their actions are inhuman.
But honestly, Many Nigerians are users and too entitled to others resources, why? for what?? . Don't borrow them your car, bcos they may not handle it well.
Poster🤗 2: marriage is for better, stay put there, be more productive and resourceful in finding work to do. Be patient. This too shall pass.
Spot on Prudent.Poster let them fuel the car themselves and sign an agreement that what ever goes wrong with the car they will fix it.
DeleteMaybe I was raised different,but for my helper,Not like I will worship them oh,but I would go miles to appreciate their goodness.I can't stand ungrateful people and users.Keep your money and gifts please for someone more deserving.
Poster 1
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel. In their mind, you lack nothing and no need giving you any gift.
Sit their daughter (the one you helped) down and talk sense into her. Make her understand the need to always show appreciation... It doesn't matter the size of the gift. What matters is the heart giving it...
Poster 2:
Why not come clean in plain words that you want to abandon your marriage because your husband is broke and a side rich nigger is asking you out...
Shey every time I preach about how every lady should have money and something doing before marriage, some lazy jobless Ladies will gather to insult themselves...
See ehn@ poster 2, marriage is for better for worse... So sit your ass back and join force with your husband to grow financially.
Women should have money and something doing, yes but not because they wanna financially support a lazy jobless stupid Male gigolo like you that will spend her money on side hens outside while she works to feed ur broke lazy ass..hope u understand the difference now. I'm glad THe Game na una fellow man wey dey yan the bitter truth for u bich ass men lately. A woman's work is never done so going 50/50 or having a wife that is breadwinner is a big scam and disservice to the woman. She is being cheated while her husband is smiling n licking his lips on how he got so lucky
DeletePoster 1 - Do not tell them anything, if you want to cancel travelling to attend the wedding, ensure you go there as a visitor, no gifts no assistance. For your car, give them a flimsy excuse, treat people the way the treat you.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 - I know that feeling, but my only advice is "Why worry when you can Pray". May GOD come through for you. Amen
Poster one, you have every right to feel bad. The lady and her entire family are USERS and should be treated as one. Yes, you did it for God but God used a human ( you) to make it happen so APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE) is in order...
ReplyDeleteDo not assist her in any way AGAIN and please let her know your reasons for not obliging her anymore. She needs to learn that LITTLE THINGS MATTERS...
Poster 2, there is economic downturn in the country right now. It is affecting everyone. You can't separate from your home cos ur hubby is broke. It's not his fault. It's another thing if he's lazy but since he has something doing, DON'T LEAVE HiM. If you do, you will later regret your action.
ReplyDeleteAbout ur job application, discuss with your hubby if you can take your child to your parents. Then start applying again. Fortune will shine on you guys soon.
Poster 1, if I were you I won't confront them but just take whatever actions I feel is justifiable. People should learn to show appreciation for good deeds, weather the person whom you are doing it to show they want it or not. Poster 2: your reason for wanting to get a separation holds no water at all. Do you genuinely know why you got married in the first place? Please, stay in your marriage and keep trying to get something to do. Flip the tables, what if your husband thought you were ill luck and wanted out cos things has been not too rosy. Do unto others that which if done to you would be great.
ReplyDeletePoster two, just own it with your full chest that you want to abandon your marriage for RUNS.....
ReplyDeleteNONSENSE....
some of you are so stupid....so every time a woman wants to leave it is for runs or another relationship abi? fools. she is just a selfish lady who cannot bear with her husband in hard times. i do not think she even loves the man cos if you love a man your first instinct in this case is not to japa
DeleteAnon 16:12, its you that's stupid and a big fool. State your opinion and leave mine alone.
DeleteJeweluchi, please post my reply ...
Maybe you're stupid to identify one..
DeleteAh users, all they do is keep taking and taking shamelessly. Don't let it bother you because some people don't just know what to do or act, do as stella says, maybe they will learn.
ReplyDeleteAt least he has a business. You? No job, no source of livelihood. He should have married better.
ReplyDeleteAnd the man married her broke ass like that oh.Now things are not so rosy for him she is thinking of separation..Bye bye.Maybe as you leave is when his blessings will come.I pray things pick up for him and he divorce your fair-weather self for a hardworking and industrious lady.By that time don't start sending chronicles to blogs about how you "suffered with him" and now he has made it and left you for another woman oh.
DeleteThere are people that are born ingrates and they irritate the hell out of me. Poster 1, I feel you.
ReplyDeletePoster 1- please talk to them but mind your words because they might think you want to play god in their lives,if i were you, i won't say anything and just distance myself from those ungrateful peeps.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings are valid, that is why people don't help or assist people anymore. A little text,or a bottle of wine would have gone a long way to say thank you.
Please don't be USED again.
Poster 2- instead of you to channel how you feel to God so he can bless your hustle with Favour before men/women you're here talking about separation because of small hard life.
Hustle more and pray then watch how things will turn around, imagine your husband wants to separate from you because you don't have a job and your business isn't doing well.
I just feel you want to have your cake and have and you want to whore around.
Poster 1, I totally understand this feeling. The good person in you will still go for the wedding and give them your car. This is how I’ve recently started dealing with such situations. Cut them off. Don’t discuss anything with them because they really wouldn’t change. Quietly give them distance. You have helped her on her feet so don’t hang stand become their doormat. Give them distance, you can speak your mind o. Just know that people don’t change.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 abeg go on your knees and pray for your husband... you want to separate because his business is just there????
ReplyDeleteMaybe you never loved him..
Poster 1
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to feel neglected and unappreciated after being a blessing to their family.. Don't call them. Let them be. Walk away from them and keep your distance. She should rent a car. You attend the wedding if it's convenient for you.
Please, don't gather them to express your feelings.. Cut them off.
Poster 2.
Are you sure that you are married or living together?
You have not spoken the truth. You want to live your life as you please. If his business booms tomorrow, you will crawl back ọkwa ya🙄.
Poster 2 why not learn a skill? You can start learning how to make snacks from youtube for a start....
ReplyDeletePoster 1 cut off from that family,they are users. All these ppl that the only language they understand is collect but they'll never give even the lilttlest of things.
Those of you that have such stinky attitude on here better learn how to appreciate the ppl in your lives. No one has too much not to be appreciated with gifts every now and then,na stingy ungrateful ppl mantra be that.
Who una yeye 'thank you for mouth' and fake smile epp? Nonsense.
I repeat poster one do not help with ur car I repeat it again hold ur ears do not help...
ReplyDeleteToh I wish she go hear
DeleteI stand for that.
DeletePoster 1, don't give your car.
Truly, start distancing yourself from them. But have a word please with them if possible.
Awww. 15:43,16:42.
DeleteNot to worry. I heard you guys concerning the cars.🤗
Poster 1, please just as Stella said, get her and her family together and have a talk with them. I understand their thinking and they may not be users as you think. They probably feel that as you are very rich there is nothing you cannot get yourself that they have to give you, so you may not appreciate it. Not knowing it is the gesture behind it and not the gift itself. The reason I asked that you get the lady and her family together to speak with them is to let them know the value of appreciation. They probably will learn something from you.
ReplyDeletePoster 2. So it is you want to divorce your husband so you can think straight because you two are struggling. It shows the value you place on marriage. It is very obvious you married for the wrong reasons. When you got married to him and you two decided to have a child did you two talk about your finances? What stops you from pulling yourself together as a married woman? So because the job you are applying for requires single ladies that why you want to divorce your husband. What if the jobs don't want single mothers will you dispose of your daughter? Stop allowing the devil sow evil thoughts in your head. Pray for your family and ask God to bless you.
Poster 2
DeleteYour husband shouldn't have married a broke and jobless person like yourself.
You are entitled and selfish.you are supposed to be helpmate not a leach.
Poster 1
ReplyDeleteA lot of 'givers' don't know what giving really is. You expect the people you helped to appreciate you? My dear, you are not a giver. "Give and it shall be given unto you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over. So shall men give unto you". What part of that scriptures did you see the helped or the given, being appreciated? The 'men' there were not specified! So all these philanthropists that help thousands of people, go back to ask for appreciation from each of the individuals? No, they don't. Matter of fact, most people receive help from people they don't know or ever get to meet and thank.
Please anytime you give, completely forget that you have given. Even if the person doesn't greet you, and comes back again for help, if you have give. YOUR REWARD IS FROM GOD! The more painful your giving is, the heavier your reward. Also give cheerfully. God LOVES cheerful givers. Give them your cars to use. Attend the wedding if you have chance. These are seeds that only God can germinate, nurture and yield fruits for you.
Poster 2
Jeweluchi said it is for better for worse and I concur. Please find something to do and earn money. Give God time and you will grow. Also be a giver so that you can grow faster. Stay in your marriage. Thou goeth nowhere till the Lord comes or death do thee part.
Jesus gave the parable of the lepers, of which, out of 10, only 1 returned to give thanks. And that was the only one who was made whole. So what do you mean, Jechix?
DeleteRETURNING to give thanks has it's place. And it's a virtue.
Poster, please don't put yourself in a position where all you're regarded as by someone is a 'tool'.
Trust me, it's not flaterring when that's all a person regards you as. Show them otherwise, by changing the dynamics of your relationship.
How exactly you do that, is up to you. Cheers.
Poster 2, stick with your husband. Stick with him and come out of that financial hole together. Being a wife is a blessing, not a bondage as youre making it seem. Stay there and ask God for help.
Jechix, ONE LEPER out of TEN LEPERS Jesus healed turned back to seek Jesus Christ out and THANK HIM?
DeleteWHAT WAS JESUS' RESPONSE? He made that one healed leper WHOLE?
GO READ YOUR BIBLE.
"You err because you know not the scriptures or the power of God."
GOD EXPECTS US TO THANK HIM. Why shouldn't we expect GRATITUDE (not worship) from our fellow human beings.
🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️
Jechix, I disagree with your advise for the first poster, a certain man I approached helped me enter the organization I am in now, he is a very strict and rigid person so I know that God just used him (no previous friendship, no strings attached), since he helped me, I saved his birthday date on my phone and make sure I order and send a cake to him every year since then and will keep doing it till I leave this organization. They are ingrates and users and she should distance herself from them, if not, they won't learn.
Delete@ Poster 1, attend the wedding if it works out for you, don't bother if it doesn't, don't give them your car, they should rent or ask another person.
@ Poster 2, be quiet about your marital status when applying for jobs, chances are they won't even ask or care so long as you can do your job effectively, don't leave your marriage because things are hard for now. Threshing separates the wheat from the chaff, same way, hard times separates quality ladies from chewing gum girls.
Jechix, I strongly disagree with you on this. She is a giver, and that doesn't take away the feeling of being used or not appreciated. If you were the one being complained about, will you turn a blind eye to this behaviour and care less. Receivers really still have a long way to go in being genuinely grateful and appreciative to their benefactors.
DeleteEven God Almighty expects us to be thankful to Him. God loves Thanksgiving.
DeleteThank u anon 16.27
Delete16:27 thank you.👌👏👏👏💯✔️
DeleteI sent a similar comment with the same biblical example of the 10 lepers but Stella is yet to publish it.
Jechix, you are not getting it. When I do something for people, I do not expect them to pay me back in return. Most times I do things anonymously because I do not want to receive thanks, praises or excessive respect. However, when I am being celebrated like on my wedding day and birthdays I do expect gifts irrespective of how small it is. It makes you feel valued and loved. You can't give without loving but you can't love without giving no matter how small. It is just the norm on such occasions if you would agree with me that the celebrant be gifted. It is even more upsetting to think this my self-acclaimed baby sister always gets gifts from me on her special days as a matter of fact she reminds me of her gifts .
DeleteIf it weren't for those two occasions I wouldn't have cared or noticed.
Poster, please cut them off emotionally. The reason you feel hurt is because you have attached your emotions to that relationship.
DeleteI am also a giver, not just giver of money but giver of time, infact I can break my arm and give to people but if I recount the experiences I have had with people, you will open your mouth in shock. This is not even about appreciation because I don't want to feel disappointed so I don't expect appreciation in return and the Bible adjures us to never be weary of doing good. Sometimes, the way I am paid back borders on pure evil with the intention to hurt me. I am from a wealthy family too and my parents have experienced this too many times but they never stop giving and they avoid users when spotted.
I have also realized that users think people like you and I are naive, gullible tools and they love to take advantage. You have to take charge of yourself and make decisions that are not detrimental to your mental health. When people start to use you, you firmly halt that behavior and become unavailable to their manipulation.
In this particular situation, you already know what to do but for future purposes, take note.
Anon 16: Whatever. Why do you people talk as if you're talking to morons? Are you you talking from experience or what? Which one is there is chance they may not ask for a (female for that matter) applicant's Marital status?!!!!!!!! Really?!
DeleteJechix....you just saved me from writing plenty epistle....God gives and take.... whatever we have today belongs to God.....giving and wanting praises for it is a wrong mindset....so If God were man,many of us would have been gone by now....though it human for her to want to be appreciated..,that why stella advise is good she should talk to the lady...sometimes they believe their helper don't need this things so they don't give ...but love conquers all....by calling her to talk to her believe me they would change since they now know she appreciates the gesture........never stop giving o.....giving opens doors for you..
DeletePoster 1, you really are a good person. Its good to help people but when you see that they have started taking it for granted, then its okay to call them and have a talk about it. Perhaps, they feel that you have everything and there is nothing they can give you that you cant afford yourself. However this is a faulty way to think.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings are valid, its not just Nigerian that have this mentality, its mostly just users. People that like to take and take and they are everywhere. Its a mentality issue.
You would do well to call them to order. Tell them the way you feel and if you dont want to give out your cars for the wedding, thats okay. You dont have to. It behooves you to take a stand going forward to protect yourself and put a limit or call people to order immediately you see the signs and not let it degenerate to resentment before you call it out. It is your responsibility to make sure you do not let people walk all over you.
Cheers.
Poster 1 doesn't have to call them. They HAVE COMMON SENSE to know that they need held - rent and job for their daughter, borrow poster's two cars for her wedding.
DeleteNot even to go help out in poster's house some weekends.
These people are simply SELFISH.
There was one security man that used to send me just 1 gallon of palm oil every year.He gets it from his State. I so appreciated both gesture and that gift.
Another cleaner got me a bunch of plantain. Very thoughtful.
Much as I could afford these things in bulk, I saw their hearts of gratitude.
Cheers.🤗
DeletePoster 1. CUT THEM OFF.They are irritating, entitled leeches. Not even a cup???????? Tueeeeeehhhh.
ReplyDeleteDear 1st bv, that's people for you oo, use you till you've gat nothin on you again, if you refused to be used, you are called stringy. Its well
ReplyDeleteDear 2nd bv, kindly do whatsoever that would make you happy.
E-hugs 😘😘
I don't agree that Poster 1 should call the family and speak to them. They might turn around and claim you want them to bow down to you and your good becomes bad. I advise you ignore them and move on. Don't feel obligated to do anything for them. Feel free to tell them your cars are unavailable and don't go to their wedding if that's what your heart would be fine with.
ReplyDeleteThis life eh! Just do good and expect your reward from God, else you'll just be disappointed with people.
Poster 2, I'm very sure you must have pressured your husband to settle down with you. Why this sudden long throat? Seems to me the man is doing what he can. You're even jobless. What if he had chosen not to marry you because you're jobless? You didn't say the man is abusive or anything. Just that money isn't coming. What stops you from going to look for a job right now? Why must you separate before you do so? Unless your husband is physically and/or emotionally abusive or REFUSE to take care of the family, I see no reason why any woman should walk out.
poster 1:
ReplyDeleteHope the girl in question did not work her ass off during your wedding and birthday, I’m not saying it is right to not get you a gift during these celebrations but then, her love language may be “acts of service”.
Poster 2:
I feel your pain my sister, you cannot come na go and kill yourself. Lol
You may be right on Postern1's comment, some people pay back with acts of service.
DeleteHuman being can be funny ehn. Asking if the girl worked her ass off just for a day's wedding.So the house rent the poster paid for two years the poster did not work her arse off for it abi? The money fell from mango tree. So to now work and help someone just for a day wedding is a big wahala and something special. If the poster is wealthy as claimed then there is every possibility they might even used the help of awedding planner.
Deleteall what the poster did including helping her to get a job is not only 'giving gifts love language' but also 'an act of service' at the same time. And if the lady took the poster like a big sister then who knows the poster might also be giving her advice and encouragement too which mean word of affirmation is part of it. She want to suck the poster dry all on angles?. Nawaoo
Poster since their love language might be act of service according to the comment up here , please let your love language be the same too and you have already done that when you gave her a job. Learn to match people energy. Stop giving them gifts, money.
No dear. She did nothing. We had the help of professionals for the special event.
DeleteHi poster, i sense that you won't take our advise because you are a loving person. Unfortunately people who love are usually 'selfless' so you probably won't be able to stand-by and not see her have her beautiful wedding etc. So here's my advise (1) you are not Jesus so recognize that and stop trying to help everyone even God can't save everyone.
Delete(2) imagine you went for this wedding and got kidnapped or had an accident or something, would they be there for you. Wisdom is always profitable. Do what u can, if you can dash any amount that won't be a bother then do so. My point is do not always make sacrifices for people lest you become the sacrifice yourself. See nobody's life is tied to yours' not even your kids. Those people will survive with or without you, so never bend your back for someone who would not do same. It's even better to do one off acts of kindness to strangers who would genuinely appreciate and bless you than ingrates. We come alone, we go alone. Be wise
Poster one follow ur heart biko, if u want to travel biko travel and over travel ur feelings and happiness first before others, do as u like na ur money, ur connect ur everything.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, pls I beg u separate so that his business will pick and he will send in Chronicle to stella asking if he should take u back or not.
Poster 2. Trying times comes in a home. Will you always just up and go anytime you are faced with issues. How long do you hope to do this?
ReplyDeleteWill the job magically come once you are seperated?
If you would stay, you and your husband talk about it,plan together, seek God's face together abou what next can be done, joy will come in the morning.
God hasnt forgotten you. He would never leave you nor forsake you.
poster 1 I know exactly how you feel. Talk to them about it, don't expect anything because you might get the usual fake "am sorry"..DO NOT CANCEL YOUR TRIP FOR HER. if you can give them the cars,give them but don't expect them to take care of the cars after use...ungrateful folks are just toxic..
ReplyDeletePoster 2. On this be sure. You do not find the happy and fulfilled life. You make it. God is still in the busines of doing miracles.
ReplyDeleteStay home and Pray till something happens. A way will open up. Of this I am sure.
Poster 1, learn to give people the same energy they give u!
ReplyDeleteGbam! That way, you’ll save yourself from all these unnecessary emotional hurt
DeletePoster 1, Talk to them to let them know that you are hurt by their behaviour, but don't do so hoping they will change!
ReplyDeleteYour write up is the story of my life.
The one person I spoke to, hoping she will see the error of her ways, told me point blank, that I am rich, so she doesn't see what she should be showing appreciation for, since I don't lack. Even a "thank you" card would have sufficed!
Gratitude goes a long way in this world. You don't have to present the person with silver coins on a gold platter, in order to show appreciation. You would be surprised how a "little" will go a long way!
Thank you.
Deleteposter one, please call them and talk to them cos they might not realize how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI have a wealthy aunt whom i never bought anything for, i never also bought anything for her kids cos i felt since they have money they wont have need for anything i buy.this has been going on for years until her daughter put to birth,i was thinking of going to see her knowing that no matter what i buy it wont be as expensive as what they can afford or of the same value but i was made to understand that its the thought that matters and not how expensive the gift is.
Just talk to them
Pls there are certain rules in life,which one of them is never go and see a baby empty handed Biko,even if it is soap #50.Thank God you realized your mistake.
Deleteposter 1, Its good to feel valued. Dont give them the car, ignore them because if you give them the car, they will still return it without a thank you. Bunch of ingrates.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, Is there something you're not telling us? because just because business is not good is not a valid reason to leave the marriage except you having eyes on someone already.
Who say you cant think straight and pull yourself together and try for a job while still married to him. You have not been helping out in anyway and you want to leave, just tell us you found love elsewhere.
Hmmm...most people don't know how to show appreciation, years back one of my uncles friend who helped me get a job they were paying me 30k the jog was for 3 months, I kept calling him severally to say thank you.
ReplyDeleteOne day, I called him so I could buy him drink he said he was no longer in PH, had to send him 3K airtime as I couldn't sit out with him as he enjoys that a lot.
God please send me this kind of helper again and I will forever be grateful.
You needed to say how happy this one was.
Over appreciation can also be annoying. It makes some folks uncomfortable. Too much of anything is not good.Learn to balance things my dear.
DeletePoster 1. When my parents celebrated 50years wedding anniversary, a lady i had bn supporting financially brought her family members to assist. Her mum and sisters worked with the cooks, her brothers helped with logistics and other chores and their dad drove my mum around......we pleaded that they stopped but they refused and were too willing...did you know they swept the while compound and washed the plates with the cooks ...? My folks were so grateful and gifted them a bag of rice, cash and lots of groceries. Noe that's how to be grateful. Poster dem go spoil ya car.
ReplyDeletePoster 2. I feel you, if hubby is hardworking, stay with him till he gets back on his feet but if he is the lazy type, drop him like its hot!
Poster 1, when people show you who they are the first time, believe them. Don't hold out for change. You gave as your heart led you to. Remember that giving should come wholeheartedly. If you feel anyhow about giving, don't do. It will only build regret and bitterness and sour your giving nature. Take care of yourself too. You want to cancel a trip for people u are unhappy with? No try am. You have taught her to fish. Leave her to eat.
DeletePoster 1- I think you should call her aside and let her know how you feel. Maybe she feels you lack nothing and believes you have enough of what she would gift you.While some na aka gum, dem no dey even think that side not until you call their attention. When she doesn't appreciate or apologize to you afterwards then take your decision.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- Do you want to leave him and then search for a job as a single lady? Hope you know what it entails and also ready for its turnout.
Methinks your husband shouldn't have married u seeing u had no job, no skill, no biz...he married down mehnnnnn...times have changed.
ReplyDeleteYou can imagine the nonsense leech woman just like poster 1’s friend. Too many users even in marriage. Na wa
Delete@poster one
ReplyDeleteI love it when I read, "I did it for God..."
Let's see
Luke 6:35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing
again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest:
for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
The key word here is that "he is kind to thankful and unthankful (wicked)"
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Poster 2
ReplyDeleteWhy do Nigerian women do this so often?
Once the man has a financial challenge, you want to jump ship,
to go and marry another person -husband hunting? 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
And the day you will inside the church chanting "for better for worse, in
sickness and in health, till death do us part..." you will be smiling from
ear to ear?
poster 2: you married wrong because you did not marry for love. if you loved your husband your focus now will be how to get a job or start a business to support him. since you mentioned nothing else i will assume your only problem with him is not having enough money. marriage is 2 working together in agreement. focus on your marriage and how to get something doing if not with this mindset of leaving you are vulnerable to another man who will give you money or help you with a job.
ReplyDeleteposter 1: tell them how you feel and watch what happens. do not let people use you. I have met poor people who show gratitude with the little they have. give them space
Poster 1,most people are users.So many ungrateful people around.
ReplyDeleteDon't cancel any trip rara,tell her you can't make it and go on your holidays.dont for once think they don't know what are are doing.
I have been there.I have stopped allowing people to take advantage on me.
Poster one, please go for your trip and tell them you won't be available dear.You have tried for them and with her 6figure salary,she should be able to continue from where you stopped. Don't even bother calling them to tell them anything,there is no need,they have shown you exactly who they are,so anything else will be pretense and will be done with grudges and it's not healthy.Tell them your cars are not in good shape and would need servicing and you can't give them out.Give her a small token as wedding present and travel for your trip please.Dont do anything extra and please do well to cut them off henceforth.Useless leeches! Someone got you a damn Job in this country and you couldn't enter market and buy her a wedding gift? Mtchewwwww!
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, I don't see the need to call a 'family meeting'. They ain't ignorant of what they are doing.
ReplyDeleteJust move on. Apologise that something came up and you won't be around for the wedding.
You can give them a car to use whilst encouraging them to look else well. Don't show any form of animosity. After the wedding cut all ties.They are not worth your time and your good heart.
Poster 1, please DO NOT CALL OR SPEAK TO THEM.
ReplyDeleteDO NOT give out your cars.
DO NOT attend the WEDDING IF YOU CANNOT.
The SELFISH USERS will read in between the lines.
You have TAUGHT THEM HOW TO FISH. LET THEM GO FISHING BY THEMSELVES.
Help the less privileged that are not close to you.
The ones in need around you but learn IDENTIFY and CUT-OFF the leeches amongst them.
GRATITUDE DETERMINES ONE'S ALTITUDE IN LIFE.
Dear Poster 1,
ReplyDeleteGod will continue to bless you for the good you do for people, which they are not appreciative of.
Once you do good because of God, forget the appreciation from the beneficiaries. Move on, and Let God.
Some will come back to thank. Some will not. It happened to Jesus Christ. And like you, he pointed out to his disciples, the ingratitude of the rest who did not return to thank.
So your feeling is justified but as a Christian, please let God continue to bless you for your help.
That is why I will strongly advise you not to call the family at all to talk with or to them. No matter how you choose or coat your words, it will sow bad blood. Don't let them spoil your blessing link to God
If you want to travel, please do. With or without you, the marriage will go on.
Should you give them your cars? Decide yourself. But what do they need two cars from one person for. Maybe give one.
Pardon my ignorance. A six figure salary means the lady earns N100,000(+) per month? With that kind of salary, shouldn't she plan a wedding within her income? Certainly, they can hire a car for the wedding.
Why do they want to appear bigger than they are. And what about the groom? Is he not contributing to the wedding expenses?
Since you are a "big sister" you may call her to counsel her to plan the marriage well by relying on rental cars which could save her troubles of security of your cars, traffic parking worries and stress over carcare during and after the ceremony.
If you decide to travel, simply tell her you would unavoidably be out of town and cannot let go of the cars when you are not around to supervise the use of the cars.
Please don't be offended. May I ask? When people show appreciation for what you do for them do you quickly hush them and brush it off the discussion? Since you are apparently comfortable, words may have gone round that you do good without caring for appreciation. Ironically, the people who spread such good news (praises of you) are the few people who would show appreciation to you regularly, but the "uncultured" like this young woman and her parents will not understand that it is praises being said about your goodness not that they should not show appreciation.
So balance everything above. I pray God help you to decide. But please don't decide out of disappointment or disgust.
You are right, though that's the smallest range. She earns way more than that. I don't want any sort of appreciation but I simply want to feel valued. like you want to know you are loved for who you are and not what others are getting from you. There are a lot of scenarios anyways.
DeleteHer mother sells foodstuffs on Sundays. I wasn't interested in buying anything from her but after saying hello to her, I thought to patronize her for the first time. I bought lots of cookies and candies but after all the calculations we both realised I had to give her an extra 50 naira. But the smallest denomination I had was a thousand naira. I told her I do not have 50 naira with me. Mind you, that was my first time of patronizing her. She told me to check my purse properly. She asked if I would return the candy which was 350 simply because I did not have an extra 50 naira. Well I did and just smiled. It's heartbreaking to be honest. You want to do things for God but at the same time you do not want to be used or feel stupid.
Thanks.
Poster 1 take this anon advice
DeleteOmg poster 1, Heartbreaking is an understatement.
DeleteIf I were you, I wouldn’t say anything to them. They know what they are doing and their attitude stinks. They are the type of people that would never give to people if they were in a position to. Can you imagine asking their benefactor to return stuff because of 50 naira. Shameful!!!
Just begin to withdraw your hand from them and their daughter, find an excuse to not give them the cars because if anything happens, I assure you they won’t fix it. Don’t say much because the next story will be that you’re not happy their daughter is getting married.
18:46 aka poster you sound a bit too mumuish to be honest and it seems you let people walk all over you self. You don’t need these folks in your life!!! What value do they add to your life self that you’re so bent on being friends with them and they’ll continue to take you for granted. Time to toughen up and let them be!! You’re honestly irritating me. Been a Christian doesn’t mean I’m a door mat. Na was for you sha. PS: do not let them use your car!! Make dem pay for rentals and call it a day. In fact you don’t need to be at the wedding. Put you first for once and be happy with your decision.
Delete18:46. With what you just wrote now, I am totally short of words to know you are still exchanging words or having anything to do with this family. you should have added this one to your chronicle na. nawooooo
DeleteThe generous poster, CUT THEM OFF!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI’m not about to sugarcoat or slatter icing sugar on this issue. They’d never change and would talk shit about you regardless. Make you feel like you did wrong or not even doing enough. Pay them dust! If you are slated to travel when the wedding holds, do!
This was what my so called family was doing to me till I cut them off. In fact, one(who would be 40yrs old soon) called me few days after I impromptly sent 150k to tell me I was stingy (during the pandemic/lockdown, asked them to hold unto that as I would send more before the month ended). I asked him to send me evidence of any 5 naira he ever gave to me and I’d credit his account with 1 mil, I even increased it to 2. You guessed right, I’m still waiting.
When I got married, none of them gave me even a broomstick!!
So cut them off!!!
Damn imagine the entitlement!!! Awon Leeches oshi
DeleteMy dear, the story is utterly long and infuriating. If you have a good family, cherish them... I had no choice than to cut them off, they dealt me acidic deck of cards!
DeletePoster 1: No confrontations pls. Nigerians are not wired like that. I know that feeling too well. But what I do is reduce the favours I give people to whatever limit their ingratitude and stupidity doesn't hurt me again.
ReplyDeleteBe prepared though, that they will guilt trip you for this but that's where my satisfaction and amusement lies. Oh come and see the satisfaction i derive in squandering the money I would have given them to to help their lives on frivolities! Let them lament from now till tomorrow, I don't bulge.
Although, the ones I've had the misfortune to be in involved with added outright ingratitude and backbiting to theirs it was easy for me. I don't expect anything from them so that does not even hurt me. But I expect loyalty from them which I never get.
Come and watch their confusion and futile attempt to make things right again. How they sing my eulogies to my face and frantically try to show gratitude for what I call insignificant favors, that cost me nothing, which I now hand down to them. I pretend not to notice their continued gossip and backbiting. Their confusion and desperation to get me back to my old self amuses me immensely. It sounds like lullabies to my ears. There lies my satisfaction babe.
Do I stop being nice to them? NO. I just make sure I only do things that are convenient for me. Things I'll do to a total stranger. Things that their appreciation or not doesn't affect my mood. Sometimes, but rarely, I even still go out of my way to do bigger things and make bigger sacrifices for them but I would have the mindset of not expecting anything from them so it doesn't hurt me.
LESSON:
Stop expecting anything from anybody. Do things from your heart not for any ulterior motives. Not for recognition, not for appreciation, adoration nor gratification nor payback.
That way, you won't bend over backwards to please anybody and then expect to them to turn up for you later. NO.They don't owe you anything. There was no contract or agreement that they must do anything back to you for what you do to them. You did things voluntarily.
Habaaa she’s not confronting them but more of speaking her mind without making it look like a fight. I think she needs to speak her mind and stop all these nonsense ignore button. She’ll feel better and hence when she cut ties with them, they’ll know and everyone go dey their lane.
DeleteDefinition of confrontation
Delete: the act of confronting : the state of being confronted: such as
a: a face-to-face meeting
a confrontation between the suspect and the victim
b: the clashing of forces or ideas : CONFLICT
a violent confrontation between rival gangs
This is an eye opener. Most things we take for granted really matter.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you want to separate with your husband coz prospective employers are looking for single ladies, why not talk to the father of all employers to turn things around for you and your husband. All the single ladies are employed and cashing out abi? Well, you did not even tell us the prospective job description, whether it be vagina related.
ReplyDeleteEvery Christmas I buy gifts for my mil but she’ll never call to speak to me and say thank you or her grand kids me I’ve kukuma xed her love is not by force
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a brain 🧠
Delete...when I was preparing for JAMB, I worked with a woman. I was very young then. It was a gift supermarket and she was a millionaire grandma then.
ReplyDeleteOn her birthday, I wanted to get her something, but what could I possibly afford that she would want and hello, she owns chains of ' gift shops' I was able to get her a landscape art work (she loved things like that), it cost me something though. I also wrote her an appreciation letter (she was a very good person and a great employer). I wrapped it and presented it to her on her birthday. I was shocked on how she was shocked. She told me people hardly give gifts, when they think the other person has plenty. She actually placed my gift on the living room wall.
Many years later after that, this woman would randomly visit me in Uni (she had a lot of other employees, and many more after I left), with goodies (her son was in same school) and always referred to me as her daughter.
Yes we should give and not expect anything in return, but we are humans, we all need to feel appreciated. "It is not people who have that give, it is people who give that give."
It's so refreshing reading your story. God bless you plenty.
DeleteThanks, Superwoman.🤗 I had no idea you would help me bring it here. Love you lorry loads. I will let you know about how it all turned out soonest.
ReplyDeleteYes poster please update us. You sound like a nice person and they’re taking advantage of your niceness. Always put yourself first. “Love your neighbor AS yourself” periodt. Make dem no drain your energy and suck you dry abeg. Cut ties with them completely.
DeleteI am late to this post, so dont know if Stella will post my comment, still here goes: I am still reeling and livid with myself, for being so silly..why do Nigerians feel because you helped them ones, you are to help them again and again...why even go low to lie with your kids to get financial help. At poster, you are not obligated to give a dime for that girl's wedding, it is high time you stop yourself from being used. That entitled mentality and lack of gratitude and the insatiability of some Nigerians stink...cut them off...
ReplyDeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteDO NOT RAISE THIS ISSUE WITH THEM I REPEAT DO NOT DO IT!!!
Actions speak louder than words so start speaking to them with your actions
Shalom
Even in the bible, there is a reason why Jesus Christ asked about the other "nine". There is also a reason why he said do not give children's food to dogs because it will not be valued. Thanksgiving and gratitude is an attitude to treasure...they need to even buy something to come and say thank you
ReplyDeleteMy elder sister was made a magistrate through Nnia Nwodo,the former minister and Ohaneze ndigbo president just because my sister and I attended his late wife's burial with a crate of beer and little token in an envelope.
ReplyDeleteAt ist my sister wouldn't allow us to visit cos she was saying that amongst all the dignitaries that will be there,how will Nnia nwodo recognise us,and that nothing that we offer him that he will value.
I encouraged her to let us just go, when we get to his table, omg he got up and was introducing us to his family and friends around him(note that he was my late Dad's secondary school friend at ICC Enugu).So he was so so happy ehn that we even had it in mind to come for a condolence and he personally ordered his workers to give us seats very close to him ,exactly at his back where he seated with his brother, the former Enugu state Governor.
This made him to promise that he will help one of us in hooking a job and he did.
So all im saying in this my long story is that the rich and mighty appreciates little gifts no matter how little cos they hardly receive one.All they do is give and give to the poor.