Chronicles Of A Married Man - 5

The decisions you make as a couple in the early days of your marriage is very crucial and they will go a long way to affect the life of your marriage. 

It is at the early stage that you can clearly define how your marriage will go. This is when you start laying the foundation for the happy home. Nor let your block or cement finish ooo!

It is that time you decide on the part of the “I do” that you can really do. If you can’t cook or do laundry or do house chores, this is the best time to say it and stick with your decisions. It is the time to tell your partner how you want to deal with his family, a time to set boundaries. If you want to play the “bad wife” role. This is the best time to do it. Because when your husband or his family know that “that’s how she behaves”, they will learn to adjust and take you for who you truly are. This is not the time to start habits you cannot continue or sustain.

 Don’t forget it’s “Seventy-Years”


It is at this early stage that you will enjoy the best times of your lives as young married couples alone. Trust me when the children start rolling in, your life we never remain the same again. Have you best sex if you can, club or serve God and hang out as much as possible. Not that you can’t do them with children but like my wife will always say “children change everything”. When we were without children, we could make love anytime or anywhere as the spirit leads but now the best time for s#x is the “wee” hours of the morning.

 Now my best “alone moments” are my toilet times in the morning. 

My wife that used to very lazy is now a workaholic! Oh, how our lives have changed!


Here are some of the decisions we made early in our marriage and we still live by most of them till today…yours may be different depending on your marriage.



First, we agreed that no matter what happens, we are never going to report our family issues to our extended family or an outsider. 

We will do everything within our powers to resolve our issues by ourselves. The only time I ever reported my wife to her mum, she was furious with me and it never happened again. Over time we have learnt to avoid those contentious issues and learnt to forgive and forget when we have to and also learnt to endure whatever we can’t change.

Second, you cannot say no to s#x no matter what.

 Yes, it can be done. But whenever you know you cannot perform such functions. Find ways to defer it but whatever happens, do not say no.

 While we were dating and early in the marriage, I was the “superman”. But these days I just have to do my best. I came to understand that s#x in marriage is dynamic and takes lots of understanding and communication to keep your s#x life going. Whenever you are not getting enough, just let your partner know and keep encouraging them to be better.

Third, your secret is your secret. 

I know lots of people will always encourage being open to your partner and telling them everything. For us, don’t tell me what I don’t need to know, especially if it is capable of causing quarrel or issues in the marriage. There are some things I do I don’t tell my wife and the same goes for her. Some things are better off not said. I try to keep my extended family issues away from her as much as possible. She does same when she can. As for what happened before the marriage, they have happened and, in the past. I don’t want to know. Also, ex-es should remain ex; they are ex for a reason.



Fourth, since I was the better cook of Nigerian soups, I do most of the soup cooking whenever I am at home.

 Cooking was a major cause of fracas earlier in the marriage, so we made that decision to avoid my complains when the meal is not good enough. Even though she has become a better cook these days, I still do the cooking till date. When it comes to chores and gender roles, we both know our limits and we support each other whenever we can. But I help when I can and it is not by force. I learnt babysitting, changing diapers and other domestic stuffs as the years went by.



Fifth, Her money is her money, mine is mine.

when it comes to money and managing finances; as long as I have settled all her financial needs and met all the requirements, how I spend the rest of the money I solely up to me.  Because money can be a major source of friction, we have always learnt how respected each other’s financial decisions. She already knows I am a giver by nature, so she always gives me that leeway to give to whoever I want to give to, no complaints!

Finally, to we told ourselves nobody will try to change the other. 

Manage me as you see me! We change in our own paces and our own time…no pressures. By this method, we have become better partners and parents as the years go by. I stopped going to church for over five years now; and she has taken me like that. Whenever people complain to her, she tells them “leave my husband like that, he will go when he is ready”.

Na so we they run the matter dey go ooo, until one morning when she woke me up on morning to ask “who is Amaka?”

Matter dey! I dey Come…

Ciao!

*LMAO.......Who is Amaka????