Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIRED
Hi Stella,
Please keep me anon
I honestly don’t know what to do but i just got married not up to a year:...
Hi Stella,
Please keep me anon
I honestly don’t know what to do but i just got married not up to a year:...
There is this thing my husband used to do before we got married, he was anonymously following some girls on Snapchat, Instagram, these girls that post their nudes and I noticed all the girls he follows are thick girls.
I stumbled on his snap account by mistake some two years back and it broke me because I’m built like your typical Nigerian model, tall, slim.
What I saw then ruined my self esteem, I felt my body wasn’t good enough for him, I started trying to add weight to be thick but that’s not me at all.
What I saw then ruined my self esteem, I felt my body wasn’t good enough for him, I started trying to add weight to be thick but that’s not me at all.
I had to confront him about it and he told me “it’s nothing “ most of these girls are not Nigerians and it’s just for viewing sake. I have this fear that if he can afford to meet up with them, he will do it.
I stopped checking his phone till now we are married and I am pregnant, almost due, I just checked again and he is still following them but on anonymous mode. I am not happy with this at all. I don’t know what I can do about this. Please ignore errors, I’m not happy.
WHAT you can do?Stop being a monitoring spirit and face front.Dont you trust your man?He said he is just following them nah ah
WHAT you can do?Stop being a monitoring spirit and face front.Dont you trust your man?He said he is just following them nah ah
Why are you getting yourself worked up unnecessarily? Ma'am,stop with the snooping and face front
ReplyDeleteI don’t know why some men feel they have monopoly over foolishness and stupidity.
DeleteMy dear, you can’t do anything to stop the behavior. Open your own anonymous account and follow men with big biceps and abs and casually leave your phone let him see . Let’s see how he feels about it. In fact, follow them with your regular account. Nonsense
Poster,
DeleteStart following men on your social media. Like their posts and drop comments
Step 2, make WhatsApp status ONLY him will view of men and label them MCM
Once in a while bring up topics of how Will Smith & co are too cute blablabla
He will adjust by force!
Mirror back. I repeat, mirror back! But DON'T go too far please!
After following all this advise, hope the situation wont get worse... because what I see here is that you worry over something that is irrelevant to the extent of trying to effect some changes in u without first talking to him about his reservation for chubby women.
DeleteSlap am back, slap am back...na so Okon teeth take comot finish. Advise us very cheap. Chop with sense
DeleteTo be honest, a lot of men follow these semi nude IG pages these days. With the exception of spirit filled christians who are serious about guarding their hearts. Or maybe really really disciplined regular men.
DeleteIt hurts and It can deal a blow on your self esteem, I know. But it’s nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean he prefers that body over yours, not at all. If they put you and those IG girls in a lineup, your man will most likely still choose you.
It’s just that a lot of men are greedy and lustful, they want right and left at the same time. They want to look and imagine those bodies, just like watching porn.
You may or may not have reason to worry depending on the kind of man he is. But worrying will do nothing to stop it, talking too much will do nothing to stop it.
Just register your displeasure and remove your mind. It’s hard but you can do it.
Don't bother your beautiful head dear. The day I realised that in this thing called marriage, you can't allow your partner to take away your happiness, that was the day my life became better.
DeleteSo what if he's following them? Will it change anything, if you confront him?
Better don't stress yourself and your unborn child.
You and your child are the most important right now and in all you do, remember that your happiness is in your hands.
Your husband wants to marry slim woman, and desire thick woman, like eating his cake and having it.
ReplyDeleteSince he has not given any cause to suspect him, just believe him for now, and concentrate on your own wellbeing and that of your child.
Wish you the best.
You know people like trends.
DeleteMany men don't know what they want
I bet he married her cos slim was reigning. Now thick is reigning he's running round like a headless chicken again.
Yep.men are easily moved by trends..that's why u will see them marry one type of woman that is trending but secretly desire another one that is not presentable to his boys
DeleteHe masturbates and fantasizes with the pix ni
ReplyDeleteobviously
DeleteI don’t understand why some men won’t just marry their spec. Yes, it’s what is inside that matters the most but since men love to call themselves “visual creatures”, they should also make it a point of duty to marry a woman they find visually appealing.
ReplyDeleteHe likes them thick and endowed but he married a slim woman. How would you even explain that?
Op sorry to break it to you but it’s just a matter of time before he’d physically cheat on you with his spec. He is already lusting after them in his heart, it’s just a matter of time before he’d finally carry out his fantasies.
It’s up to you to then decide what to do. But you should stop checking his phone to avoid further headache.
Exactly! Just go for your spec!
DeleteVery confused set of people.
DeleteThey don't have any spec. They follow trends
DeleteAll they want is pumpum
Poster, ignore what many women are saying on this thread.
DeleteIt's possible that your husband is masturbating to the thought of sex with the pictures.
Most people shouting "marry your spec" "marry your spec", is it not on this blog that many women are choosing men who have money over what their spec is?
Poster, don't worry about your body. Men marry women mostly based on "how good they are", not how beautiful they are.
No man will marry a thick babe with lack of common sense over a slim lady who is homely and is a good woman.
It’s not about spec. He married his spec. Those things he’s seeing just serve as porn to him. As long as there’s boobs and butts to titillate his imagination, most men will look and maybe wank to it later.
DeleteEven the ones that married buxom babes are still following the same models on IG.
Anon 16:37 very correct and simple way to put it. Men don't know what they want cus they are moved by trends. One man will tell u he likes thick laps and big bum but u will see him toasting a girl that is very slim with none of the above. But he wont mind also chasing after a very big madam..the truth is if u leave men to marry as many wives as they like u will find that they will not mind marrying every woman In the world. Most men will pick the woman that is agreeable and cooperative that brings them peace and cheat with the woman outside that brings bad girl vibes and uncertainty when the one that they pick gets boring n predictable or stops being a challenge
DeletePoster, please ignore for your sanity...
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why some married people will not be responsible and committed to their spouses.
Just ignore him and avoid checking his phone. Wishing you safe delivery...
Your husband married you, if he wanted a chubby lady he would gone for it. Some ladies both single and married love watching lesbian porn, it doesn't mean they are lesbians or willing to experiment with it. Watching the nakedness of those chubby ladies is your husband's porn. It doesn't mean he wants to have sex with them. Face your front and free his phone. He is definitely not willing to stop,dont push him into the hands of other women by nagging life out of him.
DeletePush him as the barrow that he is nah @Alexandra
DeleteI don't like thick girls, never dat one, never intend to... BUT, if I've to watch porn, it's gonna be semi thick or curvaceous girls. No reason except that it's visually stimulating. Not making excuses for him but then, it is what it is.
DeleteHe should Accord you some respect tho
18:22
DeleteThe sin conceived already in his mind
He is already echeatimg na!
By the way, he is already a slave to his desires and doesn't respect himself
So how can he respect her?
Porn is not normal behavior
Anon 18:22 kinda what I figured.. there are women that men pick when they wanna bang n they are different from the ones men pick when they wanna marry/settle down..
DeleteYou can't stop him. The earlier women stop expecting men to be saints, the better for them.
ReplyDeleteYou have 2 options:
Stay and focus your attention on your job or elsewhere OR
Pack out.
If he had married those thick babes, he would still run after a slim one.
Thank you
DeleteYou saw it before marriage and went ahead to marry him without confirming if he is still doing it. Live with it dear poster and stop checking his phone
But men expect women to be saints..
DeleteThe last sentence of yours BB is the truth.
DeleteThis one keeps supporting immorality to keep her ministry flowing. Ogaoo
DeleteWell said Blackberry. Stop checking his phone for your health. If u were chubby, he would still view them on social media.
DeleteAbeg start following muscular guys like Dywan Johnson and those likewise. Make sure they are all foreigners and celebrities. Let him grapple wit his own insecurities. If u are a bit troublesome like me, watch their nude pictures that shows their big extra big dicks. I hate nonsense joor.
ReplyDeleteLol,just like what i'd do. Let him have a taste of his own medicine
DeleteEven if you were thick that won't still stop him.
ReplyDeleteSome people have just built up some fetish around them. Some just watch to get distracted not necessarily to indulge in them.
That I love to watch DIY on YouTube doesn't mean I want to try them out. So relax and stop getting worked up.
You knew this side of him before you both got married, now you've come here to lament. Wetin you want make we tell you now?
ReplyDeleteGod favoured you and showed you the kind of man you had, a whole 2 years, prior! Yet, you still went ahead to continue dating him, and even marry him just a few months ago! Many women aren't that fortunate. Some only find out about the husband's vices, after marriage and kids!
ReplyDeleteWas your fear of starting over and/or being single really greater than the fear; unhappiness and diminished self-esteem you are feeling today?! Was being his Mrs. worth the mental anguish you are going through now?
I am sorry that I have nothing to advice you, because you were given the heads up and still chose to walk into the fire. They say, "do not start what you cannot finish"!
I wish you a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery! All the best!
Let's hear word
DeleteYou echoed my thoughts.
DeleteGbam! I’m just pissed off reading her chronicle. Poster deal with it since you decided not to leave then. A whole 2 years!!! You never start ooo. Good luck. I just don’t know what goes on in some of you women’s head. Mtscheww
DeleteShe was deceived by "he will change, a woman can change a man" lies and bullshit
DeleteMen and their insatiable wants, they will marry a beautiful woman but will not hesitate to go after a woman that does not match their wife physically. No wonder they love polygamy, they always want it all.
ReplyDeleteYou people are the ones enabling them
DeleteSmh....
ReplyDeleteYour husband married you, if he wanted a chubby lady he would gone for it. Some ladies both single and married love watching lesbian porn, it doesn't mean they are lesbians or willing to experiment with it. Watching the nakedness of those chubby ladies is your husband's porn. It doesn't mean he wants to have sex with them. Face your front and free his phone. He is definitely not willing to stop,dont push him into the hands of other women by nagging life out of him.
ReplyDeleteYour examples are perverted and abnormal
DeleteMen!!.. Only God can satisfy their desire .tueh!!
ReplyDeleteYou saw the red flag🚩 but still got married to him and you expect him to change??? ..... @"There is this thing my husband used to do before we got married, he was anonymously following some girls on Snapchat,..."
ReplyDeleteGirl, pray for his salvation in Christ or live with the man you accepted. 🤷♀️
For men who live wayward lives and those who say "you know most men cheat", sin is not gender-based. GOD WILL NOT LOWER HIS WORD/JUDGMENT FOR MEN!
I don’t think you have anything to worry about , he is just following them it’s not like he is chatting them up . And men don’t always marry their ‘spec’ ( if there is anything like that) because mature men know there is more to marriage than a woman’s physical looks . Beauty fades , that slim chic could become thick after childbirth and that thick chick could become out of shape after childbirth . There is a difference between admiring and actually falling in love . I admire fair , tall fine boys but I married a tall dark good looking man . I would never cheat on him but I can still admire fair tall handsome guys when I see them . My husband admires fair ladies but has never seriously dated a fair lady , because for him relationship is beyond the physical appearance . He has always dated good looking chocolate skinned ladies like myself .
ReplyDeleteBottom line is you should be worry yourself about his social media activities, social media is a far cry from real life . You should be worried if he is cozying up to a thick lady in real life .
Na from clap e dey enter dance.
DeleteYou both should continue..
Hormones... please take care of yourself. If you are stressed your baby will be.
ReplyDeleteIf you know Christ and understand the doctrine of seduction, you will know that this lady
ReplyDeletehas every cause to be concerned about her husband's habit. However, it is the knowledge of
Christ by both spouses that can grant them peace in this marriage going forward.
First, make Jesus your Lord and talk to your husband expressing your hurt.
Poster you saw that he is attracted to thick girls and you still went ahead and married him. FYI, until he gets a taste of them he won't let go. The only thing you can do is pray that God will change his taste to like slim women (only God can do that).
ReplyDeleteSomeone once prayed a prayer that God should make every other woman look like a hippopotamus to her husband and it worked! Maybe you can try it. God will help you. Also, secretly find out why he married you. Some men will marry women for certain reasons other than physical attraction. Find out and use it to your advantage over every other woman.
Be a good wife and live your life.
Dear poster, i will be brutally honest with you. Before you got married, you saw the character deficiencies but you still got married to him anyways, a man who is into stuffs like that will find it difficult to stop cos its an addiction. In all honesty, i think you need to have a deep conversation with him and tell him how this affects your self esteem. If he loves and respects you enough he will make moves and plans to gradually curb the addiction. Marriage does not change people.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. That's what I say, most men will marry slim women and talk about how they hate fat women, give them the opportunity they will have affairs with the fat women. I don't know if its seeking variety or just trying out what you really "hate" to see if your hatred is justified. Madam don't add weight because of him, you put on weight he will revert to slim girls and it might not be easy for you to lose the weight. Think of your health and sanity, no need to feel inferior to thick girls or anyone at all. A man that will cheat will cheat.
ReplyDeleteSome of us here please make we dey try use emotional intelligence answer or proffer some kain suggestions naa.. put yourselves in the persons shoes. abeg...lastly Madam SDK you sef know say you no go fit face your front if na you dey the situation, you know naa.."he is just following them..." haba!!! c'mon now. we all know that bros get strong fantasy for those other ladies.
ReplyDeleteSometimes Stella’s advice don’t make sense and she is sometimes not realistic! The things she won’t take , she would advice people to take, if u like don’t post this comment, it’s how’s I am saying the truth
DeletePoster I think u should start rubbing butt and hip enlargement oils or breast enlargement oil..or ask ur husband to pay for bbl since he seems to like bum that much..it may not be the fat he is attached to.. it may be the extra hip n bum that they have. If u lack that ,start looking at ways for enhancing n better yet make him pay n invest in those things.. Men value what they pay for ..or u can pay for it yourself n USe it to surprise him n act like u don't know why ur butt n hip r growing bigger. Men like variety n maybe the Law of diminishing returns is at work here where he worked hard to get u n now that he has you, n he feels he can get u everyday, there is no challenge or excitement. Change things up a lil to invite the spark back in your marriage. Do ur makeup or wear sth sexy n when he comes tell him ur tired n fall asleep. Men like being teased n 4 their brains to be kept wondering. Wear sth hot n tell him ur going for a drink with ur girls. I don't see why women on a digital device should compete for your husband's attention n they r winning when u are right there alive and well. Sister, say God forbid
DeleteWhy are you so worried over nothing. He married you and is not complaining? If he wanted a chubby woman, he would have gone for one or tell you to add more weight. He has not even complain to you about your shape and you already trying to add up more weigh on your own.. Seems you have low self esteem.
ReplyDeleteWhy do most women worry over nothing.
The men supporting themselves in adultery. If it was a lady doing this,they'd have called her all things despicable. Even dante onijogbon would've answered present.
DeleteThey will be dishing out what they can't swallow mtcheeeeeeew
DeleteDear poster preach to him, if u are a Christian, just guilt trip him that it's a sin doing that, tell him he stands a chance to go to hell,don't but him, once he notices jealousy he will be over excited inside, and he will never stop. Just change ur strategy. Preach preach and preach. He will stop it. This method works for me.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm... what did u say?
DeleteI don't mean to knock you when you are down but you were aware of this issue before marriage but you let it slide without a useful resolution. I don't think marriage makes people magically stop bad habits, so what were you thinking? Now that you are inside the marriage, what hold do you have over his actions? Please focus on your pregnancy and try and see if couple counseling will work afterwards. You need a safe space to deal with this issue in an amicable manner but I don't think it should be before your delivery.
ReplyDeleteMy husband also used to do that I gently took his phone and I unfollowed all of them, he even thanked me after.
ReplyDeleteWe should stop indulging stupidity, insensitivity and dirty behaviour
ReplyDeleteThe man is addicted and in bondage
The woman is unhappy about it
Aunty turn him into a prayer point he needs deliverance
Only GOD can help him
Just following, what will now happen if you just found out that he has been cheating nko?
ReplyDeleteSincerely Ma,I wil say maybe pregnancy hormones is dealing with you,you are just going and thinking too far.
Most men cheat in marriage not to talk of Instagram following.
There is nothing you can do to stop it.thats just the truth
ReplyDelete