What is your take on one spouse reporting the other to the Pastor when their Marriage has some potholes/problems?
Do you think Pastor's intervening in Marriages makes it better or worse? Have you reported your spouse to your Pastor before? Or was your spouse the one that reported you?
I have heard cases of Pastors with broken or troubled marriages intervening in broken or troubled Marriages...
I also heard some Marriages break as soon as the couples change Church ...why?
Would you rather sort things out at home or run to the Pastor?
Do you know any dead Marriage that was revived by a Pastor?
Lets gist.
I think if they had tried to settle it themselves without making headway, then, they can decide to go to the pastor but for this to work, you have to be sure your spouse respects the said pastor. If not, no mater the level of intervention nothing will come off it.
ReplyDeleteI used to attend RCCG in the UK but now I've been attend Catholic for 4 years and I'm so happy.
DeleteRCCG Pastors or church members 😳😳😳😳, your gist go fly and reach every ear.
Never attend Catholic in Nigeria but i am so grateful.
It's best to speak to a counselor, depending on how serious the matter is.
DeleteI don't have any experience on the matter, we always solve whatever issue on our own.
@push up, some pastors double as marriage counselors too. Hope you know evennsome counselors have not tasted marriage as an institution as well
DeleteIf Married At First Sight has taught me anything, it is that pastors suck at mending troubled marriages.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha dat programme needs to be axed. I only know of 2 couples that are still together and going strong.
DeleteI don't think it's about being a pastor. I noticed I have never advised/councelled anyone on marriage or relationship matters from when I was single till now, that has regretted it.
DeleteSame here
DeleteNot all pastor can intervene o, some are not objective and may use your matter to preach 😂 🤣
ReplyDeleteThe only pastor i can discuss my marriage with is late
My pastor is on this table. Once a girl told him she did abortion and she was so remorseful she came for counseling. Baba use am preach on Sunday🤣. I’m laughing now but then e no funny. Youths were livid, many ended up leaving.
DeleteI'm not married yet, but when I eventually do, I will not go to any pastor for intervention. If I can't settle it myself, after praying and doing all I suppose to do, then it is unredeemable, and I rather take a walk
ReplyDeleteI see pastor preach and they start preaching, how this member came to them and that that, it doesn't go down well with me, instead of my problem to be the topic when pastor is preaching, I take a walk. I rather see a counsellor
Personally I don't like it because you don't know what the pastor is going through.
ReplyDeleteSome might use you to even preach,my hubby detests anything third party, same as me.we learn to sort things and move on.
The pastor you are reporting to;is his own marriage trouble free?
ReplyDeleteMajority of the pastor/people you are reporting to will use you to gossip with their own spouse;like "Ahh,so after the whole lovey dovey Mr Atutupoyoyo is having such issue with his wife?"
Pastor might even use your marriage problem as Sunday preaching for more emphasis on troubled marriage..
Adults seat together and talk,get things sorted out and respect themselves..
Where is the friendship in marriage if we can't talk as one?
Don't report me to anyone;I'm not perfect but I no kuku sabi explaining so whatever is said I will accept and we will all be looking at ourselves..
Pastor,parents,friends etc are a third party to me;and nothing crashes any marriage like when a third party comes to mediate because one of the spouse will feel the mediator is siding the other spouse and we are back to square one with more problems..
You can ask for advice in a smart way or via chronicles and Anonymous mode online;but don't report anyone directly;its very embarrassing..
@MARTINS
You said it all 🙌👏👏
DeletePastors that have their own ish...
DeleteTrue Talk
DeleteI believe a spouse should have certain persons they respect and can set their heads straight if they go off course. So if a Pastor is one he/she respects why not?
ReplyDeleteExactly.....it a matter of who your spouse respect....be it babalawo😂
DeleteI don't like the idea of inviting a pastor in a family crisis I prefer going to a marriage counselor to avoid somebody using me to do preaching on sunday
ReplyDeletePastors respect yourselves and stay away from people's marriage. There is nothing wrong if they come to you and you send them away,with a warning never ever to come to you with such issues again.It won't make you less of a pastor. Infact always send them strong warning while preaching not to bring such rubbish to your notice again.This is what I would do if I were a pastor.A word they say is enough for the wise.
DeleteHmm.. Na wa o.
DeleteWell you might if said Pastor passes most of the criteria below :
ReplyDelete-Emphasizes on fruits of the spirit and not gift of the spirit, in words and deeds,hard to know for deeds sha.
-Concerned about the salvation of soul and true worship of God and not tithe and projects.
-Patterns the members after the principle of 'Do unto others as you would like to do be done to you'. That alone is the true attitude for any form of interaction /relationship between human beings.
-It feels right, that is no undue pressure or weird need to accord pastor power i.e prove loyalty as a member, call for attention or give pastor the superior feeling of playing pseudo God... Yes Nigerian Christians can be weird like that or to prove a point.
-Both partners married in the body of Christ, not necessarily church building or assembly of people that identify as Christians... Body of Christ like you fear God, totally separate the role of the Pastor(i.e Pastor is not God's frontman or representative, you are),and realise God is the only third in the union.
-Most importantly, the Pastor's wife attitude towards marriage and overall Marital state of said Pastor, If you can be privy to this and not what is presented in public. It makes no sense to consult a pastor with misogynistic, patriarchal, rigid mindset with a subdued, frustrated, brainwashed wife. If his wife only talks submission and superficial interpretation of the proverbs 31 woman while carrying 'mummy' title like life.... Backtrack and bounce!
-Sort out what common sense can first before running around. Methinks family supercedes pastor on couple issues.
-Finally, reassess you did not Marry a Demon else jejely plot your exit and stop killing time 💖💖💖
I think the place of third party in a marriage is very important provided that both parties respect the said third party. My husband who is a pastor did a lot of things which were not okay by me and this bought a rift in our relationship. He has apologised and truly I have forgiven him even before he apologised but I find it hard to relate with him. Imagine agreeing with me in orayer before pregnancy that God should bless us with a girl, only for me to find out from his jotter that he was actually praying for a boy I just kept my cool and God being God blessed me with two girls. When the doctor said the leading twins was breeched my husband insisted that I must go through natural delivery after talking to him severally and he refused I jejely went to the hospital and booked for it. Now I have my girls and yea he has apologised severally but I told him to invited someone he respect to talk to us so as to save this marriage because I have lost interest in him which he refuses. He doesn't respect anybody that's the reason why I want him to invite a person of his choice. He has refused and things keep getting worst. There are issues that only a man and his wife cannot fix but need a godly third party.
ReplyDeleteSee a marriage counsellor dear, find a good one. May God see you through.
DeleteWhy do you people make a big deal out of everything for Pete's sake. What is the relevance of u agreed to go in prayer for a girl,but u saw ur husband write boy in his private jotter.
DeleteDoes the sex of the child really matter. Besides tell me the man dat doesnt wish for a boy. Just as us ladies wish to have a girl to take after us,so do men wish same thing. But at d end of the day we are just thankful for a healthy baby.
Stop making dis man out to be d devil cos he desired a boy but probably cldnt tell u so as not to put pressure.
The him insisting on natural birth is callous though,dat is the one u shld be worried abt and Thank God u didnt agree with him. But of you need help.
Please be strong. Thank God you are good. God bless your girls. Please find a way in your heart to forgive him. Though l do not know your husband financial capacity but it seems some men insist on their wife birthing through veejey because of finance or fear.
DeleteThink about the good old days. They things that made you say YES to him amongst other suitors. Think of the good things he has done for you. Just think of anything that gives you peace about him and let go of the past. Your marriage is blessed in Jesus Name. Amen
Kai....somethings ain't worth the issue sha, it's only him insisting on natural delivery that is d ish but he apologised naa, you are too uptight abeg, loosen up, inshort both of yo should divorce, ya not compatible mentally, no compromise at all.
DeleteBnR and Blackberry, please don't tell people how to feel especially when hurt. I'm sure the anon is going through a PPD at the moment and reserves the right to feel however she likes, hurt, angry or whatever. Let her heal her own way please. ITK
DeleteI will advise any pastor here to send away any member of his church that comes to him for marriage counselling or to report his or her spouse before they accuse you of breaking up their marriage. Don't think twice,send them away. Even if they come to report that they are chopping beating, send them away.Don't waste your time listening or praying .Every mallam to his kettle.
ReplyDeleteHian!!! 🙄🙄🙄
DeleteYes, it could be his mum or brother, some guys even like taking advice from those they respect. God give me a man that will not be childish when we have issues
ReplyDeleteThe third party.. pastors or counsellor may be biased and ruin the marriage completely.
ReplyDeleteI tell you something, if a couple cant settle their issue amicably, no one can, not even a Pastor. The Pastor will try, but it wont last because the settlement wasn't genuinely from them but from a Pastor and family members. You only need a Pastor when one partner cheats or know very well that he or she offended the other partner. But not when they are both strong head, stubborn and not ready to compromise on little things. No matter what anyone of a Pastor do, they will still have issues in the future.
ReplyDeleteOlomo,I agree with you. Only if they are willing to work on their marriage.
DeleteMy present church taught me a big lesson to be careful about some pastors. I don't know why people go to them to mediate...some of them have very bad marriages.
ReplyDeleteA deacon went on the altar to renew his life to Christ. Before then, the wife was acting strangely so you could imagine the curiousity. He and the wife later went privately to the pastors of the church and confessed that he had been cheating on his wife with an orphan girl they adopted and the wife's sales girl. He got infected with HIV and infected the wife. The wife only found out cos she kept getting sick and went to the hospital to get tested. It didn't take up to 24hrs for the whole church to hear. One of the pastors told the wife who in turn told everyone else. The deacon's wife has stopped coming to church cos of the embarrassment.
A good friend who went for marriage counseling with her husband quietly...I didn't even know until I heard it outside from a total stranger with details of all her issues.
I don't even want to talk about the resident pastor that will use your matter as sermon.
There are good pastors but I'd rather go on my knees to God than meet any pastor and if I had to meet anyone for advice, it would be a close friend or relative that I'm sure went through hell and back to save their marriage.
Start praying about changing your church.
DeleteThis church must be in Abuja.
DeleteThanks for the advice but my prayers are for more important issues. No church is perfect...is your heart for God that matters.
DeleteEverything else is noise.
A pastor is not a marriage counsellor, it's better to tell your marriage issues to a certified marriage counsellor/therapist.
ReplyDeleteI dont believe in reporting to Pastor or even getting outsiders involved.
ReplyDeleteWe both have good parents we are close to and have respect for, dat have experience in life and marriage. What are parents there for if they cant advice you.
Meet someone you both respect and listen to
ReplyDelete