Chronicles Of A Married Man - 15

My sister called me that she wanted to quit her marriage.

 I told her, “You have to fight for your marriage!”. She responded “Fight for what exactly? What kind of fight for a marriage that no longer gives me peace of mind and happiness?”

Over the years I have had this conversation with her a couple of times. At some point she even packed out of the house to rent her own house with the children.

 The husband eventually came with his family to beg. After all, said and done, she went back to the marriage. For her, it has always been a struggle instead of a marriage. The guy has not had a stable job over the 10-year course of their marriage, he has been mostly jobless and, in some cases, lazy I would dare to say.

Being a working woman, she had practically taken care of running the house, paying rents for both the house and her shop, settling the children’s school fees and feeding the home. 

Whenever she calls me complaining, I always told her to manage and endure, that all would be well. In other to encourage her, I took care of the school fees and supporting with rents sometimes. It’s not been easy for her and I do feel her pains.

Should I then encourage her to quit the marriage? The answer is a capital NO.

The subject of my discussion today is this....... 

At what point should one quit an unhappy marriage? Why do we always advise the woman to fight for her marriage, what about the man? Should one continue in an unhealthy marriage just because one wants to bear the title “Mrs” and because of the children or because of what society will say?

To begin with, being single or married or divorced does not guarantee happiness. Happiness is a choice. So, if you approach marriage with this mindset that your happiness is solely dependent on you, you would have solved half of the problems in marriages. 

For example, if your husband decides to cheat on you. Sure, you will feel betrayed, disappointed and heartbroken but how you decide to move ahead with your emotions is solely up to you. You can decide to build a monument of sadness and grief around it or you can move on…weather you decide to remain in the marriage or not.


Secondly, most times, people always fail to see the big picture of things (I have said this before). Like the case of my sister’s husband, the guy is a lovely soul of a human being. He is sure lazy, laid back and unmotivated but the few times he has had jobs, he brings the money back home for the wife and just takes a little for his transport. He sits in my sister’s pharmacy shop to help, support in domestic chores and even run errands for her. She has never mentioned him cheating or being disrespectful to her or even laying a finger on her. 

Moreover, at her age and with four children, what are her chances out there.

 Having a husband for me is a plus for her and I won’t encourage a broken home. So, before we condemn him, why not weigh the good and bad of him.

Some of the situations or conditions causing issues in marriages today are time-based or even temporary; a jobless man today can get employment tomorrow; a wayward man today can change. We have even seen cases of serial cheats becoming faithful husbands later. So, before giving up on the marriage why not carefully and prayerfully consider everything and also give the issue some time.

 Also, some of these so-called issues are things that we can overlook or possibly manage if we decide to.

One of my bosses some years back in Port Harcourt used to be a very randy man. He was the classic case of what we call the “community dick”. His wife was even TTC and was practically fighting all the woman and getting frustrated. She eventually had a child after over eight years. Today, the man is the bishop of one of the popular churches in Port Harcourt. They have an enviable marriage today but it came with years of heartbreak and tears.

Am I advising you to remain in an abusive marriage or in a “situationship” with a serial cheat and an unserious husband? My answer will be “it’s up to you”, not if it will cost you your life and sanity. 

Some of us are not cut out for unnecessary dramas, side-chick wahala and the rigors of having an unstable marriage. In that case, I would say quit.


One of the reasons why our parents stayed longer in marriages is that they saw beyond themselves. Especially our mothers, they endured very uncomfortable marriages because they wanted their children to turn out fine. I wonder the kind of sacrifices we these days, are willing to make for our children and the society.

I have had cause to talk with divorced women, I even dated one in my past life and one question I always ask them when we have such opportunities to talk is; “is there anything you could have done to save your marriage” The answer is always “yes”. So, if the marriage is worth fighting for, why not give it a good fight.

 You never know how things might turn out in five or ten years from now.

Inasmuch as we all want that happily ever after fairy-tale marriage, the reality is way different. 

Trust me, my marriage is very far from perfect. But I always tell myself that it can be better if I put up a good fight at making it better…so we manage what we have.


In other news, I was gisting with my wife the other day and I asked her, “can you die for me?”. She replied “die for who?, for what na! I can’t die for you. After I don die for you, you will then come to my burial with the “side-piece” all in the name of she is consoling you. My dear, nobody is dying for anybody ooo”

I’m still thinking about her response. I’m in “siveeere pains”


Ciao!

*LOL.... why didnt she ask you same question?. This your writeup is what they call sitting on the fence. Neither here nor there cos your hands no clean.lol