STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SPIRITUAL ADVICE NEEDED
Hi Stella I love your work. Keep shining and keep safe during this pandemic now down to my chronicle:
I am 28 years old. I’m in a well paying profession and I’m doing well for myself by Gods grace I drive a car, rent a nice apartment, take good care of myself
, reached higher levels of education.
I need spiritual advice from the spiritually sound people of this blog, no hate and no discrimination to others but please this is serious, thanks .
So Stella I’m in a relationship with a Man of God, he is kind and good to me, a good and excellent man overall but one thing is he is broke and hasn’t gone far in education.
This wasn’t a problem at first Stella in fact I shared the little I had with him because since I joined his church (where he is in the position of 2nd ranking / VP) I’ve seen God move in my life, I’ve achieved more and done greater etc. He treats me well from the little he has he let’s me use his car when mine is down, he pays his rent from tithes and doesn’t demand from me, in fact I just give because I’m a giver.
I love him but none of my family members believe in him, they say the education gap can later cause problems and they are afraid for me that things may never pick up, in fact an aunt of mine from my mother’s side has dreamt 3 times now that I wasn’t happy in my marriage with him. We are to start intro and all that stuff this year. I have tried to empower him in terms of business but you know how it can be slow and not immediate take off and also the pandemic may have had an effect on this.
On the other hand personally I’ve received nothing but positive prophecies concerning him and now out of worry this year I’ve been pushing him to at least upgrade his studies and resit his SS4 exam which he’s open to but then that still doesn’t guarantee much because we want to do marriage stuff this year that’s if I don’t call the relationship off.
On the other hand personally I’ve received nothing but positive prophecies concerning him and now out of worry this year I’ve been pushing him to at least upgrade his studies and resit his SS4 exam which he’s open to but then that still doesn’t guarantee much because we want to do marriage stuff this year that’s if I don’t call the relationship off.
I tried to pray and fast telling God if it isn’t for me it should break and that hasn’t happened in fact I haven’t had much attention from any male suitors for a while maybe God knows I would’ve jumped ship because I’m uncertain and it tears me apart!
I was never like this I was always strong and optimistic but I’m tired Stella, how long will I defend us and wait on God, also I’m not getting any younger I’m scared of that too.
Also one last thing I was told that my mother’s side the attacks on them makes it hard to settle, I dreamt a dream of a woman cursing me saying against me all kinds of things against settlement in marriage but you know God is bigger than all this.
Should I stay, Should I go, is what I’m doing right, I’m also afraid I might be running away from destiny as this is the only time I’ve been this flakey I was usually firm and ready to build this man up but I think I’m tired!
Has anyone else ever been in this situation, I need good advice fast, I will definitely follow. Help me BV’s.
Thank you all in advance to all BV’s I’m losing my mind and afraid please don’t bash me!
*That he is not educated is a deal breaker for me.........
So when you marry,you both will be dependent on Church tithes to survive?and what if he is sacked as assistant pastor?
Hmmmmm i want to encourage you but it doesnt sound good at all....Postpone the wedding and let him go back to school.
Abort mission. I am not being discriminatory but I don't see why an educated woman should marry someone who isn't. The gap will always cause issues. And a pastor that depends on tithes, meaning you are going to be the sole provider for the home. Abeg no. Move ahead, you will find someone better
ReplyDeleteHow about men that marry uneducated women ? Being uneducated isn't the problem here , but what are his future plans 🤔how willing is he to forge ahead ?
DeleteOdiegwu go to all these big mkts in Lagos. Infact 2 of my trader customers are married to medical doctors, these traders find it hard to fill any form or even write their own cheques without you the account officer helping them but their wives are medical doctors, so you guys should stop all these school school thing. A lot of graduates went back to learn sowing, a lot have gone back for skill acquisition. These people may never use the certificates again in their lives. Enough Already! Ogini??? Must everybody go to school? Poster pls if you are seeing potentials in this guy by all means go ahead
DeleteYou have started with "I'm not getting any younger".
DeleteFrom your narration,his only sin is not educated. If education was one of your criteria in a spouse,you wouldn't have dated him in the first place. Stop listening to people and do what is on your mind. If you love him,stick with him and encourage him to further.
My sister ikegwuru.whats with this school school thing bikonu.a mean man is a mean man,an idiot is an idiot anaro aguta ya na akwukwo.i am a doctor with to masters degree,married an engineer with masters degree from the US he turned out to be the most immature person I have ever met,not ready to take responsibility,threatened by d fact that I was a Dr and making my own money.to d world we were d perfect couple,one year down d line I took a walk.now I have a couple that I was managing for infertility.i got close to Dem n even became a family friend.Guy na carpenter,doesn't even have ssce.guy dey tush,running private classes to improve on himsech,wifey is a masters degree holder.this man is a perfect gentle man,in their years of infertility he was there for his woman, responsible,not threatened.shey my story don long abi? My point is no be by school biko.everything in life na risk.if you love this man,kindly give him a chance.goodluck
DeleteThe kinda guy is ready to lick your feet because he has won a jackpot.
DeleteTell him to go back to school. We don't know when this covid will go or what will come after. If you gets married and another pandemic, that means no more tithes/offerings, probably you have used all your savings in marrying him, what happens then?
See eh, when you meet your husband, your instinct will do the rest no be jazz.
If you empower him or open a business for him, when it booms, my dear do you think you will have a say again?
YOU CAN'T MARRY YOURSELF AND CALL HIM YOUR HUSBAND.
Another thing. Can he be able to study and pass? I have seen so many guys that couldn't even go to school, they didn't learn trade when their mates were learning it, and when there is nothing to hold, they join one church and call themselves Evangelists/Pastors. You know what you want in a man, and if he has them APART from GOOD SEX, the ball is in your court.
My dear, don't marry him yet. You are not OLD .
Good luck...
Everybody must not go to school, but a man should have something doing before deciding to settle down. Carpentry, tailoring, trading, agricultural biz, etc men can marry graduates not someone without any craft but will carry first in sex. My sister is suffering it, her own, she doesn't work and when you empower her, she will use the money in cooking diff delicacies every time till she liquidates all. She will receive beating join, all because the man's sex game is tight. I used to shed tears for her atimes shah. God dey.
DeleteLet's leave the education bit out of it. How do you guys intend to pay your bills generally? Rent? Feeding? School fees? Hospital bills etc. If you can answer that question then you are good to go.
DeleteA man of marriageable age with no concrete source of income is a red flag.
DeleteWho will sponsor the wedding? Who will pay your bills? Who will pay school fees and feeding for the children?
Since you started dating him, can you see any trace of him trying to develop himself without you pushing him?
Check if his family are not depending on him( in marriage this burden will shift to you).
Check if his parents are responsible and he is the black sheep of the family.
Check the spirituality of the church he is pastoring.
In all you know better and education is nothing but that is if he has a drive, knows his responsibility as the man of the house, shame and dreams.
NB Be sure it is not jazz too cos most of this pastors are babalawo .
15.36, did it occur to you that those market men are loaded money wise.
DeleteAnd many of them married their "medical doctor " wives as "broke" medical students.
Please stop encouraging nonsense.
The pasitor has no money n no education.
Gbam, Gbammer, Gbammest!
DeleteAnon 22:03 Nope! The first one was not a money when he married his medical doctor wife. He was a struggle trader but had potentials. The wife's father also has money so she was not a broke medical student. So abeg shift!
DeleteTheres only one thing confusing u....me and you know d real reason you dont wanna listen to your parents. Lol
ReplyDeleteShe likes his dick game
DeleteBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deletehahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahaha
Hahaha BB you is cray...lol
Delete"Church" or "Pastor" is not a Occupation.
ReplyDeleteFor marriage;you should either have a Craft/Handwork,Business or a Job...
The statement "I have a business but the economy isn't favourable" is very much different from "i don't have anything aside the Church Tithe"..
Marriage isnt easy without funds and If God didn't want us to work;there won't be poverty or hunger..
The going is good now and you think you can do it alone but there is a reason a man was made the provider by God;and it's only a matter of time for you to start eating up yourself when he brings nothing to the table(if you are married)..
@MARTINS
Very true, I know many people that are Pastors and actively working hard to earn a living. Being a pastor is not an occupation. I have a lot of relations I know that married Pastors or assistant pastors to churches that are not really successful. Guess what, most of them are the ones working hard to earn a living and calling up and down for favors. My own is run away from any man that doesn't want to work.
DeleteWell read, a good paying job and you want to settle for a man without SSS3. A man probably living below the poverty line, who do you like this. You are just 28 , don't enslave yourself. Why won't be the man be good. We have read here severally from our female BVs that poor men are always good, till they get what they want. I guess you think they lied and you want to use yourself to experiment. No go carry load wey heavy pass you. I dry beg you. Yes, he may genuinely be a good man, you need money to raise kids. Buying of pampers alone fit wreck you
DeletePoster open your eyes very well and re read Martin's advice till you understand the problem and implement the solution he has indirectly provided. This is the only answer that you require.
DeletePoster, Martins has told you. Alexander has told you. Stella has told you. You use your tongue to count your teeth. I know if I ask your age now, you won't be more than 30 but your fear of being single for a few more years scares the living shits out of you. Now you want to marry down! The biggest mistake you can ever make. Marry down education-wise, economic-wise, status-wise. You will carry load in that marriage till you tire. Even if he doesn't loose his position which is a possibility, next thing he will tell you to resign your job and join him in the ministry.
DeleteCheck your peace...
Poster, this is all you need to know. To be forewarned is to be forearmed
DeleteYou said you love this man
ReplyDeleteYOUr aunts and mother's side don't like him. (curiously you didn't mention you dad).
So who is marrying the man; your aunt or mother or you?
The same Aunts and mother are the one that will label you with unprintable names when you do not marry in your 40s.
You read your bible right? Did you ever read that "Love, never fails...?" (1 Cor. 13:8)
So my dear, all these certificates will fail. The cars will fail. The houses will fail, But LOve never fails!
Dearest, it is up to you; to marry a man that loves you, loves God and you love him; or to listen to your mom and aunts scatter your life!
Cheers. 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Love will fail without money o. When she's spending all her money on responsibility that he should do, resentment will come in with time.
DeleteEven when he can't provide the most basic right?
DeletePoster follow annon 15.17 at your peril. Listen. From a married woman with 8 years experience just know today that love is not enough to keep a marriage. It's a combination of love, respect, understanding, financial independence amongst others. So he his caring. Great. He loves you super great. He does not have finances to run a home? By standards he should not be thinking marriage has a pastor especially given this kind of economy. I recall during counselling the first question my pastor asked us was what do we both do for a living, what side hustle do we have, have we discussed finances and how do we want to handle it. This was our very first class not love or even others. When he was sure we both had meaningful means of income he moved to love and respect for each other and others followed. By the time you see bills ehn you would be alright. Women simply are not wired to carry all household bills except for awhile if things go somehow not all the time.
DeleteAm not saying you should not marry him. Educational issue is the least one so long he can read and write and he comprehends. That one small. The most important thing which is the only problem I see is to get a daily means of income that is meaningful. Something that will bring in daily funds that he will run himself not the one that you will go and form CEO on. Solve that problem and you have my go ahead. Don't solve that problem madam if you go ahead you will share another chronicle in a couple of years except your man goes and pastors a bigger church that tithe very huge and give their pastor anything.
Choi! Everybody defending their constituency. Church spirikoko madams on this blog will definitely vote for you to marry him. Those of us that have had life teach us lessons will have a different opinion. Some who have seen what lack can do to love, how love takes to the nearest window when you marry down and the man develops inferiority complex and begins to have so many things to prove to you that he is "the man".
DeleteWe all know where the shoe pinches us.
Mtchewwww
DeleteMawu is arguing with God's Word?😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
DeleteHe may not have been within the four walls of a school, but is he well spoken and acts intelligibly, is he threatened by your position in your career?
ReplyDeleteThe times you two have been together and you had issues, how was it handled by him, did he play the 'I am the man card' and left the reconciliation and apology for you to handle?
Does he give you peace? You have heard good prophecies about him, do you mean about his relationship with God personally or is it about both of you making a wonderful couple? The two are mutually exclusive ooo!!!
Don't allow anyone prophesy or dream doom about your relationship, be the one spiritually in charge here, the devil can use anybody to hinder God's purpose for your life, remember the two prophets in the Bible and how one was torn to shreds by a lion after he disobeyed God by listening to a 'True' prophet.
Lastly, tell him about these fears and watch his countenance and reaction. Will he reassure you, become angry or suddenly become desperate to ensure you marry?
Don't let what you see now dissuade you from the wonderful future God may have planned for you.
Peace ☮️
I maa ife! 👌
DeleteFor me, that he is not educated is not a problem, as far as he is open to going back to school.
ReplyDeleteYou can have a heart to heart discussion with him, tell him what is going on with you and that your people are not really in support due to the education issue.
Then propose that you guys shift the marriage date, while he goes back to school.
He pays his rent from tithes??
ReplyDeleteLol
Ok oo.
It is sooo wrong. Isn't it?
No, that is his 'salary' as a priest.
DeleteSalary as a 'priest' where did we get this sort of theology from? Peter was a fisherman, before Christ called him, but bible never mentioned he left fishing altogether? Paul? Paul was a tent maker, (builder) yet no where in the bible was it mentioned that he left his handiwork...as a matter of fact he 'boasted' that his very hands provided all that he needed...so where did we arrive st relying on people's tithe and offering for salary...so what happens if church isnt big??
DeleteWell, my fulfilment first... let the talkers talk.
ReplyDeleteMy classmate in medical school; the best girl in our set, graduated and married a trader in Ogbete Market. YOu know where it is right; in Enugu.
I was shopping in the market one day and found the two of them licking ichekwu and chatting away. The girl's tummy was full by then. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ She introduced the man to me as "my husband" shuooooooooorrr!
Okay, fast forward to more than a decade, this girl is now a professor of Medicine in the United States. Guess what? What? The man is still a trader and they are beautifully married. The only thing is that now, he trades cars into Nigeria. Their home is filled with kids. The lady was just popping them like eh? All the "talkers" are shut up; yes by "faith with works."
Talk about Love, talk about knowing Jesus, talk about peace and joy!
Nne, someone can have PhD and still beat his wife blue black. Seek Peace.
🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
If this story is true, the man you're calling "trader" is actually a very successful igbo business man, not one who jumps from one unsuccessful venture to another
Deletesee you cannot be broke and not have an education at the same time, this her own no go school and he no get money at the same time o wrong now, you have to pick a struggle. I can bet you that man inside market haS money and businesses now can you spot the difference from chronicle poster, i am sure he sponsored the medical doctor abroad.
DeleteDifferent situations. If the guy was at least doing well small, I am not sure we would read this Chronicle. If the church folds up tomorrow, would you be willing to shoulder all the responsibilities without becoming bitter? For me, if there is doubt, you should at least postpone and give it a second thought.
Delete@16:41
Delete"You are sure..." of what? On top of my own story and experiences?
Wow! Some of you are so insolent and full of ego.
Nne, the man was a sandals trader at Ogbete Market in Enugu.
The lady went to the states first, wrote and passed her medical
exams, got a job and filed for her husband. Their love is top notch;
built in Christ and they are still waxing strong. The lady was the one
that gave him the capital to begin car importation into Nigeria.
The said man only finished SSCE but does not have full 5 credits in
that exams. So stop being "sure" of what you do not know!
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
Thank God, the man is into a business and doing well, but the topic of the matter is not a trader and no certificate to his name. 2 diff things
Delete@Mao
DeleteSomeone who does not have up to 5 credits in SSCE does not have a certificate to his name.
Period! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
My educated
ReplyDeleteaunt who lived with us for several years got married to a CARPENTER after fasting and praying for 7days waiting on God.....
They dont beg to feed but hmmm....!
If its the first time your heart us unsettled and unable to be firm, it means u are not CONVINCED to marry him too!
Carpenter = hand job, which job he get if church purse am tomorrow, poster better run for your life, you can only know the thru color of a man when he starts seeing money of course he would be sweetest guy for now
DeleteYour aunt's hubby has a business I guess.
DeleteAnother one. At 28, it’s all about seers and dreams, nothing about giving your man an ultimatum about upgrading himself.
ReplyDeleteAn uneducated man will always be a deal breaker for me.
ReplyDeleteSearch yourself and be sure that you won't come to resent him cos of it soon.
For God's sake,he should get something doing besides his pastoring duties.
You are comfortable now because it's the two of you,what happens when you start having kids.
These are the few questions that you alone can answer yourself.
If you are not convinced,abort mission.
Postpone all marriage plans till he is back in school.he might not even go to the secular higher institution. He can take up some certification courses
ReplyDeleteIf you can stand his inferiority complex both now and in the future, walk on egg shells, ready to foot the family bills...go ahead and marry him.
ReplyDeleteIf you can stand his inferiority complex both now and in the future, walk on egg shells, ready to foot the family bills...go ahead and marry him.
ReplyDeletePls answer truthfully, are you guys having sex?
ReplyDeleteMarriage never start and you are already tired, onwe kwa odi!
Did you read at all. Who is talking of marriage
DeleteSo he feeds on church funds?
ReplyDeleteWow.
Yes he does and that's his salary as a priest so deal with it.
DeletePoster, instead of me to marry over sabi educated person and suffer, let me marry uneducated person over and over again, as long as he loves me and i have peace of mind with him, shekina, some people are fortunate enough to go to school and it doesn't make them less of a human being. Some of us that married uneducated persons have not died and we are very have and comfortable in our homes.
ReplyDeleteOn the other side, a person can be a pastor and be in business, in developed country, pastors are also business people, they don't depend on tithes and offerings like Nigerian pastors do and this takes away desperation in monetary aspect away from them.
Hope you are not being hypnotise and calling it love? ARE YOU READY TO SPONSOR THE MARRIAGE ,BECOME MUMMY G.O AND CATER FOR THE HOME FRONT??????? All the best.
ReplyDeleteHmm! Uneducated pastors are the worse. U cant win it. Please advise him to go to back to school. I am speaking from experience.
ReplyDeletePlease tell her oooo She see fire, she wan jump inside
DeleteHe pays rent from tithe wowwww
ReplyDeleteThat one weak me ooo
DeletePoster I want to advise you spiritually. This is marriage we are talking about. Pray that God shows you if he is your husband or not. Don't allow someone else see for you. At same time, you said you have made progress ever since you met him and you also prayed that God should give you someone else if he is not for you and no one is coming. Moreover he has a car. Do you know how many graduates and pastor's that don't have car yet. Please don't listen to negative advise. Allow God to lead you. He is the perfect councellor. The person that is seeing for you are you sure it's not people from your mother's side that is manipulating her
ReplyDeletePoster I want to advise you spiritually. This is marriage we are talking about. Pray that God shows you if he is your husband or not. Don't allow someone else see for you. At same time, you said you have made progress ever since you met him and you also prayed that God should give you someone else if he is not for you and no one is coming. Moreover he has a car. Do you know how many graduates and pastor's that don't have car yet. Please don't listen to negative advise. Allow God to lead you. He is the perfect councellor. The person that is seeing for you are you sure it's not people from your mother's side that is manipulating her
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteHmmm.. Marriage needs money to thrive, I married an uneducated man and he has done everything humanly possible to stop my growth and here I am with nothing and being called names everyday. All the job offers I got was never good enough. I want to leave, multiple divorce appointments but he never signs them and I can't do a contested divorce because he might win as I do not have my papers yet and would have to go back home empty handed. No where to stay if I go back home, nothing.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm please tell her oooo This babe is entering once chance ooo
DeleteHe should register for Neco/Ssce,keep working on his business,owner's of big churches are also into other venture's that yields income,after his Ssce,he can proceed to do a part time degree,but put the marriage on hold for now and see how far he will go in achieving these expectations,forget all that your mothers side curses and focus on your maker,surely there is no enchantment against Jacob(you) neither is there any divination against Israel........Numbers 23:23,when you confess Jesus as your Lord and savior and stay committed to the ways of God and the advancement of his kingdom,the ills from your Mum's side has no hold on you,I keep declaring to my self that what affects people from where I come from will never affect me,speak what you want to see and let your aunties stop dreaming for you.
ReplyDeleteSee how easy it was for you to sit behind your phone and design a pattern as to how an ADULT should live his life like you already have your own life figured out.
DeleteEverybody mustn't got to the higher institution and from all I've read up there most of you ladies don't even understand the term FEMINISM. Imagine it was a brother that sent in this chronicle you would have been seeing alternating opinions from what we are seeing now.
My dear if you never ready to marry, move on let those who are ready claim their husband biko.
my intuition is so strong,and I not only know who I am,I also have my life figured out by the grace of God,you didn't ask for the opinions of BV's,the poster did,I saw a comment i didn't agree with above,i scrolled pass and dropped mine,you should do same instead of coming to show the Methuselah that you are under my comment.
DeleteMust you marry?
ReplyDeleteIf by the time you clock 35/36,(God forbid), you're still single, will you regret marrying this man? If yes, then by all means, please.
But if not, I would say you're better than this. The world is evolving dear. Women especially successful women no longer allow being tied to a man's name define them.
You should feel fulfilled whether married or not. This will guard and guide you in making a more deserving choice.
However, be careful when it comes to choosing. Nobody is perfect. Be prepared. You won't ever get 100% not even 90 of your expectations in anybody. So you have to identity what your values, priorities and deal breakers are in a husband.
For instance, if Stella were you, this would be quite easy for her to decide. Very easily.
So think.
I for one, it's intelligence and emotional intelligence for me. It may not have everything to do with education, but it will still have something so I don't also see myself settling for someone like this, no matter what else. Cos we we just won't be on the same wavelength intellectually.
For some people, it's the dick. Some parental background. Some, looks. Shey you get my drift now?
So think.
What three most important qualities do you expect in your husband? Does he posses at least 2 of them? Remember I said MOST important.
Meanwhile, if you have enough self esteem, I don't think we would be here. I guess you need to work on that first.
Marriage is itself not without its own challenges. No matter how seemingly compatible you are. So the more compatible, the better for survival.
I don't know what else to say.
Ok. Let me add this. I for one, will never and cannot be submissive to a man I'm feeding or providing for. I'm just not wired for it no matter how much I love them. Whereas, a woman's submission to the will of her husband is sacrosanct in a successful marriage. Hope you're understanding, as they say?
The sender of this chronicle might not even be physically appealing but just because she get small money pass the man the matter don land here. Men needs to also be picky with these ladies too.
DeleteYou've got strong analytical skills dear.
DeleteAgadi who hurt you? Is the poor man your brother? Tell him to brush up. He can't be uneducated and at the same time be a poor man. This man will unleash his insecurities on this lady. Madam poster don't be desperate.
DeleteWhen the truth is laid bare before you your only defense becomes "Who hurt you" and that's quite shallow I must point out.
DeleteAnd YES the poor pastor is my brother and i hope this makes you feel better?
If the story was reversed i hope you all dish out same advise to the lady cos I'll be here to remind you all.
If I be you I no go marry am.
ReplyDeleteBut I can advice that if you do have peace going ahead with the marriage not withstanding the pressures surrounding you,then why not continue.
Hopefully things can get better for him.
But if it doesn't you got yourself to blame.
Why must be be an educated pastor.
I hate to listen to uneducated Men of God, most times their matter e dey get as e dey be.
But I wish you well., if only he was rich.............. added to his good qaities
* I hate to listen to uneducated men of God*
DeleteNne God doesn't need human certificate or fluency of speech to use anyone.
He uses a vessel 'fit' for His purpose.
Listening to God's word should be for your edification and change for the better and not whether the vessel is polished enough to be heard. BTW, He still uses the educated as well.
Please forget what people say about the man and focus on yourself. Are you really convinced of spending the rest of your life with this man? There is always peace when you are with the right person, except you don't want to face it. Education is good but so many people are not even using their certificate now, You can advise him to get good education.
ReplyDeleteForget about what your Auntie said abeg. My Elder Sister told me my husband will not marry me and he will be poor if we ever get married, infact she convinced me to see the Pastor but I thank God for surrounding me with good people, my friends told me to go ahead and God helped me to listen, we got married after few years and my sister denied she ever told me not to marry my husband or took me to see a Pastor. Later she said she had to tell the Pastor to lie cos she doesn't like my husband.
Guess what, by the grace of God almighty, we are doing excellently well in our marriage, with kids and beautiful things of life but my sister died last year,poor and childless. Her death still make me cry till today cos I loved her.
Please follow your mind. Pray about it and get your answer straight from God. The Lord shall favour you in Jesus name. Amen
You made valid points but can we stop seeing childlessness as a loss to women. At death, whether you were a billionaire or had a home full of children wouldn't matter.
DeletePlease seek God with an open heart. If the man is wealthy will your people complain about his educational status? Let him grow his business to a reasonably profitable level before marriage that is if you are sure he is the one for you. God forbid anything happens to you financially, how will your household cope especially if children are on ground then. You also have to deal with and break every generational curse from operating in your life. Until God gives you confirmation or otherwise please don't go ahead. Let him know you want to seek God's face first. My dear, marriage is not child's play at all and the fact that a person is a Pastor does not necessarily mean he's a good person. Let God guide and lead you.
ReplyDeleteIf the man is unwilling to upgrade himself and look beyond pastoral work for sustenance, the marriage is more likely to crumble.
ReplyDeleteThere is a silent and inviolate factor in marriage: do not marry someone you are not proud to flaunt.
In your case, the best way to avoid a mistake is by hearing directly from God. The Almighty knows the future, so His direct counsel is very important.
There is no guarantee in marriage, education or lack thereof notwithstanding; so your best bet is to seek God's counsel.
Have you been intimate with the man? If your answer is positive, how did the man feel about it? Was there a repeat occurrence? It is a slippery slope if you have been sexually involved.
The only constant in life is change, so the uneducated can upgrade through formal or informal education - there are many Certification courses that require no school leaving certificate or jamb). You, too, can change from good to bad, or better, as you age and gain more exposure.
The point from above is to look beyond the present and seek the help and leading of HE WHO knows the end from the beginning.
Diplomatically find out why and when he joined this church. DID GOD CALL HIM? or did he join because of a LACK OF OPTIONS? How long has he been in ministry? Didn't he attend any pastoral school or something of that sort? If he has been in ministry for at least 3/4/5 years, why has he not seen a need to do even if it is three months certification course.
ReplyDeleteWhat's his family background like? Are his siblings educated? What's their worldview/ approach to life?
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN THIS MAN? if it is not up to 1 year and 6 months, then I think you may need to slow down a little.
Like you, I am 28, I will be 29 by August, so I understand the need and desire to marry. BUT DO NOT RUSH. TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE NOT READY YET, that you need to save and write a professional EXAM, because it may be tougher to study and pass when you marry and become a mother and a MAMA-IN-THE-LORD.
NEVER TAKE A LIFE-LONG, LIFE-ALTERING decision when you are UNSURE/CONFLICTED. You need certainty, peace and conviction. You don't have those yet, wait a while till you get them before you make this life-long commitment. He may be a good guy, but with your uncertainty and confusion, you may ruin things. He may also be a not-too-cool guy, TIME too will reveal that to you.
WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! TIME GIVES CLARITY!!!!!!
in the meantime, draw him out and test your relationship in the public, in places he may not be too comfortable with. You don't need to say he is your boyfriend/fiance. Take him to hangouts with your friends, colleagues,family. Invite him for family events etc. His church is his comfort zone, take him out of there and watch him closely and also pay attention to the vibes you get from your people (not necessarily family) when they are around him.
I have come to realise that some general rules may not apply to some people and their relationships, (e.g, not all graduates will marry graduates and they will still have a happy family; A guy that isn't thoughtful and doesn't buy you gifts may still be a great husband and may become more emotionally attentive in marriage). Wisdom is knowing when the general rule are inapplicable to us and our relationships.
In the meantime, tell him you want to return to your family church or start attending another church and watch his reaction. You may worship somewhere else for like 2 months and see how that changes things in the relationship.
Again, never cease praying until God gives you clear answers.
N/B Ask the Pastor General where he met your boyfriend and why he asked him to join him in ministry. If the Snr pastor is educated, ask him why he hasn't encouraged your guy to further his education.
May God guide you. Amen!!!!!
wow!wow!Wow!...If i saw this earlier. I wouldn't have bothered typing.
DeleteI do pray you get a good and your God-ordained husband.
Please chop plenty kisses from here😘😘😘😘
DeleteI like both Anon’s and Dafe’s comments
DeleteThis is a time for deep soul searching and asking deep questions of both yourself and your intended. Different things work for different people in the same situation due to little little nuances in the situation.
It is a time to close your ears to people and listen to the voice inside you. Nobody can come to a conclusion for you. This is between you and your God. Whatever conclusion you come to, you carry the full weight with your chest.
Let me remind you that even the marriages where God said ‘this is your spouse’ have their own issues.
I pray that we make the right decision.
Aptly written.
DeleteYou have said it All.
Poster, read this comment and Martin's too.
There in lay your answer.
Beautiful and realistic analysis.
Peace above all,peace comes before love
ReplyDeleteGod forbid, my instinct is telling me you will regret it, which sane man depends on tithe, is this not broad day stealing, as in church members tithe, my sister you can be spiritually strong on my own
ReplyDeleteI can’t even wrap my head around the fact that tithe money is used to pay rent, thank God I don’t tithe before people would say the money is for God, don’t marry that guy cos love is not enough and a man without stable source of income has no business getting married, there are people in their 30s not married yet , so if u like force yourself and marry him ! Ask him how he wants to provide for u and the kids and hear what he had to say
DeleteAre you people alright at all ? What do u think they do with tithe?take it straight to heaven perhaps!! How do you think Catholic priests are paid? D money falls from heaven ba.abeg this is 2021,you people should have small sense.
DeleteHave you started having sex with him? If your answer is YES, then the man is not a genuine Pastor.
ReplyDeleteIf you marry him you will suffer, he needs a job period.
ReplyDeleteYou will be the bread winner, are you ready for that.
Gbam!
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteI will speak to you like you were my sister. You said you needed spiritual counsel so I will do my best to be as spiritual and as practical as possible.
Before I start let me ask some few questions:
1. What's your parents opinion about him, are they in support or not?
2. How long have you dated him? Because time is a revealer of things.
3. Who will sponsor this marriage you guys are planning?
4. What's the age bracket between both of you? Older men tend to be more understanding in terms of how they handle a more educated or financially stable women.
5. In your mind, by your conviction. Can you make a projection where you see him in 5year's time.
So here are my advice:
1. If your parents do not support this marriage do not go ahead with it. I repeat do not go ahead with it. You are already handicapped by him not having money and education already. This is very spiritual. Parental consent has a lot of spiritual implications. God is not an author of confusion.
2. If you have not known him well enough do not marry him yet. Marital decisions are serious and life changing decisions. If you are patient enough God will reveal it to you in due time. Do not put yourself under pressure. Wait a little, tell him to give you a little time for prayers. If you are not convinced and do not have that internal peace do not go ahead.
3. If he does not have enough money to sponsor this marriage to at least 70%. Do not marry him or even agree to go ahead. This a pointer to the fact that you will probably bear most of the financial responsibilities when you marry. If he is truly ready to marry you. He should have been well prepared for that.
4. If he is not way older than you by at least 5years do not marry him. Trust me on this. You are already above him in education and probably financially. The age will naturally bring out the respect in you for him and help him manage his ego.
5. I got married to my wife with a 50k salary but she saw potential in me and went ahead to marry me. Do you see potential in him? What progress has he made since the time you started dating him. Is he ready to work? How's he manging the money you have been giving to him? If you are not convinced, do not marry him.
On a final note. Forget the education and financial gap. It doesn't really matter if both of you work together. It's only a matter of time. Also, stop second-guessing yourself and the holy spirit. Maybe God brought you to his life for a reason.
Oga I'm surprised this advise of yours is coming from a man and it's men like you that make other men feel like they ain't doing enough for themselves.
DeleteI guess you didn't read where she said he owned a car or you think he won it in a giveaway contest? Nawa for some people sef
Poster run. Don't let desperation and fear ruin you. Do not marry him. This is an unequal yoke. It will weigh you down!
ReplyDeletePlease pray, pray and pray. God will take control. Tell him to give you some time.Dont be in a hurry.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever make a mistake of settling with a man without job/handwork. My sister-in-law is stuck in this kind of situation with four kids and is regretting. Her hubby brings nothing for the family upkeep. She feeds, pays school fees and other bills all alone.
ReplyDeleteFor me,if he is emotionally mature,the education is not a big deal. Such marriages abound. My issue is the job and church matter
ReplyDeleteIf it's possible,let him learns trade. Let him do something beyond the pastoring
If he is a pastor in a populated and long standing church, it's understandable cause at least for sometime,you will be sure of steady salary. But what happens if it's a small chrch and membership reduces or his services are no longer needed?
I know a family friend that calls himself a pastor. The wife is a primary school teacher with the state government. I don't know what happened but he left and went to start his own church. He is uneducated by the way although he can speak well.
Now all he does is to do prophecies with oil and assignments for people. Membership is not up to 20. He had to take this route as he has refused to dedicate himself to God for miracles to happen naturally. I'm sure this wouldn't have been the case if he had had some form of additional income.
Don't hurry into the marriage. These new age pastors,they have a way of psyching someone up to do something you ordinarily wouldn't have done.
My dear, as a married woman with 23 years experience in this marriage business, don't even try it. Pastor with no education and no job? How do you intend to cope when you are married? Bills will make you bitter and resentful.I don't care what anybody says, I will tell you one thing. Never ever marry beneath you. You are not being proud or materialistic. Marrying beneath you is the worst thing you can do to yourself. You are young and doing well. You can and will get a better man. I made the mistake of marrying beneath me and regret it everyday. I have prayed and warned my daughters not to make the same mistake. Most men cannot handle a woman doing better than them. Some handle it well, most don't. Eventually, he will hate you and even suspect you of cheating - just because he can't understand how and why you are progressing in life and he is not. Let's not even go near the inferiority complex. A word is enough for the wise. Pray but love with your head, not your heart. Marriage is a long term committment and the person you marry can make or mar you. God will help you take the right decision. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteYOU HAVE SAID IT ALL
DeleteI had a friend who was in a long term relationship with a guy when she was in uni, but she couldn't come around to his lack of education. She eventually dumped him and went on to marry an engineer and make her family. The engineer wasn't perfect, but her spirit was at peace.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot marry someone your spirit isn't at peace with. Since you do have such strong feelings for him you can wait a bit before rushing into marriage. Any problems you had before marriage gets amplified once you are married. So your spirit must be at peace with him.
How old is he? Is his problem non'chalance, lack of capital for business or low ambition? I like that he doesn't ask you for money though. But has he tried business.. cos pastoring is only on sundays right? This is the kind of story I would like to follow up 1, 3 and 5 yrs from now. Just out of curiosity. Stella you're lucky to be in a position to follow up on all these uncertain chronicles. Good luck poster, there are so many great advice up there. Pray and decide, but also you are fully responsible for your decisions.
ReplyDeleteHey Poster, i strongly feel you should pray by yourself and get confirmation this man is your husband. Use scriptures God reveals secret things to those he loves. Once that's settled. As a professional, educated you can draw a plan to migrate later after the marriage. If you are aligning towards such a plan then advice this man to learn handwork, Electrician, plumbing, any handy job he's comfortable or willing to. Such tradesmen are earning huge in Canada per hour. If he can communicate in English and learns any of this trades to graduation he's fine. After the marriage you both can migrate to Canada. Since you are young and can get alot of points now. A lot of good advice up there. Dont throw away a good man destined to help you fight the battles of your life because of Education. I strongly feel this man isn't a bad choice. If he takes advice, loves God, willing to improve himself and a giver. May the Lord shine light on this issue for you. I don't comment regularly but i feel led to counsel you.
ReplyDeleteLeave that talk of i am not getting younger abeg. i am 40yrs and was never desperate. I am getting married this year to the glory of God. Put the marriage plans on hold for now till you are convinced within yourself to forge ahead with the plans. Remember that you are the one marrying him not your family or anyone. All the best.
ReplyDeleteIn your mind now it's every woman that wishes to get married at 40? Leemaooo
Delete@ShooterGyal, don't be insensitive. Everyone wishes for what they want but you can't force it or be desperate about marriage.
DeleteThose who feels it's bad to pay rent from tithes, how do Catholic priests pay rents or where do they stay?
ReplyDeleteSomeone who is into full time ministry should feed from church proceeds. Yes, it is biblical.
My sister, marry that man. Many powerful Pastors have all things, financial, material etc.
Illiteracy is more of mentality than a degree. A real pastor will become great and not even a prof or doctor can compete with him financially soon
Catholics build houses for their priests they don't pay rent. Talk of what you know about.
Deletethe money they used to build the houses is from which pocket? is is not the church members who donate it? what is the diff with that money and tithe....taking care of the priest have been long from biblical days. the levies were taken care of by the people cos they were to dedicate their lives to worship in the temples
DeleteMY DEAR YOU CAN NOT HEAR FROM GOD COS IN YOUR HEART YOU WAT HIM
ReplyDeleteLEAVE THE CHURCH AND MOVE SOME WHERE ELSE CLEAR YOUR BRAIN AND WAIT
THIS THING WONT WORK
HIS REAL ATTITUDE WILL COME AFTER WEDDING
WAIT ON GOD
GIVE YOUR SELF SPACE
IF YOU MISS IT IN MARRIAGE YOU ARE FINISHED FOR LIFE
IT CAN KILL YOU
you do not sound like you have peace in this decision...red flag, wait and pray more till you are sure of what God is saying.
ReplyDeletedoes he have a salary cos i dont understand what you mean by he pays rent from tithes?
socially do you reason along the same lines i.e what are his thoughts about issues like money, sex, submission, raising kids etc. some men who did not go to school will interprete anything a woman does as being proud or not respectful. only you knows how he truly is.
is he someone you can proudly take out among friends? does he speak well for his level of education? some people are not educated but speak good english etc
what kind of family background does he have? if he comes from a poorer home than yours how are his family members? some see a rich girl as proud even when she has done nothing to them. he might also not come from a poor background but just decided not to further for personal reasons....so bottom line is you need to weight alot cos marriage sometimes is beyond feelings. also are you just managing him because you feel time is going? my dear take your time. hear from God and if you feel convinced in your spirit then go ahead. only God knows what a mans future will be