Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
Good day Stella. God bless you again and again for all you do for us. God bless SDK blog unique family.
Wonderful people of SDK kindly advice me on this issue.
My younger sister was dating her school mate in secondary school while in SS1.
My father got to know about this affair, Dad beat her seriously, went and warned the parents of the boy to leave her alone. They did not stop the affair.
My dad sent her out of our house and vowed not to pay her school fees again. I was doing my youth service then. My mum told me about it. I invited my sister to my base. Enrolled her in another school to complete her secondary school. God was faithful. I got a job immediately after youth service and l took full responsibility of her needs.
She wrote WAEC twice before she made her papers. She tried Jamb twice and could not get admission into a university. She told me one day that she is tired of writing jamb and wish to try polytechnic which she did and gained admission.
I got married and was still her bread winner. I went to her school one day with my husband. We met her absence. Her roommate told us she went to visit her elder sister. I am the only elder sister she has and definitely she is not in my place. I felt so ashamed because l was with hubby.
I got married and was still her bread winner. I went to her school one day with my husband. We met her absence. Her roommate told us she went to visit her elder sister. I am the only elder sister she has and definitely she is not in my place. I felt so ashamed because l was with hubby.
I called her severally times but she did not pick. It was later l heard that the said secondary school boy friend came to look for her in school and they lodged in a hotel for 5days.
She got pregnant. Stopped schooling and went to stay with the boy in the village. The boy married her officially after she gave birth. Within 7 years she has 5 children. Her last baby is 3months.
This said boy is doing nothing serious to earn a living. They are living from hand to month. I try to support them as little as l can. Helped her open a small shop.
She got pregnant. Stopped schooling and went to stay with the boy in the village. The boy married her officially after she gave birth. Within 7 years she has 5 children. Her last baby is 3months.
This said boy is doing nothing serious to earn a living. They are living from hand to month. I try to support them as little as l can. Helped her open a small shop.
I lost my marriage due to TTC three years ago. I lost my job last year due to covid 19. I don't have much to give again and her husband has resulted to domestic violence. I heard he nearly killed her during her last pregnancy. He collected the shop key since last year. Warned her not to enter the shop again. My sister is a full time house wife now with 5 little children to feed. the oldest is 7years.
I heard he beat her almost to coma recently. I am seriously angry and confused.
I heard he beat her almost to coma recently. I am seriously angry and confused.
My parents are angry and insist she come back. We are just 3 female. No male. I can't ask her to come stay with me because l cannot take care of her and the 5 children. Not without a job If l invite her to my place, the children are too young to be left alone while she seek for a source of income. I can't ask her to go stay with my parents because she and my parents cannot take care of the children. My 3rd sister is not married yet and also not financially stable.
I am honestly confused. My beloved BVs. What should we do.
God bless SDK. God Bless SDK BVs
*You have asked and answered all the questions so what do you want us to say?The first thing you should do is to ensure she leaves the abusive environment before any other worries...If he kills her, you people might still end up being stuck with the kids you say you cannot cater for...
Take her in to stay with you first and all other things will fall into place.
Her story is really sad and i am sure she has learnt her lesson.
Wish your family all the best in tackling this situation.
If only young ladies will heed to the pieces of advice constantly dished out by concerned loved ones and parents. If only... Now she's the one suffering and everyone's hand is kinda tied.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to advise.
When these young ladies don't listen everyone in the family suffers the burden. Everyone. I kinda think some selfishness is involved. Like u know ur family won't be able to leave you helpless so u just live life anyhow
DeleteHer parents are also responsible for not raising her well. How can a father physically abuse his own daughter because she has a boyfriend at 15/16 or any age for that matter?!! Now another man has continued the abuse. How unloving and poor are the parents that they can't care for their child and grand child who are in a bad situation? They failed their daughter.
DeleteMajority of Nigerian parents from 60 years and over do not know what love is.
The father reacted without wisdom and love.
DeleteRead the chronicle again,please.Take a deep breath,then comment. Cheers.
DeletePoster, I know this my advice will be hard for you but I will advise you to allow her carry her cross.
ReplyDeleteHonestly! I agree with Chike.
DeleteWho she wan carry her makosa go spoil her blues? Let her be a breathing, walking, living example to ladies who want to marry a man that has no balanced means of income, ladies who want to marry without their own balanced means of income, ladies who things love is enough and ladies birth babies with the philosophy that God and relatives will care for them.
Choi, this is so disheartening, I really feel for her
ReplyDeleteI wish your sister good luck.
ReplyDeleteHe who fetches ant infested wood has invited lizard.
Mama & Papa talk, she no hear, you talk and sacrificed, she said 'mba', you think she will leave?
That guy's sex game has messed up her life. Only Jesus will fix her.
She even ran away from school...
They should have beaten craze out of her. Or enrolled her in day school where they can monitor her. This one is a self destructive chick it's cus she knows she will have help at the end of the day. Some women allow love of dick to destroy their lives and that of their children
DeleteWhy must it always be because of sex. Can't you people think about other things but sex. If you based your relationship just on sex then you have a big problem. Do you realize that some people when they fall in love they fall in love hard? I think this is what happened to her sister. She had so many children either because she didn't have access to contraceptives or because she thought that having babies by him would keep him. Cleanse your mind. Even the bible says we should think godly thoughts. Poster follow Stella's advice. You guys should join and take her and her kids away from that environment before he kills her and bring together the little you have to sustain her until you all get back on your feet. Don't allow her to be lazy though. I pray you find a better job poster but you have to take her in or your parents have to because if she dies are you guys not the same ones who will have to cater for the 5 children? Or are ya'll going to abandon them with that deadbeat and violent father of theirs? Be your sister's keeper. She might have made many mistakes but you guys should surround her with love and be her pillar so that she can get back on her feet again. I'm very sure she is very traumatized so when ya'll can afford it I'll advice you guys to let her see a psychologist. All the best🙏💕
DeleteSome can stay with u, some can stay with your parents, let her stop popping kids. They sent her to schools, she say na preek sweet pass. Love indeed.
ReplyDeleteSo sad, so so sad. Silly girl.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the kind of thought young ladies who hold so tight to a useless boy or man have going in their heads. It anoys the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteIt shows in this life there are so many kind of human beings whose reasoning are entirely opposite and rioting that is why we have different issues in this life.
Wahala too plenty for this life,it hurts badly. I can imagine how helpless you and your family feel at the moment.
But my advice is this(that is if she won't run back to that useless man, because this chronicle sounds a little like that one who said a man used jazz on her sister and no matter what they did she still returned to her useless diabolic husband), your family should rally round and take her and her children to your family house, because if I'm in your shoes I won't take her to my own house. Let her return to your parents house ,there she can go out and look for work to do so she can at least feed herself & her kids. Because with this kinda situation it's only a miracle that these children will go to school.
you are very judgmental. if you are her why will you not take her to your home? so your sister makes a mistake and she suffers for life? do you know if her actions are because she does not feel loved at home? a father that can drive a child out and refuse to pay fees?
DeleteHow is she judgemental? Small thing you people will scream judgemental because god forbid you deal with the consequences of your actions. You want to eat your cake and have it.
DeleteNawa o! I think it be nice she leaves such a toxic environment for starters and either to come to stay with you or your parents
ReplyDeleteSigh!
ReplyDeleteGod help you all.
What do you mean she can’t take care of the children with the help of your parents? Physical help or financial?
ReplyDeleteBecause, judging by what you wrote about her husband, he doesn’t sound like the type to help with day to day child care. Your sister is probably doing a lot on her own already.
Sad.
ReplyDeleteI think it's better she stay with her parents, let this violent man not carry his violence to the sister oh
ReplyDeleteI blame the useless father for how this young lady turned out. Immature and irresponsible men should never have children. What an idiot. How do you push a little girl out of your home because of relationship issues. Your father must look for ways to accommodate, feed and educate that young lady and her kids. He allowed his anger to overwhelm him, now he must pay his mistakes. If you are a parent please learn to control your emotions. Be that parent your kids can comfortably relate with and trust. And please know that anger is destructive, it can never yield positive results
DeleteYou are a very silly, Stupid human being for calling her father useless...So he for kiss the wayward daughter na abi...Beds of a feather whos's suffering now?
DeleteI'll be a bit hard. You guys can do the following things I suggest:
ReplyDelete1. Forget about schooling for those children. Don't kill yourselves. They can do that later in life. She can homeschool them with the little knowledge she has. Life happens.
2. Let your sister strictly focus on feeding and accommodation which should not be more than one room, but in an environment where there is no negative influence.
3.Take the said husband to welfare. Fight it hard. He has to play his role as their father. Use all in your power to force him to do so.
4. Take the issue to his people. Make serious commotion in his place. That is in conjunction with instructions from welfare.
5. Let your sister save like her life depends on it so she can use the monies to grow. Let her start a business that all her children will be involved. E.g. selling of cooked food, sweeping the streets, etc. It will keep them busy.
6. Finally, she should ask God for forgiveness for misbehaving and invite Christ into this journey because, trust me, its not going to be initially easy.Go close to God because He alone holds the key to her future.
God bless you.
In addition, I feel she shouldn't go to stay with your parents. She has to learn how hard life is. Remember, it was the pampering you gave her that egged her onto more foolishness. Let her source for income no matter how small and start something.
DeleteGod will help her. He loves her.
The children can be enrolled in a government school.
DeleteYou've captured what I had in mind to type especially if their parent aren't the stay at home type then how are they suppose to look after the children, only if the children were not more than two but five
DeleteYour sister has really put you through the wringer and I'm worried you don't have the capacity to curtail her so I suggest she goes back to your parents while you continue to help out as much as you can.
ReplyDeleteStaying with the parents will enforce more discipline and your Mom is also in a better position to help her carter for her young kids plus your other sister is there to help out too. Y'all can rally and help her start something small very close to home as she needs to start fending for herself and kids. Your sis and her young kids can come stay at your place from time to time.
I hope things get better for you and your family, you will find love again and have your miracle babies. ❤
I am actually worried for you. The only person responsible for helping now and that's if they want her your parents and her husband's family. She's not yet responsibility. Continue to support with what you can and focus in yourself too. I don't pity your sister rara.
ReplyDeleteYou love your sister I see but nne sometimes you let people carry their cross so they can be wiser. The only immediate support you can do is help her with accomodation close to your parents.
Are you stylishly begging for help from bvs? This one that you are saying she cannot stay with your parents.
ReplyDeleteHow much was her husband contributing before? You said he doesn't have any tangible job, so your sister was contributing the bulk of the upkeep. Let her go to your parents, the kids will stay with your parents while she finds something doing to feed them.
Let the girl be allowed to carry her cross. The level of regret in her life now is out of this world. The so called good time she had has gone out of her body. I can say she should be left alone. She knew more than everyone. Smarter than every one. Wiser than every one. Wanted to enjoy life more than everyone. Wanted to birth children more than everyone.
ReplyDeleteThese young people do not know some folks can give one arm to have their youth back but they that are youths, you tell them to take life easy, they won't hear.
Tell your sister, welcome to reality, to the real world.
Let her return to your parents house
ReplyDeletesad but I also blame your parents for how they handled things...you do not treat a child the way your father did her and expect them not to run into the arms of the nearest male who professes fake love. a child who has made a mistake and you want them to place value on themselves you now send her out and say you wont pay her fees? your sister has deep issues she is fighting. she does not see herself as worthy of anything better than what she got. you send your daughter out of the house who do you think she will go back to? the mistake has been made and bashing her more will not solve anything...encourage her so she can build herself esteem and know that she is better than that marriage. let her see her self as able to bounce back and fight for her future and her kids. they have no option but to go stay with your parents. if you say your parents cant look after the kids is it just the money or what else? this life is hustle my dear, you will be surprised they will look for ways to manage.. if you people create a vacum she will go back to that beast of a man and God forbid he kills her.. she needs plenty encouragement now to build her self esteem and know she needs to fight. I pray things get better for you all. I feel bad when i hear of women or girls with no self worth
ReplyDeleteLeave your sister for now, and sort yourself out. You can force a horse to the river, but you cannot force it to drink! Cant waste my precious time and resources on such daftness
ReplyDeleteIs her sister even ready to leave? They will get her out, set her up and she will invite the man back into her life with open arms and the cycle will continue. Her sister needs to make her own decisions. She couldn't even continue the business that was set up for her because her husband said no. Annoying
DeleteYou just wrote my exact thoughts 17:54, make her comfortable, next she will open her legs extra wide for the horseband and continue popping out children.
DeleteAnd if the poster (her sister) should tell her to get Birth control, she will surely take her to the cleaners by reminding her of her TTCING.
Please just focus on your life poster for now.
God will soon bless you with a wonderful marriage with children surrounding your table, Amen.
*Expectional Mom, Legal Chic*
It is well with you poster. I suggest you find a way to get your sister and her kids out of that Man's house first before you decide on what next to do. Her life is more important right now. Sorry about your job and marriage, May God give you the best (job and husband).
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad. I am really sorry you are going through all this. You are a good sister.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know what advice to give you but I just pray someday soonest, YOU WILL TESTIFY. God will give you a new song. And bless you beyond your widest imagination.
May he visit you soon
Poster don't take her in. Let her stay with your parents. Please look for another job and still give love and marriage another shot, hopefully it works this time around.
ReplyDeleteYou MUST allow your sister to go through the consequences of her actions. You cannot continue to block the consequences, how else will she learn from her mistakes. Sounds like she knows that you will always be there to fall back on hence, she has bluntly refused to have sense.
ReplyDeleteIf you’re not careful, you will train those five kids in the name of ‘my sisters kids are mine’ while neglecting to find your own way around having your own kids.
I’m sure since secondary school, you and you parents have been giving advice, it’s time to sit back and let life teach her
Thank you. An adult who is being beaten to unconsciousness should know how to save herself. Life is per head and right now you don't even have the means to help her. If she suffers for a while without help, she will learn to pick herself up. Give her verbal advice but let her do the work. She should take responsibility for her choices
DeleteGbam!!!
Delete*Expectional Mom, Legal Chic*
puppy love,now see where it landed her
ReplyDeleteAs parents, we must not leave our children because they make grave errors. This is all I am taking away from this chronicle.
ReplyDeleteThe lady asking how to be close to her girls earlier in the week, ensure you are their friend from now on. Listen, listen & listen to them, chastise in love and not in anger. They will be comfortable telling you deep things once they know you are their friend.
I’ll actually blame you poster. Your dad tried to discipline her but you said no, you go be her parents and take care of her. When she realized she has someone who dey enable her bullshit, she didn’t stop because she knows she’ll always rely on her mumu sister. Sometimes tough love is what people like your sister need. Now she’s stuck with 5 kids and an abusive partner. Also how was your home growing up? Were your parents too tough? Esp dad No father’s love? Ladies tend to look for this love outside with a male partner. There wasn’t any real nurturing and love at home. Let your sister be an adult for once. Ask her what she intend on doing, then do as much as you can from there. Like others suggested, she needs to leave that toxic environment. And also get the shop keys from her husband, pack all the items in the shop, reopen another shop around your parents so she can focus on that while she puts her life back together. Your parents can help out with the kids. You have your own life to live. Don’t let anyone drag you down with their mistakes that could have been avoided. Goodluck.
ReplyDeleteI’ll actually blame you poster. Your dad tried to discipline her but you said no, you go be her parents and take care of her. When she realized she has someone who dey enable her bullshit, she didn’t stop because she knows she’ll always rely on her mumu sister. Sometimes tough love is what people like your sister need. Now she’s stuck with 5 kids and an abusive partner. Also how was your home growing up? Were your parents too tough? Esp dad No father’s love? Ladies tend to look for this love outside with a male partner. There wasn’t any real nurturing and love at home. Let your sister be an adult for once. Ask her what she intend on doing, then do as much as you can from there. Like others suggested, she needs to leave that toxic environment. And also get the shop keys from her husband, pack all the items in the shop, reopen another shop around your parents so she can focus on that while she puts her life back together. Your parents can help out with the kids. You have your own life to live. Don’t let anyone drag you down with their mistakes that could have been avoided. Goodluck.
ReplyDeleteYou fix everyone, dear poster who fixes you? How have you been coping since the lock down? (sorry about your divorce and loss of job).
ReplyDeleteYour sister is an adult who has made her choices, she will find her way. Focus on yourself for now, keep the job search going, build yourself...., there's a reason why you don't jump into the water immediately to save a drowning person....
Sometimes we do not know how strong we are, until being strong is the only option left. Your sister will rise to help herself. You concentrate on fixing yourself. The best you can do is have a conversation with your parents (especially your dad), if she wants to come back, let them allow her and give her a second chance.
Better still let her run village runs, she will get better prick, since she want to grease her toto
ReplyDeleteYour sister and her last baby can stay with you, while the four older ones can stay in the village with your parents in the main time till you both can stand on your feet.
ReplyDeletePoster i don't know what to say but may God give you the wisdom to handle.
ReplyDeletePoster, please press the IGNORE button! DON'T LET YOUR SISTER ENSLAVE YOU!!! 👂👂
ReplyDeletePeople like your sister are SELFISH, STUPID and NEVER LEARN.
My second sister is like that. Married with 5 children but she's a graduate with 2 degrees. Very brilliant, an excellent sprinter but obstinate. No job is good enough for her.
She and her hubby never take advice.
This babe used my eldest sister and me as her burden-bearer so much we forgot to live our own lives.
Our mistake was that at some point, we agreed she and her 5 children should go live with my mom.
Hmmmm! My mom became a shadow of herself especially from the stress this my second sister gives her daily.
Guess what? She and her now fully-grown children still living with mom. 😖😩
*are* still living with... (omission corrected)
DeleteStella, what did you do with my comment?
ReplyDeleteYou people blaming her father, are you for real?!!!!
ReplyDelete