This Chronicles is an update and really worse off than the initial one sent in....
Read the first Chronicle HERE
Please I urgently need your advice and that of Bvs. I am typing with a very heavy heart and I desperately need urgent advices.
I am in a very toxic marriage that is making me depressed and crying everyday, I am married to a very Big narcissist and I can’t take it anymore. All I feel right now for him is hatred and I don’t want anything that would lead to regrets cause his also a woman beater and very hot tempered when angry.
I told him I want to leave and he has agreed but Saying I cannot leave with my children that I can go alone but not with the kids, the kids are 3years and 10 months. How do I leave behind such little kids for another woman to maltreat I begged that he allow me take care of them as the are still young once they are of age he can them take them he disagreed and called me a Bad mother.
Please I urgently need your advice and that of Bvs. I am typing with a very heavy heart and I desperately need urgent advices.
I am in a very toxic marriage that is making me depressed and crying everyday, I am married to a very Big narcissist and I can’t take it anymore. All I feel right now for him is hatred and I don’t want anything that would lead to regrets cause his also a woman beater and very hot tempered when angry.
I told him I want to leave and he has agreed but Saying I cannot leave with my children that I can go alone but not with the kids, the kids are 3years and 10 months. How do I leave behind such little kids for another woman to maltreat I begged that he allow me take care of them as the are still young once they are of age he can them take them he disagreed and called me a Bad mother.
I can’t leave my children for anyone and he doesn’t want me to take them away, please what do I do as I can’t stand him anymore in the house and I just need to go clear my head before I die for a Man who is very manipulative.
We are actually in Dubai and I lost my job during covid 19 and right now Nigerians back there are finding it difficult to get another job. Please what do I do in this situation As I don’t want my kids in a toxic environment. Thank you Stella
We are actually in Dubai and I lost my job during covid 19 and right now Nigerians back there are finding it difficult to get another job. Please what do I do in this situation As I don’t want my kids in a toxic environment. Thank you Stella
If you don't have a Job or any money,how do you intend to take care of the kids......
If it is so bad,why don't you tell him you need a break in Nigeria?I don't know for sure but i don't think women have any rights where you are,I don't even think you can leave with the kids.....
I don't know what to advice you anymore...If you have proof of Domestic Violence,you might get help,otherwise i do not know about the laws of that country......I don't know what to advice you again,let me read comments...
Please pardon my typos in the old Chronicle.
Too many painful experiences in marriages
ReplyDeleteMadam you can't leave 3 year old for another person. There is no situation God cannot enter.
I will suggest you look for something to do and still send CVS out. God will do it for you. It.might tarry but it will surely come to pass.
Try and see not to trigger anything that will make horseband beat you. We don't want death.
I wish I can teach women how to get their husband to treat them exactly as they want him to. I know this because someone taught me, I thought it was a joke (that was even b4 i got married). I started practicing. Low and behold, I married a man with the exact personality I always wanted. He treats me exactly as I fantasized. And his family no carry me play!
DeleteI might sound like I am bragging but I am not.
Poster I wish there is a way I can reach you personally, people will think you did jazz. I swear. I have taught a friend who had it far worse than you and she had a 180° turnaround in her marriage. It is applicable in every human relationship and makes life quite easy for you.
Saphire please share it here biko
DeleteYou might be saving a lot of homes
Why not post on spontaneous or send to SDK to post on ihn.
Bikonu sis.
Type it here now,you dont know d number of lives u wud be saving,u dont need to contact d poster directly
DeletePlease how can I contact you I'm interested, is there a book you can recommend?
DeleteSaphire send to Stella to share with us na 😉☺️ .
DeletePoster sorry for your pain. Pls don’t leave your babies for anybody ‼️
Pls drop some tips for us nau....
DeleteI will send to Stella.
DeletePoster, please whatever you do, please don't leave those kids behind. There's too much sexual molestation of kids going on in the world, sometimes even by biological fathers. Can you both try marriage counseling?
DeleteSapphire, I understand that there are ways one can act in marriage and it will be enjoyable but you see this case, I think it's too late for now,she needs to seperate from that man first and learn that tips thereafter!
DeleteI have the exact same problem Lola is facing with the in-laws but mine is better and bitter from different angles.the better side is that none of my hubby's sibling nor his mother can openly insult me because I don't send them and I don't need their help not that I am rich but I told myself it's better to forget and delete people who don't love you from your memory, just act as if they don't exist!
Then the bitter part is that I am TTC and they sometimes you it to indirectly smear me to people but once I hear I tell the person that they are mocking God and not me, that God will deal with them in a way that will be more painful than what I am going through.
So my point is, this issue is beyond tips because there are some naturally wicked people that deserves to be deserted for them to learn their lessons!
One thing you will understand is he might turn out good in his next marriage if he eventually breaks up with his wife now because he wouldn't want anyone to say he is the cause of his marital woes,he might even be enduring BS just to appear like the former wife was the issue!
You see,the worst people you can deal with are manipulative people.
08:35 I like that you mentioned manipulative people in your last paragraph. Check your second paragraph. Anyone - male or female can be manipulative in different types of relationships.
DeletePoster, get on your knees and pray to God to show you what to do. He is the only One that has the answer/solution that will give you peace and liberation.
Hmmm! This is seriously serious and dangerously dangerous
ReplyDelete😃😊stopeet
DeleteYou shouldn't have told him you wanted to leave, you for just plan everything carry your children run.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it's not too late. Take your time (2/3 months, hopefully you can endure him for that amount of time) plan everything and race away from him. Just act normal, endure, strategize and plan your move.
Exactly. Once you tell a man you are leaving they start threatening you with your children. The only way is to be patient and plan your exit especially financially. But never ever leave your children behind on your own accord. That abuse will be transfered to them and they might grow up thinking abuse is normal and the cycle continues. Good luck poster.
DeleteExactly. Once you tell a man you are leaving they start threatening you with your children. The only way is to be patient and plan your exit especially financially. But never ever leave your children behind on your own accord. That abuse will be transfered to them and they might grow up thinking abuse is normal and the cycle continues. Good luck poster.
Delete"
ReplyDeleteWe are actually in Dubai and I lost my job during covid 19 and right now Nigerians ******back there ******are finding it difficult to get another job".
Hmmmmm
I once dated a narcissist,from the little i learnt,you don't tell such people you're leaving them.if you do,you might leave in a body bag,Plan your exit even if it's gradually and secretly,Save from the little pocket and feeding money n run for your life.You shouldn't have made it obvious to him initially.Secondly, nothing will happen to those children,Worst case scenario,leave the first kid behind,sort out your life and fight him in court when you can..if you stay there and die he will happily still marry another woman as soon as he can.
ReplyDeleteExactly what I wanted to say. You know he is a narcissist and you also know that you are in a country where the law does not favour women..... You should have been wise in your approach and not putting all your cards on the table by saying you want to leave with the kids..
DeleteI don't know what to advise seriously
My thoughts too, it will b difficult for him to allow carry but kids, if the 2nd one is still breast feeding is an opportunity to take him 1st, then when you come push for family to help u for the 1st one or better still he may even bring the 1st to his mum to take care of, because he will not b able to leave a child alone
DeletePoster is not ready to leave. 8f she is ready, she will not tell the husband anything plan her exit systematically and nobody should tell me its not possible.
DeleteYou are living with a sadist, your life is in danger and you are busy fighting thesame man and telling him to his face you want to leave. Maybe you were thinking that will calm the guy down. It's not done that way. Borrow sense abeg.
No oo, do not leave any kids behind! It’ll be tougher to get her back. I repeat, do not leave any of your kids! involve the law and get more information on how to separate amicably. He can’t force you to be in that toxic environment. They should have laws that favors women to some extent in Dubai.
DeleteThe best solution to your predicament now is to call upon Jesus. Yes, fast and pray, study the Word of God.
ReplyDeleteYou can begin from the very teachings of Jesus in the New Testament. He alone can make a way where there seems
to be no way. He alone can make a way in the dead sea. He alone can provide food in the desert. He alone can
feed thousands with five loaves of bread and two fishes. What are you waiting for? Pick up your Bible or
download the bible apps from play store or istore. Cheers.
🙄 seriously?
Delete@Sandra
DeleteYes, seriously; do you have any piece of advise for her?
Is anything wrong with someone in perceived trouble praying to God for help?
Yes Sandra seriously, prayer is the master key even if she will eventually leave prayer is still the for her peaceful exit. Seriously na prayer.
DeletePrayer changes things @ Sandra
DeleteIt is true and for real .
Poster check yourself and if there's anything you are not doing well, start doing and back it up with midnight prayers. God will change your story for good. Don't give up and pls stop telling him you want to leave.
DeleteYes, Sandra prayer is the answer.
DeleteOver the weekend, I saw letters from early 2000 from mom, to mom, from a Christian minister, a few friends AND it took me through THE PRAYERS GOD HAS ANSWERED IN MY LIFE and HOW WELL HE HAS DONE FOR ME IN 20 YEARS! 🙏 #Grateful💟
Ffk's wife left 4 kids behind,she's still alive,your life and sanity is very important.If your life is not safe around him,leave the kids behind,fix your life and go back for your kids.Men like that value their kids alot and will not allow anything bad happen to them,just think about your safety first if he's punching you.The children will survive beside how buoyant are you to take care of the children even if you run away with them?
ReplyDeleteGod bless u o . All this dont leave without your children when ur life is at risk is not correct.
DeleteYou guys can be funny sha..
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think he would allow you leave with the kids? Na only you get them? Don't they belong to the both of you? .. it's easy here.. take one and let him take the other.. that's fairness.. you want to take them both so you'll be using them to blackmail him for money and to punish him whenever you feel like bah..
I hate seeing stuffs like this.. I have friends I know love their kids with their lives.. or you women think it's only you that love the children.. or you just don't care about his feelings.. he would remarry, same as you too.. why do you think the kids would be maltreatment by the new wife but yours won't be maltreated by your new husband? Have you not heard of cases where a woman husband would be molesting his wife's daughter which isn't his child.. please stop being self centered and wicked
The way you think is appalling. The children are too young Mr Dante to be left like tha. And not everything is about manipulation.
DeleteYes, not all women are responsible. But most are and will take good care of the children.
@Lady..
DeleteOh.. because motherly lov is more special than fatherly lov bah.
Ok oh, responsible woman.. the way you think isn't appalling
😂😂😂😂😘
DeleteDante, the children are too young besides, mothers are natural nuturers.
DeletePoster or any woman does not have to use the children to blackmail her husband for child support/upkeep.
A responsible father would make provision for his children's needs and budget for it.
Hmmm
ReplyDeleteE tire me. It is well.
Don't leave your children. Remain in the marriage till you get a game changer, maybe till you are financially well. Then you can run back to Nigeria with your children.
Some of our mothers endured just for their children.
But finally if the beating continues and you get hold of DV evidence then you can run for your life without your kids. They will survive and in future they will forgive after you explain to them why you left. May God be with you.
Your last statement is ridiculous. Run away and leave her kids when she’s well alive. I’m a mother and I just CANNOT.
Delete03:16 but if he beats you to death, YOU CAN leave your children?
DeleteNobody says it's easy but sometimes wisdom appears foolish to the simple.
@12:43. If you can’t comprehend what I wrote up there then be quiet!!! What I’m saying is leave with the kids!!!
DeleteMadam, Covid affected every soul on earth in one way or the other. You should try to adjust to the new situation and try and raise your kids for now.
ReplyDeleteYou and husband aren't going to live in Dubai forever. It is not just running away from "perceived danger" but running to safety. Where is "safety" in this your situation?
Once I read a woman using these words; Narcissistic, manipulative, abusive, and so on, my first guess is that she probably has been corrupted by social media (specifically from 2015/16)
It is very easy to look at the faults in others but never minding our own faults; how you use your tongue, especially with the stress of being jobless
and not finding another. How respectful were you toward this man when you have a job and money? Have you been able to adjust to the fact that the family's
finances have ebbed and be able to live lower than what you are used to? Do some soul searching and be patient and humble.
Exactly
DeleteFrom your last chronicle, he wanted you to upgrade yourself hence the comparison. Calm down, you know him better than us and what turns him on, use it, upgrade yourself which is not a bad thing cos you're equally doing it for yourself, hope you are not fat, you know some men can be stupid. Try get a job, save, before any other step.
Tame your tongue and Good luck.
you are utterly stupid for this comment. go back and read her first story before asking her stupid questions....mao which upgrade? a man openly comparing his wife to his friends wife and wishing she was like her? is that a man who wants his wife to be better in love? the man is a manipulative idiot and its a pity she fell into his hands. it is obviously all these abroad marraiages where the couple never really knows themselves. she needs to leave that marriage before that guy kills her. poster just endure and plan yourself, just meanwhile be quite and dont give him room to beat you. act like a fool till you escape
DeleteNever tell a narcissist such nonsense, especially when you know you have no means of survival. Leaving will not solve your problem because he will stalk (till your old age), spoil and even harm you. They never let go of their victim. Now he knows, just watch your back. Better still, ask for 'forgiveness', become deaf & dumb, play the good wife card against all odds, get a job(anything legal), save and quietly plot your exit. Be assured that all your moves are watched hence forth. That is why dating/courtship is not for sex but for studying each other, you won't have been in such a mess now especially in that kind country.
ReplyDeleteNarcissistic personality is a disorder. Who are the ones making these diagnosis online and offering to treatments?🙄🙄🙄
DeleteThe problem with your situation is the country you are in.
ReplyDeleteIf it was another county, you would have had many options.
So I will advise you to try and calm down. Ask God for inner peace and wisdom to quietly plot and plan, and leave this man, taking your children along.
Please calm down and be gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent.
Please toppings to conquer this situation.
God's grace
Please leave asap and take your kids with you. You may not ever have access to the child you leave behind again! Pls leave now, and call upon God to help you. Are there no women NGOs in Dubai that help women and children in abusive situations? Please ask around or research as you also need to be careful so you arent deported.
ReplyDeleteI went back to the first Chronicle and it saddens me that most comments were right, that it would only get worse and not better. Can't imagine that situation you've been in for over a year. I commit you unto the capable hands of God.
ReplyDeleteIf there's a way you can set a camera so that you can record the beating to show as evidence incase, then you run with your kids
ReplyDeleteYou have to leave asap
There's no protection for women in that yeye country.
DeleteMadam, when I heard you were abroad, I was happy. But sadly you are in Dubai where the laws are against women. This is what you have to do. Humble yourself. Beg and play the long game. He covets his friend's wife who he thinks is better educated than you and he is infatuated with her. So start some self improvement. Find some free classes online in subjects that interest you and learn while he is at work. Take lots of English classes online too and use that as cover. Show him your English homework like a child and tell him how you will work day and night for him to be proud of you one day. Avoid all confrontation. Learn to know when a beating might be coming so you can avoid it. You need to stay alive for your children's sake. Try and see if you can do some handiwork from hair to chin chin that you can sell to make a little money and then save. Save well and hard and endure. When the time is right flee and leave no trace. I will see if I can find any women's organisations in Dubai that may be able to help you. If I do, I will share it here.
ReplyDeleteLet God in please. There's nothing He cannot do just trust Him.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteGet proof of domestic violence and leave that man with ur children. Also, never tell the enemies your plans. Why did you tell him you want to leave with the kids? You suppose just disappear.
ReplyDeleteHe is simply using the Kids to blackmail you not to leave. Wicked Man! Plan you exit carefully inform your Family. Bring your Children back to Nigeria since you have no Job.
ReplyDeleteDo u v funds? If you do...act a fool for a week or two..take all his mess..and japa codedly
ReplyDeleteStella is right, the country you are in supports men it will be impossible for you to exit without his permission for you to take the children. You need a 3-5 years plan. This means you will have to squeeze and scrape money from what you are given to manage the household. You will also have to put your acting skills to use and start treating your husband like a god. Yes, you have to turn a complete 180 and tell him something like you got a revelation to stay and work on your marriage, sorry, but desperate times desperate measures. Protect your fertility and do not get pregnant. Do not let your left hand know what the right is doing. Save enough money to leave and hopefully the way will be easier in 3-5 years for you to make an exit.
ReplyDeleteWow a whole 3-5yrs??? That’s crazy. I agree with no kids. Two is more than enough biko. Especially in that kind of marriage. Hmmm poster read online or ask around about Dubai laws for women. There’s got to be at least one law that favors women naw Ahn ahn
DeleteIf Mandela could serve 27 years in prison then what is 3-5 years? Sometimes things do not move as fast as you want them to. Within that timeframe she should be improving herself learning marketable skills and such.
DeleteAnd if he kills her tomorrow
DeleteMadam, you talk too much. SHUT UP.
ReplyDeleteWhy must you tell the man you want to leave him? You already know he will prevent you from taking your kids with you. It's time for you to take the biblical advice seriously, Matthew 10:16 Be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove.
He is a narcissist, play into that. Go and apologize to him and beg him, tell him that without him you're nothing, that you only said you wanted to leave because you wanted attention. Be gentle, everything he says to do that doesn't harm your body and spirit, DO IT. Cook his favorite meals, run him a hot bath, rub his feet. Do everything you know he wants, befriend whomever he wants you to. Ask him his choice in everything. If your family or friends try to intervene, tell him how useless they are and how they don't wish you well and cut ties to them. This is temporary, you can explain later. Call his mother, ingratiate yourself to her, tell him you want to do things for the mother that you want her to visit you so you can pamper her, if she comes begin dey act Nollywood film. When he asks you why the change, tell him you have been listening to preachers and wives ministry. In fact your husband should wake up at least once a week to you praying for him, and asking God to protect him and bless him. Do this for as long as it takes. Be wise as a serpent, in all this time you're playing a good wife, start stashing away what you can, every dime you can find, take it and hide it. Any evidence of crimes he's committing, document it and keep. Any classes or skills you can brush up on, do so, if you get another job, lie about how much you're making. Keep building up your nest egg and eventually a time will present itself when you can get a chance to travel or escape with your children, everything you've been saving, keep it close by, when the chance comes, pick up your children and run.
It might take at least a year or two, but it will work, just keep pretending and don't tell anyone what you're up to. When you escape, then you can explain to them. It's important that everyone believes you
POSTER PLSSSSSSSSSSSS TAKE THIS PARTICULAR ADVICE.
DeleteStella she has rights oo. Report him to the police, the family court will settle it.
ReplyDeleteMoreover, kids will always be given to the mother so report him to the family court.
ReplyDeleteThe laws aren't against women in Dubai. Poster should drag the husabnd to family court or the police or even human right commission. There are resources out there to help women.
ReplyDeletePlease show your proof of this! Link to a website or group in that country that assist women in the same situation. Also show successful cases where women have been able to get their children out of the country with husbands who object.
DeleteStella how can we reach out to poster? To assist financially? She needs to separate from that husband ASAP before anything happens to her. Depression is not a joke. Her kids needs her. Poster you’ve got to plan this strategically. Stop talking about your plans with him. To get a break for now, take your kids and walk around the mall to clear your head, away from your toxic environment. Spend time with friends whenever you’re in the mood to hang out with people. Limit interaction and Do everything possible to get away from that environment until you’re financially able to. This is what I did when I was going nuts during lock down. As soon as malls open, I go there. Take them to the park, get some exercise to help alleviate that depressed feelings. Deep breathing, pray pray pray for Gods help . Buy 5htp if you’re no longer breastfeeding and take it to increase your serotonin level(feel good hormone in the brain). Have you tried marriage counseling and individual therapy? Not sure if your insurance covers that in Dubai. Over here in the US, it’s part of your health insurance. If you’ve done everything to save your marriage, then separate! You need your mental sanity!! Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteMadame whatever you decide to do, please make self development paramount. Go to school! You can even leave the children with him and come back to naija. Rewrite jamb and go to school, graduate top of your class, get a job and come back for your children. Even if na nursing school, Law, Accounting, etc. Anything. Let me tell you something, when children become independent adults they will seek the truth. No one should worry about whether one party is feeding the children lies or not. If he re marries a good woman who will take care of your children, that is good. The children will still seek you. If she is bad to them, that will absolve you of all false accusations. In all scenarios, you have high chances of winning.
ReplyDeleteThe first chronicle was very painful for me to read and my heart bleed for you poster.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the predicament you find yourself in.
My advice : PLAN STRATEGICALLY, plan wisely, self development, start applying for courses in Dubai to study towards the expiration of your current visa so you can switch to that visa (who knows you might be lucky to get scholarship), pray too, speak to your doctor about your health (they will guide you well if you're honest with them or they can link you up with NGO).
OGA, calm down and love your wife as your self.