STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HUBBY ABOUT TO TAKE A SECOND WIFE...
I want an urgent advice from you and the Bvs.
I married my husband at the age of 24 and we've been married for 10 years now, we dated for 4 years from the university before getting married. I believe I know him too well and we love each other.
My problem started when my very rich husband lost his job, things begin to go down little by little. He was sad and frustrated, but I always made sure to encourage him at all times. Things begin to get worse day by day, but thank God he acquired some properties, which we both decided to sell one so that he can start up a manufacturing company.
Property was sold and he immediately paid for machines, which prompted us to relocate from Lagos to the east because he has land already there and the ones in Lagos which is in good position is beyond our budget.
He opened a supermarket for me and also opened a restaurant and bar, which we both decided to bring in my sister to manage. There is staff quarters and also a self con for my husband, where he relaxes most times because the bar closes very late and he can't risk coming home that late.
Now he doesn't come home for at least two weeks, if I complain, he will say I don't understand the stress and that I'm inconsiderate. The office is not far from the bar, but it is about 10 to 15 minutes to our home.
Last month he complained that he was not feeling fine, I prepared his favorite meal only to get to his room to see a lady's underwear, make up, bags, wig etc. I asked him who owned all those things and he said it's one of the staff, who has an accommodation problem. ''Why is she staying with you, why didn't she stay with my sister who is the manager''. He flared up and started asking why I came to visit without informing him.
The summary of the matter is that he wants to marry the lady in question and he wanted to give me a shock with it but I came in unexpectedly to scatter his plans.
Please my fellow Bvs advise me on what to do, I don't know what came over my husband and we have two boys and a girl together. I have already called my parents to return his bride price, and I've spoken with his family, they are all begging, but my mind is just confused if I should leave with the children or stay back and fight for my home.
Both families agreed to meet on Friday November 6,2020. Please advise me on what to do because my decision will determine my family's stand on this matter.
Hmmmmm!!!!
If you should stay and fight for your home?Is your home worth staying and fighting for?If the answer is yeah,then by all means stay and fight until you remove her grip from your hubby......
Then you arrange for some agbero boys to codedly escort her out of town and instruct her not to return and make sure she never contacts your man again............
Your husband does not know that he is about to ruin his life by marrying a second wife.......
Good luck and please give update...
Women from hell. They are everywhere. Please stay and fight for your marriage but this doesn't sound like ordinary.
ReplyDeleteThis life no just balance at all. People will be single, they will be mocking them. Marry kwanu, they still cannot sleep with two eyes closed because before you hear fem; another single is plotting to chance you
DeleteIt is well o
Okay, this is very unlike me but I think you should stay, as it stands you don't have the full information on this situation yet but I perceive it is all these long throat desperate ladies that sees a man trying a bit financially and decides to pitch her tent there. Very likely jazz was even involved.
DeleteI hope the family meeting successfully reconciles you two, rent out that self con immediately and let him come home when he closes, 10 to 15 mins isn't too much to justify living apart and shine your eyes in future. Thirsty bitches abound these days. All the best dear.
Nawa o!
DeleteForget about the agbero boys or whatever, the lady isn't your issue. Now follow this with aggressive prayers, by strength shall no man prevail.
DeleteThirsty bitches kwa. It takes two. His home is not far away. Why was he not returning home?
DeleteHmmm….. So many recommendations on this blog for her to ‘fight for her home/marriage’. A marriage that the man has treated in with the utmost disregard? A marriage that the vows have been so broken that for all intent and purpose, are practically nonexistent especially in the man’s heart and mind. Its bad enough that there is a side chic (who might even be pregnant too) but to bring her into his home. Society usually conveniently forgets that it takes 2 people to maintain a home/marriage but will always push the whole responsibility of holding a home together solely on the woman no matter how irresponsibly the man is behaving. If she decides to stick to a man that has found solace and companionship in the bosom of another woman and she still wants to hold on to that marriage, she should do so away from her husband and the 2nd wife to protect herself and her children and emotionally detach herself. I hope that there are some assets in your name and reserve those prayers for yourself and your children because you will need it more than the one that has decided to frolic. Your husband has made his choice and its not you. Whatever decision you take made sure it’s one that will make you happy at the end of the day, and not one that society expects of you.
DeleteIf the roles were to be reversed, I’m very sure the advice and out come would be a huge opposite because you will never see a man tie himself down to a woman that has thrown herself into the arms of another man. That man will not wait for any village meeting before walking away, but I suppose that is a story for another day.
I wish you all the best and may God guide you. May God grant you wisdom to take the best decision for yourself and your children at your family meeting.
I also thought 10-15mins from home does not justify living apart. I understand the safety issues, but I have never heard of someone living so close to home with a young family at home would choose to be apart.
DeleteThis is so devastating on every level. Sometimes loving a man is the worst thing you can choose to do in life. Why he gotta do you like that now. Why he had to bring you that shame on his turf, not even thinking of the humiliation to you,just thinking of his own personal satisfaction. Loyalty sometimes has no reward. You stick with a man through thick and thin and he will stick fck you over with no lube and a rusty pole in your arse.
My dear, sorry about what’s going on, in your marriage. If you are able to take care of yourself and your kids, l think you should, let him go marry the other lady. Why?? Your husband, has changed. He has decided to get married to that girl and if he ends up not marrying her, he will subject you to all forms of emotional trauma. It might get physical and beyond.
DeleteIs that what you want?? Please, don’t remain in that marriage. You will be a happier woman. Let him go..
Tell your family to stand by your decision. No begging please.. Return the bride price and if he realizes his mistake ten years down the road and you are still available, he can remarry you. Good luck!!
I like your decision, I was in her shoes. My husband left the house and started living in a hotel with a girl, that was immediately the money started rolling in. I fought, I complained, I cried all to no avail. I resigned my self to fate. One day he came home very sick, he was rushed to the hospital on Friday, he died in the evening. I later learnt that the Senior brother escorted him to marry the girl because I have only a son according to them.
DeleteFind out if the said LADY IS YOUR SISTER or not.
DeleteThis is huge, let me wait and read other BVs first.
ReplyDeleteNO HUMAN IS WORTH THE STRESS
DeleteNONE!
Fight over who? what?
I know you may have loved your man but your dignity needs to be intact at this time!
While he was building his business were you building yours ?
Did you just put your life on the line without rewarding yourself too?
Do you have property in your name?
Are you going to be left with nothing outside in the cold?
If the answer to this last question is YES prepare to go legal if he insists on marrying her.
If the answer is NO...dont sweat enjoy your pink life ...pray he stays if chooses not to stay you can survive without him!
Women always feel cheated in marriage in situations like this if their husband decides to walk away and they have nothing to show for the Donkey years in marriage except children!
This is a lesson for a women folk...Nkwucha aburo Ujo..YOU GIVE SO MUCH OF YOURSELF IN MARRIAGE WOMEN...YOU HOLD NOTHING BACK AND YOU DO NOT PLAN FOR YEARS OF COMFORT FOR YOURSELF !
Nkwucha aburo ujo!
Women wake UP
I wouldn't "stay and fight for home". Which home are you fighting for? The one your husband has already destroyed? It takes two to tango. You can't fight for a home that your husband doesn't want. It is better you leave with your children and have your emotional health, mental health and peace of mind intact.
DeleteFamilies are begging. Is he begging? Is he contrite? Is he promising not to go on with the intruder again? Meanwhile, your sister never saw what's up and never told you anything?
DeleteGirls are not smiling.
But then, how did you confirm he is planning on marrying the she-goat?
My advice is this:
Let's set pride and ego aside; WHAT DO YOU WANT? I am not an advocate for taking decisions to save face in public and be call Magret Tacha outside meanwhile you are soaking your pillows with tears, developing hbp and casting your frustrations on your children. Nne, if you, YOU YOU YOU know in your heart that you love him still and want your marriage back, Nne stand up and move close to your man. Go into meditation and use every positive energy you can muster; love, forgiveness, gentleness, prayers, be generous this season with kind words, your time, money and compassion. Draw positive energy and don't give in to anger and hate. Ignore that woman and pretend she does not exist. What you feed grows, what you starve dies.
But if you look inward and know it in your heart that beyond the anger of betrayal he is not worth it. Then girl, grab what you can, take your children and leave.
You sound like you love him but only pained from the betrayal. Be brave to choose you and be selfish. Don't do it for him. Don't do it for the praises of feminists. Do it for yourself and your sanity. You can always find a way to pay him back in the marriage afterwards if you so desire.
Sapphire, you are so smart!
DeletePoster take this advice. Fight for your marriage if you still love your man and willing to forgive him later... make sure he shows remorse.
Hmmm Poster you have every right to be angry however I need you to calm down so you can make formative and the right decisions..Please chill till after the meeting tomorrow, hear both families out then decide if you are ready to fight for your marriage or it is a done deal of opting out..I dunno why when some men see money, they forget the woman that toiled with them under the sun and the rain..I am not happy at all with this chronicle..I wish you wisdom and E-hugs Nne!!
ReplyDeleteYour opinion resonates with mine.
DeleteNo respect at all.. He turned office to ashawo spot real quick! Madam, I wish you wisdom to make the right decision.
DeleteHmmmm, what really annoyed me is that from poster's story the man is not showing any form of remorse.
DeleteStella you wosky o, osino agbero boys to escort her out of town!😂
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say poster.
If you chase her, he’ll find another woman.
ReplyDeletePlease don't make trouble with him if his mind is made up. Just make sure you have some properties in your name. Also don't divorce him. Let him him do whatever that pleases him as long as you and your kids are conformable financially but please don't stay in the same house with him and his so called new wife. Believe me, he will surly regret his actions
ReplyDeleteThey always do, often when it's too late @"he will surely regret it".
DeletePoster take snow White's advice. Don't divorce him, live apart. Face your life, children and business.
Snow White, you're right. The man disrespected the wife and he's not even remorseful or willing to change...
DeleteDon't stress yourself too much. Face your life and your children...
Don't divorce him yet but you can separate from him for now. They usually regret their decisions later, I just hope it'll not be too late for him. Ensure you don't sleep with him again hence you get infected with an incurable and your children suffer for it.
DeleteMadam stay back and fight for your home osiso!..
ReplyDeleteSmall thing in marriage una go want divorce..
My dear,go spiritual oo and scatter both of them...
This is the main reason why every woman should be knacking pigeon on their husband's head!...
Nne,most men that have bars or hotel are prostitutes!...
Look for a correct spiritual person that would untie them...inukwa one dirty girl coming to reap where she did not cultivate...
If it's me,I will send madness to her..
Nonsense
I love u bebe
DeleteGo with this advice poster😡 nonsense home wrecker from pit of hell.
DeleteThe man is so annoying.
DeleteThe queen has spoken, agbala nwanyi. Poster abeg, fight for your home.
DeleteLmao.Thats why u are the boss.mess with boss mess with the devil.inukwa!
DeletePoster I Join queen to tell you GO SPIRITUAL AND TAKE YOUR HOME
DeleteEleyi gidi gan o. If the marriage is worth fighting for and your husband is worth it, please stay back and fight for your home but his attitude and utterances at the family meeting will also go a long way to help you make the right decision. If he wants out, you can't force him. Let go. However ,if he's remorseful, you can reconsider your stand. Above all, pray and calm down. Don't make any rash decision in your confused state.Peace
ReplyDeletePlease, stay and fight for your home but know the limit of what you can take.
ReplyDeleteMadam, something tells me you marry a man without character. You said you both were students but you didn't mention how he came into money. You just said your very rich husband. Was he rich from school or after school?
ReplyDeleteHow come your sister didn't tell you about your husband's "escapades"? You know your husband more than us so do what makes you happy. I would have said try fighting for your marriage but something tells me, you both started from a very faulty foundation, yahoo money being part of that foundation (I might be wrong) so it's kind of difficult to advise you.
Exactly why didnt your sister tell you? Is she the one your husband wants to marry??? I smeell a rat
DeletePoster, please l don't mean to sound harse. This story is not complete..... you didn't say anything about your sister? What part has your sister played in this story. Pls don't fight a battle you cannot finish. Whatever you do in life, your happiness comes first.
Deletehow did the sister not know something was going on she shpuld have been the one looking at hubby for you. you shuld fight because good things are worth fighting for. a well rounded home for your children and a loving family for you s worth fighting for. if you dont win you can never regret not fighting.
DeleteYou should have hired a manger FOR the bar and your hubby leave as late as possible while its still safe. (Something to consider if you guys get back together) good luck at the meeting. speak confidently, dont grovel and beg, look him straight in the eye and tell him you believe your. marriage is worth more than any local village girl.
I seriously believe that some jazz is in this whole set up. It is not ordinary.
ReplyDeleteSo pls pray and ask God to scatter whatever it is that has been done to your hubby. Ask God to set your hubby at variance with the said woman. Remind God that you are legally married to him and he is your hubby and not ready to let him go. Sis your marriage is worth fighting for. Pray first and ask God to make the crooked path straight. Everything will fall in place. But you have to pray. Your hubby opened the door and the enemy who is against marriages came in. So pls pray.
Stella, get agbero to escort her out of town for what? Because of what? Was it not her husband who allowed the lady into his home? Did the lady break the door to move in with the man? If he wants to marry another wife, let him go ahead.
ReplyDeleteMadam, better respect yourself. Don't belittle yourself to go and be fighting another woman because of a man.
Hold your head high.
Tell him to go ahead if he wants to.
If you kill yourself with worry and stress, life continues.
Na dem. The advice they give so you will clear space for them to scatter scatter your hardwork.
DeleteWow, what a thought from a man abi follow woman???
DeleteDon't goan involve yourself with any agberos ooo. If something goes wrong and she is killed you become a murderer. We have read many of such stories on this blog. My faith will never let me advise you to knack pigeon on his head. So the decision is on you to think about if you can tolerate a second wife or not. As that appears to be a done deal. If you are angry and feel like retaliating it is best you stay away from your husband to avoid stories that touch........
DeleteMy sister from ur question I guess you still love ur husband, no matter the advice given to u, u will still do what is in ur mind, when someone is planning to shock me, I prefer I shock the person to his or her bones,u shouldn't have rushed to inform the family to come and take their bride price, u just wanted to show dem that u are strong and u don't care, but truth be told u are deeply hurting.i wish u pretended to ur husband dat u are not aware and quietly plan ur exit,but if u want to fight, just fight with prayers, but u will be patient bcoz atimes God takes time and our patience as human will run out, but his time is always the best. If u are truly fed up, sis pls take your children, and move out of ur location so dat the sidechick will not see a chance to pepper you, or harm u when she feels u are a threat to her. Am so hurt by this. Sorry inugo take it easy, it's well with ur soul.
ReplyDeleteWhat Bullshit, your husband is a Dog, Later he will say they jazzed him? Imagine it was her in this position, he’s probably slept with and knocked her up, if his home was important to him, he would’ve done everything to avoid messing it up, tired of all the shit excuses we make for men, mtchew.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Innocent jazz will sit one place and people will just be piling accusations on its head. Does jazz have erections? Did jazz toast the lady or send her nudes? Did jazz swear to be faithful to you? How come jazz does not work with 90 year old women with two teeth left? Only big bum bum women with size 36 DD have jazz ABI? Was it jazz that had an orgasm? What did jazz get from your husband's hoe-ing? Nothing. Now, you left the guy and are blaming jazz that is sitting in a babalawo's office, collecting breeze with a clear conscience.
DeleteMadam, your Oga looked at you and your three CHILDREN and decided you are worth less than 5 minutes of sex in a makeshift apartment. The moment you realize the gravity of that decision, the better for you and the fewer the years you would waste on a man who isn't worth the investment. Of family sorts this one out, he will still find another of his spec to jazz him. Don't make yourself a running joke in the family.
Close your legs. Go through the emotions of a breakup and find your healing. Whatever your family decides, know that you can only be housemates after this and that your children have step siblings on the way. I strongly suspect she may be pregnant.
Dedicate yourself to your own financial empowerment and ensure that your husband is held financially responsible for all three kids- be ruthless and insistent about this. Whatever is in your name, separate it from this man. If you stay married to him, you can't easily enforce that he takes financial responsibility for his kids because all be needs to say is that be doesn't have and because he runs his own business, it is a bit tougher- you can't send his company HR an email of the letter from your children's school about fees he hasn't paid. Talk to a good lawyer about your options. With a divorce and what you know about what he earns, things get simpler, I think.
Don't let this selfish man string you on for years on end. If he wants to tie you down while getting his plumbing revved by this new chick, realize you didn't come to this world to be owned by another human. Don't be that mugu who ends up with a tokunbo man looking for who will be escorting him to the clinic and feeding him his medicine after he has lived his life.
If you are better cutting off and finding a partner (perhaps a guy in the same or similar situation who doesn't want a divorce for the sake of his kids but whose marriage has run it's course), sort yourself out. Some men have had their taste of marriage and are looking for women who are also done with wedding fever. You won't believe the number of steady and blissful entanglements that are keeping the peace in Nigeria of today. You see those couples who live on different continents for decades and both parties are happily married- it is courtesy of kind long-term volunteers o! Neither Your children nor your God can substitute for a life partner. You have needs. Meet them so your children don't end up paying for the sins of their father.
ANG, please feel free to menstruate in the comment section below.
Do not ask your parents to return your bride price!
ReplyDeleteDo not fight!
Let your husband decide whatever he wants to do with the marriage.
Just calm down and pray for God to take control. A lot of women are desperate these days. They do not care who is hurt so long as they get what they want. They can even go diabolical. You do not know if your husband is under an influence. But no matter what happens, do not be the person that proposes for a separation or divorce.
Pray at midnight tonight. You can even fast tomorrow to the meeting. God will intervene. Only let go of the hurt you feel right now and submit this situation over to God. Do not do something you will regret in the long run. You have 3 children whose lives will be forever affected by how you handle this situation. I pray that God shows mercy and save your home while he takes away the devourer in Jesus name.
Amenn...poster please follow this advice promptly 👆
DeletePoster please follow this advice.
DeleteTell your family to forget about returning the bride price. Do not fight him no matter how hurt you may feel which of course will be hard to.
It might look like things are going well with them and that God isn't answering you but just let go. No matter how long it may take,God always comes through for His own so long as you are innocent.
Don't fight him. Just try to make sure he takes care of his children.
calm down and attend the meeting .also find out from your sister who works there if she has information that may give you a clearer picture of what happened ..but you need to be calm seriously or you might do something you regret he is still the father of your kids and im guessing a good provider so wisdom on how to move forward is required ..have someone trustworthy you rant to daily aside ranting to God it will help your emotions
ReplyDeleteRant to your "diary" o! Don't rant to anyone before they let it slip or use it against you in future.
DeleteWomen, when will you learn?
ReplyDeleteSomeone is about ruining your life and you are asking primary 2 question.
My advice, let him go ahead with his plans. Consider these:
-he does not love you
-he does not respect you
Let him go to hell, I hate rubbish, marriage is not do or die.
Dish him out of your life.
If it requires actions, she will get a strong warning, anyhow anyhow I go warn her through other means, won't fight her.... This is the time to be strong.
ReplyDeleteSome ladies will just kill 'emselves because of a man. She want to give you permanent sufferings okwaya?... Stay strong o.
You didn't state if your husband is remorseful or remorseless. Does he want you to forgive him? Is he ready to send the evil lady away. Is she pregnant for your husband?
ReplyDeleteAnswers from the stated questions above should help form your decision to fight or leave.
By the way, why didn't your sister leak this information to you?
May God help ladies from unrepentant egotistical men. Please join the halleluyah challenge at 12am on Instagram. Pray with all your heart and cry to God for divine intervention and interception. Your husband wants to go back to square one with this strange woman that will dump him as soon as this happens....GD
DeleteThe last paragraph is d confamest mbok y her sista no tell am
DeleteAre you sure your sister isn't the one he wants to marry?hmmm Shine your eyes wel well.au seems like a naive woman..Make soap no enter u eyes twice ooo.m
DeleteHow can your sis be the manager and she won't know or draw your attention to the matter wey dey ground???
DeleteI wonder why the sister did not inform her. Poster you story need more clarification.
DeleteHe wanted to surprise her with a marriage so no, he is not remorseful and he definitely does not want to send the lady away. He is not seeking forgiveness as it is his family that want to wade in. What he is seeking is the price of the new lady's bride price.
DeleteI feel for the sister- this is not the kind of news you want to break to someone you love about someone whose business you are managing. I'm guessing this new flavour of the month is not the only one so the sister just thought she should face front not knowing things would get worse.
In life, you win some and lose some. If you were the one caught with another man, would your husband be fasting and calling relatives? Give yourself peace and let him do whatever he wants but know for a fact that there is no jazz in the picture. All there is is greed and wickedness.
I don't get biko...
ReplyDeleteHe wanted to surprise you with it? meaning he will still bring her to the family house to stay with you?
How wicked can the heart of man be???
Like Stella said,if your home is worth it then do fight for it...it's 10-15mins drive to the house,I don't get why he will stay away for 2weeks because 'work'. I don't also get how you can stay away from him too.
If you are going to stay back,then try to also sleep over at the guest house sometimes just so the time he has alone doesn't linger for too long. Even though as the boss I don't see how he can't leave the business to his manager and go the f**k home!
A man with 3kids faaaa,men will disgrace you.
no second wife is coming in to my home...if he insist then go with your children and face your life. african family meetings will end with them asking you to beg the man for what is not your fault or might ask you to manage the 2nd wife..no be all marriages dem dey fight for.if i feel you are being spiritually (yes sometimes you can tell by what has gone down and conersations) manipulated then i can fight but if na your korokoro eyes and wickedness then by all means goodbye.anyway wait for what happens at the meeting
ReplyDeleteJust like stella said, if it worth fighting for then stay
ReplyDeleteFight for your home maam
ReplyDeletePoster you should not walk away from your marriage without trying to workout things with your husband first.
ReplyDeleteLet the meeting hold tomorrow for you to listen to what both families has to say before you know what decision to take.
Please take it easy with yourself before you give yourself high blood pressure. Put all the love you have right now on your kids while you think on what to do.
So how many women are you going to fight ? how many are you going to use thugs to scare away ? and when you say home, is it the home your husband has destroyed ? the one he has disrespected you ? the one he has desecrated? and the one you would be forever looking over your shoulder?
ReplyDeleteI know Nigerian women especially those here swear by their marriages and is their self esteem booster so would ask you to stay and pray and cast away the strange woman.
lol till your husbands philandering ways brings you a cocktail of STD's and trauma but the desire to be called a Mrs is greater so carry on.
By the way, your children dont need a perfect mother but a happy mother so never place the burden of staying on your kids, never
Am going to be saying what I will do if am in your shoes poster, First of all i cant be in a toxic relationship or marriage, Am married with 3cuties and am not the kind of wife that will take back a man with such treatment towards me and my kids, marriage is not a one sided thing if i can be faithful to my man i need him also to do the same if not i walk away.
DeleteSide chicks do not approach themselves and jazz do not magnet a man that is minding his business and family, so do nne3cuties can not forgive a man that stock his thing In another woman, mind you a man that cheats no wife can convince him to stop except he choose to on his own and how do u know he will change rather than leaving with such man and giving myself issues i will gladly walk away thank God it takes #500 to get birth certificate and change of name i will just jejely change my kids name to my fathers name and case close between me and one unfaithful husband.
Getting whatever from him i wont care that is why i advise mothers to be productive, i will pick up myself and my kids and start a new and interesting life bcos this life na one coming which one cun be stay and fight i be Michael tyson after all him fight for a leaving me wetin i won fight for penis? tufiakwa wey no be world trophy make i stop here jaree before i get preached to.
Is he worth fighting for?if he is then u can but don't keep your hopes up
ReplyDeleteHmmmm! Na wah oh,some men will indeed embarrass you! Poster pls wait after the meeting to hear from both families before deciding on your next plan! Like Stella said if your home is worth it,pls do all you need to do and keep it but if not all the best and pls don't leave any of your child behind! I wish you wisdom to make the right decision
ReplyDeleteAll the best
God this is so painful!! Why are men like this?? Why are they not contemted with what they have? God may I not experience this ohh.jezebelssss everywhere, may God protect our homes oh.poster how is your hub behaving? Is he doing like someone that has eaten vegetable?I would advice you wait for the outcome of the meeting to know you next step.but please dont leave your kids, they are all you've got.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel you will not be happy with the presence of a second wife please leave.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a blessing, to be married is a privilege. You've had both. Don't let your children see your husbands lifestyle as a norm.
Please if you feel you won't be happy, pick your kids and leave. It won't kill you. The shame lasts for only a little while but you will survive.
Talk to God about your decision.
Well your husband needs to make the choice. If he wants the lady he can go ahead and provide for his children. You can't force a man to choose his family over free sex.
ReplyDeleteEhh... Why didn't your sister give you heads up at all. You need to be more wise ooooo...if you choose to stay.
This is so sad! I'm so sorry for all the panic attacks you may be having presently, try to remain calm till tomorrow before making any decisions. God will see you through sis
ReplyDeleteIt's very painful aswear
DeleteI think 70% says if he's a good man and worth fighting for,then go ahead and clear the lady out
If not face front with your kids as your husband and the lady ruin their lives
Your decision either way,you are right.
He's a very wicked person to even tell you he wants to marry the lady not even side chick things
I feel your pain right now sis!!
Hugs to you dear🤗🤗🤗
This will pass sis!!
It is well with you ma. Giving you advise from a one sided story. Stay and let’s here what your in-laws decides. Don’t be upset at all o. This is the time to play the fool. The only thing you would ask for is to ensure that your husband and his wife to be do not move into your main house. Let them keep managing the self con where she met him. Let him know that so long as he is paying the fees and giving you upkeep money, you will be fine. Then go to the Lord in prayers. Do not argue and do not fight. But make sure all your request is drafted by a good lawyer. Do not divorce him at all just keep a cheerful face even when your heart is bleeding. God will see you through. I await your testimony. I will be praying for you. How many agbero will you send to escort people lol. If he does not settle with this one, another will find him. So relax and let God deal with him. All your request should be in writing please. No divorce o🔊🔊🔊 just your request.
ReplyDeleteBestest practical advice poster oo. Do them the more you look , the less you see. Ensure he does his bit by your children. Yes, this Nigeria, this advice is practical.
DeleteStay nd fight 4 ur right..go down on ur kneels nd cry to God, that he should scatter that Girl nd ur hubby.Aunty Stella ,ur advice nor get part 2,i am still laughing,lmao.
ReplyDeleteWomen! Open eye n wanna marry another woman's husband. The nerve
ReplyDeleteMay body odor n mouth odor worry u.
Yes but let her chase this particular one and rent out the self con
ReplyDeleteYes but let her chase this particular one and rent out the self con
ReplyDeleteThe first impression i got is that your husband might have been jazzed but some men can be tricky and ridiculous so it might also be a deliberate attempt. I'll advice you wait for the meeting so you can hear from all angle including your hubby in order to know your next step. Above all, wisdom is the most important tool you need right now. I pray God guides you and things work out in your favour
ReplyDeletePoster he's not physically abusing you so stay back and fight for what belongs to you. It's a threat to your peace not to your life. You have three children with him and both of you started from the scratch so no go anywhere o. Become part of that bar buisness etc, you can't allow another woman to reap where she didn't sow. Lastly be playful, God hates divorce and will restore your home if you can trust Him. Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteSmh. "He's not physically abusing you so stay back and fight for what belongs to you." " God hates divorce." God's PA! God also hates adultery. What planet are you from? Not every woman condones cheating. For some of us, cheating is a deal breaker. Radarada!
DeleteHmm
DeleteThreat to peace is as good as threat to life .
Physical abuse isn't the only thing that should take a woman out of her home, emotional abuse actual does more damage I know someone that ended up in the psychiatric home cos of stuff like this .
That Part of arranging for agbero boys, no mind stella oo. because agbero boys can rape her and do something bad to her and at the end of the day, it will backfire.
ReplyDeleteyou can arrange agbero girls sha. lmao, those ones get craze pass agbero boys. lmao.
same story with all these broke men without shishi but will have mind to chase women.
ReplyDeleteposter, I understand how u feel. be at the meeting and hear the family out. I am experiencing almost same thing but in my own case, my husband is chatting rubbish with a girl I asked him if he had anything to do with her, before I married him. He said NO. only for this girl's issue be the cause of our quarrel always. They say I love you to each other and he claims they are just friends and that I haven't seen him having sex with her. Hmm. How do I handle this??
Maybe you should send in your chronicle for advice. I've seen this several times.
DeleteNawa o n he still denies .which kind men dey around these days sef
DeleteProblem number (1) they are already too close for comfort (2) you can't change what has been even before you got married (3) the more you quarrel about it, the more the fire rages so therefore use reverse psychology
DeleteStart forming likeness, ask about her, her job, her boyfriend and always try to want to see her have her own loving home and husband. Trust me they will wonder at your sudden positivity and the lady won't even know when she starts trying to leave your husband for his amazing wife
Or get another line and chat dirty with yourself and make sure u carelessly leave it for him to see. Two can play the game u know
My advice? Dont return the brideprice yet. Plenty time still dey. Remember we dont have good legal system on naija for enforcement of child support payments.
ReplyDeleteJust say you're not in support, but if he really wants to go down that path, he should provide for your children all their needs and get a second house for his second wife. Dont take him back ooo. In other words You guys should practice a separation.
You can return his brideprice and properly divorce him whenever you want him to go to h*ll
Exactly. She should take her time and plan her exit. These men can misbehave
DeletePoster he's not physically abusing you so stay back and fight for what belongs to you. It's a threat to your peace not to your life. You have three children with him and both of you started from the scratch so no go anywhere o. Become part of that bar buisness arc, you can't allow another woman to reap where she didn't sow. Lastly be playful, God hates divorce and will restore your home if you can trust Him. Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteSit up and be prayerful...don't leave your marriage and is like your husband is not acting normal.
ReplyDeleteStella, please that "agbero's escort" can result in the death of a woman that's not innocent. May she scrape that part. I know that these ladies take your red pen seriously. Once the agberos are given charge of the woman and they rape and kill her, if nabbed, they will point at this poster and that's a cascade right there. Besides, the agberos can turn her into a cash cow for extortion "if she wants them to keep quiet about what happened to that lady" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteSince you said you love your husband, stay and fight. But know that the fight is not against flesh and blood but
ReplyDeleteagainst principalities and powers...So it entails, fasting, praying, getting closer to God in his Word...as a starting
point. The other way forward is to close that restaurant and bar and start up a different business or join forces and
begin another supermarket in same town. Sellers of food hardly go hungry. Bars will bring all kinds of ladies (of easy virtues)
and alcohol and masculinity/feminity are very bad mix.
My lesson here is that "being rich" or marrying him rich isn't a security. A lot of people just unravel if terminated from their
jobs. Good character goes beyond having monies and landed properties. Hope other ladies will learn this too.
Once a man is determined to step out on his wife or marry another lady, there's nothing one can really do except for divine intervention. Pray and decide if you can accept polygamy. If not, you might have to walk out for your own sanity. Weigh the pros and cons, polygamy no be beans o.
ReplyDeleteWetin we no go see for marriage. I suggest you go for the family meeting first before taking any decision. Allow room for your husband to express himself and state his grievances. That will give you ample opportunity to state yours too. In all seek for Peaceful resolution.
ReplyDeleteStella you never jam girls wey there motto is we die there.
You're leaving out some vital information from this Chronicle. Any how sha... the only way you can fight for a man is spiritually. Whichever way you choose to follow is your business. But if what you have on your hands is a chronic womanizer, you will spend the rest of your life fighting for your home.
ReplyDeleteUnder our native laws and customs under which our traditional weddings, the man is entitled to marry as many wives he wants to marry. This is the mindset that pushes men into their early death. My dad told me the greatest honour you can give a woman is not bringing another woman into your matrimonial home. First of, he disrespected and dishonored you by bringing the lady's stuff into you home. Having sex with her when he was doing same with you amounts to dishonouring you. Whatever you chose to do, your children must come first. For the sake of your kids do not take the risk of living under the same roof with the lady. He should rent an apartment for her. Go after your husband without pity, demand what you and your kids needs. If you were going out of your way to help before, you must stop and allow him take responsibility for everything. Be watchful and careful the lady can use your husband against you and your kids. I guess he is under the influence of some negative manipulations.
ReplyDeleteI believe this is not a physical battle, but spiritual, who knows if the woman in question has jazzed your husband. That home belongs to u, u must fight for it if possible involve your pastor, this might not be normal. Plz u must not give up, fight for what belongs to u.
ReplyDeleteOkay, pray, fast and seek God's Mercy. Put a pinch of salt into ur urine and pour on ur husband's face, let some enter his eyes. If na jazz, e go clear if na normal love which I doubt, then it's it.
ReplyDeletePoster, your decision should be based on your husband's position. Is he crying and begging and saying he doesn't know what came over him and he will not do it again or is he arrogant and saying what the hell did you check on him for and why didnt you mind your business. If the former is the case, you can forgive and fight together with him for your home. If the later is the case, you can't fight for a person that doesn't want to be fought for. Pack up your bags and leave now that you are still young and you can restart your life. NB: If it happened once, it will happen again especially if he continues the bar job. He will be better at hiding it now and removing any evidence or traces. So know that you may be fighting the other woman for the rest of your life. If you should to stay. stop all unprotected sex because there are worse issues than side chicks and co-wives.... there is HIV, Herpes, and all their STI brothers. Stay alive for your kids before that sisi becomes their new mother.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing that came to my mind when he told her he was sick was a Sti. She better not open herself to him ever.
DeleteHmm. This one hard oh
ReplyDeleteAre you sure your sister is not the new wife to be?
ReplyDeleteOnly you know what you can live with. I am not African so being in a polygamous marriage is not part of my mindset. I can't share, and I despise every manifestation of patriarchy. If leaving will save your sanity and retain your self respect then do that. But after all those years together what will you get financially? You can choose to stay and secure your bag because leaving after all these years and leave another to come and reap where they did not sow is hard. So if you have a cold place in your heart you can stick it out for a bit, slap a smile on your face and pretend to be Mother Mary while you stockpile for your ultimate 'fck you mofo🖕' moment. And I support that 100%.
Madam this is the work of juju.
ReplyDeleteThat babe hold you hubby tight with juju. Go to God in prayers and look for good pastor that is a vision/revelation gift to help you in prayers.
With God grace the juju will leave your hubby after prayers
Poster don't leave ooo, you better stay there and fight for your marriage.
ReplyDeletePoster lemme advice base on how my mom handled hers as she was in your same predicament so many years ago. She stayed but made sure when she found out she went physical on my dad ( this made him fear her till today) then she decided to stay ( but she was so heartbroken) cos she stood with my dad when there was nothing. She became born again and became a prayer warrior. Thank God she was working when all happened but no be small battle my mama fight o, she says it till today that if it happened to her in this period she wouldn't have stayed. So poster if you want to stay Face Baba Good 100% cos it's not going to be an easy battle but if you want to go make sure you are financially stable and can take care of you kids with your hubby. I pray God sees you through cos I really do understand how you are feeling. It is well
ReplyDeleteIf you like leave the marriage if you pike stay..... but dont ever ever ever ever ever leave that business he set up for you... make sure you own it and expand it
ReplyDeleteGbam! For once I agree with you.
DeletePoster whatever you do, don't leave that business.
Please make sure that on the meeting day pee full bucket and aim it at his face so that if he's been jazzed, your pee will destroy the jazz.
ReplyDeleteSorry poster but whatever comes out of this meeting, consider yourself separated. See your self as mentally and spiritually divorced. You are not his mother but his wife. He is the one that went to look for overload. Let him deal with all spiritual consequences that come with it. Children or wives will not suffer for the Sims of their parents or husbands- it is the soul that sinneth that would die. Know for sure that this is not the only woman and she would not be his last. Don't make a career of fasting for a man that would not protect his wife and kids from danger. That is his mother's job.
ReplyDeleteInsist on clearly stated responsibilities towards your kids and deal with him as a co-parent, no longer as husband or friend. You may need to get a lawyer and have everything written down. Don't live under the same roof with his new woman so that you have a chance at living long and setting a better example for your children. Be wise as a serpent- no more kids, no more sex- you are unlikely to feel better afterwards. Selfishly consider your next steps while weighing the reality of your situation for what it is. I wish you the best.
Hi poster, so am going to say the following:
ReplyDelete1) you dated your husband for 4years in the university so you should be able to tell his character, is he the womanising type? Has he given u cause for concern in the 14years u have been together? Or this just a one-off?
2) don't judge based on today that is not rosy, judge him for all the years you have been together, judge him whether he has been a loving husband and father because from the past when can decide our future.
3) is he remorseful?
A) forget all these people talking about hating rubbish, you alone are in the marriage with your kids that brings me to another factor ( what will be in the best interest of your children) see sometimes we make sacrifices for the people we love and unfortunately ladies are more the ones who bear the brunt, biko none of them saying u should leave will come support you when bush comes to shove.
Now if your answers to question 1, 2 and 3 are positive or if you even have 2 positives out of the 3 then stay back biko nne. Stay and rebuild, stay and forgive (even christ forgives us our transgressions) sometimes bad company corrupts good manners and in moving forward become more active in the business there are sooo many women of easy virtue in that business.
Please
Pray together, a family that prays together stays together.
Show up in the business and make yourself known as the madam and don't forget to spice up every now and then
Put your sister or someone else in charge, your husband doesn't have to stay late everytime, at least by 10pm he is home and for days he might want to stay longer (maybe 2 saturdays in a month) stay together stay with him and have the kids attended to by family members don't give the devil space to corrupt your home.
Finally start preparing your life if you haven't done so, get assets so that paradventure divorce becomes the way out then u can fend for yourself and the kids and not look back.
May God's wisdom guide you. All the best.
The way some Nigerian women reason is plain disgusting, no self respect whatsoever. A man disrespected his wife, marriage children by having a live in lover just 15 minutes away from his house. Even went as far as marriage plans and asking his wife why she paid him a surprise visit and you lot are shouting fight for your home. Fight for which home? There is no home here, get some self love and respect.
ReplyDeleteHe was already a dog before you met him, for a man that works 15 minutes from home to decide to live in his bar the there is a problem. If he lives there what will the people that do the actual serving of the drinks do? Some men and women in lagos live on the mainland and work on the island due to traffic spend 4 hours of their daily lives every day on the road. 2 hours going to work 2 hours going home. Have they died?
The man had ulterior motive from the beginning. Just forget this disrespectful man and move on with your life. Even if its jazz he must have had sex before the jazz caught him to drag him into marriage. He is not worth any fight.
As for your sister, this happened right under her nose, she knew and chose to hide it from you. She and your so called horseband are in the same WhatsApp group.
Finally you need to be prayerful, join nsppd prayers every morning , because o don't even think you are safe.