Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ELUSIVE BABY DADDY
After I put to bed, he was making an effort by sending some cash as he was not in the country. He came back to Nigeria for summer when the child turned 6 months. He visited once and promised to come back. But that was the end, I never saw him again and his mother kept on giving excuses for him.
After some time, he said the child wasn't his and if not for finances, he would have done a DNA test. But he never said anything again and started avoiding me. He blocked me from contacting him.
Without me informing his mum, she asked and I told her what he said about the child not being his. I asked her to help me ask him what wrong i did. She promised to do that but she never gave any feedback. She even sent for me once to come see her and her brother. And I explained everything to them. They promised to get back to me but never did.
I've been managing to take care of the child until now that he is about to start schooling. The burden has been much lately and the guy also just got back to Nigeria. Since he has blocked my number, I decided to chat him up with another number and he still blocked me. If I try calling, I'm not able to reach him.
Now I'm confused on what to do.
The best thing to clear the air will be the DNA test...you need to do it later so your child can know who the father is... For now forget him and hustle for your child...They always return to beg when their lives become messed up...Karam will visit him if its his kid,dont worry.
For now, move on...
Look for a less expensive school and take it from there or just still leave the child at home, he can start school next year.
Nawa o!A DNA test is the best thing to do now and it be nice you hustle much more to take care of your child as the irresponsible man is being evasive or dodgy at this point
ReplyDeleteKarma does NOT EXIST, it's a figmentation of people imagination to console themselves from the pain caused to them by others. Bad things happen to everyone even the new born, people get away with things and some don't not because of karma but their time was up. You pray everyday for God to forgive you, you believe the story of the thief on the cross and you don't believe that the person who wronged you can be forgiven and blessed?Lol
DeleteHustle and care for your child, he is also your responsibility, do your part and concentrate on it. You even know when he is back, creating unnecessary headache and heartache for yourself. Women should really start doing better, protect yourselves if you don't want condoms.
If you live in Lagos, take him to the justice court. It's a law now in Lagos for men to provide the child's upkeep even if he didn't marry the woman. Search for the justice court by judge funmi on YouTube. They have a show with details of how to send your complaint.
Delete@15:42
DeleteNot Karma but "reaping what one sows"
Galatians 6:7 7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
So if you do not repent of your sins, you will reap in abundance all the things you've sown in this life.
I dont believe in the so called Karma,dont buy into Nollywood story dat his wife will be barren in d future and he will come begging when ur child has become big and succesful.
DeleteUr child will be succesful In Jesus name,but have it at the back of ur mind he may never come back to look for his child. Some men are not just it.
I pray provision for you to raise ur child,dont keep waiting for dat man to get sense and take care of his child.
Hes just using dat DNA for delay tactics, u may decide to do it urself but u still need his sample. After dat u can sue him for child support but our laws are not strong and he doesnt live here permanently u may not get shi shi, i wish u well.
Hope other girls are learning from dis,i hate begging a man in my life. If u cannot force him to use condom pls protect urself and use pills. These men become devils when u present an unplanned child to them.
Are you sure he did not collect anything from the baby the first time he visited to go check the dna? May be he doesn’t want to tell you the result until he gets other kids, and if he does not have other kids, claim him later.
DeleteI don't believe in Karma too but people reap what they sow.
DeleteWhether he comes back to beg or not, he will DEFINITELY REAP the harvest of his callousness. He should not forget the angels of these children ALWAYS see the face of God in heaven. MATTHEW 18 v 10.
Every cry of pain of that child die to his abandonment will bring a harvest of pain to this deadbeat baby daddy.
Karma may be late or in a lighter dose but I know ppl reap what they sow. I always revenge just incase. I also avoid situations where I feel like people do me wrong cus my revenge is always very harsh
Delete# 15.42 you are very sensible👏👏👏👍👍
DeleteMove on with your life and forget the sperm donor.
ReplyDeleteIf you are a single girl, don't get pregnant in hope that the man will take responsibility.
DeleteIf you decide to get pregnant, be sure you can handle it by yourself.
If you get pregnant by mistake and you can't take care of the child, get an abortion.
If you are a single girl and he ask you to keep it or get pregnant by him without marriage, say No.
Are you hoping to rope him into marriage withe pregnancy? Todays men are not built nor wired that way anymore.
Are you hoping to turn him to your cash cow? There is 80% chance it might not work.
Woman, it's high time you took care of yourself and guard your destiny jealously. Stop gambling with your future.
Poster be sincer; did you get pregnant on purpose? You know the answer in your heart.
DeleteOh dear Saphire, you are brutal, though in an honest and sincere way.
DeleteThis your comment isn't strictly for the poster, every single sister in this 'bloghood' needs to read and re read this.
This your advice sweet o Stella
ReplyDeleteHe sounds like a jerk and honestly, his family see you and that baby as a burden so you better stop setting yourself up for disappointment by trying to reconnect with this man.
ReplyDeleteYour child’s wellbeing should be all that matters now. You said nothing about your own family and what you do for a living, I know it ain’t easy but do the best you can for your child and forget that man and his mother.
I can't understand why Women allow themselves get pregnant and then go ahead and keep a child for a man who has said I no want Pikin and then end up chasing the man to take responsibility. You are only allowed to get pregnant this way when you are independent financially.
ReplyDeleteExactly..only girls from rich family background can follow that route. I remember when I was in my 20s because of i know my background porsnor was my friend.
DeleteThe Bible does not support intercourse bfr marriage. If only we followed the Bible principles, there would no baby mama and baby daddy drama. Pple would have resorted to marriage.. I don't blame you poster l. Its good you kept the baby. Just face your baby and life. God will see you through. He will definitely come back.
DeleteLIFE NO BALANCE, THE ONE WEY THINK SAT NA HIM GET BABY GO DO ALL HE CAN TO TAKE CARE OF BABY MEANWHILE BABY ISNT HIS. THE WEY NO ONE CARE FOR BABY AFTER DNA REALISES THE BABY HAS BEEN HIS ALL ALONG.IT IS WELL.
Bless you but they are following abortion is a sin yarnings.
DeleteTwo of una fuck, you wey dey at the receiving end no protect yourself.
You carry belle, guy man make an clear to you sey e no want.
You keep the belle by yourself, born, come dey impose responsibility on the man.
Ladies, can we do better, please?
@God's child, and those that aren't christians and doesn't believe in the Bible?
Delete@Anonymous 15:43, I hope you know that a woman should not take more than 3 (at most, 4) doses of morning-after pills a year, right?!
DeleteI repeat, a woman SHOULD NOT take meds. like Plan B, Postinor etc. more than 3 times in one calendar year!
Some women are struggling to conceive right now, because, like you, they used to pop a pill after every sexual encounter. Morning-after pills are not breath-mints or gum that you can put in your mouth at every chance!
It is very wrong!
@SMH 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄. If you know, you know.
DeleteThat's true popping pills like postinor is bad. Luckily I'm a mum now ,best thing is to use a condom until he propose.
DeleteAs if many married men are also not contributing to upkeep. Most chronicles here are from married women
DeleteLol women judging single mothers don’t know that many married women are also single mothers. You don’t know and cannot vouch for the man you marry until the time comes so do not judge. Many single mothers were also engaged or even married once
DeleteBest thing is not to use to a condom but to close your legs.
DeleteEka Joy, come back and educate people pls. You said you travelled with stash of urs. Stash of what pls? What's the safe one to take?
DeleteWe also know women who married as virgins and have never concieved.
DeleteIn fertility, nothing guarantees nothing.
Stella, she knows her baby daddy, it's rather the man escaping responsibility, if not, he lives abroad and can afford air tickets so he clearly can afford a DNA skit.
ReplyDeletePoster forget about him, he knows the laws don't work in Nigeria hence the wickedness. Take it like the baby's father is dead and change his surname to your name before enrolling him in school if that makes you comfortable.
Poster saw abroad man.
DeleteNow e choke.
Abroad man saw chop and clean mouth. E choke. Looking for daddy wa things
DeleteDear poster, it's well.
ReplyDeleteKindly follow Madam Stella advise. I always get scared when I hear some women insist they must marry a man and if they encounter some challenges, they tend to do pregnancy way, most times it's 50-50,cos men are not predictable some men can ain't smiling at all.
Dear poster your situation might be different from my narrative above, may God come through for you. Hustle as if he never existed, someday he would come begging.
This lady surely knows the father of her baby.
ReplyDeletePoster, please hustle and become financially independent. Your success is not dependent on a man's support.
He'll come begging in the future after realizing good mistake, then it may be too late
Even those of us that he begged and followed us to hospital to get pregnant still get neglected with all the bills..My dear pls forget him and double your hustle. Hope you have relative that can help with child care .
ReplyDeleteDear poster, focus on your little one and forget that guy. Something similar happened to me. My baby will be 2 soon. I've not heard from the father in a long time. I never ran after him. Chatted him, he ignored me so I face front. I speak positive words into my baby's live even when he was in the womb. Like calling him my foreign currency, my visa to Canada for ọmụgwọ for his wife, a child that will make me proud, chairman Young Billionaires Association and all that. After the day he clocked 1yr, my now fiance found me. Lol. My baby and I have our international passports and waiting for Embassies to open for Visa applications. My son is in school, I'm happier than I've ever been in a long time. Stella I'll write my story to you one day.
ReplyDeletePoster, what I'm trying to say is, LEAVE THE GUY AND FUCOS ON YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY. Have a positive mind (even towards your ex) good things will come your way.
God bless you
Nice one.
DeleteLife experiences is for us to be better not bitter.
May God continue to bless you and your new family.
Kisses to your baby.
Poster, forget about that man for now and increase your hustle. If possible appeal to your family members for help while you find your footing. You’ve made a mistake but it’s not the end of he world, you just have to be resilient and be mentally prepared to face the many challenges that will come.
ReplyDeleteIf you don’t have a job, learn handwork or start selling stuff. It will get better.
My younger sis was in similar situation, she used to be so stubborn and wouldn’t listen to advice and ended up pregnant for a neighbor. She almost lost her life during delivery when the guy and family left her in labor for about 3 days, My family had to rush her for emergency cs when we heard. it was so bad that she said she wanted to sell her son then but she quickly had a brain reset after experiencing the other side of life. With support here and there she leant tailoring, sell different stuff and even went for NCE. She’s now married to a man that treats her well.
Her son is now grown up and the father is now calling to talk to him but it looks like the young man isn’t too keen as there’s not been a proper relationship before.
All I’m trying to say is that it won’t be easy but stop chasing the guy and his family, they most always come back to reconcile. Build yourself up and take care of your child, it’s your responsibility. If possible ask your own family to help, it’s not the end of the world. Most especially, ask God for directions, mercy, help and favor daily, for our helps comes from Him alone. It will be well. Ciao.
I would suggest you report this matter to human right activist and access to justice you can find them on Facebook they handle cases like this
ReplyDeleteThis is really sad,move on and hustle for your baby,if you are very sure he is the father, drop him a long message and curse him if possible. what rubbish
ReplyDeleteWhen you are doing ah uh you call us now the results is out you are confused ,you better go and look for work,
ReplyDeletePele oh. Saint Goke. Next in line to the throne of God.
DeletePoster, isn't it obvious that you are on your own? I don't know your financial situation, maybe you can approach kind hearted family members to help out financially while you keep hustling. Any lady having a baby these days, married or single should try to ensure she can cater for the child singlehandedly if sh*t hits the fan, these 21st century men are really unreliable oh. Love and light to you dear.
ReplyDeletePlease focus on yourself and your baby for now. Get a good job and all this wont be bothering you.
ReplyDeleteStop bothering his mother and move on. There is absolutely nothing his mother can do to help. He blocked you, so what? Just assume he is dead and take care of your child within limits of your capacity. There are women who single handedly raised their kids after the death of their husbands. Most of them were poor and struggled to do what is right. Some of you allow useless men make you wallow in the mud like pigs. Walk with your head high and take care of your child.
ReplyDeleteUseless men truly
DeleteKai!
DeleteHard truth.
Poster please be strong and courageous.
Speak positivity into your child's life.
It's gonna be tough, but, tough times doesn't last.
You will surely laugh at last.
This thing is becoming a rotten trend in Nigeria bikonu! Poster why will you go ahead and get pregnant for a man without his content and you had no financial capability to take of the child. You had no business having unprotected sex in the first place not to talk of getting pregnant. Even most married couples discuss before they begin to have babies. That is very irresponsible of you. I will not even encourage my brother to accept any unwanted pregnancy. It was wholly your responsibility to get pregnant or not. Now you are in a mess and you are bringing it to a blog of faceless people..to do what exactly? Did his mom ask you to get pregnant for him? She owes you no feedback! You made your bed so you better lie on it! See how you even boldly wrote that you got pregnant ...mtcheew. This nonsense you people are doing is becoming irritating!
ReplyDeleteMany married women are in this same situation. The last chronicle like this was from a married woman. Men not facing their responsibilities and society letting them get away with it is the issue. This kind of man will do worse if he’s married but as usual, let’s face the woman. You are forgetting that an innocent child is involved here as if the women raped the man. If he didn’t want a pregnancy he should have used a condom.
DeleteI understand what you are saying and you are quite right to be angry,but please can you be a little bit kinder, she's already down and humiliated already.
DeleteThrowing in a few words of encouragement wouldn't be hard, or would it?
SHE should insist on a condom. If he refuses then CLOSE YOUR LEG. When Yawa gas it is the woman that faces the music.
DeleteNigerian women need to normalise not putting the last name of a deadbeat father on the birth certificate. Not that when your child is successful like Erica or a successful athlete the deadbeat man and his family will crawl out of the woodwork and start claiming rubbish. The women should also start using courts more, wives included. What mothers including the married and single ones go through is too much and they cover up for the man meanwhile he’ll be on Twitter making jokes about goldiggers
ReplyDeleteThe culture of covering up for fools and irresponsible idiots is OVER
DeleteLadies stop getting pregnant out of wedlock! You know you aren’t capable of raising a child on your own stop have unprotected sex! Learn ladies learn!
ReplyDeleteSo damn TRUE.
DeleteHe must take care of the baby ie he must be part of raising the child financially & otherwise. Find NHRC of in your state and they will summon him.if it's in Lagos such institutions that handle your matter apart from NHRC exist.FIDA is in almost all the states. Except if the don't want to assist you. Wherever he's they will summon him.
ReplyDeleteThe most Complex B
poster pls focus on ur child and forget abt d fada.....I also faced the same tin wen I had my my son...finally went 4 dna wen my son was 11yrs old nd it came out positive...now my son is 15yrs old...u will be fine...someday I will share my story with stella
ReplyDeletePoster go and read the testimony post SDK posted on Sunday.
ReplyDeleteForget the idiot he will surly come back to beg but for now face your child and your life because BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD FOR YOU!