Chronicles Of A Married Man - 13

How do couples manage household chores? Are chores gender-specific? What happens when the woman can’t cook? If you ask me, na who I go ask? (in Omawumi’s voice)

So, we were having evening “fellowship” one day at the joint after work. After “killing” a couple of bottles, one of my friends at the table muttered, “I’m tired of my marriage, I wish I could divorce my wife, She can’t even cook a decent meal and clean the house properly”.

Those comments sparked a round of discussion and arguments. You can imagine a typical Nigerian hangout with lots of alcohol, pepper soup and other “chopables”. In such gatherings, opinions abound and everyone has one. That led to a very interesting conversation that night.

The oldest amongst us asked him. “Why don’t you teach her to cook and support her in cleaning the house?”. To this he replied “I sabi cook? Me that grew up in a house with six girls that practically did everything at home. Besides I am the man. I do my part and provide for the family. Let her do hers too na”

The “manchelor” amongst us feeling goofy told him. “She be cook? she is your wife and not your cook. If you want a cook, go and employ one”. Of course, we all shouted him down. “You don marry? My friend keep quiet when “men” are talking”, “You will have an opinion on this issue when you eventually get married”

The conversation continued into the night while beer was being “cancelled”. At the end of the day, we advised him to go home and talk to his wife and work a way around this problem. Afterall divorce for us was not even an option. He will be fine.

The story above is just one of many marriages today where couples are having issues about chores and other household activities. Some woman who can’t cope with doing such activities are usually termed “lazy” or even ‘dirty”. It even gets worse for the woman after giving birth to children.

I grew up in an environment where the boys are told to “man up” and the girls are trained to be good housewives. The girls were supposed to know her to cook and do chores because that was supposed to be their duty. Girls that could not cook were generally seen as woman who will become “terrible” wives.

My brother and I practically taught ourselves how to cook just to prove my mum wrong that we could do better than our sisters. When I started the dating game, I discovered that woman appreciate men who can cook more. They feel that if the man can cook, then we will make a better husband (talk about 1000 yards husband material).

So, the big question is: what are you going to do if you get married to a woman who cannot cook or do chores; or your husband does not support you in doing chores saying it’s not his duty?

I have seen a category of women who have started this argument about doing household chores is not their duty. They insist that they can’t and won’t do it. They say “If you want a good meal get a cook, if you want your clothes washed get a laundry machine, if you want the home cleaned, get a cleaner”. My response to such argument is always simple. “I pray your husband can afford it”


Learning to cook does not have an age limit. I have seen some woman, even my wife, learn how to cook after they got married. The same applies to doing chores. If the couple admits to themselves that there is an issue or a problem about cooking or doing chores and are willing to learn or adjust, then an amicable solution can always be worked out.

What I see in most couples having issues with cooking and chores most times are people having over-bloated egos and sense of entitlement. So, instead of fighting, why not sit down with your partner and work out a way out of your predicament. If you can’t cook as a woman admit it so that you can be taught, instead of claiming “it’s not my duty”. As for the man, you can learn to sweep and clean at your old age; it won’t take the “man” out of you.

All marriages have issues and will continue to have. Always learn to sit down with your spouse and decide on what works for you as a couple. Do not be deceived by social media warriors claiming I won’t take it from my husband. Don’t mind them ooo! They are taking it, even with bended knees!

Finally! Our “manchelor” is getting married this week. Port Harcourt girls have lost another sugarboy! The men have lost our remaining “operation theatre”. I am missing out of the action. 

Benin for hear am this weekend! Oh work! Look what you  have done to me!

 Happy married life XXXXX! 

Finally, Ladies when you get married newly. Tell your husband to change all the beddings and if possible change the bed and mattress. Some of these beds have seen atrocities.


See ya next week

Ciao!