STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SIBLING ISSUES
Does anybody here ever feel like their sibling is using them? Asking for advice- cos I feel like mine is...
My immediate younger sis, married with 3 kids. Hubby not really doing much right now, actually for a long time so I have been helping a lot, school fees, house rent, feeding money at least twice a week and money to do business a few times over the pay years (always folds up). I have other siblings and really take pleasure in doing what I can when they need help too. But they’re all doing things except this one.
She says she’s staying home for the last girl- who is getting on 5years Anyways, so I came home Dec and the whole family was together, it was a great time. I spared no expense and took care of everyone. I gave her some good money and she went on a shopping spree even after I told her to be careful with the money as January was here and I still had to pay her kids fees this January.
Only for me to travel back and she calls me 2 weeks after that she just got back to her city, saying she just got back with the kids to meet the landlord threatening with eviction and her hubby with police as they are 4 months behind on rent (to be honest, I like her hubby, good guy, just fell on hard times) I was pissed and so I told her why would you go on a shopping spree when you know you’re owing rent?
It’s just irresponsible. I’m here busting my ass off and you’re not getting your priorities right... so I told her I can’t bear that burden cos I feel like at this point, she’s just taking me for granted. Oh, and she didn’t tell anyone else about it oh. So I just need other perspective on this.
Thanks everyone...
Hmmmmmm.........just do it this one time if you can and hands off her matter,she has turned you into an ATM and that's wrong...Do one last time and face front please!!!
Your sister has become lazy cause you keep helping her. Help her just this last time please and let her know you won't do it again
ReplyDeleteHad a cousin who was in such dilemma, I tell you same thing I told him. If it's your sister you send the money to all the time, and you feel you could help them more. Then stop giving this your sister money.
DeleteYou said the husband is a good guy, then make him a better friend, share ideas with him instead directly and see if there will be any change in the way the handle and manage money.
Most times, both partners aren't good managers. If the husband is a better manager, confide in him more and get to understand bid own mind in the way his home is presently run with your financial assistance. And let him manage the money you send to them.
If at the end of the day, it still the cruise boat. Do pay off, and anchor that boat from sailing again. Don't let them get too comfortable with your handouts. Make it spontaneous and don't let it be tied to their needs.
Help her for as long as she needs help! I'd do anything for my siblings and I think that's because I was only 12 when our mother passed on to Glory and I'm extremely protective of them!
Delete@ Baby
DeleteYou never jam siblings that will drill the hell out of you
@Lilysimple, that why it's called "family". Do not give up on family. When one is ok is NOT Ok. When ALL is ok, family is ok. Always be of help to family. Do not let SM deceive you cos it's full of DECEITS with wrong mentality.
DeleteYes pls take Stella's advice.... If it's true that she's been evicted, just do this help one last time. And let her know that is the last she will see of u! Misplacing priorities like u say if at all its true.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is actually unkind of her not to help u help her. You have been her benefactor for christ sake. Not all siblings can do what u do.
She's saying at home because of a 5year old.. How lame is that
Please settle the rent to avoid eviction. Then, give them the last help and inform them that's the last they will hear from you again...
DeleteLet her hustle too. Let her know your stand now...
Stella, everytime will continue to be the last time unless she puts a stop to it. I am not against helping family but to know you are yet to pay rent and not think about saving whatever you were gifted for that purpose is grossly irresponsible. I have felt used like this so many times and I feel bad whenever I remember it. You are the one working your ass off and when it is time to meet needs, they remember to dial your phone.
ReplyDeleteHonestly! I hate nonsense mehn. Don't give them the full amount please. Give half and warn her sternly not to call you for such again. You are no one's ATM. I'm sure she would think twice before calling you for money again. This is exactly what I'm facing with a relative. We all know how January is and to think you will still pay for school fees. Tell her you will only help when you can henceforth and not to be called like that again. It will make her sit up!!!
DeleteIf you don’t stop, she’ll continue.
ReplyDeletePlease help her out this one more time. If I might add, since her husband is a good man you can empower him not her financially to start up his business again.
ReplyDeleteI agree to this. Help him not her!
DeleteEmpower him how. Didn't you read failed businesses in her write up.
DeleteLovelace
Empower him how. Didn't you read failed businesses in her write up.
DeleteLovelace
She has empowered the man several times...
DeleteThe sister is just a USER...
Moochers..there's always that one user in a family.
ReplyDeleteListen, your sister will never get it together and won't know when to stop if you keep giving to her. Start giving her heavy advice instead whenever she wants something and she won't ask you for shit again. Nothing annoys a moocher like derailing. 🤣
Dont pay this particular rent. Let them borrow the money and pay back themselves. Maybe they'll learn the value of money.
ReplyDeleteAll you owe them is school fees at this point and feeling money few times a year. They should dust their backs and start working again
She doesn't owe them ANYTHING!!!
DeleteSeriously, what is wrong with you people? Majority are saying "help her one last time". You are saying "all you owe them is school fees and feeding money few times in a year"! You all are encouraging this spirit of entitlement among relatives. Please stop it. Even "one last time" will never end.
From what I'm reading, this has been ongoing for YEARS. For her sister to be a spendthrift even till now, it's obvious both she and her husband have become comfortable with the poster footing their bills. Why is the poster the only person in the family helping out? E get why o. Her sister and husband are using her.
That's not true. She doesn't owe her or the husband any thing at all...
DeleteWhatever she has done or will do is out of her good will...
Please tell her to get a job ASAP! But help her this last time.
ReplyDeleteNo damn help please! Enough is enough. What is it with people?
DeleteTruly she is using you. You have become her ATM.
ReplyDeleteShe is a selfish person. She needs to be taught a lesson. Pay this once and if possible give her one last business startup if you can and then leave her to her fate finally.
You are a good person, you have tried. Such ungrateful and selfish persons never change as long as the giver keeps giving.
This case is a typical example of what my aunt does to my mom, she turns my mom to her atm machine all in the name of she has children and husband who are comfortable. Finally after my dad died last year even as we were preparing for burial my mom still gave her house rent, she comes to the house to pack food stuff as she pleases, my mom even gives her pocket money🤣🤣🤣 things my mom never once did for me.
Finally after burial my mom called all of them and told them now you see my husband is no more, so no more handouts, no more freebies, you all stay on your own. I'm on my own now. Even at that she still comes with her kids to beg pack foodstuffs (my mom's family lastborn, their mother died at a very early age and my mom being the first daughter and eldest became the mother of the house until their father died, my mom has been playing the role of a mother to all of them even before she had us)
People like this are like a pain in the neck that never goes, they are stuck on you.
But you can call their bluff and leave them without looking back.
Sorry but both your sister and her husband are taking advantage of you. Forget that falling into hard times thing. If God forbid you die today, do you think they would not be able to sort themselves out?
ReplyDeleteMy own is as you're helping out, ensure you are making your own financial investments because if you think your sister or her kids will offer any assistance if in future you fall into hard times, you'll be in for a shock.
God will continue to enrich you.please help if you can this last time.send directly to the land lords account to avoid stories.Remember to lock up after this.People really take cheerful givers for granted.This is similar to what my colleague is going through.I told him to give his brother salary every month and ensure he doesn't exceed that amount no matter the pathetic story his brother formed to collect more.He should make it a very ridiculous amount too.not more than 15 k.i hate nonsense.
ReplyDeleteI don't even want to add anything to this for obvious reasons but like I've been accused, you are enabling them but really what can u do.
ReplyDeleteCan you be comfortable knowing u can help and ur sibling is not doing okay???? I will just say keep doing what u can and praying for God to turn their situation around.
Help the husband stand if he'll let you
ReplyDeleteStella as much as I want to agree with you,I think she shouldn't pay the rent. Let her go source for money elsewhere. The husband has family and friends too, he should source for money as well. Poster start saving and investing in good businesses if you haven't.
ReplyDeleteLovelace
Your sister and her husband are users sorry to say there is nothing like the man is a good man he only fell on hard times that’s not true he is as shameless as your sister. How can you go on shopping spree when you and your husband are out of jobs and behind on rent that is the height of irresponsibility. Left for me don’t even help them out this time around let them suffer and sort it out maybe then they’ll know the value of money and how hard it is to come by this days. Stop giving them feeding allowance you can only help with the school fees if you so wish. Let them learn the hard way and learnt to stand on their feet. I feel like lashing both husband and wife they disgust me.
ReplyDeleteYou have been enabling her instead of helping. Cut her off cold turkey and see if she won’t hustle to survive.
ReplyDeleteUntil love her the hard way, that is, stop giving her money, she would not be responsible.
ReplyDeleteJust help this last time and maybe give the husband some money to start up a bussiness then usian bolt
ReplyDeleteDear commenters, stop saying help her one last time like it’s their right to be helped. Both husband and wife are grossly irresponsible and totally shameless I’m appalled at the husband doesn’t he have some shame his wife is always running to her sibling for help! see there must be a reason why other members of the family aren’t helping cos e get why! Cut them off cold turkey style and watch them try to get on their feet on their own very silly couple stop helping them out. Cut them off completely
ReplyDeleteGive thrt the galf of the money shikina
ReplyDeleteIs she not working??help her get a job and hands off
ReplyDeletePoster don't give them a penny. Let them sort out their rent themselves. Can you imagine, please wash your hands off them. They need to learn the hard way. Bunch of users. And you'll definitely turn to an enemy thay has never helped them because of your refusal to help this time, but God knows all and sees all, so ignore any accusation.
ReplyDeleteThat her husband is shameless and your sister wicked.
You said it perfectly well! The husband is a totally shameless man and the woman is wicked how can she continue milking her sibling this way it is really bad. Dear poster I hope you’re also saving and not just doing Father Christmas to this family cos God forbid anything happens to you in the future they won’t be kind enough to return very nice gestures to them in the past. And like this commenter said they’ll go around saying thrash about you just this once you didn’t help but don’t worry just inform your other siblings about the happenings and how you have helped and you are tired of enabling them so that you’ll have people to defend you when the need arises! Evil and wicked couple 😡😡😡😡😡 I’m so angry right now.
DeletePoster, I will be very frank with you. You are an enabler. You are making them lazy.
ReplyDeleteGod forbid, if anything happens to your finances today, those people will surely find a way to survive without you. That is the bitter truth. They are just using you and they are getting too comfortable with your help.
Don't be surprised your sister will get pregnant again and you will have more responsibilities on your neck. My dear, its time to cut them off, give them hard love so they can learn and be able to hustle.
The husband is shameless. Don't pay any rent. Let them hustle for it so they can appreciate the value of money.
By the way, I hope you know those people don't care about you. They only act like they care because of what they are getting from you.
Like Stella says just do it this last time and let her know it is the absolute last time. Make sure u stress it to her and then u hands off. I too fell on hard times with my husbands biz did not take off. I was a small time trader and used everything to take care of the bone. My eldest bro helped me like this for about one year but the minute I got a job paying 100k I took it and cut my coat according to my size. I have 2 children so it was easier. Now I am earning 250k and my husbands biz has picked up a little and things are moving well. She can’t just take u for granted I beg. Pay it and hands off. 2 years is the max u should help anyone.
ReplyDelete💡
DeleteGood man ko, gulder ni.
ReplyDeleteTrust me the husband is the one pushing his wife to you all the time. I'm treating the F-up of my sister. Not similar story tho but they are users like yours. I just blank off.....e shock them.
They will never stop cos they feel you have alot and little responsibilities.......after all you no get children.
Last Christmas my elder sister called me lamenting about about Christmas clothes for her 2 kids. The old me will ask for size and ship even if its on Christmas day. I added my own lamentation and told her I'm not buying for mine after all no church on Christmas day plus Coronavirus has taught us to stay at home👌🏾.
Sometimes shenk these people. Let them look for the money too even if you'll help at the last minute.
Same sister of mine needed 100k lat year....fiam she called me. I would have sent right but no. Go and borrow anywhere. Eventually i added 40k and God willing I'll collect my money the the fruit materialises.
First, she did not behave as someone owing rent. Before any further help, get a family member to confirm the rent debt, and then pay directly to the landlord.
ReplyDeleteThis will serve as a wake-up call to your sister and her husband.
Second, you really cannot stop helping abruptly. Call a family meeting and BEG that the helping should be by all members of the family. School fees to be shared. You may pay the larger share, but every member to contribute. With time your brothers and sisters will start talking to her.
Going forward, convince your family to give your sister and her husband, a contribution quota. You all support with 90%, they bring 10%. Later increase their contribution.
To cut them off cold turkey is dangerous except you have a testimonial assured relationship with the Almighty God.
A hungry man is dangerous.
A hungry and greedy man is deadly.
A hungry, greedy, and wicked (ungodly) man is destructive and can kill if sure of getting away with murder.
Your sister and her husband, with due respect, are greedy and hungry. Note, I deliberately put greedy first.
Are they wicked? Only you can so profile them. And only God knows.
Middle ground, continue to help and invest for your tommorow. Your increased investment will reduce you disposable income and make you creative in ways to push your sister and her husband to their destiny.
Call meeting? You never jam daily palaver for meeting ba?
DeleteYes, she is using you as her personal atm and is completely unashamed of it. Yes, she is irresponsible, but if you are able to help them and they know that you have the means and allow them to go on the streets you will be crucified by everyone in your family. Plus, while you may be angry at her the innocent children should not suffer because of her irresponsibility.
ReplyDeleteStop putting money directly in her hands. If you can help pay a specific bill or purchase the actual food yourself and give it then that is better. Just stop giving her money because when it goes into to her hands she just thinks to do what she wants and will come back for more. If you tell her you will help with food or rent or whatever you choose to and nothing more for the month then she will have to leave you alone in peace. Stop enabling her. And you have done enough. It's not your fault the businesses you funded for them failed. You have done a whole lot and she should be ashamed of herself for using you like a bank machine and not looking out to do the needful for her own family first.
I used to help a good friend like this. When I got my mom to speak to her pastor and they could set him up with a home, car, and a regular income at a time when they were living precariously with others and no money was coming in at all. He told my friend(his wife) that he did not want that because he wanted to be a traveling preacher man. I was amazed that someone would put their own selfish needs before that of securing the comfort of their family with small children too. I never looked at that man the same again, and I kind of pulled back my efforts. Who keeps their family on the brink of homelessness just for their dream when an opportunity is right on their doorstep. That situation taught me how deeply selfish ppl can be. Sometimes you just have to leave them to themselves.
Poster, This kind of matured couple with entitlement mentality will never change.
ReplyDeleteBad market.
If you want to help, find them a job not a business set up. They will squander business setup with their irresponsibility.
My dear poster, my younger sister is like this too, got 5 siblings, my mun passed in '96 and i have been carrying the house till i finally left Nigeria to the US, now its that entitlement of my big sister dey America. Numerous businesses start up failed, pocket money every month, learn dressmaking, catering, makeup, for where. Now i finally give myself brain what i told her is if i die today you will survive. So abeg i don try
ReplyDeleteplease no do again, they are using...was in your shoes few years ago and in 2018 I started using my dollars for my self n no 1 die o..infact they built a bungalow with savings. am happy for them from afar
ReplyDeleteBecause she has she will become more lazy, set her up and face front.
ReplyDeleteShe is using you to shine.
If your sister was responsible and considerate, she wouldn't go on a shopping spree and will be very prudent with the money you gave her.
ReplyDeleteOn this occasion , tell her you cannot bail them out as usual and blank them.
However, If things get ugly, you can step in and tell them you had to loan the money..Tell them they must pay back just to keep them on their toes.
They will expect her to pay the loan
Delete