STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
VIRGIN WITH THE VIRUS
Why me is all I have been asking myself in the last 24hrs, just when I thought I have gotten there, just when I thought finally this is it, hmmmmmmm
So I have known this person for four years, we have been on and off, he has been the one going off for reasons best known to him, but then he came back again a couple of months ago, and we have been perfect, he is so generous, So caring, such a gentle man, he hasn't proposed yet, but am always in his future plans, I mean, we discuss our wedding and how we would want it to look like.
Truth is, I have always had this fear, I dunno why, but sometimes I just get scared, I guess that's what they call fear of the unknown,
So he asked that we do our genotype and HIV test a couple of weeks ago, me that is always scared of of HIV test, I did it, thankfully it was negative and am AA, so when he did his own and sent me result, I realized he didn't do HIV and I asked why, he responded with, already done that, and later that day, he said he needed to tell me something on our next date,
The date happened yesterday, and he told me hez HIV positive, and he has been living with it for 7years, Stella this guy is 38, and a virgin, we have never had sex Stella.
What do I do? If you are married to an HIV positive person, pls tell me how you are dealing with it, I love this guy a lot, I don't want to leave him because of this, am I supposed to tell my family? Cos if I do, they will kick against it, am the only one he has told in this world, not even his family knows his status, bvs pls advice me, Stella pls advice me, I am so sad right now, he said he will respect whatever decision I make, but I know leaving him will break him, I need HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
*You seem more concerned about him than yourself....
Having HIV is not a death sentence but why did he wait for four years before he told you?..How are you sure he is a virgin? I am not saying there are no other ways to be infected but why is he ruling out sex to win your trust and loyalty?
I get scared of things like this oh so i cant tell you to stay because i dont know if hes being truthful .
Wish you all the best with whatever decision you take.
If you were in his shoes, would he remain with you?
ReplyDeleteBe honest with yourself.
Like stella said it's not a death sentence. If you really love him and want to be with him,kindly seek medical advice and you would be told how to go about it. Goodwick.
DeleteTell him you want to be sure of the test. Take him to the hospital for another test, stay there till the result comes out.
DeleteLet it not be a TEST.
If he's positive, get counselled, meet a Doctor and ask him/her every possible questions.
Poster HIV no be child's play ooh. I would advice you let him go. Let him look for Ladies living with HIV and marry one of them. I'm not saying being a despondent couple is not achievable but it's a very dark and scary ocean to jump into with your two eyes wide open all bcos of love. My dear poster there are some situations that love is not just enough. Be guided. Don't open your two koro koro eyes and enter into life time of avoidable trouble.
Delete@Nigerian first daughter...Discordant couple, not despondent couple
DeleteWhy has he been ghosting you all these years?.
DeleteWomen!.because he came back forming all sweet,you're ready to ignore allThe red flags he's been showing you since.
There are drugs a negative partner can take, but my sister.
From your write up, all i can see is that he has fattened you up for the kill. He came back suddenly nice and lovely and shii.and you fell for it.na dem cheat pass incase you think otherwise. If you really want this, go to his past and really dig. Make sure he's consistent
Na wa. Wicked man. Why would he date you for four years and then reveal his status after wasting four years of your life.
DeleteMadam I don't know how much you think he has or whether they told you men have finished in this world that you will open your krokro eye and marry HIV person.
If you were positive will he marry you?
If it was you,will he think twice about this though?? For the fact he waited 4 years to tell you,just tells me the kind of person he is.And this is why I just don't like relationships that is past 3 years because,I am sure you are past 20s now that is why desperation has set in.He won't try this stunt with a girl that is 20-26.But he waited until you have no choice,and love has entered your head.It is okay to be selfish about your happiness and peace of mind sometimes.So choose and weigh your options and see where your happiness and peace of mind is.
DeleteHonestly, I don't know why i dont see this like most of you. What if he has been ghosting and avoiding her all these years because he didn't have the courage to open up and tell her this? Do you realize the level of courage it takes to do this? He might have been too ashamed, scared, anxious to face her all these while and tell her this. For those saying he's wicked, he didn't sleep with her. She's still a virgin and there's no indication he even pressured her for sex. My dear, I will advice that you pray over this. you sound like a rational and understanding person. HIV is not a death sentence, people marry HIV negative partners who don't get the virus even after sexual intercourse. Science and medicine has made all these things easy. Me thinks this guy tried to protect her all this while, whilst fighting with himself on opening up to her....
DeleteWhat if he slept with u without telling u or even married you without telling you?
Hmmmm.He has been on and off!!! It could mean he has another woman.
DeleteIt could mean he is not bold enough to tell you his status if he truly is HIV positive.
It could mean he doesn't want to hurt you by leaving you, you are obviously good to him to be taking him back everytime he strays and comes back
My take is, go to the hospital of your choice with him, let him do the test and ensure he get the results while you are with him
You may stay with him if he is truly positive and manage the situation for the rest of your lives. You are in love fa.
But this kin love, I no understand o
Madam, take the next bus that stops and zoom off. If the tables were turned, will he marry you? How are you sure he isn't lying?
ReplyDeleteLadies, always put yourself first.
On a second thought, what if he doesn't have HIV, but just wants to test your love and loyalty? Did he show you the result? Secretly, get a way to find out the truth.
If your second paragraph is true about him testing her love for him (which I doubt anyway)then I pray she fails woefully. You shouldn't be putting anyone to the test.
DeleteYour last paragraph is deep, but on second thought which sane person will test another with such 🙄🙄🙄
DeleteMight be a test really... Tell him you want to go with him for a second opinion
DeleteIf you want to go ahead and marry him, marry him for love, and not cos you feel sorry for him. That's all I can say.
ReplyDeleteYinka Jegede's husband is still negative after almost 20years of marriage and kids. Google Yinka Jegede.
DeleteBabe let me tell you. Marriage is about who you can live with happily ever after. Trust me, that happiness is of inestimable value. Many will never know it. If you have found it with this man, I mean, if you have weighed his positive sides against this negative side and his positive sides has paid for the health short comings, go ahead and marry him. You just need to be very sincer with yourself that you are doing it for yourself, for your true happiness and not out of pity for him. He must have other sides of him to heavily compensate for this. Don't do it just to get married.
Yinka jegede husband is also positive,and he's dead now, but I don't think its the sickness that killed him,and they were divorced a long time, yinka is married to an HIV positive black american now
Delete😲🙆♀️ lemmi go update on this matter.
DeleteMagic Johnson's wife is negative while he is positive. She married him knowing his status and they have a son together abi na shim cos I no know wetin that their Pikin be.
DeleteStella, I think he said it now knowing that their relationship is about to take another turn. Is it possible he is pulling your legs? Ask to see his anti retroviral drugs. I don't even know sef. Both of you can visit HIV/ AIDS clinic to ascertain your chances, that is if you decide you want to go ahead.
ReplyDeleteBeing HIV+ is not a death sentence.If he has been living with it for 7 yrs ,he must have been on drugs to suppress the virus .He took his time to tell you only when he felt he has gained some level of trust and him telling you he respects your decision is a good one from him.Disclosing one's status depends on who one is dealing with,you must trust him or her to open up.
ReplyDeleteNow ,if you choose to marry him,you need not disclose to anyone in your family as they might not really support your decision because they don't really understand that a positive person can marry a negative person without infect ing the other and they give birth to kids who are negative.Such couples are called discordant couples.I am talking from experience.If you love him still,all you need do is for both of you is visit any general hospital and they will tell you how to go about living life as a discordant couple and you will be glad.We have so many cases like that,as in so so many ,so it's not like it's the end of the world.
Still the choice is yours to make.
I love this, please poster read this. I wish I can enlighten you more
Delete✅✅
DeleteWell Informed feedback. #smartthinking
DeleteI know a close family relative that is Positive and he married the wife who was negative. They have two kids now. You can go to the hospital and meet a Family health doctor... To help you take a better decision. KEEP HIS SECRET PLS.
DeleteNobody in the family knows. I got to know because my hubby is in the medical line.
Poster listen to this.
DeleteA person with the virus whose viral load is suppressed has same life expectancy as a regular person. It’s no longer a death sentence. Herpes is probably a worse virus to have.
You can marry him and have kids and remain negative and he’ll remain in good health. You just need premarital counseling with a counselor and a doctor that are experienced in this so you can work on your mind
Apt
DeleteExactly!!!
DeleteI hope the poster sees this!!
Truth is, if he has been on drugs for that period of years and will continue being on drugs, the viral load will keep suppressing. Thus, she can still marry him and have children without being infected likewise the children. I knew of a couple that the husband was Positive for years and the wife remain Negative even after birthing 4 children for the man. Even though the man later died, the wife and four children are still Negative till today. Well, if you marry him, there's a drugs you can be taking all through the period of leaving with him and never get infected. Note: the decision is yours, bcos this one is like seeing fire but you still carry your hand to put on it.
DeleteMY SISTER WHEN GOD CREATED YOU, HE HAD A PLAN FOR YOU, TAKE THIS MATTER TO GOD IN PRAYERS AND DRY FASTING.
ReplyDeleteEMPTY YOUR HEART BEFORE GOD
the human part in me is telling you to RUN
I'm positive,hubby is negative,we have lovely negative kids, I'm happy, I never kept it away from him from the 1st time I did the test, we dated for 4 years before I got to km,but God sees his heart ,my husband has a clean heart,that's why he's not infected,he's the best hubby ever,he's always telling me he wants to make money so as to make me happy and comfortable in life, he's never raised the HIV issue,and I'm so healthy ,na work I dey pray for now, HIV is the least of my problem,cos I believe I will out live it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you,you'll surely out live it.
DeleteYou keep making same comment on every HIV post
DeleteShooter Gyal and so ??
DeleteSo she should not tell her story again ?
Anon 15.16 may God continue to bless your home
Shooter Gyal, do you want to force her to keep quite. If she had said anything negative about men, you and your cohorts would have been happy about that. Just look at how so many people have ignored this comment, because a lot of them don't just want to hear some men are good. Most of you guys just hate men and you don't even acknowledge it. Psychopaths
DeleteHe has been going on and off because he had someone else who had his attention. He didn't take you seriously because he had enough options in the past.No he is not a virgin. Yes, I know virgin men exist but he isn't one of them. He came back and started you treating you way too nicely prepping you for the day he would eventually reveal the truth to you. He had all it planned. He came back probably because he knew you too well that you would not turn him away based on how soft-hearted you have been in the past whenever he ghosted you and came back you were always standing there with open arms to take him back. Nothing wrong with being with a positive person as long as you take all precautions and you wouldn't mock them with it in the future during an argument but make sure he is an honest person to start with. I do not think he is being truthful else why was he going back and forth blowing hot and cold with you for four years and suddenly came to the realization he wanted you now? I may be wrong but I do not trust men who ghost women over and over again only to come back all of a sudden acting serious.
ReplyDeleteSabela mami, order palm wine and peppered goat meat on my head. I will pay the bills.
DeletePoster read her post over and over again and go into deep thinking. Sabela captured everything I wanted to type.
That guy is manipulative. But your soft heart and love wouldn't let you see clearly until you done enter finish.
Virgin my ass!
He should say another lie biko.
Are you even sure he's not a closet gay??
Abeggi!!!
That's how they appear. Accepts no sex and bla bla bla.
Sabella nwanne m,okwu gi kwu oto ka ciga.
DeletePoster...please follow this advice. It's the raw truth. Undiluted.
DeleteSabella you know all these about him because you were the person he was dating abi you are his twin sister?
DeleteStick to the issue and stop filling the Poster's head with your wild conjectures.
And there is this part
DeleteAuntie sabella, this is not fair, were you not the one waxing lyrically weeks to your wedding, extolling how wonderful love is? Let this lady find her way, HIV is not a death sentence, don’t stigmatize those with the virus, and don’t put unwholesome thoughts in the lady’s head, consider if you were in the guy’s shoes, would your own wedding had hold? How can you think he is not truthful based on going back and forth? He could be going through a lot based on his status and not ghosting the lady
Delete15:58 I don't see how playing the blame game and making a reference to my life has added any extra value to the point you think you are making. Go over all the comments and see for yourself that I am not the only one who felt that way based on the "on and off" statement she emphasised upon in her story. So the reason you decided to perch under my comment alone is best known to you. I do not know what you are going on about telling me about HIV not being a death sentence even after I made it clear up there that she can go ahead and marry him because it is not a big deal but you still insist on accusing me but can you still show me where I stigmatized her fiance? Please, stop throwing words around loosely just for the sake of it Besides I need not remind you that this is not about 50years ago that anyone would need a random person schooling them on topics the whole world is already well-informed about.
DeleteAbout your last sentence, I already said, I may be wrong so I do not know what you want from me after that. The same way you felt he could be going through a lot hence the back and forth, is the same way I also felt otherwise. You are doing the same thing you accuse me of because at the end of the day I could be right and you could be wrong or you could be right and I could be wrong. Just like me you also have no concrete justification or proof to back your claims too so why go all preachy on me.
I know this is a very sensitive issue where most would easily comment from their emotive side but you shouldn't take offence if others decide to speak not only from their emotive side but also their logical sides too and believe I did both. They are different ways people would judge the story, we have your part and just like BV SLIMMZ said above "we also have this part" I touched upon.
My own is why did he tell her to do test when he knows he won't do. Was he praying for her to be positive so they can be even.
DeleteI actually do not like men that do back n forth especially when they come back with a lot of baggage. They act like they own the world and life humbles them, they look for someone to draw along.
What if he was going on and off because he just didn't know how to tell her and the guilt kept pulling him back
DeleteSabella, I don't agree with this your comment oooh!!
DeleteHIV is not an easy issue to discuss.... What if he was finding it difficult in telling her?? If he wanted to keep it away from her, he would have, he wouldn't have bothered about the test!!
He must have gained a certain level of trust for her for him to tell her this.....
First, how are you sure he's a virgin?
ReplyDeleteHis going on and off might be because of his status
Will he stay with you if you were to be the one with the virus?
See, why go for him when there are men with good character and no virus?
Are you sure you can bear the consequences/aftermath when they arise?
These and many more questions you should ask yourself
Love isn't enough in marriage
And it cannot be all rosy
So think twice before venturing into it
🤗🤗🤗
Go for HIV counseling together or you visit a test center alone,ask everything you'd love to know or you find HIV community online to help settle your fears.Marry him because you want him not just to save him from breaking down.
ReplyDeleteTelling your family about is the part that seems hard,you can choose not to inform them though but be very sure your religion leaders won't ask for HIV test which most of them do anyways and the news would later get to your family.
You can settle it in prayer if he's actually the one for you.
I wish you divine strength and wisdom at this time,you'll be fine.
After going off n on, he decided to come again after seeing no one accepted him. He is not a virgin, I can bet on that. If the ropes were reversed, he will go off once he knows your status. Don't start what u cannot finish.
ReplyDeleteI can beat my chest to say he's not a virgin.
ReplyDeleteThe guy might be a virgin by not using is penis but does that mean the asshole is free? Most men that get hiv these days are men that take it from the anus most times. I have been in your situation before. It never ends well. Count your blessings and move on. Learn to put God and yourself 1st.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
DeleteGbam!
DeleteDon't marry him because you will be jeopardizing your future, you can still be friends but don't marry him, it's too risky. The chances of men infecting women is higher than women infecting men. Be wise.
ReplyDeleteLove is selfless, love is kind, love does not insist on it's own.
ReplyDeletePray about this poster. HIV is not a death sentence, if he's consistent with his medications, his viral load can get so low, maybe even become undetecable, that way he won't infect you.
I Know alot of people are saying be selfish, this and that but love isn't selfish. Love is considering others too.
What would you have him do if you are the one in the position?
Nonetheless, don't stay because leaving would break him, rather let your decision be based on what you believe about love.
Again pray and pray some more.
Bon chance
Yvonne said: (( Love is selfless, love is kind, love does not insist on it's own.
DeletePray about this poster. HIV is not a death sentence...
I Know alot of people are saying be selfish, this and that but love isn't selfish. Love is considering others too.))
i was introduced to a spirikoko toaster, as soon as he heard I was AS, he disappeared into thin air.
@Poster pray about it and be mentally prepared that only you can take responsibility for eventualities. Your family may leave u to carry ur cross, his family may do same.
Apart from my experience with being genotype AS, I saw a movie based on the real life story of Stephen Hawking. His wife went through hell, all bcos he initially said he didnt need help/his condition is not that bad.
PLEASE I AM NOT SAYING MY CASE OR MRS STEPHEN HAWKING CASE IS EXACTLY LIKE YOURS. I AM JUST PREPARING YOUR MIND FOR THE ROAD AHEAD
@anon23:07, what exactly did you expect from your so called spirikoko, he should have waited cos of love, right? What nonsense analogy. He should not be rational because he is spirikoko. He should have waited and wasted soany years with you, then decide what to do later. So that you can write fantastic chronicle. I don't understand how most of you reason sometimes
DeleteHe has been going on and off on you because he didn't know how you'll handle his truth. He probably wanted to spare you the trouble of being torn about his situation, while at the same time sparing himself from the heartache your rejection will inflict on him.
ReplyDeleteTell God about this and if you have peace after everything, then give him a chance. I doubt the virgin part, but if you give him a chance, he'll hold you ALWAYS in high regard for taking a chance on him.
Good luck
And who knows that marriage might turn out really good as well. Nne prayyyyyyyyy
DeleteThank you @ Anonymous 15:13, HIV positive is not the end of life.
ReplyDeleteMy niece tested positive, she told her then fiancee now husband before marriage. They guy still went ahead to marry her and did not disclose to any of his family member.
👍👍👍 gbam
DeleteThere is always one with the perfect story.and its always anonymous, kikikikikiki
DeleteMost people on this blog don't want hear this kind of storyline. It is too fake to be real to them. All they want to read is how men are bad and how can prepare themselves to be offensive and defensive emotionally and physically. Check out @anon23:11 response, this one expect the person who said his/her family is positive to disclose her identity, so that she can be tagged in the future. Most people here are men haters secretly, you're all jusr deceiving yourselves
DeleteMy dear leave him. He has been off and on because hr knows how much you love him.
ReplyDeleteFree him let him go and free yourself from any guilt.
If you are the one with hthe virus, he would have japa and maybe told his pals.
Better be wise
Of course, he would have japaa like most men that we read in the comments that still went ahead to marry their positive partners.
DeleteAsk him questions. He might be lying to you about it just to test you.
ReplyDeleteAsk for proof. Visit the clinic together for the test before you take your final decision..
It won't affect your kids.
Well,this issue is DICEY,why has he been OFF and ON?you need to take your time and be sure there is no red flag that you have not been noticing, look well before you LEAP!
ReplyDeleteThat guy is far from being a virgin..he only came back cos he is hiv positive and looking for who to accept him with the virus.
ReplyDeleteTest him too,say yes and also ghost him
Exactly.
DeleteWOULD HE STAY IF YOU WERE HIV POSITIVE? I DON'T SEEM TO TRUST THIS YOUR ON AND OFF NEPA BOYFRIEND. THE RED FLAG IS HUGE. SAVE YOURSELF LIFETIME WAHALA BIKO
ReplyDeleteSo how did he get infected with HIV. You clearly don't know this guy well enough, he's not been open and truthful to you and yet you love him and and want to marry him. all the best to you and your decision.
ReplyDeleteHow do you people sit down and start using your twisted imaginations on what may have happened. Just respond to the post and stop trying to fill her head with trash. HIV is not a death sentence. Those who are positive marry those who are negative everyday across the world.
DeleteWell, I must say it not an easy decision. Matters of the heart are tough. That being said, what are the medical alternatives for the both of you? Is there a chance that the child God gives you both will be HIV negative? If the child will have HIV, then...
ReplyDeleteWhat about yourself, is there a chance you will get HIV? You are about to make a tough decision. May God be with you.
I have a very be bad feeling about this man. Very bad feeling. Take this matter to God in prayers.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, so sorry that you are heart broken but please take a walk!!! Love is not enough in marriage oh!! You'd be on drugs all your life. Make enquiry on how to have negative children. He knew he had it all this time, please it's better he goes for a fellow positive person. You don't know the depth of what you are going into. God help you to be wise in Jesus name Amen
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteIf he's positive, get counselled, meet a Doctor and ask him/her every possible questions.
Poster don't! This back and forth thing will cause you more pain and anguish. I am not even talking about his health status. He will so deal with you in future knowing that you will still be there waiting for him. I have been there. Let him GO
ReplyDeleteLet Mr off and on go
ReplyDeletePoster the decision is yours, can you remain faithful to him after you both say I do? You need to be sure of your feelings towards him, you need to make up your mind on what you really want.
ReplyDeleteIf you have tested positive would the guy still be with you? I cannot tell you to walk away become I am not God but I am saying you should weigh your decision before you say yes or no.
The guy may be telling you lies just to end the relationship or he could be telling you the truth. Four years is a very long time to open up to such a big health issue, how are are you that he is a virgin abi you both went for virginity test in a hospital together 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Shine your eyes very well cos some men can lie for Africa just to be with you. Some can even lie just to have sex with you, that you both never had sex doesn't make him a Saint.
It well babe
ReplyDeletePoster I have a bad feeling about this guy, I am aware people contact hiv through other means but it’s more of sexually contracting it!! I am 100% sure he isn’t a virgin, maybe he is bisexual or gay, trust me, he has been sleeping wit women but knows u are too naive and u would believe whatever story he tells u, pls leave him and look for someone else, abi u are ugly??? U better leave this situation cos u can’t handle this trust me
ReplyDeleteHe ain't honest,a lot is not adding up! since he has decided to settle with you,ask him point-blank why he has been on and off.
ReplyDeleteI am HIV positive and because of the fear of stigmatization, I do not bother with relationships anymore. Funny thing is I do not know how I got infected, thought I was very careful. I take solace that I have a good job and do not rely on people financially. Also I am a divorcee with a lovely daughter, it's tough though but I console myself cos there are others who have it worse in life. Oh I am a beautiful young lady!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your situation and staying out of a relationship is a nice decision. Most people here may not react to your comment, and if at all, the reactions will be supportive. Now let any man come here and say honestly he didn't know how he was infected. They know how they would feel in their minds, before they grab the keypads to type.
DeleteFirst time commenting...just a few words...You have a very low self esteem, you're dealing with a chief manipulator, a guy should not reject you more than once in a lifetime, HIV is not malaria, He has no right to put you to a TEST...stay woke..
ReplyDeleteGram gbam. Gbam. Serious low self esteem at its peak.
DeleteGbam gbam. Gbam. Serious low self esteem at its peak.
DeleteHe”ll be hurt when you say NO. At the end of the day, he go move on, his heart will heal just like how most of us got over a heartbreak. If your heart says NO, please listen to your intuition. Pray about it. And please read sabela’s comment over and over. And NO he is not a virgin. He said that not to look bad so you won’t see him as a prostitute 🙄. I may be wrong sha. Be careful oo and please update us. All the best and hugs 🤗
ReplyDeleteJust like Sabella, you paint the man terribly bad with so many sentences and just drop a line of I may be wrong. What sort of psychology is that? Have any of you been judged wrongly before, and at the end of it the person said I may be wrong. How does that even feel?
DeleteDear poster please run for your life and sanity. Never ever compromise on things like this. We are talking about an illness here. Would you be ready to live a cautious life all through coupled with the fact that you are in Nigeria? What about your kids? Believe me, issues will come up in the future that will make you regret marrying this guy cos you would naturally expect him to adore you cos of the sacrifice you made but he wouldn't cos by then the whole weight of the compromise would have worn off. I wish I could explain it better to you but please move on. If you are a virgin, you deserve better in your sexual life.
ReplyDelete