Chronicles Of A Married Man - 6

“Who is Amaka? “

All the sleep in my eyes disappeared in a second! War is coming…son of man had to think hard, fast....

Me: Amaka is a friend (Me putting on my innocent face)

Wife: What kind of friend that calls you dear and sends you account details?

Me: But you don’t know all my friends na! Anyways I knew her from work.

Wife: So why is she calling you “dear”, who is she to you?

People of God, that’s how I had to call Amaka on the phone to explain how come she was calling someone’s husband “dear”. Las las, mama was convinced. Anyways Amaka is a “bad” girl…I will tell you more about her as this chronicle goes on.

I want to discuss about five critical aspects of marriage, which are the causes of divorce in marriages today. Approaching these issues in a pragmatic manner and understanding the peculiarities of your marriage as it relates to these issues will either make or break your marriage. 

These aspects are… I have to clearly list it;

Bearing children…

Money…

Sex…

The In-laws…

 “The strange woman”

The last one is the leading cause of marriage break-ups these days.

Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo aka Pastor K, has some very wonderful insights about these topics in a series titled “Handling power, money and sex”. I used to listen to his messages before I got married and they were very insightful. 

Traditional marriage as we know it is fast eroding and the “woke” culture has taken over. Some men have lost their home and marriage because they have refused to change with the times. In as much as I like to be the Urhobo that I am, I have come to learn that the women are becoming more powerful these days than they used to be. So, if I approach marriage the way my father did, I will get myself into trouble. Now if mama tells me to jump, I just ask “how high?”

I started this chronicle with the mind of looking at these issues from a man’s perspective using myself as a case study. So, I will talk about these five issues as we go on and how I have been navigating the rough waters of marriage with these issues. I am sure we are going to have some insights as the days go by. No marriage is perfect and no one marriage can serve as a yardstick for the other. But you never know what you can learn.


One, every marriage is different and unique in its own ways. So, know what works for you and stick to it. Two of the most useless places to get marital advice is “online” and “fellowship ground” (beer parlor). You will just hear one half-drunk “hunku” be shouting during a discussion “I can’t take that from my wife! I am the man of the house!”. Las las, “hunku” will go back home and knell down to beg his wife. You, who is not wise, will go back and start forming “boss” to your wife based on what someone said. Na there your wahala go start!

Same goes for online advisers, listen to them at your own risk, some of them have never been married and they haven’t gone through the things you have been through. If only they can walk a mile in that shoes of yours, they would understand.

Two, always ask yourself these questions: what will I do if I caught my wife/husband cheating on me? what will I do if my husband were to have an erectile dysfunction? what will I do if my wife can’t have babies? what will I do if my husband becomes suddenly broke or out of job? What will I do if my husband suddenly starts smoking or doing drugs or stop going to church or decides to change religion? what will I do if my husband or wife asks for a divorce? Before you say God forbid, just think about it.


Lastly, always remember, people change with time. My wife who used to be very timid and quiet before, has now become a lioness in the house! 

She can even match my “bad mouth” now with equal propensity. Imagine me that used to have a sexy looking body with my six-pack abs that I developed in my university days; now I can only comfortably boast of my now “jumbo one-pack” stomach. So always ask yourself, if this “love of my life” were to change, will I still love him or her for life.

Real matters dey come next week.

Ciao!