Chronicle Of A Married Man - 4

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So here I was after receiving that call from my father-in-law wanting to dissolve the marriage for a crime, I wasn’t aware I committed. I wanted to react and even do something stupid but thinking about all what I went through getting married; I just calmed myself down, called my family and told them to go and settle whatever the issue was.

 I told my wife not to go to him that day to avoid any confrontation because I was pissed, I took my wife and travelled back to Port Harcourt that same day and the issue was later resolved by my family.


The subject of his anger will be a topic for another day but the lesson is this…be careful not to offend the wrong person in the course of planning your marriage. Temptations are everywhere. I also learnt my first lesson in “Family Politics -101” course from that incident.


People of God, there was no honeymoon ooo! By the time I was through with the marriage I was already in debt to the tune of 700k! When I took my wife home, I was having just 5k with me and we just have to start patching our lives together. So basically, we spent just three days at home together and hustle continued the next week. Of course, we had lots of great s#x and started the family-adjustment program.

With the way we do marriages here in Nigeria and the level of poverty, you hardly have enough time or money to do honeymoon after marriage. People spend such time paying debts and trying to wake up to the reality that their lives have been changed forever. For me, I discovered that I had lost my freedom forever and I can’t live my previous lifestyle again. I always remember that popular line for Tuface’s song… “if to say na just meee, I’ll be living like I don’t care…” Alas, it was not just me again. I had to consider her in all the decisions I make.



For the first three months of marriage, we were doing “I thought I knew you before marriage” because I found out that my wife was way different from my girlfriend I was dating. While we were dating, I could just ignore my wife (then girlfriend) when we have arguments and talk to her days later. But now, whether we quarrel, argue or fight. We must still sleep in the same bed. Things that were fun during the days of dating became “work” during marriage.


That was when my wife coined these words. “Seventy-Years”. Those were the words she used to say to me that ''whatever you are seeing now, be prepared to endure it for the next seventy years of your life''! So, you better adjust your expectations and manage whatever you see now in the marriage. I am now used to it that I just tell her “Seventy-Years” whenever I do anything stupid and she is complaining about something about me.


Na so marriage start ooo! I discovered that I cook better than my wife! And that I have to forgo my every morning food my mother taught me to always eat before I go to work.

So, woman often ask, how do I know the right man to marry and also some often wondered why a pretty looking girl with lots of suitors to pick from just decides to marry a not-so-good-looking man. 

I will always tell women. Marry a man that gives you security. That’s the key for me. Let me break this down. Even with all the love, great s#x and other good stuffs happening in a relationship, if there is no security everything about the love dies eventually.

Woman should seek physical security (can he protect you and your unborn children), financial security (can he take care of your financial needs and cater for you), emotional security (can he manage your emotional excesses and be strong in times of crisis) and family security (can he shield you from family/in-law wahala and also maintain a healthy family) …and love can be added for good measures.


I know you can’t get all the answers to this before marriage or completely know him because people change with time. But here are some few things to look out for. Even if he is not financially buoyant, does he give from the little he has? Even if he is earning 20k, he should be able to give something from that. How does he treat his family? If he doesn’t respect his family, he won’t respect yours with time. How does he address challenging issues? Does he give excuses or look for path of least resistance? How does he settle issues with you and calm you down when you are angry, does he apologize? When you look at all these without any emotional attachments, you will know if indeed you are secured.

Whenever I have opportunities to talk to newly married couples, I always recommend this book for them; “Love without fear” By Eustace Chesser. I first read that book as a young undergraduate and it helped me so much especially in my perception about s#x and I was a better lover for it. 

Story full ground, I dey come.

Ciao!