STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DESIRE TO BE CHILDFREE
Stella Ma'am.
Stella Ma'am.
I have something bothering me and I want to know if others are on this table.
The thing is, I am not sure I want kids. Yes! I love children but I do not think they deserve to be brought into an imperfect world. The way the world is, isn't encouraging enough for me to be motivated that at this point I am practically numb for that desire. I have been feeling this way for years now.
No! I do not have any reproductive problem. Never gotten pregnant and never aborted. I had my first boyfriend at 25 and just three months later he was talking marriage but I remember when he talked about wanting 4 kids I would just say, 1 child should be enough, just to let peace reign but deep down, I think I was not interested at all.The kid issue made us go our separate ways and the relationship only lasted six months because we had differing opinions.
Yes! I am perfectly fine!
No! I do not have any reproductive problem. Never gotten pregnant and never aborted. I had my first boyfriend at 25 and just three months later he was talking marriage but I remember when he talked about wanting 4 kids I would just say, 1 child should be enough, just to let peace reign but deep down, I think I was not interested at all.The kid issue made us go our separate ways and the relationship only lasted six months because we had differing opinions.
Yes! I am perfectly fine!
It is just that I have many reasons and one of them is, I have gone through A LOT in life from childhood, that molded the way I see life. I see life just the way it is. When people we're using blackberry and other latest raves back then my parent could not afford it and it went on like that for many years that when a new thing comes out now, I am not impressed at all.
Material things does not make sense to me or make me 'extra' happy nor excited.
My happiness only comes from knowing Christ. I see material things as tool that they are. I see life the way Solomon described it in Ecclesiastes. Everything is vanity. Nothing moves me at this point. The riches, the struggles, the achievements, the success stories, just name it! It is all nothing, Stella, at the end of the today.
No! I am not depressed on the contrary, I am so free-spirited that I feel choked doing things the way the world expects it to be. I just want to live a holy life then be married, go to work, have an orphanage or two, open a food kitchen, tick all my bucket list, travel the world and make impactful changes, create scholarships programs, help people as much as I can and mind my business till I am old.
No! I am not depressed on the contrary, I am so free-spirited that I feel choked doing things the way the world expects it to be. I just want to live a holy life then be married, go to work, have an orphanage or two, open a food kitchen, tick all my bucket list, travel the world and make impactful changes, create scholarships programs, help people as much as I can and mind my business till I am old.
Bringing a child into this world doesn't thrill me, at all. The only thing that thrills me is serving God day in, Day out.
I planned on being a reverend sister when I was a teenager but my parents weren't supportive and I later left the catholic church and now go to a Redeem church, which I love. Yes! I want to get married for companionship sake alone, because I do get lonely sometimes.
I planned on being a reverend sister when I was a teenager but my parents weren't supportive and I later left the catholic church and now go to a Redeem church, which I love. Yes! I want to get married for companionship sake alone, because I do get lonely sometimes.
I want someone to go to church with, cook together, travel together, make exploits together( not wordly exploits). I hang out with friends and family but everyone goes to their houses after a while.
However, I wonder if that is even possible in Nigeria where everyone sees giving birth as the only reason for marriage. This is the reason why I am single. People just wants kids and I hear statements like, 'who will take care of you, when you are old? People who give birth for selfish reason trying to make me feel I am selfish. *sigh* I tell them, you should only give birth because you want to give that child the best in life not because you are afraid for the the butter truth is, Life happens in a blink of an eye( if you know what I mean) and no one knows tomorrow. So making an investment in form of a child is really silly because what if.... However, My prayer is that, life happens to us in a good way in Jesus Name, Amen.
I do not want kids not because I do not love them. On the contrary it is because 1) I love them too much and 2) Nobody lives forever, i just want to focus on the only reason for which I was created, the reason why God created everyone of us, which is to serve him. Whenever I pursue any interest outside of that, i feel drained. It is so funny that I only go to work just to have money to help people not because I want to buy a house or own several companies because i honestly do not see the point of worldly investments.
However, I wonder if that is even possible in Nigeria where everyone sees giving birth as the only reason for marriage. This is the reason why I am single. People just wants kids and I hear statements like, 'who will take care of you, when you are old? People who give birth for selfish reason trying to make me feel I am selfish. *sigh* I tell them, you should only give birth because you want to give that child the best in life not because you are afraid for the the butter truth is, Life happens in a blink of an eye( if you know what I mean) and no one knows tomorrow. So making an investment in form of a child is really silly because what if.... However, My prayer is that, life happens to us in a good way in Jesus Name, Amen.
I do not want kids not because I do not love them. On the contrary it is because 1) I love them too much and 2) Nobody lives forever, i just want to focus on the only reason for which I was created, the reason why God created everyone of us, which is to serve him. Whenever I pursue any interest outside of that, i feel drained. It is so funny that I only go to work just to have money to help people not because I want to buy a house or own several companies because i honestly do not see the point of worldly investments.
Does anyone feel like this? Have you been able to meet someone who has the same lifestyle? Let's talk my dear BVs.....
WOW.....I understand you perfectly and pray you find a man who has the same mindset that you have.....
When you love someone,the urge to procreate comes naturally,so i also do not think you should tie yourself to someone if the love is not total,that would mean you are using them to quench loneliness...
Whatever you do,do what gives you peace of mind!
Keep us updated oh.
Relax...na your type dey born full house...😁
ReplyDeleteI have 2 children and sometimes I look at their innocence and feel guilty for bringing them into this world, just to keep us company and die when they get old.this world is bad and wicked.
DeleteI watched a movie with drones the other day and I couldn't sleep. Drones will be used as weaponry in the future, the signs are all there. God will save us
🙄😩
DeleteNot everyone is meant to have children. Just find a man like urself I wish I can intro u to my bro. He’s in his 50s earning very well and says he never wants kids. He wound mind getting married but is not sure he can get a woman that will marry him just for companionship.
DeleteJust be sure to marry a man who wants the exact same thing and won't change his mind when yours is still made up!
DeleteMy kids are my motivation, they make me pray hard,work hard and because of them I am sure I will be prosperous in life so I can give them the best of things...
Who knows lady,you might change your mind in the future.... Or not!
I don't see an issue here. You don't want kids then don't have kids. It is your life and your decision. Just be forthright with whoever you want to get married to, let him your take and make sure he has your mindset. There are people like you, finding them may just be the problem.
DeleteLet him know your take*
DeletePoster read Ms Abroadian's comment.... NOTHING is wrong with you and do not allow anyone make you feel guilty!!!
DeleteJust be honest with whoever you choose to be with, do not pretend about this at all.... It's a very unpopular opinion so expect lots of resistance from people!! You're perfectly fine and there are others like you from both genders
@16:11. Hope you’re not frustrated with life in general or depressed. Why feel guilty when you know you actually want kids and gave birth to them. Don’t put your own personal issues on those kids abeg. Allow them to live their own lives accordingly. Purge your mind/depressed mood please. Yea there are drones but God has a final say. God won’t allow people he created destroy themselves just because this same God gave them brains/knowledge to build Drones. So calm down. Continue to love those kids and give them your all! Take each day one step and a time.
DeleteLet me read the comments of others.
ReplyDeletePoster, there is nothing wrong with you.
DeleteI am actually suprise reading from you and I am sure it's your Catholic background that inspired this in you.
There is an organisation made up of young ladies that are EXACTLY like you in Ibadan. Please contact and research them. They are called IMORAN (OPUS DEI). They are religious but not a convent, not Rev sisters. They are Catholics tho. They are ladies living purely for God's pleasure. They volunteer and travel to needy places around the world.
They have a center/house inside University of Ibadan.
They are everywhere @ saphire
DeleteAno.Donor are you serious? OPUS Dei? I know the one in Ibadan because a childhood friend became a medical doctor and joined them because she feels exactly like poster. Her dad is a Professor in Uni-Ibadan. When I visited, I saw ladies of diverse professions. Some of them eventually change their mind and marry but still support the Lords work from their husbands houses while some go on with the mission work around the world while also keeping their professions which is mostly humanitarian. Beautiful ladies o. They are not Rev.Sisters, the don't wear habits like nuns, they are like regular ladies just that their appetite is not of the things of this world.
DeleteThank you sapphire. I will look into it. The thing is, I am not interested in going to a catholic church any more.
DeleteMay God grant your heart desires
DeleteHi Poster,
DeleteCheck out Opus Dei. You actually must not be catholic. There are other possibilities within the same institution but please make sure you are ok with the spirituality and the whole package and not just because they do not have kids or marry.Theirs is a message of holiness in the middle of the world. There are members who are married and those who aren't and do not live in those houses. But with them,you will never be lonely, it is a family for life.
There are also some missionary organisations with people with similar orientation like you. Look for them.
Good luck and may God provide your heart desires.
@sapphire Opus dei is an international institution of the catholic church that started so many years ago in Spain. Opus Dei is latin for Work of God. Those centres are outlets for the sociocultural formative work they do. Those in Nigeria are mostly in University towns for the work they do with young people.
DeleteThe arm of Opus Dei that Sapphire talks about, they have a branch in Yaba, Lagos. Poster can check for Afara center, Yaba if it’s something that interests her and she lives in Lagos
DeleteI laud you for having a mind of your own not impacted by societal expectations, despite the fact you could be seen as a deviant rebelling against standard norms. I have some friends with the same leanings about having offsprings. Though their reasons, not as altruistic as yours, wasn't met up with stares and cocked eyebrows stemming from doubts of their inability to be able to carry or nurture a child, after all, they aren't Nigerians due to their nationality people already surmised they couldn't put anything past them. Yet just like them, you are human after all and I dare say for this same reason I get where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteHowever, putting conventional views, society life plan choices and the health care system of the country in a context concerning issues relating to marriage, family, old age and elderly care, will make some close relations to scrutinize your choice and lots of unsolicited advice will pop up to alter your mind be it from a place of love, fear or ignorance. so I'll advise, brace yourself, fix your earbuds on because they all about to scream, blue murder when you make your decision about being child-free known.
Still, I encourage that IF YOU DO NOT WANT KIDS PLEASE DO NOT allow yourself to be coaxed to have them. Mind you, this is not me shouting. No, far from it. Just had to write that in caps for the sake of visibility. Still, it is prudent to make plans for retirement and the same applies to those who desire and already have children because kids are not a gratuity for old age.
Now, me acknowledging your altruism is not to water down the reasons of others because reasons differ and that is fine. Hey! Some people do not even want to get married, have friends, and all. Though your kind is in the minority, nonetheless their reasons are as cogent as yours and they are entitled to it. Some do not want to pass down a health condition while some lack motherly instincts while some already foresee they would wound up as bad parents due to the dysfunctional upbringing they were exposed to as children hence the need to spare their future kid's such misery and it is fine too. Still, I insist, you don't bother trying to lay bare before us the healthy state of your reproductive organs. Your reasons are yours alone, do not make apologies for it.
You are right about the primary goal of marriage being companionship and sadly, not everyone has that insight yet. Now, the truth is, You will have a smaller dating pool because most people want kids even men and women who would make a good spouse but with the inclination to be bad parents, if not for any reason at all but because to them that is the right thing to do and the trajectory the world has been on from the days of yore. You could join dating sites for better ease of access to those with similar longings. You may decide to change your mind in the future so never say never. If finance is not a problem you can look into egg freezing. There are better chances of harvesting better eggs the earlier you decide.
That aside, you seem jaded about your calling, but not to worry sweets. I think you are simply blessed with Cardinals trait of personality. A rare quality that a selected few possesses. You are one of a kind and I know you suspect it too but do not know it fully yet. Remember, a life lived for oneself alone, in fulfilling all forms of lustful desires, caprices, vices and instant self-gratification is a wasted life actually, but a life lived solely for Christ and others are second to none and praise-worthy.
All the best.
The summary of this long write is; poster you are ok, you are infact special, please freeze your eggs in case you change your mind in the future. Wahala for who no sabi long English.
DeleteThank you, Sabella, for taking your time. It's like you were sitting in front of me as I read it. Anon 16:03 I did not send my story here so that I can get summarised advice. i prefer sabella epistle better it shows she cares to write this much.
DeleteThank You Sabella for the information you provided.
DeleteI am not the Poster.
I enjoy reading your inputs to Chronicles Narratives and I appauld you for taking the time to give them from your free will. To people like me, it's not 'Long' at all; keep up the good works!
I keep Learning everyday, please continue to share. Thank You again and God Bless!
You sound like you are such a grounded and kind person. I also do not wanr to have kids and reading from you is so reassuring. Pls be a counsellor or something on that light, you do know how to connect with strangers really well. You are special too Sabella. God bless
DeleteClassy Sabella please ignore this crass anon like you ignore the existence of that crass thing in the morning. They complain because you make them inferior.True you write epistle but every single part makes sense.
DeleteSabella.... Love you ❤️❤️
DeletePoster time will tell, with time this your mindset will totally change.
ReplyDeleteDo what makes you happy.
It doesn't have to change
DeleteThere's nothing wrong with the way you feel.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way whenever I have a sober reflection of the journey of my life. But then,the thought of having someone to continue my linage and legacy makes me consider having at least a child.
“And God blessed them: and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
ReplyDeleteGenesis 1:28 ASV
@15:20,...therefore God condemned those who chose not to or could not multiply and replenish the earth, and such were cast into the lake of fire.. (sic)
DeleteThank you swthrt for posting this. No body should use God has an excuse for personal decision. If we all agree not to have children. Who will serve God after our generation dies off.
Delete@15:37 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteNice one!
I almost went to Genesis 15:20😂
15:20.... "Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” -Jesus Christ (Matthew 19v12)
DeleteI tell you mystic even me I was about to go and search for the verse🤣🤣🤣 bvs oo🤣
DeleteJust make sure you tell your partner your mind and make sure he reasons the same way. Not that he'll agree with you only for family and friends to pressure him into changing his mind
ReplyDeleteThis is my fear. People can pretend
DeleteUnfortunately there are no guarantees in life.If he changes his mind, you walk or better still go for a mature man( widow or divorced) with grown kids so there is no pressure.
DeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDelete🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞
Please update us in the nearest future.
Aw! The part where she says the only thing that thrills her is to serve God got me smiling ❤️
ReplyDeleteMy dear take it easy on yourself, who knows some persons might be like you
It’s possible to meet and settle with someone with same mindset. Honestly, this world is so scary and concerning to bring an innocent child into. I feel You Nnem.
ReplyDeleteEvery generation have gone through one shit or the other if you look at history people won’t stop giving birth trust me. We definitely see and hear more now due to social media awareness/TV. We should sha still be prepared for Christ Coming
DeletePoster this your matter long oh.
ReplyDeleteIf you no like born pickin find person wey be like you na. Na your choice.
If you continue feeling this way remember if you were not born you wouldn't be in this world, I guess you wouldn't be here sending chronicles.
So you have a choice to enjoy life as much as you can and leave for good.
But if you carry on thinking about all these things all the time you fit dey depressed or being behave like spirit.
Calm down.
I still myself I don't want to bring any child into this world to suffer. Before I think of making babies I'm going to make sure the basic needs of life won't be lacking. Atleast I plan giving my two unborn twin girl and boy the best in my lifetime...me & their father . So help me God
When you Gbensh and enjoy it Comeback and tell us if you still want a child or not. Ciao
ReplyDeletePoster, do what makes you happy. If you change your mind, in the future, 👍. If you don't, it's still ok.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words from Stella.
ReplyDeleteDear you,I can relate to some of the things you made mention of,I know how crazy it's for people to accept your kind of lifestyle you've chosen to have.
I'm a lover of simple life,live for God,bless humanity, contribute my quota to the well being of others. I see nothing wrong in your decision,all you need is a spouse with a like mind,who can see life from your angle.
Nevertheless, you've nursed your childhood experience for long,release yourself from those pain please👐👐it leads one into making dare decision just to avoid reoccurrence by closing some pages of our heart to other beautiful things in life.
Having a child or not,life is beautiful,enjoy!explore!don't just exist,live!
@Poster, the life you just described up there is very possible in the Western world, in Africa, mmmmmh, a different story altogether. I do not think Africa and some part of the world has evolved to that type of mindset you have. All the best with your decision though.
ReplyDeleteTrue she should just do and marry oyinbo. Most of them like to give birth to one kid or none at all.
DeleteLooool!!!
DeleteThere are many men that do not also want children...... Nigerian men ooooh!!
Find someone like you or a widower who has kids already and doesn't want more. Everyone can't want or like the same thing.
ReplyDeleteProcreation is one of the reasons for marriage. You can still have children and serve God. Nothing in this life is guaranteed, the man you might marry for companionship may die at any time thereby leaving you lonely. Life is a mystery. Please allow God to take control of your life and you will watch as everything turns out beautifully well for me. The bible says Commit your ways...Psalm 37:5. Proverb 16:3
ReplyDeleteMy man will not die.
DeleteI should allow God to take control?. Hmmmmm maybe I think too much.
Thank you oge.God bless you
Have people not lost all their children in one day? Even though you have children, nothing in life is guaranteed.
DeleteShe said she doesn't want!, Is it by force??? So those that have children are not lonely??
DeleteIt would be difficult to live in Nigeria and get a partner that wants to live the kind of life you desire. It's like putting a notice on a block of flats by the landlord saying he wants married couples without children. For how long will married couples live without children in the apartments in Nigeria?
ReplyDeleteYes, folks are right to talk about children looking after them at old age because we live a community based life in Nigeria. There's no home for the aged in Nigeria even if there were, they are not spread evenly in the states. When hospitals are under funded is it a subsidiary of hospital will be funded well? In Nigeria?
You said making investment in a child is silly because what if ...? No, there is no silliness in bringing up a child. The if you talked about does not hold water. Life is full of "ifs", so singling out bringing up a child to justify your argument is looking at it from one side.
I know you know what vocation means in Catholic church. And you know bringing up a child should fall under cooperate work of mercy.
Your decision should be respected but understand equally that such life is best lived abroad and there will be willing partners.
The same God you invoked His name equally said we should go and multiply. So?
You are right, marriage is not for "bearing kids." Marriage is intended by God primarily for companionship.
ReplyDelete"It is not good for a man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him." Now, you are that "helper" to
a man, your husband. But then remember that immediately the man and the wife were made, the Lord's command became;
"be fruitful and multiply..." Genesis 1:28.
So your mother and dad obeyed that injunction and brought you into an "imperfect world." Okay, you suffered; did you
suffer more than Christ who saved you? Bringing kids into an "imperfect word," does not immediately translate to
their suffering, does it? Does not the Lord "in all things work for the good of they that love him and are called
according to his purpose?" Rom. 8. Are you also considering the "love" for the man you have to be his helper or do
you just want to travel the world and avoid the responsibilities of raising kids. If that is the case, doesn't that
amount to selfishness?
There are two sides to this; 1. Seeking the Lord in fasting and prayer to find out if he is the one leading you in this way,
in that case there is a believer who understands you and who wants same things as you do.
Or 2. Are you among Matt. 19:12 "some who have renounced marriage for the kingdom of God's sake...?"
Read that scripture again. Procreation is one of the reasons for marriage, to "be fruitful and multiply" was God's command.
DeleteThough companionship was the first one, for man not to be alone.
Procreation is one of the reasons for marriage. You can still have children and serve God. Nothing in this life is guaranteed, the man you might marry for companionship may die at any time thereby leaving you lonely. Life is a mystery. Please allow God to take control of your life and you will watch as everything turns out beautifully well for me. The bible says Commit your ways...Psalm 37:5. Proverb 16:3
ReplyDeleteDid job not lose all his children in one day? Did Mary not lose her only son in one day ? White people put their parents in old people’s home
DeleteIf your aim of getting married is just to quench your loneliness, aren't you being selfish?
ReplyDelete1 Cor. 10:24 No one should seek her own good but the good of others.
Think about that. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Thank you! People say they don't need a child. They only need marriage because of companionship. What if they die,who will the husband be left with as companion. Who will cook for him. It is selfishness
DeleteAbeg aren’t there couples that marry without birthing kids due to infertility ? Abi they should die ?
DeletePoster read Proverb 3:5-7. I think you need to trust God and stop leaning on your own understanding.
ReplyDeleteI share same views. Praying to meet a woman like this.
ReplyDeleteOya come and carry your companion o!
DeleteHaney childhood did not "modelled" your life you just don't want kids and that's fine.I sincerely hope you get a partner that's in the same line of thought with you my darling.There are so many people in this world that do not want kids nothing is wrong with them it's just their personal desire. I wish you well to be honest.
ReplyDeleteOhhh trust me, Childhood actually plays a big part.
DeleteDear sister, I understand you totally and it's so interesting to know that we share soooooo many in common in terms of goals and what thrills us! I personally have 2 children who we are able to provide the best for and believe me the feeling is priceless.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you can consider 1 or 2? If you still feel strongly about NO kids, then you can look towards marrying a non African. Many of them will share this same ideals with you without going at your back to keep a family like many African men have done.
Goodluck and May the God you seek guide your decisions.
You are not under compulsion to bear kids, just don’t live in sin. Get married to someone with your views, be open to accepting a non-African as spouse, as many of our African brothers will want to raise a family. Also make sure you plan your welfare far ahead, should God bless you with a very long life.
ReplyDeleteI almost thought my brother wrote this until I figured u are a lady maybe u are that kind of woman we told him he can not find in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteU should go back to Catholic church and join a location that has same mindset as you do. That's your best bet as you will be living and sharing life with like minds.
ReplyDeleteOption 2...marry a widower with grown up kids who doesn't wish to have more children anymore.
Or you can decide to darn everyone and live your life the way you please, though this might mean cutting off from family and friends.
Good luck in your choice nne.
She doesn’t have to go back to Catholic Church to serve God naw. She likes Redeem. Besides, having a personal relationship with Christ is the most important aspect.
DeleteThis was my mindset ,I met a widower (wey don born full house )thinking he won't pressure me .Told him in clear terms that I am OK with the one I already have ,he agreed only to deny later and betrayed me by pressuring me into having a child and also a friend I confided in sold me out and told him that I will never have a child with him ,so I was basically blackmailed with that info .Dear poster I totally get you .
ReplyDeleteI'm on this table o. Wish you were a man I for say make we hook up lol
ReplyDeleteThis is impressive,atleast i am not weird for not seeing anything spectacular about having kids..
ReplyDeleteDear Poster keep doing you I pray you find the perfect partner soon😘
ReplyDeletePoster you are not alone. I have never being a fan of marriage and having kids. I am the first daughter in my family and I am 29 now. I have been dating my man for 3years now. I told him from the beginning that I don't want any of that. I love kids. Hell,I have nurtured so many kids. But I don't want them. It's an imperfect world. I went through a lot and I won't be bringing an innocent person into this cruel world.
ReplyDeleteSee how you’re contradicting yourself. You don’t want marriage but you’re in a relationship with a Man that might lead to marriage. You might as well break off the relationship and let a woman who wants marriage and kids date him. Wicked and selfish!
DeleteI had the same problem too and I waited till I was 41 before having kids after so much pressure from family and friends, when my daughter came I realised what have been missing, she is the most important thing to me now.
ReplyDeleteTell them. Some people don't have funtioning womb. They cry to God daily for a miracle. While some have womb and can conceive yet they pray not to have kids. You want to waste your womb abi
DeleteSlim shady, this comment is very insensitive!!
DeleteShe doesn't want.... Respect that!!!
Hahaha slim ooo leave her naww. She said she no want kids. Honestly upbringing of some folks make them conclude to not having kids which is completely fine. As long as there won’t be any regrets. My mom is exactly like this lady but my mama has kids in this imperfect world (because we know it’s not a perfect world as sin don mess it up) and she’s serving God whole heartedly with her husband and even have their own church. She brought us up in the ways of the lord. Poster also I’ll say look into seeing a counselor that works with folks on childhood trauma. I’m not saying that will help change your mind about not having kids(no pressure at all). But it’ll help you heal and live a more fulfilling life and even have better relationship with Christ! It’ll help release old resentment, bitterness, anger, hurt, pain, etc... at the end of the day, we’re human being with flesh and blood with different range of emotions. Wishing you all the best and hopefully you’ll find a man with your preference. E hugs.
DeleteMe too, I dont want kids, I wont even marry anyone with kids, widower or not. Maybe we start a group for ourselves, LIVING CHILD-FREE.
ReplyDeletePoster, thank you for this post.
Poster in all, seek the face of God on what to do. All this seem like your decision but have you asked God what he wants for your life. He sees the end from the beginning. He knows the future. Let him lead you.
ReplyDelete@Poster, what does God mean when he created man and said "be fruitful and multiply? For now you may not see any need of having your own child. No body takes good care of you at old agemore than your biological child. Except you didn't show them true love of a mother while grooming them. Having an orphanage home won't stop you from having your own child. That's how my uncle never wanted to marry until he was compelled to marry by family members. Because his mind rejected marriage now child is not coming forth. He is 100% healthy(according to different test results) You are a laddy. If you finally marry and can't conceive I know you your husband and his family may make life unbearable for you; which may triger you to sin out of provocations
ReplyDeleteWell that’s why she wants a man who doesn’t want kids oo so he won’t pressure her. Are we reading the same chronicle slim shady? Your comment dey crack me up sha lolll
DeletePoster we share so many similarities, though I'm more interested in widows and orphans (James 1:27); but unlike you, I dread marriage and never dated. My family members are beginning to ask questions.
ReplyDeleteAnon 17:09,I don’t mind if you can introduce me to your Brother.
ReplyDeleteI know two married couples in their 50’s and 40’s who decided not to have kids. They are Nigerians and don’t give a rats ass about what anyone thinks.
ReplyDeleteHonestly if a lady knows she doesn’t have a nurturing spirit or is not keen on having kids, it’s best to not bring kids into this world! No one should feel pressured to have kids because if you end up having one, you might take out your anger and frustration on them and the cycle of messed up kids continues. We need a happy community and society biko. So people will actually serve God with all their hearts, have more compassion, and love in them. Poster since this is your decision, I pray you find the right man for you, and folks with kids, continue to commit them to God and teach them to serve God every day of their lives.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, in as much as i understand how you feel, please dont tie any young man down. Look for someone who has had his children and only need companionship. You wont feel the impact of your decision now, wait untill you get old, when you cant move around again and u need assistance, that is when it will dawn on you, that having your blood around is apt. My Aunt was like you, she died a miserable death. She never cared about any of us and was very wicked. Never married or had a child. She spent her money on outsiders, training many in the university, but never gave us even 1k. When she was sick, i was asked to contribute 300k for operation. Me that is earning 50k monthly. I told them i dont have such money. If she had children, they would do that for her. So before you start enjoying your eccentric lifestyle, think of tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteWhatever decision I decide to make at the end of the day, Will turn out well. I won't die a miserable like your aunt but a honourable death when I am old feeble and well-advanced in years.
DeleteYour aunt was stingy to you all, I am not your aunt. From my writing did I seem like a stingy person to loved ones to you. Besides..helping family members or anyone for that matter do not mean they will reciprocate in the future but just do everything for God not because you think anyone has got your back. She may help you all and yet some of you will not feel the need to do the same. Humans can be like that.
She should have set aside financies for her old age that was her mistake.
There are many people who kids died before their old age and they have reached menopause does that mean they will die miserably? And their are some children who have abandon their parent for one reason or the other. Just want you to know you can't guarantee anything.
I do not pray that or other negatives outcome for me or anyone that is if I change my mind like most people have said.
Poster just save save and save as much as you can especially if you’re in naija. Plan for retirement well. Same goes for everyone anyway for those with kids and not solely depend on their kids when they retire.
DeletePoster do I see fear, concern and not 💯 percent sure on your decision? What’s the main purpose of writing this chronicle self? To get others view on not having kids and to make sure you’re not alone in this? Anyway you said you’re not sure yet so just pray about it before making a final decision with no regrets. And hope you’re no depressed and just tired of life in general. Just putting that out there as well.
DeleteThanks Stella. I will read the comments over again and send an update by God's Grace. Amen.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I ask myself so many questions. My mum had no business having kids.She doesn't know how to be a mother or what parenting is all about.
ReplyDeleteAynonymous 10.33
ReplyDeleteYou sojnd so short-sighted and small-minded. May God help you and your kind