STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED PREGNANT WOMAN
Good day Stella,
My life has been the very opposite of what I wanted it to be because of the man I got married to.
I got married in 2015, with the man I thought will complement my efforts, though I have been hard working before and after I got married but my husband on the other hand has not being doing anything since he lost his job in late 2016 though I never complained hoping that things will get better and that marriage is for better for worse but he has turned my kind gesture against me because I have been the one paying the bills with my salary of 20k(though I like looking good but I don't spend much on myself but I concentrate on my children)not that my husband can't find something or business to do but he rely so much on me without caring how I am coping.
At a point we have to move from our 2 bedroom flat to a room and parlor face me I face you where we are still staying still my husband is not moved, it seems normal to him.
I got pregnant just when I was about going for family planning last year though I should have done it but the lockdown hindered me and I got pregnant, though I tried aborting it (which I later felt bad about being a Christian)after much threat from my husband that I should go for abortion, I even thought I have aborted it after taking pills until I went for scan after feeling much pain only for the Nurse to tell me that my babies are doing fine (not even one but two!.. I almost fainted) but I accepted my Fate on the long run.
I thought of ways to help myself financially and I arrived at buying bike for my husband in the name of my sister so that he will manage it well, he will not be the one riding it but he will give it to Aboki(Hausa man to ride, he will only be collecting the money from him in the evening)I borrowed money from one micro finance bank and added it to the little savings I had to buy the bike.
I bought the bike in November, everything was going on well until early January when he started giving me stories of how Aboki has not been bringing money which I know is pure lie.
For the first time in my life I became suicidal when he got home on Feb 20,2021 and told me the man is not ready to ride the bike again with out bringing the previous money he promised t to collect from the rider. The first thing that came to my mind was how to keep on paying the loan I collected, the bills including the house rent that expired in January which I begged the land lord to hold on till February ending.
I Am 8 months gone and my husband never bothered to ask me anything concerning baby things, I confronted him with tears and hurting words but he doesn't even care, I was forced to call his family members to report all he has been doing to them but I regretted it because they kept blaming me for getting pregnant knowing the situation on ground,(I don blame myself tire),I just pray God gives me strength to hold on because I am totally fed up.
I Am totally fed up and I don't know what to do, though I am planning relocating myself and my children to some where no body knows me to start life afresh,i just want to move Faraway from him because seeing him bring a lot of evil thoughts to my mind.
I need urgent advice please, how can I get my life back on track again especially with the babies i am carrying.
*Hmmmmmm, How do you get your life back on track? watch the movie prayer room and pray for a miracle....And stop gbenshing without protection when you know things are hard...You accused your hubby of a lot but was still giving him cookie knowing it could worse things if you get pregnant...
Madam God will send you a helper in Jesus name. AMEN!!!
It is well with you madam. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteMeet your pastor for help, pray for God is still God
DeleteTune to GRATITUDE. Especially in your condition. There is a reason you are still pregnant in spite of your efforts to prevent it. And it's twins...you have good things coming your way soon but your lamentations and focus on everything that is not going well with regrets and so much negativity will make your worst fear a reality in no time. 8months pregnant? Praise God. You haven't bought baby things? Tell God how much you trust that He who gave you twins will give you all you need to care for them. Focus and bond with your babies ad look forward to good thing coming. Don't forget to be generous even with the little you have.
DeleteI believe you meant to type 200k and not 20k as your salary.
This is not the time to leave your marriage. It is not the time to be sore and negative. Your husband may also be going through a lot now. Let's not hurry to bring down our men just because they fell on hard times.
DeleteIt's not easy anywhere
DeleteBut why couldn't he even ride the bike himself
This is why I don't give my husband space o.
You must be doing something no matter how small.
Women always learn to say you do not have, never start what you cannot finish.
Just give birth and take care of yourself and babies, any other investment should be in your name.
Put yourself first.
His family is blaming you like you pregnanted yourself.
Your words are so soothing and encouraging sapphire..God bless you. God will strengthen and see you through poster..
DeleteWhy didn't you manage the bike business yourself? I don't understand when women limit themselves all in the name of supporting a man that probably doesn't want to work. You will be fine.
DeleteWhy did your husband’s family member blame you for taking in again? Is pregnancy caused by only one person? Is it not even the man’s responsibility to buy condom if he wants to gbensh? Useless man.
ReplyDeleteMadam calm down and figure a way out now before the babies come.
Women when you noticed ur husband is lazy. Open ur eyes nd stop birthing plenty
DeleteNo be Nigeria? They blame the woman for everything! They didn't even address the fact that the man has refused to do anything to take care of his family for years. Mschew!!!
DeleteI wonder why she refused to abort the pregnancy knowing the family condition. Oya carry your cross. The only advice I have for you is to disappear and start your life over without that lazy man. Maybe that will make him sit uo
DeleteOne chance marriage. How will you feed your kids and the incoming twins in this Nigeria economy? It's a pity you married such a man that's not supportive. I only pity your kids because they might grow up with lack. Please after giving birth to the twins try do family planing. Biko.
ReplyDeleteYour husband might also be going through a lot in his mind . since you are 8 months pregnant, you have to wait till you put to bed b4 taking any action.the lord is your strength . 🤗 🤗
ReplyDeletePls stop it. In which mind? Is he the one carrying the multiple pregnancy? Is he the one feeding the family? Is he the one hustling? Or paying loans? Making sacrifices? Actually caring?
DeleteStop shifting blames here. If he has a lot on his mind, then he should speak up and stop being a dick head.
This lady does every single thing and you people still want to justify the man. Or don’t you know that there are many useless and shameless men in this country that live on their wives??? Mtchewwww
Hmmm this was really a sad
ReplyDeleteread.
Even if you relocate with the kids, you want to suffer to train them and then tomorrow their father comes out to claim them? Please stay there with him, both of you should do everything together but most importantly, do not get pregnant again.
This is not Nollywood times have changed biko. Don’t raise your children and see if they come to look for you
Delete"tomorrow, their father will come and claim them"?
DeleteHahahahaha!!!! It's like you don't know children of nowadays. Gone are the days children go looking for parents who were never in their lives.
Stella which one be prayer room again 🙄🙄🙄?
ReplyDeletePoster please believe me, this is a phase, but it'll surely pass. I know it will be a tough and rough ride, but ask God for the grace to keep on going and for him to make away.
Try to be calm and tell God about it, He will always come through for you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🥰
Lol @ Stella's comment.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm... woMan you try! Well done! !
Your husband has given up on life. He doesn't care anymore.
Relocate to your parent's house with your children, and birth your twins there, atleast you will have someone who can help out with the babies.
Seperate from that man abd get your life in order.
Exactly my thoughts. Go to your parents for now since his family are only concerned about you been pregnant like it fell on you mtcheeew. Don't renew the rent at all, when the landlord evicts him his family will come together and decide what to do with his jobless state or stay and concentrate on your kids and yourself only I repeat don't feed him, infact collect the bike and sell it off and pay part of the loan I'm so angry reading this.
DeleteIt's a different thing if he's striving and things didn't work out but just feeling non challant about the whole issue is witchcraft.
I agree.
DeletePoster talk to your parents and move back there until you birth your babies. Take a deep breath and see how you can start off. Don't give up on life. You have children to look after.
Dear SDk, you don't kick a man that's already down.
Heavy witchcraft. Sell the bike off and pay off some of the loan.
DeleteAnonymous 16:10 my own is why didn't she run the bike business herself? She can still take it over and run it herself. Get an aboki who will be makiy returns to her
DeleteI do not understand why you didn't run the bike business yourself
DeleteTell yourself the truth
Your husband seems to be a very selfish, entitled and lazy man
Women stop covering up and enabling foolishness
Sad, I feel for you, your husband is not a good person. I don't know what to advise you on, but I somehow like the relocation idea. All the best.
ReplyDeleteI am a little confused in regards to the bike business. Who is the man that is not willing to ride again?
ReplyDeleteWhy not sort out the issues with the aboki and manage the business yourself? Why can't you be the one collecting the daily revenue? If it was fairly lucrative, then continue with it...but with you at the helm.
This life no balance at all. See twin on the way and the issue is money. So many women have fasted. Prayed. Sowed seed. Done several ivf. Have plenty money yet pikin no gree come.
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you madam. I heard twin come with luck. May there birth open great doors of favour to your family. Don't relocate yet. Please stay and give birth to your twin.
Foremost begin with a prayer of repentance before God for killing those babies. Yes, you killed them
ReplyDeletewith those pills but they did not die.
Next, focus on looking up to Jesus for safe delivery. That is the most important thing to happen now.
And look for godly women in the Church to help you through the delivery and expenses. There are godly women
there, though few. Get right with the Lord and he will lead you to them.
Shallom. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
It's so unfortunate that u married a useless man. But to invest and reinvest in him is wat troubles me, should have used that money and done some business wit it instead. First thing is to believe God and pray for mercy, then forgive ur husband but stop giving him any Kobo, give him little food, check for a small business to add to ur streams of income. Stop paying the house rent, refer the landlord to ur husband. If they chase u out, just keep quiet. You have done so much so it's time to just look. He wil sit up.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you
DeleteTnx Shalom
DeleteMadam, stop giving your cookie
ReplyDeleteHmmm sad story...i keep saying it ...the best thing you can do for yourself as a woman is to have adequate birth control. Dont keep popping out children.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should look into getting those babies adopted by a family looking for children...If there is a way to vet the family to make sure they are genuine.
Hmmm sad story...i keep saying it ...the best thing you can do for yourself as a woman is to have adequate birth control. Dont keep popping out children.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should look into getting those babies adopted by a family looking for children...If there is a way to vet the family to make sure they are genuine.
Dear God please intervene in this situation....
ReplyDeleteStop feeding him. Stop paying the rent, just stop stop! stop being the man and woman of the house
ReplyDeleteAbi oh.
DeleteAllow landlord chase u guys out do that if u can move in with your parents , it would be better for u, don’t ever set any business for him again . If ur parents can accommodate you then leave this fool!
ReplyDeleteHmmm. This is serious. One thing I've noticed is that men do not have as much emotional maturity as women. A man loses his job and is more likely to remain discouraged for a long time. Women bounce back faster. They start looking for another job almost immediately. Men on the other hand get discouraged and also have unrealistic expectations. They reject all jobs they feel is not up to their standard. Women on the other hand would take the job and manage with it while looking for something else or doing other businesses to supplement their income.
ReplyDeletePoster, my advice to you is;
1. Pray to God earnestly. He can touch your husband's heart.
2. Can you move somewhere else, maybe to your parents' home so you can get the required rest and care you need right now? God forbid because of the problems you're facing results in complications for you. But make it clear to your husband that you're not moving because you're angry with him but that you'll be able to rest better in your parents' place.
3. After delivery, take your family planning seriously. As you have seen, you're the one who would be blamed if you take in again. Protect yourself.
4. Try to pay off your debt.
5. After paying off your debt, invest your money in your business. I feel your husband will disappoint you if you invest in him again. If he wants to start a business, let him go and look for the money himself.
I don't agree that she should leave just because he can't provide. Isn't marriage for better for worse? He could just be depressed about the whole situation. I know it's hard but still accord him his respect as your husband. I don't mean be stupid. But resist the urge to demean or insult him, especially in front of the children.
The only condition I can accept any woman walking out on her marriage if (1) her husband is cheating on her or (2) her life and/or her children's lives are in danger
My Dear pls don't renew that house rent. If possible swallow your pride and move in with your parents. You are heavily pregnant with twins and you need all the help you can get. It should be all about you and your kids for now. At least you've tried
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn’t have given him the bike manage... that was a big mistake. I’m happy you are having twins... God bless and keep them n provide for them
ReplyDeleteStop funding him and face you for now aii?
ReplyDeleteI trust myself, to even have sex when there is no money dey do me somehow, talkless of now having unprotected sex and getting pregnant...the sex won't even flow
ReplyDeleteI wished you gave your 2 cents instead of this selfish comment.
DeleteWomen need to know the kind of man they are saying ‘I do’ to.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, at least he is contributing twin-bearing spermatozoa.
Poster I wish you safe delivery.
It will end in praises.
No matter what, do not kill yourself. Think about your children.
ReplyDeletePack to your parents house with your children
ReplyDeleteYou people should give her money for house rent and babies that what she wants. I don’t understand why u keep on sleeping with your dead but husband, feeding him and others to what end
ReplyDeletePoster, a lot of families are going through hard times. Just be grateful to God that you even have a job that can cover your family's nakedness! Listen to Saphire's advise. Be grateful, stay joyful. Safe delivery.
ReplyDeleteEven the good book say, a man who fails to provide for his family is worse than an infidel. Yet, many efulefu women will be giving out cookies and baking more cookies for good for nothing men. This harsh Naija economy will force many to use their thinking caps, and not fall back on meaningless sentiments, whether una likeam or not.
ReplyDeleteConcentrate on giving birth to a healthy baby. Reach out to charities and NGOs that can assist you. Open a GoFundme account to seek for assistance globally. No time for pride, a baby is coming you need to do what you can for the innocent soul coming. Your horseband is one selfish prick. A man like that I would prefer he find a mistress outside than bring his body looking for love and care. Can a man care so little about his wife and unborn child. Even if it is to go clean latrine why not when you have a baby coming, just sit tie hand looking at the four walls day in day out. What the point of being married when your life is harder married than when you were single, marriage is supposed to improve you, not pull you down.
ReplyDeletePlease try to find peace for the sake of the unborn. If peace means moving out and going elsewhere then do that. If peace means divorce then do that, if peace means separating then do that. Just find your peace so your child has the best chance of survival and growing up in a happy home.
Even the good book says, a man who fails to provide for his family is worse than an infidel. Yet, many efulefu women will be giving out cookies and baking more cookies for good for nothing men. This harsh Naija economy will force many to use their thinking caps, and not fall back on meaningless sentiments, whether una likeam or not.
ReplyDeleteMmmmmmm. Cry, Pray,Accept your fate and re strategize. Lazy men everywhere Na wah!!! God will help you
ReplyDeleteIf you can leave and start afresh somewhere else, leave. You dont have a husband. You have an extra child who happens to like having sex with you. Next thing is that he will be struggling for breast milk with the twins. You were carried away with the idea that you could help make a man. Many women fall into this trap. Only a man can make himself. Your husband has nothing to offer even himself. He could not pick himself up if he was given a ladder, helicopter and wings. Leave or stay and look the other way. Stop pouring your money down the pit toilet. Statt a business for yourself. You cannot make a man.
ReplyDeletePlease Poster, pray for peace and Safe delivery. Try to visit your parents so that you can give birth in peace and thereafter restrategize. Please stop investing in your husband.
ReplyDelete