Chronicles Of A Married Man - 18

''How can women give some much of their lives trying to make us happy and build a happy home and yet many of us still find a way to make them sad? Just how…?''

It was 4:30am and my wife was already awake. I was woken up by the noise of her activities around the house. She had to prepare the children for school. She slept a little after 11pm the previous night.

This had been her routine for the last two school terms and looking at her that morning, I was amazed. To imagine that this was my timid wife less than ten years ago was something out of this world. Indeed, motherhood had changed her!

She had gotten the grit that even the more 12years in the oil and gas offshore environment has not given me. She had become a woman of steel. 

She follows this rigorous routine of managing the home 24/7, all year round and still has to manage her career. Some days, she has to take four tablets of paracetamol to douse her raging headaches. Thinking about it that morning gave me a sense of deep guilt and a need to make her happy.

How can women give some much of their lives trying to make us happy and build a happy home and yet many of us still find a way to make them sad? Just how…?


This reminded me about how my mum spent most of her productive life trying to run her restaurant business to take care of the family; that she overworked herself into getting hernia. She still feels the effect of such days of hard labour till this very day. No matter what I do for her, I can’t repay her back.

Later that day while we were talking, I asked her, “don’t you think you need help?”. Her younger brother, who was living with us before now, got a job and had to relocate. Her reply was “nope, when I need help, I will tell you”. I am wondering when that will be. However, I am already making arrangements. I want to make things easier for her.

This leads me to the question I want to ask today. How much can a woman really give for your marriage? Just how much? Even in the midst of the cheating scandals, broken homes and other social vices rampant these days about marriage. We still have women giving their 101% just to make sure that their marriages and even children turn out fine.



So, this week, one of the trending topics was about Derrick Jaxn’s cheating scandal. The YouTube celebrity counselor has been collecting extra “Kondo” outside. Of course, that sparked an avalanche of media rage…and the gender war continued. Baba ownED up to his mess with full chest and thank God his wife stood by him. God nor go shame us!


I have seen women who had nervous breakdown, PTSD, physical and mental abuse, failed health, damaged self-esteem, lost career and some even lost their lives just to see that their marriages work out. Yet we still ask them for more. Seeing my once beautiful wife looking not so “sharp” like she used to be, and having to make her suspend and pause her career during the spells of pregnancy and childbirth; are testament of how much she has given.

So, what can we as men give in return? I would say, a large dose of love and happiness is a good starting point. Beyond providing for her and “giving” to her as it is, doing those things that make her happy should be our everyday priority.

If you are asking, “what about the man, what about his sacrifices, doesn’t he deserve such too?”. Because for una now, everything na gender war these days!

(let’s take it easy on the gender war. We can all make our points without having to insult each other. Opinions are free, and every one is entitled to one):

 My reply will as always be, “love begets love” if you treat her right, she will pay back in kind. Even dogs as animals will treat you right when you care for them, how much more a human being.

I believe we as men, can do better. Even in this age and time where the need for more woman empowerment is being championed; supporting our wives and making their lives more comfortable and better should be the least we can do. Although we have some devil’s apprentice amongst them. That’s a story for another day. For today, lets celebrate them and shine the light on their many sacrifices and the nonsenses they have to put up with just to build a happy home.

Nuff said…


Lastly, 'fellowship' eventually held last week as the last time was in December. All men had travelled to go hustle and we haven’t been meeting. You can imagine what happens in the multitude of alcohols and many “chopables”. Story must dey. So, next week we will be talking about Mr. X and his nagging wife.

  

Ciao!