Chronicles Of A Married Man - 8

If your wife wakes you up early morning to talk,wahala dey!!!

So, my wife woke me up at 5am in the morning. With my sleepy eyes and feeling very irritated i asked what the issue was or what i had done again. The married men know the implications of such early morning wake-ups…wahala dey. Then I heard 

Wife: Honey what’s the issue. You have not been touching me!

Me: (with a bemused look) What do you mean?

Wife: Our s#x life has been terrible the last couple of months, you barely initiate s#x. If I don’t, you will just sleep off. Most times you wake up just to press your phone as if I’m not in this bed with you.

Me: Mama, it’s stress from work and family, writing reports and you know everything na!

Wife: No, I don’t know anything. You have changed. Or tell me, is there another woman? Because if you are not getting it from me, then you are probably getting it from someone else. Are you cheating on me?

Me: No na! I’m not. (Men’s answer will always be “no” until they are caught)

We continued the conversation for a while. Of course, the conversation will end with a round of consoling “good-morning” s#x. And a promise to do better.

For those of us married, you are probably familiar with this conversation. We have had these conversations several times over the course of our marriage and I always tell me wife “never settle for a marriage with less s#x” if you think I am not giving you enough, always speak out. Me, I also have my “complain moments”

So, let’s talk about s#x…I will probably do two or more episodes about s#x in marriages.

Remember I told you we were sexually active before we got married. 

Concerning sex before marriage. To do or not to do. I’m sure you want to hear my opinion about it. My answer has always been a simple one. Do what you think is right for you. But for me, I didn’t have any qualms about it. Sex before marriage has always been a controversial topic but beyond the religious angle to it let me make just a point on it. 

I have always seen sex as a form and continuation of communication in relationship. You can tell a couple have a good sex life from the way they communicate, even a bad sex life can be improved with good communication. I always say, you have not completely known your woman until you sleep with her. You may not attain certain level of understanding and bonding until you have had sex. 

Also, naked bodies tell tales. For example, an experienced man can know if a woman has given birth or if she had done some medical procedures before by mere looking at her naked body. I believe seeing your supposed future partner’s naked body could give you more information about their history. 

Getting married to a person who you are not physically and sexually attracted to is a recipe for disaster.


I don’t believe in this taste before you buy mentality but I sometimes encourage sex before marriage if you won’t feel guilty about it due to your religious or cultural orientation,If your religion does not allow it. Don’t do it. Because it doesn’t make sense having to feel guilty about something you are supposed to enjoy.

It is better than getting married only to find out you didn’t get the “right package”. Sexual compatibility plays a crucial role in marriage. Though people can learn more about it after marriage but sometimes it’s better to know that you are getting married to a frigid woman or that your man has a one inch “chairman” way ahead of time to avoid “Dear Stella chronicles” or getting disappointed later. 

A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

I have always been amazed by the level of ignorance some married couple display when it comes to the issue of sex. Some even assume that having a good sex life comes naturally or that the “spirit of God” will reveal it to them when they eventually marry. Baba that na lie from the devil himself.


A good sex life in marriage, like every other thing, is learnt. I was shocked when I heard a lady say she doesn’t even know where clitoris is in her body and she is a graduate of the “federal republic”!

 There are more books and movies about sex than books on how to cook. But looking at marriages with issues these days and with the issues of cheating partners, you will discover that poor quality or lack of sex thereof is the leading cause of such issues.

Also, I have met lots of women who say they dont know what orgasm is talk less of having one, many people don’t even know that 50 percent of women cannot have orgasm via penal penetration so they continue to put the poor innocent man under pressure to perform miracles.

Can you imagine the horror in my wife’s (then girlfriend) face the first time I told her I wanted to “lick her plate”?

Anyways this s#x matter will continue when I return…


Ciao!

*Baba so you dey lick plate?LMAO!!!...Not all men like it oh,some complain of some kind of smell down dia...