Chronicles Of A Married Man - 10

Does reading this Chronicle make you look forward to getting married? It should!!!

It is widely believed and published that married couples even with happy marriages do have s#x at most, three times weekly… my experience has proven that to be true. It even gets worse for some couples who barely do it for once a week.

As the years go by, especially for couples who have had children, sex becomes a routine and obligatory task which has to be done even if one of the partners does not enjoy it. It gets boring and a drag. Age, menopause and mid-life crises also add to the list of s#xual fun killers.

This may sound gory and discouraging for young unmarried people as this is not the kind of “lifetime fun” they were anticipating for. But alas…that’s the bitter truth.

 The fact that you get to see the same naked body and probably tried all the God-knows “styles” and positions and played out all your sexual fantasies together; and now you are wondering…what next! My dear it’s a “we die here” something. So, you have to figure out how to manage it for the rest of your married life.

Let me tell you how I have been holding up for the past years and counting…

The key is communication.

Like I said the last time, sex is a form of communication. And a large part of this communication goes with knowledge of your spouse and understanding them for who they are and who they have become as the years goes by.


It’s is madness for me to expect that the woman who has given birth to three children and has had CS, will be looking hot and sexy after more than eight years of marriage. Of course, the body has changed and naturally the sex appeal will not be like it used to be. So, one way of getting to “enjoy” her is by appreciating with she has become and knowing her on a different level than just the hot sexy girl I married years ago.

She on her part, she has learnt to complain less and avoid unnecessary nagging. She instinctively knows when I am really tired or stressed out and understood when to give me space. She has also understood that quality sex is a part of the whole package, sometimes she learns to compensate with other parts of the package.

We spend more time talking now than fucking. Basically, I try to make her “come” first and will follow later. These days, even “one good round” is precious. 

We also find time to visit our popular “joints” when we can; I have learnt to spend more times with her in the kitchen other than my normal weekend cooking, and we now engage in things the are more family oriented.

So, the deal is this…as the sex time drops (which it definitely will), learn to compensate by doing other things with your spouse together that will keep the bonding going. Learn to know her in other dimensions and evolve with her as the times go by.

For the women, learn more about your husband’s profession or work. The same goes to the men. As the man grows in his career, he wants to go home and meet a wife that can communicate with him about work and even give him advice and guidance. The man wants to be able to engage with his wife about politics, sports and other technical issues. At such point, the man wants a wife that will nag less and be more practical about the realities of their marriage instead of “keeping up with the Joneses”. By doing all these, the emphasis will shift away from sex to other issues of life which are equally important.

However, you still need the keep the engine of the sex life going no matter what.

Please do not get me wrong, my marriage is still fun and I am enjoying it. But the reality is that sex is not as “fun” as it used to be. And we have come to accept that while developing other aspects of our marriage. My wife has become my best friend and I get new revelations about her as the years go by.

I do not encourage people to divorce especially due to lack of sex, except their lives are at risk. Trust me, most of the problems you think you are facing in your marriage are not new neither are they peculiar to your marriage alone. So, not having the best sex is not the biggest problem you can face. But always trying to keep the communication lines open. Learn to talk to your spouse about how you feel and about your lack of sex thereof.

And one last thing, guys learn how to give good massage to your partner. One way of being “woke” as a man in this age is to know how to give a good massage. Even when the sex becomes boring, giving her a good massage will help make her feel good, reduce stress and in some cases even make her “come” before the main event. I learnt the wonders of massage at a young age and I have been perfecting it over the years. It’s one of those things that still keeps my sex life going.

The story of sex in marriage cannot be completed even in one life time. I am sure we will be visiting it again in the future as there are other aspect I didn’t talk about. However, let’s move on.

So, next week I will be telling you about Amaka… I am sure you want to know who she really was.


Ciao!