Chronicles Of A Married Man - 11

Ever seen that couple where everything seems so perfect and you begin to envy them and say “I wish my marriage could be like this”. That is how people see me and my wife. We were the envy of family and friends but I still cheated on my wife. Not once, but a couple of times.

Amaka was the side chic!

Not that my wife wasn’t beautiful or sexy or wasn’t giving me the sex I needed. Not that the other woman was better looking or I was having any issues with my wife. That should get you wondering; why would a man want to throw away a good marriage because of his “wandering” di#k? Why would he want to throw away his reputation and peace of mind, not to talk of the possibility of contracting an STI/STD or fathering children out of wedlock?

I wish I could give you the answers you need. But I can’t. 

We have seen great men at the height of their careers with so much to lose like fall into this trap. 

A friend of mine once told me how a wealthy group of Nigerian elites were doing “boys talk” on the golf course; and one said “you see those dirty looking ones (he was referring to his kind of women) like the cleaners, house girls and street hawkers, those are the types that gets me crazy. I will do anything to bed the one I set my sight on”. This man in question is the CEO of a well-recognized Nigerian company with a lovely family. 

Now imagine the scandal and what he will lose if he is caught in the act! Men sef! What’s even our problem?


So, back to my case. Let me give you some background about myself. I am a fifth-generation offspring of a very polygamous family, and an Urhobo man ....

 For my extended family, they see polygamy as normal. From both sides of my family, I have witnessed firsthand the devastating effects of what polygamy can do and I am a victim of it. So, I made a promise to myself, that i will never be involved in polygamy. But still, having a polygamous family and cheating on your wife are two different things altogether. The point I am trying to make is that I grew up in an environment where having multiple women is a norm.


I am not going to tell you reasons why men or even I cheat. It is morally wrong on all levels and cannot be justified by any reason. We still do it nonetheless. I have always said most men will cheat if they have the means, the opportunity and if they have rationalized the consequences. I am a man and I can tell you the percentages of cheating husbands are very high. I work in an industry with lots of money and we work in remote locations; so, I know the numbers.

In 2012, we went to Ghana for a job for three months. Lots of my colleagues, fathered children before they left!

For me, it’s a struggle and a personal battle but I am winning for now. It’s just like any other sins or struggles that we all have as humans in life. We all have bad habits and perversions we all fight to get ride of. But with discipline and the help of God, we overcome them.

Let me tell you more about Amaka.

Amaka is the result of the type of society that we have found ourselves today. She is the type of person that had previously said “I will never date a married man, never!”. She is the career woman who can pull her own weight. She is not looking for an “urgent 5k” from a man, neither does she want to be dependent on any man. She is well read, exposed and knows what she wants. So how did she get herself entangled with a married man?

There lies in the issue. The women these days are getting smarter, more educated and even more hardworking than the men. That’s the plain truth. We have seen cases of well-educated women with thriving careers. Yet there are scarce men to take them as wives. Some men are even scared to approach such women. So, some of the men that are confident enough with the resources and requisite maturity to manage such women are most times the married men. You are welcome to argue with me…but there is a truth to it.

Amaka and I started as online friends, and feelings developed along the way. I have always been open about my marital status and I have always proclaimed my love for my wife. So, we knew what we were getting ourselves into. After that incident with my wife, I had to let her go. 

Alas, she was a good friend. She is still unmarried. If you ask her, she will even tell you she is not going to get married.

Did my wife catch me cheating? No, she didn’t. But she has always been suspecting me and besides she is the chairlady of team “snoop”. So, baba has to be doing “laundry and dry-cleaning” on the phone. I cannot hide my password from her. The snooping has always caused quarrels. But she is calming down now.

 As for me, I am winning the war against cheating now, I am in a better place now.

There are a few things my wife told me about how to suspect if your husband is cheating…she actually used them on me.

- When there is a sudden change in his lifestyle or habits. Men are animals of habits. When there is a sudden change, something is fishing.

- When he takes his bath immediately he gets home, especially people like us that hate night bathing.

- When he becomes too secretive with his phone especially when he starts behaving funny with his calls.

- When he becomes suddenly conscious of his looks.

- When he starts picking unnecessary fights. And When he gets too conscious of the contents of his trouser pockets.


The matter long, I will rest here for now.


Ciao!