Chronicles Of A Married Man - 2

“Why did I get married?”. That’s a question I sometimes ask myself. 

The answer always helps me re-adjust my reactions to certain challenges I face and helps me refocus. As married people, it is a question we need to continually ask ourselves especially in times of crises.


To answer that question in case you are curious to know. I got married for companionship. Not for love, not for bearing children or even for regular sex.

 I could get all that without being tied down and committing myself to one person for the rest of my life. I needed a companion in every sense of the word; so whenever I get burgled down I always asked myself if I still need my companion. 

The answer is always yes. Since the days of my singlehood with my own house and means I have always needed someone around in the house to talk to, play with, “press”, share my life experiences, express love and experiment with my cooking skills. I can’t imagine living my life as it is now without a wife.


So back in 2005, I told Oloye my good friend that I wanted to get married. He looked at me sternly and declared “Oboy you neva ready for marriage” and I couldn’t really say anything to him then but I felt belittled at not being taken seriously. I continued drinking my beer or whatever it was we were together back then. But looking back in retrospect, I discovered that Oloye was right. It took me another five years before I got married. As at the time of that discussion I didn’t even have a comfortable house I can call home, I was still a private school teacher and worst still didn’t even have a regular girlfriend. 

Imagine me wanting to get married!

This same way of thinking is what gets people in marital crisis today. 

People want to marry with “by the grace of God”. They marry a woman and take them to their parent’s house, they marry without a good job that can sustain a family, they faith everything and expect miracles from God because “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God”. They forget that he who finds a wife also finds responsibilities.


I had this same discussion with my junior colleague earlier this year. We were in the month of June and he wanted to marry by December. I simply told him “You are not ready”. I asked him if he had a house yet, he said no but that has enough money to rent and furnish the house and also get married. So I advised him to get the house first then we can talk. 

As at September when I asked him “How far the marriage?” He looked at me sheepishly and replied “Oga, the money don finish ooo”. The money he had saved was not even enough to rent and furnish the house talkless of getting married with it.

So my point in this whole story is, a man should be mentally, physically, financially, spiritually and psychological ready to marry. 

The same goes for the woman. But Because the onus of leadership of the home lies with the man. He need to be even more ready than the woman. Some men are just adult children who can’t even take care of themselves much more taking care of another man’s daughter. They become wife beaters, emotionally unavailable husband, stay-at-home-do-nothing fathers, God-will-do-it and let’s hope for better days’ partners. For life’s sake, ask yourself before you say “I Do”, are you ready for the “do”?


Continuing from last week.......So finally my father-in-law responded to me after I waited for three months. Of course he said yes and directed me to go see the pastor of his parish of Redeem Church. So on one fateful Sunday, I wore my Sunday’s best, properly tucked-in sleeve shirt, looking crisp like the early morning “akara”. That was how I met Pastor after Sunday service. And the following conversation ensued between us.

Pastor: “So young man, what is it you said you wanted to see me about?”

Me: “Sir, I was told to come and see you, I want to get married to one your members, Mr. XYX Daughter”

Pastor: “So how did you know she is your supposed wife”

Me: “I have taken my time to study and know her and I am convinced about it”

Pastor: “Did you pray about it? Did God reveal it to you?”

Me: “Yes Sir” …(but God didn’t give me any revelation ooo, I just wanted to finish the conversation and rush back to Port Harcourt that day to resume work the next day).

Pastor: “So what was the revelation?”

At that point I entered into what I call the “story of my life” mode, I was just “capping” anything that entered my head. When the Pastor discovered I wasn’t going to take "no” for an answer he told me to go and tell my wife to come see him.

You can imagine when my wife was asked the same question, she just said no to all the questions. She said she had prayed about it and no, God didn’t reveal anything to her, she does not have any spiritual conviction. But all her own be say she wan marry, Fullstop! That’s how Pastor told her to go back and pray more about.

After two months and four visits to the Pastor God still didn’t reveal anything to her. Pastor finally said Ok ooo. You can now proceed for counselling.

That was the start of another drama. Counselling took another six months and after some many delays we had to crash everything. But you see that counselling thing eh! That “thing” gat nothing on marriage! The success and failure of your marriage is solely that of you and your partner’s effort. No amount of counselling or marriage class can ever prepare you for the real deal.


One year later after I started the whole marriage process and with counselling completed, we were directed to go see the provisional Pastor. He is to give the final approval before the solemnization can be allowed in their church.

So we eventually secured an appointment with the Pastor. After the initial introduction and all other matters, we came to the highlight of the meeting. Then he asked us “Have you people had Sex together before?”

I am sure you want to know the answer too.

I will be back.

Ciao!

Hahahahahahahhahahahahhahaha i want to know if you both gbenshed before...you sound like a softie who doesn't take No for an answer....