Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative......

Hmmm,interesting Narrative!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE:

MARRIED TO A GOLD DIGGER

Good day Madam Stella,

Please post in the Chronicle sections. It's a long read. Please bear with me. 

I was the lady that sent the mail that was published on 29th June last year. So I went ahead and married "the good man" and forgot about the other abroad guy. I was determined to make the marriage work and start loving him after all, they say love grows and loves is not enough in marriage. 

Everything was going on fine till during lockdown when I took in. Prior to my taking in, we agreed he will resign from his job under the guise of trying to complete his masters and start up on his own. 

When I took in, we started making plans for me to travel to maybe Germany or UK under the guise of education to give birth. He called his friend in Germany and that one agreed to help with the admission process and we will pay him. While waiting for that, a friend of mine encouraged me to try UK by myself since I wasn't going to spend anything. We tried that too. Then the process of raising money came, he actually dropped me at wuse market to sell my jewelleries to raise the deposit school required. 

Along the line, I lost the pregnancy. When my period started again, he said we should try and get pregnant again so that I can travel with pregnancy. I then told him that I am thinking we should hold on a little, let me go, know how things are there, get stabilized because there was no sufficient money. That if he wants me to be pregnant, then he should give me the balance of my fees and accomodation so I wont run into crisis when I come over.

 My husband flared up; and told me he is no longer in support of the trip that I should cancel it. That I should stay and give birth to one child before going so that he will have something to hold on to in the marriage. I told him I wasn't running away. I told him I had already sold my jewelleries, I had raised like 2million naira from the sale, that what will I do with the money if I dont go again.

 Besides, he doesnt even have a steady source of income and you want me to have a child in this condition? Meanwhile, we are living in Nasarawa state and I go to work in Abuja town. I wake up by 4am, get to the office by say 7:30 and get back home by 8pm or 9pm because of traffic that's leaving office by 5pm. I told him I was tired of the suffering, that this was an opportunity to upgrade and lift us out of poverty. 

Oh.. he started insulting me, "that I am very materialistic, that I want to control him the way i control my siblings, that I have refused to bring a land I bought to the family(I told him my mum added money for me to buy the land that I don't want to claim it yet, he got to know about the land because he prepared the documents), that i am not ashamed of myself that i came to his house empty-handed(the igbos have what you call "idu-mmadu", my mum said she didn't have money to settle me and true to it, my family spent money trying to renovate the villa house during the wedding so cash went down), that I didn't allow my people to settle me because I didn't want him to eat my money, that I am so stingy and wicked that's why I "stingyly" bring out 30k for us. 

 My salary is 80k, I send 30k to our family acc where he alone has access to the money(I was actually not interested in the money), oh..he said lots of things that broke me.

 During the wedding, he asked me what I will bring, i told him i didnt have cash but i brought 3 dubai bangles at that time that was worth 600k, i told him we can sell it to add to the wedding plans(meanwhile, I used 250k which was my office contribution for 5 months, I do with some people to sort out anything I needed without involving him). My mum took care of the cooking of the whole day. 

The only money my husband gave me was 800k. He kept complaining about how he spent so much during the wedding that I got pissed off one day and I asked him if he thought he was the only one that spent money. My husband said he knew I had a wicked heart and wanted to ruin him and he ran but I kept begging him to marry me. 

Then he started saying he wants divorce (for a marriage that was less than a year oh) that there's consensual divorce, that he is tired, that I should leave his house.

 I kept my cool because he wanted to involve my uncles about the divorce but I didn't want my uncles to know I was planning to travel. He said I was covering up claiming married that I should tell my people the truth. I kept my cool, looked for money and funded my account even though my husband had his brothers money that was in his possession, I told him, let's use it to fund my account(one of the times he was insulting me, he said because he didnt agree to give me his brothers money, that's why I am angry), i went out looking for money to fund my acc(i used the remaining Gold i didnt sell to borrow like 2m) and my family rallied the rest. 

One of the times, he told me I dont respect him that I went to borrow money without his consent meanwhile husband man never brought one kobo for the process. The few people he asked for money didnt have to give him and he didnt have any either. During the whole period, he was putting fire on me to leave his house with verbal abuse. 

He said there was nothing showing I was married (my friend helped me apply and put single because I hadn't changed my name) I work with a government agency and when we got married, i told my husband i want to change my name but my salary will be stopped for 3months, he said I should hold on until we are financially okay. So when we started applying, we put single because my certificates still had my maiden name. 

Well, school gave me admission and gave CAS, by then he had started apologizing for all the hurtful words he said, I discovered that I can actually go with my husband and kids if i had any, I did add him for the embassy and I was given visa. But the truth is I am so deeply hurt. I have told him that I really need the divorce now. I have told him I added him in the embassy for him to know that truly I had nothing in mind against him even though it has ruined my chances of getting married there and becoming a citizen but because he has killed me with his words...that now I know what he thinks of me. That he actually came for what he will benefit...my fathers property(one of the times we were having a peace talk, he said if my family gives him one property, is it bad? Then i asked him, is my family owing you a property?) 

I told him that if he came for property then sorry, non will be given to him because even me that is a member of the family, I don't even remember my late dads property. I am deeply hurt. I am so pained that he didn't even contribute a penny for my traveling and wasnt even supportive, now he can come as my dependants. My mum has told me to forgive and let go but how do I sleep with someone who at the slightest thing, he starts cursing me, my family, my siblings. 

I told him "he who lives in a glass house dont throw stones" he comes from the poor of the poor, yet he had the effrontery to tell me "I should look round his house, that i cant lay claim to anything in his house. One of the times, I told him if i were to sell everything in your house, it wouldn't have raised me up to 500k but I got 2m, borrowed 2m and my family gave me the rest and you have mouth to insult me? I told him that if I was the one that came from a poor home, only God knows the type of insult you will be hauling at me at the slightest provocation.

Please bvs, am I overreacting? I have told him I want the divorce. Let's go ahead with the divorce that I am not interested anymore. I am just so hurt. 

I am deeply hurt!!! 

Is this how marriage is? Is it that I have unforgiveness? Yes, he has apologized countless times but I am stunned at how someone can just insult you because he is angry. I told him that when I am angry, I talk about the problem not insulting the person.

I told him I wasn't trained insulting someone when I am angry but was really surprised and shocked at how someone's husband will insult his wife because he claimed he is angry.

*Hmmmm and you want to relocate with this kind of man?Well,he is a very childish man and i dont know if men like this can change....Expect more of this behaviour when you both travel unless you have money to be giving him.

It is a good idea to wait and not get pregnant so that if it breaks nothing will tie both of you together...

I really dont know what kind of advice to give you but if it is me,i would need some space from someone like this.