Chronicles Of A Married Man - 17

I was on a work trip with my boss and we got talking “My wife built a house, I am just finding out now, one year after”, he said feeling very sad.

Yea, it happens. 

Woman do that these days. This is not the first case I have seen. One even happened some years ago when the wife built a house without the husband’s knowledge while they were still living in a rented apartment. 

On completion of the house, the wife finally told the husband, asking him that they should park to the house she has built. All hell broke loose. The husband refused and it almost broke the marriage.


The worst I saw was when the husband was paying rents unknowingly on the house the wife built before they got married. There was a year it was so bad that the husband had to borrow money to pay the rent after so much stress. You can imagine the shock when the husband discovered he has been paying rent to his wife!

I want to talk about “my money is my money and your money is our money” mindset that a lot of woman bring to marriage. Is it right or wrong? I would say it depends, considering the part of the world we live right now. I have always made references to our Nigerian condition when writing.

In Nigeria, we all grew up with the mentality that it’s the duty of the man to cater for the family. He works and earns to settle family issues and bills. If the woman is working, it becomes a plus for the man. Especially if she is willing to support the man. Because of this mindset, wives will naturally want to hold on to their monies and expect that the man will take care of everything. Though many women are doing better these days.

Add to that is the condition of certain marriages today. Many women, when they no longer feel secured in the marriage will want to get some form of “backup” just in case things go south.

 In the case of my boss, the wife started building the house when she found out that he has a “sidepiece” and she felt she needed to secure her own future. But in her case, she was wrong, my boss was going nowhere and she is already his next of kin.

Early in my marriage, we gave each other the liberty to do whatever we want with our monies after settling our collective needs. One of the funny questions I normally ask my wife whenever she says she has finished her money is “you don buy land, abi you dey build house?”. The point is that, she is free to do whatever she wants with her money even up to building a house; but actually, building a house or doing a major project without telling me will be very wrong. I am never going to accept that. Also, whenever I am in a financial mess and I need her help, I expect her to help.

I’m not against women building houses, doing projects or achieving their life goals. All we want is, just carry us along. Afterall it’s your money. A smart husband will always allow his wife have her way with her own money. But informing him and letting him know, is the least you can do for him. So why all the secrecy?

We men need all the support we can get from our wives. Having a wife that gives such support is nothing short of glorious. I have seen colleagues of mine who spend up to six months offshore because they want to meet up, while their wives are in town doing nothing to support but just spending the monies they are making. So, if I see the ones that are smart enough to even think of building a house or other project with such money; I see that as a smart move.

Finally, we are in the age and time were women now make their own money from the work of their hands. Woman are pushing boundaries now and even fighting neck-and-neck with men in certain professions that used to be exclusively for men before now. So, one piece of advice to men marrying such women is: sit down with her, plan and agree on how you want to manage your finances.

I did some professional exams this week. Failed two out of four. The cost of doing the retest alone is driving me crazy. It further reinforced the fact that managing a family, working and building your professional career through further studies nor easy. For woman who have been able to juggle between family and career, and to have strength to develop themselves. You are the real MVP's.

I saw the way Pa Pete Edochie was dragged throughout this week on the media space. I wish I could comment. But the fact now remains that there is a thin fine line between airing your opinions and being called a narcissist these days. You don’t want to be caught in the crossfire. Maybe someday, I will share my thought on that issue.

Till next week…



Ciao!

*Abeggy, some men are destiny Killers and once they find out what the wife is doing they will make sure they kill the project..

Any woman who is married to a destiny killer has learnt to be secretive... Rant on all you want!