Chronicles Of A Married Man - 12

Let’s talk about the in-laws…

I have always said that in Africa, we don’t only marry our partners; but we also marry their family.

Marital problems are not solved online. In the developed societies, they have marriage counselors even at the community level, paternity/family courts and a robust legal system that helps in resolving family issues. But here in Africa, they are solved at the family level.

That incident with my father-in-law on the day after my wedding gave me a rude shock. I quickly learnt my lesson and started minding how i relate with them. I didn’t know that he was judging me based on his family traditions. So, whenever I am around them, I just do my “bless you” “bless you” and go my way!


I grew up in a very liberal family. My parents never forced any habit, behavior or religious beliefs on us. My father will always tell you “It’s your life, your choice…do whatever you like with it”. By the time I was eighteen I had attended like ten different churches ranging from the Roman Catholic church, Cele, Pentecostal churches, JW and even Sabbath church. 

I read all sorts of stuffs and even had access to porn. I tasted cigarette once, I found it tasted bland so I just felt it wasn’t cool for me even while I was with my cousins who were doing weed on a regular. At sixteen, my mum had started asking me “where is your girlfriend?”. I would say I turned out well because I chose “right”


My wife on the other hand came from a very conservative home. Strict father, “churchous” family, firm moral upbringings and no exposure to “worldly stuffs”. I practically made my wife start drinking alcohol after we got married. Anyways “she don spoil now”

So, when you are getting married you need to understand the culture and traditions of the family you are getting married to. I see some young woman getting married today and they start claiming “this is my husband’s house and I’m in charge” especially in families where they have a communal living kind of culture. Before you know it, they have started having problems with their in-laws.


Also, some men in their own ignorance and immaturity have failed to draw the line between marriage and family. This is particularly difficult for some as they are still getting hand-outs from their parents or still tied to their mummy’s apron strings. I won’t even talk about the ones still living in their parents’ house with their wives!

Like I will always say; every marriage has its own peculiarities. Try and understand yours and adjust accordingly. Imagine being married to one of the Otedola daughters and thinking that their father’s wealth and influence won’t affect you. Just look at the case of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Baba went to marry a “commoner” way older than him in the name of love and didn’t want the media scrutiny and frenzy not to talk of the family traditions and the drama that goes with the royal family. Kole werk na!


I have always been a “family man”. I grew up and completed the university with the help of family supports from uncles and aunties. It is only proper to keep the family tradition going. Sometimes when my wife complains about my incessant giving or solving one family problem or the other, I am quick to remind her that her family also benefits from it.


About living with the in-laws, I have always had at least one of my wife’s siblings living with us since we got married. Sometimes they are up to three! I have learnt to endure and manage them as much as possible. And over the years, we have become one big family. I already understood their family traditions. So, I maintain my lane.

If you can afford your in-laws living with you; well and fine. But if you can’t, don’t go fighting with your in-laws. Simply tell your spouse to do the “dirty work”. If I don’t want my wife’s younger ones staying with me, I simply tell me wife to ask them to leave. If my wife refuses, then that’s a different matter; because then I will know it’s my wife that I have the issues with. She is the one I married.

Just two points before I leave (side eyes at Stella) #Teachingfollowtoo#

One, Stop fighting with your in-laws!

 Whenever you have issues with your in-laws, always leave it with your partner to settle with them. He is their family members; he can handle them because he already knows and understands them. It’s crazy when I see a woman fighting for her “husband’s right” in the husbands family; who send you? If he decides to be stupid with his family, let him be. Also, whenever your in-laws are having issues with you but you are cool with your partner, just ignore them. Not point going for superiority or ego battle with your in-laws when all is well with you and your partner.

Two, great relationships take time to build. 

You just got married and you want all your in-laws to just like you. Who you be? Give them time to know you, warm up to you and accept you as part of the family. Afterall you took away their “son”, “the family cook”, “their urgent 5k giver”, “the mummy’s boy”, the favorite child of the family, “their Ada”. So, don’t expect them to be all happy. Learn about the family tradition and adapt. If you think you can isolate your partner form his/her family; then you are making a big mistake because no man can quarrel with his family forever. When they eventually settle, you will become the enemy.

Stop wishing death on your in-laws!


Ciao!