Hmmmmm...
NARRATIVE ONE
AT A CROSS ROAD
I am presently at a cross road, i meet this guy presently not really my spec but i have been single for too long.
He's not educated and not really financially buoyant but he's serious with me and doing his best. I on the other hand don't have a good job I'm just managing and i don't know if i should give him a trial ( since guys hardly ask me out) or i should let him go especially considering our financial state pls I need advice.
Give him a trial as per what? How can you be broke and want to give a broke man a chance to love you... Or you want to marry him and begin a life of ''Manage manage' that finally frustrates any kind of love?
Give him a trial as per what? How can you be broke and want to give a broke man a chance to love you... Or you want to marry him and begin a life of ''Manage manage' that finally frustrates any kind of love?
Why settle for less? if his financial status is not good to start a family, dont even dare....If he is not educated, how will he get a stable future secured for you or the kids?..You have been single for too long, does not mean you should walk into a one chance situation!
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NARRATIVE TWO
FAT HUSBAND
Please how do I tell my husband to lose weight and make him listen? I’m no longer attracted to him. He’s gained up to 15kg in a year and 25kg since we got married. I’m put off by even kissing him or being seen in public with him.
Please how do I tell my husband to lose weight and make him listen? I’m no longer attracted to him. He’s gained up to 15kg in a year and 25kg since we got married. I’m put off by even kissing him or being seen in public with him.
He gets tired walking up the stairs, he sweats profusely and eats like a glutton. I can’t bear to look at him when he’s eating because he eats like a greedy 3 year old, starved of food for days.
The funny this it that when we got married he told me if I put on weight, he’d leave because he prefers slim women. I’m still a size 8, after 3 kids and he’s an XXXL. Whenever I complain, he eats well for like 3 days then becomes even worse. He says women should remain slim, but that no one cares whether a man is slim or not.
The fact is I care!! And I know he would have complained if I got fat because my appearance is important to him. Yet his own appearance is not important to him. Such double standards.
I’m tired and I can’t take it anymore.
What kind of Marriage are you in that you cannot sit down with your spouse and tell him that he has put on weight and its a bother for you? Why do most of you fear your spouses like this?
What kind of Marriage are you in that you cannot sit down with your spouse and tell him that he has put on weight and its a bother for you? Why do most of you fear your spouses like this?
If you cannot talk to him directly then write him a sweet note and explain your worries in it....
I dont know how else you want to do it.
If you cannot take it anymore, you know what to do, because at this rate, dude is gonna eat more.
ReplyDeleteSister that is broke n wanna marryva broke guy, have u begged for rent and food before? Please o.
Poster 2, your chronicle reeks of resentment and so much hatred for your husband. What kind of marriage is this when you can't talk to your husband to sit up? You sound like you nag him to control his weight. Imagine comparing your husband to a greedy 3 year old. Na wah o
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣 @ have you begged for food and rent before got me laughing cos I remembered one year I was begging for rent 🤣 😅 😂 it wasn't easy at all.
DeletePoster two,said she talks to him about it.abi,
DeleteIf she were the one fat now, you will see his wide mouth open upandan, body shaming her and openly cheating. Nonsense and bobrisky.
DeleteLook, it’s not easy to get a some men to listen to you. That’s part of the see finish we talk about in marriage. Look at his mouth like no one cares, till he chokes in his sleep.
Madam, go and meet a doctor and drag him there. It’s a matter of life and death. Or Tell him that you had a dream that he had heart failure and died and you are scared of losing him. Organize 3 days fast and let him be seeing you praying for his life. Mtchew. I don’t even know what to advice again. These men don’t listen!
that eating like a glutton thing and gaining weight is not that easy to deal with when it comes to men actually. it's when u want to have sex that u will know how far. ordinary 3 thrusts oga will be panting and sweating on you. men need to watch their diets as harshly as women. an overweight man with bad diet could affect his bedroom performance and fertility. It is not really fair for a man to want a slim lady yet he has no plans to put in the work to lose and maintain weight.
DeleteOmo I dated one last yr, I was filling the whole teddy bear vibes until I saw how much he eats especially during and after club. oga will enter like 3 different restaurants and he will still eat at the club o. Me that I am on my weight loss journey, I knew that if I continue at this rate with him I will pack on pounds and after all the work I did to lose weight, I could not risk it. Oh and if ur one of those women that thinks a man being fat keeps him loyal, it is quite the opposite. they have the same complex as short men, thinking that banging as many women as possible will make up for the years of rejection
all these story, al poster needs to do is take away the number 1 motivation of every man- Sex. It is because poster is still seeming to enjoy the sex without complaints that is why oga is feeling his weight aint a big deal. poster, some days complain that his belly is blocking the pleasurable sensations, other days complain that the sweat from his body just entered your eyes (oh i know he will be sweating buckets during lovemaking FOR SURE lol) , be dramatic as possible in the nicest way possible. Then be using style to hint at how u miss the good ole days when he could turn u and lift u in different positions with minimal effort, u can do this while u guys are just chilling and pull up one of his old pics and reminisce. TELL me if he will not rush to start losing weight. I know these sound terrible and mean but they will work and tbh your husband will do worse if he were in ur shoes.
DeleteThe last one is kind of intense and it depends on the type of man u have. if e backfire i'm not there o. but u can be with him in the same room and look at your phone or instagram and start scrolling thru pics of fit men and comment on how hot they are. or if you are watching a movie with a fit actor comment on how his wife must be enjoying him. men are competitive by nature, sometimes they need to feel a bit of that to ginger them. Good luck. but apply sense in any advice u wanna follow o.
Anon 17:15 You definitely missed it Dear. Sex don’t motivates men, which is why we have this baby mamas syndrome all over the world, and get this, men will not marry you because of sex, because if they do, no man will reject a lady after getting pregnant, and men are not competitive about women, it’s just the thrill, that excitement that builds up leading to the sex, and after that, some walks, while others might decide to stay depending on factors they consider enough to make them stay but not necessarily the sex, which is why when women get pregnant and it’s not in the plans, things tend to go south, because if it was mainly about the sex, man would definitely stay.
DeleteI’ll advise madam up there to appeal to her husband through moral suasion, you are his wife, appeal to him about the health implication of his weight, and don’t abuse him emotionally, ordinarily taking an hour walk together in the evening, gisting and watching the sunset together, do this daily for a month and see where it leads, but please reason with him, don’t abuse or resent him and I wish you both best of luck, remain blessed
Anon 18:22 we r kinda saying the same thing? The build up and promise of sex motivates a man. Men make all that money do Yahoo, to flex on the gram to attract what? Women. If a woman plans and strategises when and how long she waits before giving up the pum pum and she has a bit of substance to her she will have that man eating out of her palm. Poster is already married to the man and has been giving him sex within the sanctity of marriage so baby mama situation doesn't apply here. She's a bit better off than the examples u gave up there and she has a little bit more leverage seeing as the guy wifed her. I assume poster is a hot wife that is the envy of her husband's friends so again the thought of losing his beloved pum pum to another man should be enough motivation. The mind of a man is ridiculously simple, it's just that women complicate things by not knowing the true value and influence of what God blessed them with
DeleteAnom 18:22 ur comparing men who got sex cheaply during dopamine and lust - fuelled sessions to a man who is getting sex from his wife. They are not the same o. He's her husband so teasing him with her lady parts to get him to behave is allowed. Women, you have leverage if you know how to use it and remove emotions from the equation. That's why they say think like a man because men don't apply sentimentsor feelings, they just go with logic. Their one disadvantage is that they do not have what women have between their legs.
Delete17.15 wrote everything I was about to write and I bet you it will work when apply it with wisdom as she mentioned.
Delete18.22 a walk and watch sunset with a glutton? Weight loss journey is 80% on the quality and quantity of your plate content and 20% exercise. And yes, sex means the world to men especially the woman they loved enough to wife. Health implications hardly makes any difference to a glutton until his life is desperately threatened. You can call it emotional abuse but he would have dished her far worse if the tables were turned.
Poster1: Go ahead and date him. Marriage should be far away from your plans for now till you find your feet. Dating is for the psychological health of consenting adults. Not all relationship must end in marriage. Some are for keeping body and soul together, the companionship and friendship.
poster 1.. you don't sound educated and also don't have a Job, so you guys are a complete match
ReplyDeleteNot all relationship must end in marriage. Since it's been long she was in a relationship,she can date him for companionship and sex. It's not easy to be lonely oh. Nobody to even say how was your day? Nobody to hang out with on a cold rainy day.
DeletePoster,pls if you like him give it a trial.
Poster one no need to waste your time with a man you know you bothbhas no future why don't you focus on becoming a better person, making money before starting a relationship with someone that is not doing well.
ReplyDeleteBroke guys are usually loyal especially when they know they can get something from you to sustain them till they have a bigger fish. Please keep moving and praying better guys will come your way.
never trust the loyalty and humility of a broke man I always say. most are as loyal as their options. it is when a man has everything that his true nature comes out
DeleteYou all sound like a broken record, don’t trust the loyalty and humility of a broke man yenyenyen , isn’t Cosmos Maduka, owner of coscharis motors broke before he got married, why didn’t he cheat when he made it, abeg, someone who will cheat will, it’s not exclusive to a particular gender please
DeletePele o. guardian of cosmos media's ponran. If not how else can can u be so sure he did not cheat. And learn to read to understand before guilty conscience n insecurity make u yan rubbish upandan. What I meant does not just pertain to cheating. Now,read and read carefully. Many of these broke men that look for a builder wife use that first wife to do just that. Build. I know u don't like hearing the truth but that's it. Then when they finally use her financial help,Visa, etc to make it in life, they come up with an excuse accuse her of nagging, reminding them of broke days and then port to younger model who was their spec all along. In the guy's mind he was emasculated by the 1st wife because he was collecting money from her so he had to gain his manhood back by using her car to carry other women, spending on other women. I know u Shameless Male Male golddiggers don't like the truth of the matter being laid out so plainly so u can continue to take advantage of blind victims out there but I will continue to share this message until women hear word and stop writing chronicles about men that don't contribute to the household.
DeleteMen spend money on what they value. Even If a man is broke he will still try. And even then u have to look to ensure that he is not just doing it to gain from you. U know "spend small money receive big money back" type of guys. Eg Abuja boys yeah we know the scope.
Men are not naturally giving as women so a man's heart is where his wallet is. E go hard a man to ask a woman he really loves to borrow money as in the one he loves from his heart o. Not all this watered down struggle love that naija economy has most of you engaging in nowadays,thinking that isht is normal
Poster 2 if you want to change a person first if all accept them, learn to accept the person the way they are before you start asking for change.
ReplyDeleteAre you saying you didn't see the sign that your hubby will get fat to an XXXL man in future before you said yes? You have to stop nagging about it and look for better ways to speak your mind and make him change.
Men hate it when you nag or complain about what they do that you don't like. Find better ways to communicate your dislike but not in a nagging way please.
See the sign of xxl.hahahahahaha. omo.this blog nacomedy centrale
DeleteWe nag because they do not listen.
DeleteMeanwhile, which one is signs again? You people have come again o. Signs of future fatness. Opor
some men blow up after marriage even if they were skinny before. they see someone that will be cooking for them, cleaning etc etc whenever they want and she is also giving sex too without too much toasting. laziness sets in
DeleteSee the sign of XXXL ? The reply to every chronicle must not be " did you people not see the sign..."
Delete@Firstposter,don't you ever settle for less cos in the long run,you sure will regret it...
ReplyDelete@Secondposter,yours is a worry worry that's understandable and why don't you just open up to him about how you loathe him being uncontrollably flab?? Get at it without hesitation..
The guy is the one settling for less not the poster
DeletePoster 1 - The onus should be on you to get something doing. The guy is doing his best and you are there talking about giving him a trial when you are bringing absolutely nothing to the table.
ReplyDeleteBetter to let him go and find someone that will appreciate him instead of managing him.
Poster 2 - You are repulsed by your husband when you should be helping him eat healthier.
Thank you for your first paragraph. I don't understand why Stella is telling her not to settle for less, if that man is less, then she is lesser.. the man should also run from her..
Delete🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
DeleteMadam I sense a more serious problem. Ur husband need to see a doctor. It looks like he may be having diabetes. Do a glucose test first, if it turns negative for glucose, u can then talk to him about d benefits of loosing weight and keeping fit.
ReplyDeleteYou’re so right. All those sugar and carb cravings is crazyyyy!!! He might be pre diabetic
DeleteAt Poster One,
ReplyDeletedon't go into any relationship becos you have been too single for long, Don't go into any relationship because of pity. If you don't love the guy, let him be. Wait for your spec and your man. No crime in waiting...
No need to advice her. She has been lonely. She will still date him. Tell her to go and get a degree and a job
DeleteE be like say Mrs.Korkus read my mind before pending her opinion on both chronicles..But seriously, how does it make sense for one not to be able to communicate one's feelings to his/her partner...After sharing everything 'sharable',you no fit tell am your mind..nawa o.
ReplyDeleteYou know this person better than anyone and since it bothers you so much, why not try to be more supportive like cooking food less in carbohydrates, portion control and also walk out with him,it could even strengthen the bond between you two.
As for the first narrative,madam na relationship be your priority?
Also what are your goals in life? If you can answer those questions, then you'll know what to look out for in a potential partner.
My dear, it’s mot that easy all the time. Cool food less in starch, and he can get burgers and fries and coke outside. He needs a mind overhaul. I can tell you that this issue has been a major source of quarrel and argument for them but he still won’t adhere.
DeleteDidn't you read that the poster's husband cruises from restaurant to restaurant and clubs eating all the while? His mindset is the issue. Maybe he is using food as a stress reliever? Something is causing his behavior. I hope God helps you get to the bottom of it poster.
DeletePoster at a crossroad, so you want to suffer that nigga that's not your spec? He's not your spec and he's not financially buoyant and you want to have a go with him because no better man comes your way.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm good with this analysis, you and your personality can't attract that kind of man you want.
Just let the nigga off the hook, up your game, thrive to do better for yourself, trust me that kind of man you desire won't be far from you...
Poster with XXXL husby.. Life is simple without logic.
He told you plainly that he'd leave if you should get off shape..
Be straight with him in your own terms...
Don't play hide & seek with him on this.
Everyone deserves to be happy..
yep. poster 1 has a lack mindset and willing to settle and quit instead of work to become the spec of the men that she wants. poster 1 i am sure that there are men you know that are your true spec. study their preferences and if you don't fit then work on yourself until u do. Do they like a smart up and doing lady, or a fit lady, or a lady that dresses well or cooks well, or a prayerful lady? It will help to make guys like this your platonic friends so u can learn more about them and they will open up more to you when strings are not attached. from them u can get some insight into the male mind since you are so inexperienced.
Deletealso research dating and relationship coaches online. inexperience is not an excuse o. you have to start from somewhere. Settling for less is for quitters, cowards and lazy people. unless you feel u do not deserve your spec then carry on. do the work now and smile later
Poster 1- The guy has not proposed yet so take it easy with him besides you don't know what can happen tomorrow and how will you feel if a man refuses to date you because you are not working? Start with being friends and both of you should look for ways of improving your financial status before taking further steps but spell it out clearly to him that you want to start with being friends and who knows what the future will hold for both of you. Most importantly pray to God to direct you.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- Please lovingly tell your husband how his weight is giving you serious concern especially the health implications and that you don't want to become a widow and your children fatherless. Also remind him that he is a role model to the children. Start cooking healthy foods with plenty protein for him(you can consult a dietician). Register at the gym together and take evening strolls together, it will help rekindling your love and attraction foe each other. Sometimes all some people need is someone to motivate and support them in overcoming their struggles. Commit all to God's hands and please don't make him feel he is unattractive to you as it will seriously affect his ego.
Poster 1 If you love maths like me, you taught negative plus or multiply by negative gives you positive. Well here this rule does not apply. You cant give what you dont have. You need to build yourself first, trust you dont want to be the one not bringing anything to the table. The sweetest orgasm is to have your own money, financial liberty. You don't love him so dont force yourself at all you will règret it. Pity helps no one
ReplyDeletePoster 2 - Why not register yourselves in the gym. You are the one who maybe preparing the food for the family.Cook foods that are low in carbs and increase the vegetable and proteins on his plate. Prepare salads, fruit salads to encourage him.Sometimes you need to walk the talk. Exercise and encourage him to join you. Not just to loose weight but keep fit. See you know your husband so look at how you can make him do things on your own terms in a subtle way. All the best
Poster 1 you are not serious at all....LIKE REALLY???????
ReplyDeletePoster 2,sit his fat ass down and tell him exactly what he told you, tell him to reduce weight and what he eats
Poster 1:you should be looking for how to improve your income before thinking of marriage. What have you been doing to get rich while waiting for rich men?
ReplyDeleteStart drinking coke with him while you work towards a champagne life together, or hustle harder to qualify to enter the kind of circle you want.
Both of you are liabilities to yourselves. Make the best out of it.
Poster 2: I feel your pain.
Imagine marrying a man that used to weigh like one bag of rice, now weighing like 2 bags of rice. Chai, the struggle not to choke during missionary.
You would have to retrain your body and mind to accommodate his new weight because if you were the one that added after marriage and kids, we would also advise him to bear with you.
Asides dragging him to the gym, there is little you can do and if you keep talking about it it would lead to resentment.
You can arrange for quarterly family medical check up for all of you and chart your health statistics.
Post your BMI, BP, Sugar level etc on the bathroom mirror and compare it against the recommended figures for the both of you. Keep updating it quarterly, when he sees himself declining every day, he would eventually start working towards better health.
God bless you RSQ. There’s really little she can do and talking consistently about it will lead to quarrels and resentment. That’s the truth. Poster, try her suggestions and see if he will even notice....
DeleteGod bless you RSQ. There’s really little she can do and talking consistently about it will lead to quarrels and resentment. That’s the truth. Poster, try her suggestions and see if he will even notice....
DeleteRSQ i love your comments
DeleteWelcome back RSQ
DeleteIf the reverse is the case, the man would be called inconsiderate, wicked and insensitive lot. Then you'll blame it on hormones or what have you. Pls help your husband by cooking healthy meals, provide healthy snacks and exercise patience with load of love . If your husband say this about you how would you feel
ReplyDeletePoster complaining about her husband being fat you don’t know what God has done for you. Fat men always look rich especially those ones with big stomach infact I call them big men instead of fat.
ReplyDeleteHow can you be shy walking on the road with a man that looks rich imakwa ife?
Do you know why I don’t insult Kelvin that Edo boy even with his attitude? It’s because he looks rich and well fed. Be appreciative to God madam
I said it..this woman is not okay. 😩😩😭😭😭😭
DeleteFan orì è tìgbale. Lol
Delete🤣 onye isi nkuka!
DeletePoster you Don see am na, your husband is a big man , not a fat man
Fan seriously, like seriously! Gone are the days fat men are seen as rich men. I know that mentality, it was during my father’s time. But now rich men stay lean and healthy, they are seen at high profile gyms and country clubs trying to keep fit. Abeg o, my husband cannot be fat edakun. I tell him everyday, I like him looking like bon boy.
Deletemaybe part of the problem is that he is not rich. lol. man can not be fat and still be broke suffering someone's daughter in all ways. pick a struggle
DeleteLMAO
DeletePoster one, he's not your spec, yet you are thinking of dating him cause you lonely.
ReplyDeleteHe's not doing so well, yet again you want to consider him.
So what are you hoping to get from this relationship? I think you are lonely and thats understandable. But what I simply detest is when people lead other people on "just because"...
Hpw would you feel if the table were turned? Leave the poor guy alone... and go hustle babe. You sound like you are comfortable in this status you are.
Stella, maam she isn't settling for less, she's selfish for even calling this chronicle a crossroad. Nothing cross about this road if you ask me.
some guys are stubborn though,. the more u tell them no, the more they insist that u are destined to be their queen. it is stubborn male ego, the best is to just allow them. so far you have let them know ur not ready for a relationship and all u want is friendship and they keep on then the blame is no longer on you. you can't force love and dating someone out of pity is just WACK. that being said, having options is golden for the time when u don't have the facilities or mindset to attract the man you want. Which I THINK is what is poster's main problem here
DeleteI understand your point anon.
DeleteNice one.
Poster be calming down, when it hit the time, God wl provide you the kind of man you desire. We are tired of reading chronicle of bad bad marriage daily.
ReplyDeleteposter 2: continue to talk to him and also reduce the amount of food you served him daily.
Good afternoon every body, it's been a while.
omo an overweight man is not it at all. At least if he is not into fitness he needs to be watching what he eats. All those sugar and fat and ijekuje def will affect his performance in the bedroom. Also the kind of lifestyle he is living attracts diabetes. See your husband, see heart attack. God forbid sha. Maybe u need sth that will put fear in him about how his life choices will make him end up. complain during sex that it is uncomfortable for you and you miss how he was able to hit all the right spots before he gained weight. As long as u know the right buttons to push in a non threatening way u can inspire action in a man,
ReplyDeleteI have an uncle that couldn't do without at least one or 2 bottles of coke EVERYDAY and the man has sweet mouth unlike any other. no self control. the junk they have left for the kids, this man will decide to keep as his own and be sharing with them. Even the wife too joined him instead of helping him to quit. i used to warn them but it's like my own was much and both were addicted to that until the day he developed high BP and he was rushed to the hospital. Now they are taking measures to cut out sugar and fried foods. something that could have been prevented. weight loss and keeping fit is not just about vanity. health matters too
My dear, you see your husband's main problem is GLUTONNY!!! If you can't bluntly talk to him then go into action. Change his diet!!! Place him on low calorie diet or for example
ReplyDeletePlenty soup little eba
Plenty egg sauce, small yam
Bean porridge
No red meat but white meat
No cow meat but fish both frozen and dry
Buy roughages like garden egg
Give him low calorie fruits example cucumber
Google healthy foods available
When he's not satisfied after eating eba give him the garden egg or cucumber.
This is how the whites in the name of three or four course meal help themselves eat healthy.
My husband had the same problem as a health worker I talked but he refused to eat healthy, he learnt the hard way. He became diabetic and honestly it was easy but now he is complaint with his drugs and food!!!
He still ogles at food but I control his appetite by cooking healthy meals.
This is the "worse" you swore to in the church oh. Being a wife with some men in this country is not easy because some of these men just want to kill themselves and make us widows!!! God forbid that for you!!
Please ask God to remove the resentment and replace it with a heart of love. God's grace and wisdom to you darling.
Now I see why most marriages don’t last nowadays. Maybe we should think about it this way** you got married to a rich man and after some years, things changed financially. Will you also advice her to leave because the man can’t cater for his family anymore. Everything now is all about money?
ReplyDeletePoster, we have men who are not educated and they are doing perfectly fine. My dear, Nobody knows tomorrow. Come and see people with MSc/PHD riding Trycycle. Everybody can never be rich.
Gbese..poster follow this advice at your own peril. Whoever is telling u money is not important in marriage is very wicked and/or doesn't want to be alone in misery. A word is enough
Delete@poster one use your tongue to count your teeth.
ReplyDelete@poster two he probably has a eating disorder. 25kg is too much. I perceive you're already resenting him from your post, try to stop resenting your husband because he's over weight. I understand he didn't follow through with his own advice, respectfully and peacefully communicate your feelings to him. Have him go for checkup also.