Hmmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BETRAYED
Hi Stella,
I was in a relationship with a guy, or so i thought. He was the first man i had ever dated. I dated him at age 24 because that was when i started working.
I always believed in being financially stable before getting into a relationship. I had a car of my own also.
I am mixture of north and south. So most people believe i am Edo. They don't believe a Northern girl can be this light skinned. Lol.
I get toasters a lot, they say "you are so fine" but that doesn't move me at all because there is more to a woman than beauty. Character and personality overrides beauty. So i made sure i built on those before starting a relationship
I met this guy at work, from the first day we met there was this spark. It was mutual.
We kept bumping into each other at the office, but for some reason i never thought much of it, maybe because i wasn't really the relationship type. Relationship scares me.
Well he got my number from a friend at work. His best friend at work is also a family friend of mine, very respectful, humble and kind.
When this his best friend spoke to me about him. I decided to give him a chance. I actually wanted to start of as friends and grow the relationship slowly, hence i took about one month to commit.
Things were really rosy until he left the company because he was on contract and his contract had expired.
He started to do small small hustle. I still stood by him.
However 5 months into the relationship he started acting up, could go 1 day without calling.
I asked him why he was doing this, that all i ever wanted was him to be caring, kind. I don't ask for money or anything at all.
He always apologized.
I remember one time he wanted to sell an equipment (as part of his hustle) for 30k. He asked me to show my dad, i told him my dad won't buy it. It was a device which could disinfect phones, pens any thing little using UV rays. I told him my dad will rather use sanitizer to disinfect his phones, pens.
He then told me to ask another guy whom we both knew.
I told him no because that guy likes me a lot, always begging me to marry him, he introduced his daughter to me, so i try to avoid him a lot. So i told my "boyfriend to meet the guy on his own". He became unhappy telling me that i don't know how to do business. That since the guy has a soft spot for me, he will agree. I said i will try. But i knew the guy won't buy and true to it, the man didn't buy.
I told my boyfriend to come up with something creative to sell, because during the pandemic most people don't have too much money to spend and they will rather buy sanitizer than a device that uses UV rays for 30k.
I noticed he started to withdraw more. I asked him what's up?
He said he is wondering if i want him to progress in life. I was shocked.
When things were bad. I gave him 10k. He asked for 80k another time. I lied that i didn't have. Lol.
I also refused to sleep with him. I am strongly team no sex before marriage.
Anyways i tried speaking to him last year November cause things were getting worse between us. I had tried tk end the relationship severally but he always apologized. He just hung up the phone on me.
I found out last week that he had relocated to Canada and never for once told me.
I asked his best friend ( my family friend) if it was true. He said yes. He said the guy told him that i was aware.
And to think i gave him 40k cause another of his friend whom i knew called me that my boyfriend is in trouble, he was arrested by police in Kaduna for trying to bribe an official. You know he does contract so maybe he bribed an official to get the contract. I didn't want to believe but i just gave him benefit of the doubt.
I feel he tried to use me cause my dad is well connected. Hence his insistence on meeting my dad, getting contracts.
Well i was feeling down.
Sometimes i wonder if there are good men in Nigeria. This is the 2nd time it's happening to me. I have helped a man before and for him to pay me back, he called me a beast and told me to leave him ( this guy wasn't a boyfriend, we were still figure each other out , he was on my case oo)
Well as stupid as it sounds. I am trying to forget all he did to me. I can't seem to forget. I feel so betrayed. I keep wondering why ?? Why will you hurt someone who cared for you.
Please BV's how can i wipe away everything cause i can't stop thinking of all the hurt he put me through. i feel so silly.
*He wanted to use you and did not succeed.. its his loss and not yours my dear...
Hi Stella,
I was in a relationship with a guy, or so i thought. He was the first man i had ever dated. I dated him at age 24 because that was when i started working.
I always believed in being financially stable before getting into a relationship. I had a car of my own also.
I am mixture of north and south. So most people believe i am Edo. They don't believe a Northern girl can be this light skinned. Lol.
I get toasters a lot, they say "you are so fine" but that doesn't move me at all because there is more to a woman than beauty. Character and personality overrides beauty. So i made sure i built on those before starting a relationship
I met this guy at work, from the first day we met there was this spark. It was mutual.
We kept bumping into each other at the office, but for some reason i never thought much of it, maybe because i wasn't really the relationship type. Relationship scares me.
Well he got my number from a friend at work. His best friend at work is also a family friend of mine, very respectful, humble and kind.
When this his best friend spoke to me about him. I decided to give him a chance. I actually wanted to start of as friends and grow the relationship slowly, hence i took about one month to commit.
Things were really rosy until he left the company because he was on contract and his contract had expired.
He started to do small small hustle. I still stood by him.
However 5 months into the relationship he started acting up, could go 1 day without calling.
I asked him why he was doing this, that all i ever wanted was him to be caring, kind. I don't ask for money or anything at all.
He always apologized.
I remember one time he wanted to sell an equipment (as part of his hustle) for 30k. He asked me to show my dad, i told him my dad won't buy it. It was a device which could disinfect phones, pens any thing little using UV rays. I told him my dad will rather use sanitizer to disinfect his phones, pens.
He then told me to ask another guy whom we both knew.
I told him no because that guy likes me a lot, always begging me to marry him, he introduced his daughter to me, so i try to avoid him a lot. So i told my "boyfriend to meet the guy on his own". He became unhappy telling me that i don't know how to do business. That since the guy has a soft spot for me, he will agree. I said i will try. But i knew the guy won't buy and true to it, the man didn't buy.
I told my boyfriend to come up with something creative to sell, because during the pandemic most people don't have too much money to spend and they will rather buy sanitizer than a device that uses UV rays for 30k.
I noticed he started to withdraw more. I asked him what's up?
He said he is wondering if i want him to progress in life. I was shocked.
When things were bad. I gave him 10k. He asked for 80k another time. I lied that i didn't have. Lol.
I also refused to sleep with him. I am strongly team no sex before marriage.
Anyways i tried speaking to him last year November cause things were getting worse between us. I had tried tk end the relationship severally but he always apologized. He just hung up the phone on me.
I found out last week that he had relocated to Canada and never for once told me.
I asked his best friend ( my family friend) if it was true. He said yes. He said the guy told him that i was aware.
And to think i gave him 40k cause another of his friend whom i knew called me that my boyfriend is in trouble, he was arrested by police in Kaduna for trying to bribe an official. You know he does contract so maybe he bribed an official to get the contract. I didn't want to believe but i just gave him benefit of the doubt.
I feel he tried to use me cause my dad is well connected. Hence his insistence on meeting my dad, getting contracts.
Well i was feeling down.
Sometimes i wonder if there are good men in Nigeria. This is the 2nd time it's happening to me. I have helped a man before and for him to pay me back, he called me a beast and told me to leave him ( this guy wasn't a boyfriend, we were still figure each other out , he was on my case oo)
Well as stupid as it sounds. I am trying to forget all he did to me. I can't seem to forget. I feel so betrayed. I keep wondering why ?? Why will you hurt someone who cared for you.
Please BV's how can i wipe away everything cause i can't stop thinking of all the hurt he put me through. i feel so silly.
*He wanted to use you and did not succeed.. its his loss and not yours my dear...
Please pick up yourself and forget him....
I am also wondering if there are any good men left in Nigeria...If any good man is reading this, please indicate.
I am also wondering if there are any good men left in Nigeria...If any good man is reading this, please indicate.
Please move on babe geh!!
The memory will fade with time.
ReplyDeleteDon't try to force yourself to forget.
I think you've sent this chronicle in before, you probably rephrased it because you still feel hurt and want to move on.
Keep being yourself and the one who will value and love you will come.
This story want to be familiar with mine, I just pray I can see any trusted man again, most of whom I came across are after your money and sex.
DeletePoster, never date below your class again. This is what you will get mostly, if you keep dating down.
DeleteAnd I dont mean, family name for mouth. Date someone who can hold himself down before another person. You are premium package. Never you forget that.
@anon 18:18 God bless you. that's the only solution to her problem. the average naija man is looking to level up thru dating n marriage. Tony Gaskins is a man o n he said "don't ever let a man experience your money because u won't know if that man loves u for u or ur money" n men are not made to fall deeper in love like women are. u may buy his love for a time but when he sees what he wants outside he won't think twice before bouncing.
DeletePoster, be smart . i take it this guy was your age mate. u need to aim higher biko. if not u may end stuck in same financial position funding a guy's stupid biz ideas, him secretly detesting and envying you for growing up in a higher class, him spending your money on other women, him feeling emasculated. God forbid sha. such arrangements build secret resentments on the woman's part too cus she wears herself out providing for this man. even his actions towards u are manipulative and not encouraging o. u really dodged a bullet cus his intention was to make u emotionally weak, n dependent on him n make u chase him or keep him by giving him money. see a lot of guys these days are slick or think they are. ur brain has to be working 24/7.
@ Anon 18:18 true! i think she went wrong dating a guy from work. never date from where you work unless it is the UNMARRIED boss, owner, CEO. Your fellow colleagues are hustling just like you are so don't hustle backwards
Deleteposter next time have a bunch of platonic male options on the side to soften the blow. men do it all the time that''s why they move on fast. anyways sorry to say he was using ur money to further his relocation plans but had no plans of informing or filling u in because he did not want to take u along. u were used plain n simple. It happens to the best of us, that is why i don't give men money . Sex, we will both gain something from so that is negotiable. if ur celibate n strong willed, the you should keep holding it tho. it gives u an edge. u can think clearly n move on fast without there being any sexual soul ties so good for you.
Deletei would advise prayer, getting close to God, making new friends getting good hobbies, volunteer, starting a business, exercise! omg exercise works wonders. if ur body n brain are busy u won't have time to think of the guy. ur 24 so u still have time to get ur body and mind right n meet a high value man in his 30s and up that knows his role as a provider. why not ask ur parents to sponsor a degree abroad where u can meet high value men of all races and nationalities. u will forget this loser in no time
Yes they're good men I don't play girls, wasn't the dating type and ended marring a beautiful wife that understands me and gives me peace of mind never cheated on my wife and won't cheat for anything. And no I am not broke I doing more than well for my age. So yes they're good guys out there keep observing, and don't be in a hurry with guys the problem with some girls is that they see the signs but allow love to blind them.
DeleteMake up your mind to forget about him. You didn't lose, you'll be fine. It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteHiiii POSTER!!!
DeleteI am making my assumptions based on the limited information you have provided.
He had made his mind made up from the get go, to use you for personal gain from the get go, otherwise he would have mentioned relocating to Canada as part of the many of his plans you guys discussed over the 10months. Then I think it wasn't wise taking planning to take your few months old boyfriend to meet your dad on a business basis. The boy friend must have least shown some working, maybe by way of past successes in other ventures or some some level of tangible promise in the present one.
Then another thing, I think it was kind of a low blow mentioning the 10k you gave him, I just don't believe it's note worthy. It's your hard earned money no doubt, but if you feel it's that note worthy, then it calls to questions the possible impact of other stuff you claim you did for him in your quest to help. *NOTE YOU OWED HIM NOTHING*
-I do think you dodged a bullet
-I do think you're a lil rigid (not referring to the no sex thing)
-I don't think you were that into him, I think your pain your pain comes from the fact that you are not used to being invested in people and it turns out you were being played .... No one likes to be a sucker
Time will heal this one...
I think you are a nice and focused ( a bit rigid) lady.....
That being said ( without any disregard to your chronicle) I think I am going to shoot my shot.
You caught my curiosity when you mentioned you were both a Northern and Yorba mix ( I have a thing😜) . And as I said earlier I think you're nice, together and silly ( in a cute way)
Would love to get to know you, but not in the comments section of our beloved SDK..lol😄
If you think there's something here, we could talk more, privately by email yemio200@gmail.com
Would be awesome if you took a chance and gave it a shot.
PS this is a second draft, not sure if the first one sent.
see gold digger lol
DeleteGold digger??! Hmmmmm. Can't see how that would be the case
DeleteIt is well with you poster. Stay strong and don't give up yet. May the good lord bring your own man to you.
ReplyDeleteHis loss. Move on sis. Yes o, there are good men in Nigeria o but they are scarce. Good men without ego issues that wnats you to turn to foot mat or talk you down. Heal and keep an open mind, your own good man will come
ReplyDeleteThere are few but I guess one has to really pray hard and put herself out there to find them. I actually met a guy who says he is a psychopath and enjoys watching people suffer n he has cheated and stolen before. At least he didn't lie or pretend so I know how to plan myself. There are a lot of sick demented and twisted men in need of therapy in this naija. And as a woman, it is not your job to save them from themselves. Sadly some other girl will have to suffer thru it and write chronicles because she thinks she can change him.
DeleteYou were too rigid poster that's why he treated you that way. When you love someone you give freely. How can he ask you for 80k and you give 10k and he knows you can afford the Money. The guy just decided that he was on his own and decided to scam you of 40k then travel make e pain you.
Delete@ Ajay welcome o. U must be his brother. Awon users oshi without shame. Use and dump. After eating her money, ur dense stupid brain will start looking for excuses to japa like she was too bossy, she was a nag. must u ask ur woman for money? . can't u ask ur guys or family and save urself the SHAME? Hian u naija guys these days don't even fear women losing respect for you
DeleteHahaha Ajay must be the boyfriend that duped ND ran to Canada.
Deleteyou ladies are greedy and self centred
Deletekudos to that guy
See the opportunist dem, they no dey hide face. Lazy, bereft of ideas, looking for a girl to leach on. Girls, wise up and never be desperate. Also, DO NOT DATE DOWN.
DeleteHe left as he could not get what he envisaged he would get from you.
ReplyDeleteSorry
Try to forget him.
God has a way of removing toxic people in our lives.
DeleteMoveee
You were practically useless to him, no sex , no push in his business, you couldn't even convince your rich dad to buy his product for mere 30k nor convince your friend. You obviously didn't believe him and he saw through that. You are not ready for a relationship yet.
ReplyDeleteHey i am the poster. I have been there for this guy. I buy him gifts. He never got anything for me and i don't complain. I always encourage him. I even proposed a business plan that he should show my dad as that will be more encouraging. He said no he preders selling that device. And that was during the pandemic. I showed a lot of people , they said it was too expensive and not worth it.
DeleteI have a business, he never supported it but i didn't complain cause things weren't rosy for him.
I always wanted us to talk things through but he started withdrawing.
I believed in him a lot but what do i do??
He left for canada practically 10 months into the relationship, meaning he had planned it since.
Oh well.
this is so wrong sir\ma, you dont have to say this. you should have resisted the urge to talk stupidly.
DeleteHi poster, pls don't mind that idiot up there. I was just about to type my response to him then I refreshed and saw ur comment.
DeleteLook, the real man that loves u will not need you to prove anything to him, be it sex or money. Real men that love a woman can't even dream of asking her for money so yes u were being used! Why not broaden your horizon perhaps to other nationalities and races. Have u thought of relocating abroad too perhaps for studies. Must not be Canada obv but maybe UK or US. If u are feminine, soft spoken,know how to support a man(emotionally and not necessary with punani) there are a lot of men there wishing to have a lady like you. . They complain that their own women have become too masculine and too feminist . It must not be naija man o. Ask Stella she will tell u. Loll
Please giving in to sex before marriage is not the definition of "being useful"; is it?
DeleteHe could have loaded this poster with babies or STDs/Hiv and vanished to Canada.
Same you will begin to taunt her as "baby mama." Odiegwu o. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
The most useful decision I read in this post is that the poster did not succumb to his
sexual pressures.
Hi poster. U did nothing wrong at all. U even tried giving him money which he had no entitlement too. The man put u in position as a provider in his life! He basically made u the man because that was his own role to fulfill not yours. U need to listent to feminine energy podcasts and watch for examples around you of how giving a man money and too much validation makes him hate you even though he asks.
DeleteMen are wired to want to give and not receive. . So u need to set that precedent from the start so u can weed out any users. Just that due to how badly most Nigerian men were spoiled by mommy and how alot of them are never held accountable and how the Nigerian economy has made most of them broke. A lot of Nigerian men sadly are looking to be fed by women. And many grew up in homes where mommy was the silent breadwinner and daddy was the figure head. Sadly that dynamic rarely ever happens without some resentments from both mommy and daddy. It's sad. If uwanna take a chance n u don't mind being that sort of provider woman for a man in Hopes that he remembers you when he makes it finally, then good luck.
But just keep in mind that there is a chance he can grow to resent u all over again like ur past lovers and start to act out and cheat to "punish" u for daring to be more successful and "robbing" him of his role
Poster, you dodged a bullet. Just thank God for making you see it now. You will be fine.
ReplyDeleteI think the guy dodged a bullet too.
DeleteThank you castle. The guy did.
Delete@ Castle he sure did. He dodged the chance of proving to be a real man that can provide for his family and take up responsibility without leaning on his woman for support. What a dodge.....idiot
DeleteThe guy dodged the bullet. She practically did not add value or assist him at all. If it were to be a guy that has all, will the lady not call him stingy if he didn't helped out??...
Delete@Golibe well it wasn't the girl asking for money was it? NO! Pls I don't understand what stupid gigolo sugar boy/baby boy mentality naija men are starting to have and see as normal.
DeleteU enter relationship looking for atm or prick massager instead of thinking how to stay single make money so that u can marry and be a responsible provider as head of household! Yet u fix those same hungry hypocritical mouths of yours to say u dislike feminists. U morons need to pick a struggle because ur just making yourselves look like jokes.
Incase u weren't raised in an environment as a good example to be set for you, the man is the provider and the woman is the nurturer because that is the wiring God gave them.. stop trying to turn the world upside down to benefit your selfish interests, because most of you goats will still expect a woman to go out there work to feed your hungry mouth then come back and sweat over kitchen stove to feed you and then come on bed to fuq you! Please what is the usefulness of you naija men these days now apart from making dumb comments online and distributing community peen upandan?. I really wanna know!
I love you @ 18:11
DeleteYou sef wasn’t really supportive so he MOVED. You could have asked your Daddy to buy that device before concluding that he won’t be interested.
ReplyDeleteLearn to help without hoping to get anything in return.
That's rich coming from a naija man. You too learn to give a woman money n help without expecting knacks in return
DeleteFan do u know her dad more than her? If u give me something to sell , I am in a position to know if my dad would buy or not! Moreover she asked others and they didn’t buy too
DeleteSo she should make her dad buy what will be useless to him all because he as change to throw around?
DeleteShe did nothing wrong.
Dear poster, yes they are still good men in Nigeria. The man that is meant for you will find you soon.
ReplyDeleteI am a Nigerian, and I am a good man.
ReplyDeleteKazmor
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Dear poster, try to delete everything that reminds you of him. Block him on all SM. Keep an open mind. The right person will locate you.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster I am really sorry about what happened to you..The truth is bad things happens to good people at times not that it is really your fault..It is how the Universe is built...From your story, your (ex)-friend felt he fell from grace from having a good pay during his contract in your place of work to almost begging to make ends meet..I am not holding brief for him but when men tend to loose their livelihood or cash flow, they tend to feel sad which is a big blow to their ego and they tend to be retract, most time throw tantrums and avoid any form of contact with their girlfriend or partner cause they feel they-aint-enough...But he had no right to make you feel that way...
ReplyDeleteI believe that UV light could have worked better at Private Hospitals, Private Labs, Bars and Event Centres e.t.c...In all that has passed; he kept apologizing just to postpone the evil day which is move to Canada without telling you..Aside from that, he never had true feelings for you and just wanted to use your qualities you highlighted - Your beauty, your attractive nature just to for his personal gains or gratifications...I will ask that you forgive him but don't allow you just invade into your life anyhow..Now its time to set healthy boundaries with him and going forward..
Don't change who you are because of how they treated you, it is on them not you..Just learn your lessons and this will help make informed decision when meeting prospects..As I always say ''May the love that you seek and hold dearly find you''..Keep being you, smile, make friends with both sexes so you understand the inner workings of both sexes, take yourself out, enjoy every little beauty that comes your way..All the best dear You will be fine..
It's high time you moved on with your life as he was obviously not the one for you
ReplyDeleteThere are no good men in Nigeria again o. A lot of them now are lazy and looking for working class ladies to marry and still saying they don’t want feminists as wives. Lol. Pls that man that has a soft spot for you is probably in your same financial class but bcos he has a daughter, you might have developed a cold feet. But I will advise you heal and give that man a chance. Don’t marry down. A lot of the Nigerian men are users. Just keep your head high. I am glad that you cuppy the guy o 🤣🤣🤣🤣 if you add all the money you spent on him, e no even reach 250 dollars. So no worry the Canada even fit be Congo.count ur blessings. Good job not also sleeping with him.❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteYep. A lot of naija men are proud users and golddiggers. And they won't change cus many naija women are proud to be the cooks, the atm for men that will leave them and marry a girl that did nothing but rest in her feminine energy. I hope women can u understand that if a man comes to you with intentions of having his hand out all thru he doesn't have plans for u mu sister. Either close ur legs while shopping for his replacement, have ur fun with him then bounce or stay and compete with your cowives and fellow cooks cus trust me a man like that will keep looking for the highest bidders. Lmao.
DeleteMen fall in love when they spend money, do things for you etc but most naija ladies are too desperate to be the pick me that wins the prized community peen. Loll
Ooooh Dearie!! You have been played. Thank God your Pussycat wasn't involved.
ReplyDeleteI always tell my children to be alert because everyone is using everyone although in different ways. So keep a smart watch of those close to you... Evaluate your friendship... Are your friends always needy whenever they are around you? Do they always have sad stories to share in other to get something from you? They are not always there for you when you need help or need company?? If yes FREEZE that Friendship ASAP... You are in the boarding house solely catered for by your poor widowed mother.
You need to see how my boys started venting out and adjusting and giving cold shoulder to those energy draining friends. Honestly I am proud of how they are now looking out for themselves. Fake energy draining vampires everywhere...
Baby girl you dodged a bullet. Genuine love will find you. Their mean behavior is to make you feel bad. God watches over the innocent and he will always watch over you.
ReplyDeleteTheir mean behaviour is to make u react badly so they have a good excuse to make themselves feel better about how evil they treated you. It's a pat6t of human nature. That guy saw u as his meal ticket. Okay fine girl from rich home and he got a bit envious and wanted to have his share. Yes, men can envy women too. Esp when the woman is more successful. I'm similar to you in that I grew up privileged and most of the men I've dated in naija once they get to know that fact they start asking for money n when they don't get it they get very upset and treat me badly. Such men are users and the thing about men is that when they are even collecting money from you they can feel hatred for you and feel emasculated because they have to stoop so low to be collecting money from a woman. They will act out and try to gain manhood back by cheating, treating u bad and all sorts. I hope u get to read this and read books on Human Nature. It has helped me because like u I'm also not so experienced with men cus of a sheltered life. But after reading those books and getting therapy from life coaches and relationship coaches I understand men a lot better.
DeleteAlso baby girl u need to start by dating up, get involved in places and circles and work places where only successful men reside. Go for seminars, auto dealerships etc. If u keep within this same circle u r bound to keep dating and eventually marry down to a man that will just see us a meal ticket and a stepping stone to help him get his money up so he can marry another younger woman
There are many good men in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteThe evil in the land which makes it seem as if there were no good men in the country is the wrong notion that nigerian girls are not loyal and dependable.
I hear it all the time from guys in their late twenties to early thirties that Naija girls were made and only available to the highest bidder.
I don't think there are a lot of good men left in naija. Not being negative just stating that with the way most were raised they are not equipped to handle relationships with women without serious therapy. Some are gay on the down low and battling with those emotions, some are still soul tied to an ex that has moved on, some hate women because mommy was either too strict/distant or too overnurturing/smothering, some were molested. Nigeria itself is a very harsh 3rd world country so not a lot of room for love, just pure survival. That's why most men look for a woman they can use financially first to get on their feet and then dump before considering love. Most of them will pay more attention to the girl that offers them a benefit, sex, food or money but see no future. Many many issues.
ReplyDeleteThe dating scene in naija looks pretty bleak and alot of the women that are succeeding at it have the mindset that they don't deserve better and that all the man's needs should be catered to regardless of if she gets treated good or not. Many are fine giving huge sums of money to and cooking and cleaning for men that may or may not even marry or be faithful to them. If u feel those are the type of women that u can compete with, then fine join the circus. Too much leverage on the male species here and little respect for women.if u really study the dating scene in naija u will know it's not a lie.
Me I'm ready to japa and making secret plans to relocate already. I suggest u do the same. . The current guy in my life is also doing shakara but has no idea of my plans to leave. I just act dumb and like love is making me forget all his evils. When I leave only people I want to have my number will have it. I'm hanging in there because being 100% alone is not fun but I'm not too daft to know that I do indeed deserve better. Strategise your relocation or at least broaden your horizons and you may be lucky enough to come in touch with the few good naija men left in naija. Good luck
Anon 15:38, Gbam Gbam Gbam. You’ve said it all about naija men. My goodness you nailed it. Wishing you well in your plans and yes please leave that country as soon as you can. Blessings to you. Poster read this and read it over and over like it’s your Bible. Too many broken men in naija. You might be lucky though. Maybe those that have traveled out and are way more open minded!
DeleteHi stella , yes i am a good man and i am a nigerian. hhahahahaa... sorry poster, you will be fine. time heals us all. give it time. and do be careful next time.
ReplyDeleteHow is he a bad man ? You never believed in him, you never supported him. Sometimes we buy things we don't need just to support friends and family business. But you instead discouraged him without trying, he obviously wasn't a lazy. I would do the same thing he did if my woman cannot support my hustle just by helping out with a little marketing. He dodged a bullet, fair weather girlfriend
ReplyDeleteLol. User oshi. See his mouth. Not even ashamed.
DeleteHi i am the poster. I am greatly misunderstood. When he asked me out, yes i agreed to date him. He wasn't doing that well financially but i was so impressed with his intelligence. I even used to joke with him that our kids will have his brain and have my beauty. I am not a short sighted person. When his contract ended, he started hustling. I came up with a business plan for him to show my dad cause i know that anything that is profitable, my dad will be interested. He started working on the proposal. Tben he stopped. Him and his friend came up with the UV rays machine to disinfect little gadgets. They imported it by the way. It cost 30k. He said i should show my dad. I said no cause i know my dad. He won't buy. I told him , let's focus on the business proposal. Sha he left it. Now he asked me to also show that guy that wants to marry me. That guy won't have bought it. I told him i will show others. I even put it on my status. I was not in any way discouraging him, but i inow people that will buy and people that won't buy. Am i to force my dad to buy a gadget? Even though i know he won't. I asked my dad and my friend. They said no that it is too expensive, that a sanitiizer will work. I didn't know he felt so bad. It was pandemic. No movement. So people were not willing to spend a lot. I showed a lot of people.
DeleteI too started a business. I even gave him free samples. He never put it on his status or showed his friends. I didn't mind. Cause things weren't rosy.
When he didn't have food i practically begged him to accept money from me.i did it cause i loved him. Wasn't expecting anything in return.
He started withdrawing slowly. He said he was hustling so he was stressed. Even on weekends we won't see. Haba. I told him ok, i will pay 4 d date. Or we can take a walk in te park. Talk to me what's going on? He said i am over reacting.
See i was a good girlfriend. Yes i said it. I will literally surprise him with little gifts. His favourite chocolate, drink. Even got a custom made slippers 4 him cause i loved him
I never got anything back. And i didn't bother. I still believed in him.
If we argued and i was d 1 at fault, i will apologize
Same goes to him.
I let him know i wasn't perfect.
I don't know what else to say.
I didn't give him the 80k cause then i had 100k which i wanted to use part of it 4 investment.
His family is well to do however he is the only 1 that is yet to find his feet.
At the end of the day . I found out he had relocated to canada.
Meaning he had money to process things.
He bad family support.
He would have still left me.
I loved him
But he didn't love me.
It's all good though.
Carrying prick doesn't make you a man it is the quality of decisions you make
DeleteEntitled bullshit everywhere
@ poster, I think this is your ExBF oo. He reads stella’s blog and he knows this is you. Entitled Bit*h Man. You definitely dodged a bullet.
DeleteMy dear thank your God you dodged a bullet. It's okay to feel the way you're feeling but put it at the back of your mind that time heals all wound, so don't beat yourself up🤗🤗.
ReplyDeletePoster all I can tell you to do is expand the dating pool outside naija men or at least to naija men of a higher calibre preferably well established late 30s. If not u will keep meeting men like this. Naija economy is not friendly for true love o. Men are looking for means of survival - food, sex, money, Visa. Those are their new specs..just that the downside is when they get what they want from these specs the next thing is to dump so it's a game of chance if u are willing to take the chance sha and possibly be competing with other women. Lol
ReplyDeleteI am a good responsible man
ReplyDeleteSometimes this things are not as simple as it appears. Yes they but dodged bullets. My cousin would always say, before judging a situation put yourself in the picture and wear the shoe.
DeleteFor most guys, when broke they are all over the place. Unlike we ladies, we outside the box better and could undertake any hustle. What often baffle me is how we ladies readily say "real men don't", please what do real women do? In relationships both parties don't owe eachother anything but loyalty, genuineness and openness. The idea that a man is supposed to give, while a woman is to collect. Is what has put our young girls in their state of promiscuity. I used to have female friends who would boast that they can't take their male boyfriend's out on a date. Not to talk of an ordinary friend. Such mindset is wrong. Where is the humility to treat others, the way we want to be treated. My cousin would say what you can't give, don't ask.
To the poster, both of you mismanaged what you had - both did not try to be modestly reasonable with eachother. Yes he might not have loved, or he could have. Either way, something changed. He was wrong to have left you out of his short and long term plans. But should we blame him? His intention could have been to exploit you, using love. Or he lost interest along. Either way, you two didn't look like completing the other. And that's what true relationships need, a partner who is ready, sincere and willing to put in an equal effort and work. Not a donor and an NGO. Stinginess is not gender base, neither is generosity. It's your duties to be actively involved in eachother's business with respect.
Dear poster, I don't believe that if it yours, it will stay. Because sometimes we over look what is truly meant for us, with this wrong belief. Let me leave you with my cousin's words, in whatever you do, keep an open mind always.
@Ebony Oge. Eyaaa lol
DeleteStella,I tell you there good guys in naija and to the glory of God I'm one of them. There 2 sides to a coin and I believe 8f you ask the guy,he will have his own to say. Most chronicles need to be verified cos it's one side story. I'm not saying the poster is not saying the truth but can naija guys be dis wicked? Let's our ladies too check themselves,are they truly faithful? I decide to be on my own since my last relationship cos every girl has a boyfriend and they tends to use another guy as an option if the boyfriend fuck up , meanwhile the boyfriend knew he was an option so wen the lady fall back to him,most naija guy will reacts,hence the chronicles of betrayal. Let's the ladies too check themselves. I mean no harm. Tanks
ReplyDeleteMen have options too. I should know cus I found out first hand. Women have had their own share of heartbreak. Women are just mirroring you guys and diversifying their pool just like you men are doing so don't complain. Who wants to chop heart break again. The older u get the more set in ur ways and the harder it is to date for love. I wish I had known this in my teens and early 20s. Would have married by then if I had known that the dating scene is just a nightmare of guys with emotional issues, jaded pasts, sex addictions, sociopathic behaviour and so on and so forth.
DeleteMadam poster work on yourself.you sound arrogant.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a jealous cunt looking for people to humble themselves to make u feel better.
DeleteHow tf does she sound arrogant? Having rich parents is not a crime o. I hope Nigerians can learn this one day.
na fine she fine she no kill person LOL
DeleteYou sound hungry.go and make money.Aku na esi obi ike.
DeleteYou should be saying thank God you didn't give in to his demands nor fall for his selfishness because he still would have left like that after chopping you. That's when you will be really pained.
ReplyDeleteI understand madam poster. Your dad is well connected and you couldn't help your supposed boyfriend?? Let's cut the guy some slack biko. Did he know of your dad's connection before liking you on day 1?? Because you said you had a spark from day 1. You buy him gifts, really? I know your kind.. why won't he run? You discouraged him from doing what he wanted to do, you couldn't help him with your 'Dad's connection.. put yourself in his shoes.. won't you run!!??? Because your dad has connection,so anybody that tries to obtain favour from you is trying to use you?? Hahaha. Well, since you're so fine, getting another bf shouldn't be difficult. Next please.....
ReplyDeleteNa wa oooo for all these comments I have been reading above.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm is all I can say for if I followed you people's advice that is how I would have missed my husband.
When I met my husband he had nothing and I mean NOTHING.
Meanwhile I am from a wealthy home with a good monthly allowance.
At first I was surprised, why will such a guy have nothing to his name but I loved his personality and the way he made me feel. I have been praying for a spouse and turned down several proposals because the one I see in my dreams had not arrived until I met DH.
TBT I could not understand why God will give me a broke husband especially after turning down wealthy suitors that treated me poorly but had money.
So I invested in DH's business, I supported him and helped change his mindset, eventually DH started making money and when he did, he refunded me all I had invested in his business, bought a house exactly where I wanted and bought me a lovely SUV.
My marriage is beautiful, joyful and full of love.
Morale of the story - not every broke guy is a loser.
Okay o. Just cus u were lucky doesn't mean it worked for others so please have several seats. You sound full of yourself, arrogant and naive. U only coming here to paint the beautiful picture but won't leave the bitter parts. I'm sure this is a broke guy looking to use ladies and not even a woman. What business of yours Is it if people choose not to marry a broke guy? If ur enjoying the marriage truly then keep quiet and let others do as they feel and succeed at it.
DeleteMy advice will forever be never marry down. Most Nigerians are hobosexuals and love to shame women that married up because they themselves settled for what they could get. I have never seen a situation where a lady married down n she's not begging or living off family members so noone can convince me to marry down. I Can't stand that stupid mentality where a woman must build a man up. Let those who wanna marry up, marry up. Not every one has the mind to take chances on men that could end up leaving later on for a fine young thing
Do let us know how that goes for you several years from now sweetheart. My own advice is and will always be don't marry a guy you will have to feed. Shikena. It hardly ever goes well and nothing can convince me otherwise. People that weren't as lucky did what u did and are still suffering the effects years later so pls shut up with your broke loving propaganda.
DeleteYou are the exception and not the rule. Yours worked due to luck and pure grace of God and you are a wicked witch if u advice other girls to take the path u did. That's all I have to say
Dear Anon 18:26, why are you this angry and bitter about her comment? You could've supported her with if she said her marriage to a former broke guy was hell, right?
DeleteJust look at all the angry curse words you used just because someone is happy with their life and choice.
Well, I'm a woman and I felt the poster didn't give her best anyway. You need to move on and forget about him.
Hi everyone. I am the poster. I read all the comments. I am greatly misunderstood. I loved him despite him not being well to do. I always encouraged him. I came up with a business plan which he should show to my dad. My dad is very tough. You have to come up with something innovative to please him. I knew my dad will like the plan. We started working on the plan. He stopped and said. He wanted to get the disinfecting equipment that uses UV rays. I knew my dad won't buy cause i know my dad too well. I knw what he likes and what he won't. I believed that business idea will sell. So i told him no my dad won't buy. He felt bad.
ReplyDeleteThat my friend too is also his friend(though not too close).i knew he won't buy cause he doesn't like spending money like that. So i asked others that I know and because of the pandemic, they all complained about the price. I even put it on my status.
When he didn't have money to feed. I gave him money . I practically begged him to take cause i loved him and i wasn't expecting anything in return.
I didn't give him the 80k cause to be honest i had used a lot of money for investment and i had 90k cash left and i knew he wasn't gonna pay back anytime soon. Besides his family is well to do. Yet he feels bad asking them for money. Why can't he? If he has a business plan.
I also started a business which he never took interest in ,i assumed it was because times were hard so i didn't stress him. I was into food business.
His friend called me that my boyfriend was in trouble with police. I had to give his friend money. And of course my boyfriend never paid back. Again i didn't ask for it.
See money isn't the issue. If u love someone you give . But what can i do. I guess his ego got the best of him. He was not there for me emotionally also. He started avoiding calls. I felt bad and kept asking what i did wrong?
I wanted us to talk things through cause communication is very important. If we argue and I'm the 1 at fault. I always aplogize immediately. He also apologizes.
I tell him, I'm not perfect if i've wronged you let's talk things through.
Our last 3 dates I'm d 1 that paid cause i wanted us to see. I didn't care about the expense. I surprise him with little gifts just to make him happy.i was a good girlfriend. Yez i will say it. I loved surprising him with gifts of his favourite chocolate, drinks. It might not be much but it was the thought that counted. I even got a customm made shoe for him to make him happy. I never got any gift back but i didn't care . Cause i believed in him.
I might not be perfect but if he checks his conscience he will know that i loved him.
I can't force my dad to buy something from him. That's y i came up with the business plan
I guess it was inevitable.
God knows i loved this man dearly but you can't force things
Poster there's something annoying about you...just can't point my finger to it. Life happens though, we just have to keep moving on. It's well with you.
ReplyDeleteshe didn't allow herself to be used so that makes her annoying?
DeleteYou're right. There's something really annoying about her that I can't put my hands on. I felt same energy even when I don't know her. Maybe that's why the guys are on the run after sometime.
DeletePoster, sorry to say this but maybe you need do a little prayer. It's not your fault but some people have that annoying energy from afar and others keep away from them either after breaking into them or observing them from a distance.
Work on it first.
Poster, u won. just that u parted with some of ur money. n it's always the men u never ask for money that wanna be asking u for so much.
ReplyDeleteu did well. u feeling bad is what that manipulative guy wanted. just date up, dazall i will say.
ReplyDeletethe guy saw ur naive and have little dating experience n he wanted to take advantage. God had other plans. you're favored. don't let anyone make u feel bad out of envy
ReplyDeleteNext time you want try another relationship, disguise yourself. Don’t let someone marry you because of what your dad has. Sister, disguise.
ReplyDeleteGbam! Don’t let them know. Or maybe she says that to buy their love?? To get the mens attention?
DeletePoster, stop spending on guys abeg. A lot of dem only have dia dick to offer
ReplyDeleteCommunity
DeleteDisease filled
Korofo dick
He was testing your desperation by asking you for money. men do that . and then they use it to take advantage and demand for more and more before planning how to japa. imagine if u had been givin him all this money n funding his relocation and all of a sudden u hear he is out of town.
ReplyDeleteLove thief or 419
DeleteSorry about your experience. Love will find you someday...dont give up just yet.
ReplyDeleteAs for that boy...its his loss.🤗🤗🤗
I guess the reason for this post was cos the poster was pained the guy find his way to Canada without her knowing. Reason she mentioned how much she spent for the guy which is not even enough to get his tickets.
ReplyDelete@ Dayo, I think you are the only one that got what is actually wrong with this poster,it was not even like she spent so much on him,she even said in the comment section that she practically begged the guy to take money from her,maybe the guy was trying to use her with style but ended up not getting much from her,there are lots of useless men like that out there,but what is paining this poster is that the guy travelled out of the country,girl bye,move on okay,the guy has moved on without you,I'm just feeling so irritated with your posts,you buy him chocolate and drinks🤩🤩🤩🤩🤣😅😅😅 very childish working class girl,I won't trip for a girl like you if I were a man.no pun intended
DeleteFrom all that I have read on this post, I'm now convinced the commented on this blog are mostly women. It's sad most of you all have made being good or bad a gender thing. To me, I believe to every irresponsible man, there are 9 irresponsible women. So being bad and irresponsible doesn't come with gender but with how people are raised. Also, it's not a Nigeria's thing. It's the world we find ourselves in, where people do evil things, without considering how the other might feel. Every man and woman will always blow their trumpet on how good and nice they are. After all which person mama soup no sweet?
ReplyDeletePoster, what happened has happened. Find a way to put that experience into a lesson and move on. Probably, you are looking for closure. I did too when my heart was shattered by a lady I gave my all. But I'm not gonna give up on love. I trust it will find me when it will. So, I'd advice you keep an open heart, find a way to heal and move on.
Finally, look and observe well before you commit to the next guy. Just make sure he checks most of the boxes of your preferences before you leap. I'm sure you will be fine Las Las.