Hmmmm.......
ADVICE ON THE WAY FORWARD NEEDED
Greetings to you Stella.
I'm not too happy with the way some of my family and relatives are fairing in life.
I have a distant relative whose father was a witchdoctor, mum was a known witch. The parents passed away when he was in primary 2 and my dad went to bring him in 1993 to be his foster father (He is a step cousin to my dad).
He grew up with us and I call him my elder brother. He left secondary school in 2001 wrote NABTEB without making it and he left for city immediately after the exams. My mum begged him to stay back in the village, he refused, travelled started cutting banga at NIFOR.
When he had chest problem from excessive labour, he left for Abuja and started working as a photographer and picture printer.
After some years in Abuja, he left for Port Harcourt and started snapping pictures at one Mr Biggs outlet. He thought all was well, rented a room self contain and he was just there.
After some years in Abuja, he left for Port Harcourt and started snapping pictures at one Mr Biggs outlet. He thought all was well, rented a room self contain and he was just there.
In 2015, he got a girl to marry and his life turned for the worse. The eatery had low patronage and then he wasn't getting people to snap, yet he remained adamant as the eatery is even close to Adamac. If u know u know.
In April 2016, his wife had HBP, constant headaches in pregnancy, gave birth to their 1st child via seriously complicated CS with 300k bills. We his foster family members contributed the bills with my mum championing it. He didn't have even 10k to help himself. He became more broke, packed out to face me I face you house, no Light, no Generator, sold his AC, sold everything except his camera.
Then we started advising him to go and learn something else and stop his camera idle business. Yet he kept hoping that somehow a miracle money will come to him and he will open a photo studio in PH bla bla bla. Someone that can't even make 5k in a whole month. He hasn't covered event since 2016. He is dead broke. He has prayed, fasted, did Assignment at OPM. He has undergone deliverance in several churches.
In 2017, I bought a drum of oil 90k for him to start oil business at a close by mechanic village. That drum got finished and he couldn't continue. He stays at mechanic village, discussing with mechanics all day. He refused to learn mechanic or any other work. He went back to photo job and my pain now is, this picture work has made him lazy and he is the type that is not ready to help himself anymore. Even the eatery has shut down since over a year now.
In July 2019 he called me in emergency that his wife has been in labour since 2days and they need money for CS. I also sent 50k.
In 2017, I bought a drum of oil 90k for him to start oil business at a close by mechanic village. That drum got finished and he couldn't continue. He stays at mechanic village, discussing with mechanics all day. He refused to learn mechanic or any other work. He went back to photo job and my pain now is, this picture work has made him lazy and he is the type that is not ready to help himself anymore. Even the eatery has shut down since over a year now.
In July 2019 he called me in emergency that his wife has been in labour since 2days and they need money for CS. I also sent 50k.
I always pity his wife and how that young beautiful lady passes through that hell of a marriage daily, when I was with him in Port Harcourt and I saw how life has really dealt with him due to the type of work he does.
So, last month, he called that his camera got bad. I told him I was sick (I am treating lumbar spondylosis myself, story for another day. Pray for my healing).
He need 15k to repair the camera in Aba. I didn't bulge (only my lumbar disc bulges) I needed things to change permanently. His wife has been on and off in the village. She usually borrow money from neighbors to travel to village and then go to farm in the village, process garri, palm oil and sell it to payback neighbors and get some money to travel back to PH again and again.
If she brings foodstuff from the village to PH, as the food finish like this, na to dey call family members here and there.
3weeks ago, I called a physical heart to heart meeting of his wife and my mum, my elder sister with me and him on conference calls with them. His wife cried to my mum that she suffers a lot but keeps a smiling face. That my brother doesn't work nor bring in money for anything. They have 2 kids, the 1st hasn't started schooling yet.
3weeks ago, I called a physical heart to heart meeting of his wife and my mum, my elder sister with me and him on conference calls with them. His wife cried to my mum that she suffers a lot but keeps a smiling face. That my brother doesn't work nor bring in money for anything. They have 2 kids, the 1st hasn't started schooling yet.
Mum suggested relocation to village but his wife wants Benin city. We all agreed to Benin city. I told my cousin that he won't do photography work in Benin. I suggested to him to learn Barbing, Car wash, POS transaction, Bet9ja etc between now and January.
To cut the story short, my cousin brother broke our hearts. He said if he must do any shop work in Benin, it must be photo studio only. I am afraid to help him as his mentality is already affected as I had a bitter experience with my sister in 2018 after she disappointed me with the 200k I gave to her to boost her biz but she never told me she had debts of almost 800k swallowed ....
He called me again begging for money that his family hasn't eaten since 2days. I do pity his wife and I sent him N8,000 ...
Dear BVs, kindly suggest what we can do to this 40years old man. I am only 34yrs now.
What can we do to help him as his wife and kids are too good to allow them suffer.
*He should go and do farming work cos at this rate,i dont see his ids attending school at all..his wife must really love him to stay and be suffering so much....
He should get somewhere to farm or a farm to work in...he can snap lots of photos there if he likes but it would at least bring food.....
Or do you think how he is presently has something to do with his mum being a witch and his father a witch doctor?..hmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
Hmmmmm this story hit a nerve.
ReplyDeleteI know right, i have a close relative just like this.
DeleteI am speechless tbt
DeleteIt's a sad tale
DeletePoster, consider sponsoring the wife's trade instead. She obviously loves him, more industrious and dynamic. With that at least you will be sure that food will not lack in the house.
DeleteAs for your cousin, change of environment migh result in change of psych for better.
Mehn,how is it a man who cannot feed nor provide adequately for himself gets hitched to a woman,in a so-called sham marriage? How is it, these same dimwitted couple have the effrontery to bring innocent children into more suffering? For what naw? These kain pipo beta use their heads bcos this suffering n smiling, pass blokos and totow matter.
DeleteHmmmm this one heavy o.
ReplyDeleteDid they tie the camera around his neck?
Tell him to go into farming like Stella said or any of the other businesses you guys suggested and if he does well in 6 months/1year, you guys would help him with his dream job a.k.a photo studio.🤷
He needs to go back to the village and live there permanently. It's not everyone that's meant for the city life. Farming will go alone way to help him. Mtchwwww. I'm just disgusted at his level of ungrateful ness.
ReplyDeleteYou guys better stop spoon feeding this old man please. What nonsense.
stop giving him money. Set his wife up with a business instead since he chooses to be idle whilst she; chooses to stay, suffer and smile in the marriage yet pulls her weight to do all manner of odd jobs for the family. In essense, set his wife up with a biz so she can support her family, if your cousin wishes to, he will sit up
ReplyDeleteBV Sylvia
No matter the money invested in a business for the wife, it'll still crumble, because she's the only one shouldering all the responsibilities in the family, there's no financial input from his end. The feeding alone from the business will replete her goods so bad and any little cash she makes from sales will be used to sort bills. Her husband needs to support before there'll be improvement.
DeleteThe feeding alone from the business will *deplete*
DeleteYou his family meme bet are the major cause of his laziness because all you guys have done is enable him.
ReplyDeleteHe hasn’t faced consequences for his actions because you all always come to the rescue. Don’t give him any money for business, if you want to help his kids pay directly to their school for school fees if it bothers you too much.
STOP bailing him out!!!
Poster i am afraid your bros can never change, he is one of those people that are so set in their ways.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you have a heart to heart talk with his wife and set her up with a good business so she can take care of her kids. unfortunately for her she has fallen under the category of women with dead beat husbands who carry the financial burden of the home.
You are a good person poster and may God bless you always.
Poster let me be sincere with you, the only help you and your family can offer him and his family is to turn your back on them.
ReplyDeleteTell him you have nothing to give him again, even if he call that hunger is killing them, tell him no money.
It will be hard for you to do but you have to do it. When he see that no one is assisting him financially again, he will sit up. He is lazy because he know you people will always give him.
The problem here is a spiritual one. You painted the picture of a parent that were neck deep into occultism/witchcraft. Psalms 16:4"The sorrows of they that seek other gods will increase" says the Word of God. It is not something "deliverance in many churches" solves. Though you did not tell us his participation in his parent's witchcraft, but you know, just as you follow your parents to church from childhood, so do kids get roped into such Satanic worships.
ReplyDeleteHe has to seek God himself; give his life to Jesus and commit to follow his teachings in studying the Word, praying and fasting and so on.
In the meantime, instead of giving them monies from time to time to feed, why not give a reasonable amount of money to his wife to begin a trade that can sustain herself and the kids? It is not enough for the wife to sit back and complain that the husband isn't bringing in money, she should do so for the sake of those little kids.
****
DeletePlease leave spiritual out of this. It is obvious he is lazy because he know that poster and his/her family will always assist him financially.
Let them stop assisting him financially and watch him sit up and become a hustler... Nothing spiritual about this biko.
Leave spirit out of this. I have someone worst than this in my family. Some people are plain lazy and entitled as well.
Delete@Rosie and Chike
DeleteOkay, if I leave "spiritual dimension" out, what do I bring in? "He is lazy," is not a solution, is it?
I suggested that the wife should be set up in business to sustain her kids, what do you suggest?
Something contributes to that laziness. They need family liberation prayer, break every chain of devilish act and be free.
DeleteIf you had read the Chronicle with an open mind, you would have clearly seen where the poster said the wife was doing something.
Delete@Abroadian
DeleteThen support the wife to do more things so that there won't be any more complaints of "no money, no food," isn't it?
Thank you o. This is more spiritual becos things that he touches do not progress. There is an underlying factor. He shud pray more and think of another business to do pls. Maybe open a food store to sell rice , beans and other stuff,his wife can join him.
Deletethey cannot leae spiritual out of this because things like occult hae repercautions...if the root is not dealt withhe will pray from now till tommorow and be failing...any true christian knows that the spiritual affects the physical. yes there are lazy people but in this case the man is not saying he wont do anything, afterall people are making money from photography too..attack with delierance prayers and then workhard too
DeleteSo Stella, are you suggesting that the wife should disembark from the marriage because of "suffering?" When did that become a reason for divorce? So wives should only stay when the going is good? 👎👎👎👎👎
ReplyDeleteMy dear you have tried..It is time to face life as a man...Jabez in the bible worked out his own freedom with the help of God...Forget the witch doctor or witch matter..He should find something else abeg he can do other jobs and do photography to support himself...He should be a man abeg..he is just being a leech..All the best...
ReplyDeleteif his spiritual life is zero, then you people are only wasting your resources; considering what his parents were. Sins of the parents lingers. He needs prayer and orientation. Absolutely nothing wrong in him wanting to pursue his photography ambition, but I fear for his soul. His lackadaisical behavior says it all.
ReplyDeleteStart by encouraging him to take his maker serious. That’s the major turn around he needs.
I must commend you tho. You are a very nice person.
But please still reach out to his wife alone. She needs you.
Thank you @Absolutely nothing wrong in him wanting to pursue his photography ambition.
DeleteHe seems passionate about photography tho poster said they've done all sorts of prayers for him but he's still stagnant
👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽
DeleteOnly God can have mercy.
Deleteshootergyal there are prayers and there are prayers...with his background he needs delierance and warfare...it takes alot...you can praye and still be holding on to something that allows the deil still manipulate you...God is not wicked, his word is sure. we do not know what they mean by all kinds of prayers. let us notmake it look like prayers do not work. a persons life cannot be stagnant for years for no reason
DeleteSimply help the wife with a business
ReplyDeletePoster. You have tried for your brother. Have you ever thought about setting the wife up? For the sake of the children. Speak to his wife. Ask her what she feels she can do maybe handwork or business. Give her money to start it. Warn them never to beg you for anything again. Make sure all your family members are aware when you give her the money. If the wife is doing something at least the children will eat. Most wives are more industriousness than their husband.
ReplyDeleteI think you guys should should concentrate on establishing the wife. Since been the head of his family is too much task, the wife should be encouraged to take charge.
ReplyDeleteSet his wife up in business cos he believes so much in that photography business, tell him to go get a loan from microfinance bank so that he can set up his own studio. I pity the wife Sha.
ReplyDeleteI wish she can help him set up a photo studio since that's where his passion lies and hands off
DeleteShooter gyal I think so too. The photo studio might be where his breakthrough lies. With a Studio he will get more professional attention. Please setup the studio for him If you can.
DeleteThis one just weak me. Wahala dey o. You people should just stop spoon feeding a grown man for goodness sake. When you stop attending to his needs, he will wake up to his responsibilities. He's just being lazy. You can focus on the wife instead but I pity for that lady, she will age quickly. She should also be advised to stop at that two kids for now, at least until their finances improve. Birthing more kids will spell doom for them both
ReplyDeleteThere is no need to help them again. I have a younger brother like this.This your brother has camera sef. My own brother is doing nothing begging people up and down for money! He got admission to read diploma in law in Uniabuja, but my brother no fit concentrate he couldn't finish the diploma sef,I got admission for him to read Economics degree oo,my brother go join secret cult he was asked to withdraw because him GP no reach 1. My brother went to join his friend that owns a printing company to work and also learn work with the promise that his friend will open a printing shop for him to manage all na story. Later he got a job in a paint company in Abuja as a marketer 20k salary a month with 5% if you make sales. My brother got himself fired from the job when he started a relationship with a lady in the office in short story long. He went and did court wedding with
Deletethe lady without telling any of his sisters. I just dey look dem they will call tire for money. The lady when hungry wire am e go run. My brother is 35 years old oo! So I can't kill myself. Just like Chike said this is no spiritual some people think that by being lazy on their ass miracle money will come to them. Or they know they have people they can depend on in life! Best advice LEAVE THEM ALONE! With what is going on in Nigeria dem no dey tell person na survival of the FITTEST!Hungry no dey kill person it only makes you struggle to get! So poster leave them ooo!
Let him start with marathon deliverance to address his polluted foundation, rededicate his life and family to God and commit to serving God in spirit and truth. This must be continued from time to time because, the stronghold will stalk him and fight back because of the COVENANT his father entered with darkness and may have even promised the idols his son will serve them and failure to do so has consequences which is what is manifesting in his life. Then if he is serious and ready to help himself, wife and children, he must subject himself to 3-9 months vocational craft of his choice-mechanic, photography etc. He can also go back to farming which is actually profitable e.g staple food wholesale etc. If he is not ready to undergo this, the wife and children should do deliverance and then you empower/support the wife financially to start something to take care of the children and herself. The enemy is very real and means business and there is nothing like ignorance in the spirit realm. But there is nothing too hard for God to turn around.
ReplyDeletePoster I suggest you open a business for his wife. I think his wife is more reasonable and hard working.
ReplyDeleteDiscuss with her first and see what kind of business she can easily do without the Husband being a clog in the wheel.
Please do not release any money to your brother because it will enter voice mail. Do yourself a favour,take care of your health my dear and leave the rest to God. Good luck.
Lovelace
I am the poster.
ReplyDeleteStella thanks for posting this.
Dear BVs, we really need much suggestions as I intend to buy him keke or minibus next year but I won't inform him. He seems too reluctant to try out other things. Since 3years now, he has been looking for security job to save up for rentage in Benin. But then, "Is no go, was no go".
The idea if photo studio is ruled out completely by me, if one business no favour person for 16years, why not change it before u die of hunger.
According to some men of God, the father's idols are saying he will only 0rosper if and only if he starts worshipping the idol as he was chosen by his late dad to replace him.
I saw the call of God in his life but he don't want to be serious with God. He just want to go to church like every other normal Christian and rest.
Matters plenty jare, I'm just too heartbroken for his family that's why I'm doing my best to help but he has given up on life so early.
Chai.. poster, you are a good person and your type is so rare, may God bless you and heal you completely, thank you for trying your best. Your brother is so lucky to have you and I pray he realise that and make good use of it.
DeleteTell him to seek GOD by himself diligently and let him become a pastor. He has to serve one either GOD or idol.
DeletePoster listen to reason do not start any business for your cousin. Your money will go to waste and you'll be back at square one. Blog visitors have told you to set up the wife if you really want help them. Your cousin is set in his ways and may never change except God intervenes.
DeleteOr better still you can invest the money on their behalf and be sending monthly allowance to his wife for upkeep and children's school fees. Then advice her to embrace family planning for her own good.
You're so kindhearted.
DeleteTo be very honest he needs to seek God first and break free .
Everything else would fall in place, do not stop praying for him as well .
What if the wife dump him or start serious cheating when she's settled or set up as suggested?
DeleteI don't know why I'm so angry right now. Maybe because I've one on my neck. A 42 year old. I've given him money to start business on 3 different business on 3 different occasions and none lasted 2 years.
The last one caused me my marriage because hubby found out and said I'm too dangerous for him to trust again.
Same brother sold everything in his shop,including the shop and got married to a woman 8 years older than him and also jobless without informing me till they finished the money they got from selling the shop.
Same brother went around making fun of me that I was chased out of my husband's house because of my "hot temper" according to him.
I later sorted things out with hubby even though the trust is dead and he's back again, this time he said a pastor told him he can't make it in Nigeria, that his destiny is in America!!!!!
Ok, no problem, ask the said pastor how you will find your way there and he said he was told I should arrange someone to marry him and his wife for papers and it will cost me "only 15 million naira"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where did I keep such money to gamble?
He had time to investigate how much it will cost but can't investigate his own failures? I told hubby about it and he said we should support him and wash our hands off him with 1.5 to 2 million depending on the business he and his wife can find and this jobless 42 year old refused. That it is either America or none and ended it with I should be ashamed of myself that I can't make my only brother stand!
If you ask me, I will say do not help him again but I can't because of the innocent children. This issue is highly complicated and I don't know what to say because I'm in same shit and need help too but too angry to think straight.
Na now you talk wetin be the main problem.
Delete1. If you buy the keke, the business will die. That guy will only make it in life if he stands up to challenge that idol after giving his life to Jesus. If not...
Leading him to Jesus is the greatest investment you guys can give him
DeleteInside suffer head she still stay then you now assumed she will leave after she is made. Does the lady behave like someone who wants to leave her marriage.
DeleteDon't underestimate what the power of money when some people finally find it.
DeleteDem do the man.
ReplyDeleteI have an aunt that my mom & another aunt still gives money to till tomorrow, but good thing is she has an nce cert & has been teaching all these years(salary no day reach anywhere) ,with 3 children and a useless husband who is like this man up here. Hmmm even that aunty her head no correct.
Anyway there is nothing you people can do. You either keep giving them money, or you ignore them totally and damn all consequences. Simple as abc
Your cousin is lazy and doesn't want to leave his comfort zone. He should go back to the village and farm, there's money and food in farm business.
ReplyDeleteStop giving them money, stop enabling laziness
fool, you wont read well before commenting.Mrs judgina A. he is not lazy. something is fighting him from his past and he either seres God and seek delierance or he will not propser
DeleteYou guys should allow him to fed for himself and his family for a year without any form of assistance.
ReplyDeleteWhenever he calls,let him know you are also struggling in your own way. Its not wickedness. He needs to grow and be wise. After a year, you all can contribute some amount of money and tell him that's his final financial settlement/assistance from you guys.
You bet, he will use that money wisely this time. Bcos at times, some pple needs to suffer very well before they can be wise.
His background is not his problem, his problem is LAZINESS.
I have a relative like this. Most times we don’t want to help but at the same time, we can’t leave him and his family hungry. I think you should set up the wife since she’s the hardworking one. God will see you through 🙏🏻
ReplyDeleteLet her start food business.
ReplyDeleteIf the foundations be destroyed what can the righteous do? Your cousin's problem stems from both his parents being witches. Your cousin himself is a WITCH! Although we serve a long-suffering God who's mercies are forever sure. God will forgive him but he must repent genuinely; not 'one leg in, one leg out'. His wife is also under bondage because of him. Now here's the truth, if care isn't taken, these trends will continue in the lives of their children. Satanic convenants, conscious or unconscious have a way of holding people down. He must be ready to fight for his freedom.
ReplyDeleteLaziness will make some situation look like spiritual attack...
ReplyDeleteThat your brother is a very lazy man. You should start up a business for your sister in-law.
ReplyDeleteI agree
DeleteThis is a simple matter. Oga has a passion for photography but does not seem to have the zeal for hard work and hustle or the skills necessary to take him to the next level. He is also not humble enough to apprentice himself to a top photographer he can learn from. To make matters worse you have been supporting him from the get go instead of letting him stand on his own two feet. I will suggest you cut him off but support the wife and teach her how to fish as she seems to be somewhat productive and will not watch her children starve.
ReplyDeleteForget about your cousin for now. Sit the wife down. Let both of you agree formally: family planning. Go to the hospital with her to get an IUD fitted. Take the 2 kids and one will stay with you, another with your sister or mother. Let her learn a skill like tailoring. She can even learn mechanic work, anything! Don't give money, let her learn a skill instead. Stop wasting money on businesses. A skill is better. Forget about her husband for now. While she's learning the skill, do not send any money to them. If they have more babies, face front, e nor consign you.
ReplyDeleteI love this and the anonymous up there with a 42 year old America dream "boy"
DeleteB A B Y cut to the heart of the matter and Ajebo Confidential gave a better advice but poster let their children leave with them.
DeleteWITCHCRAFT is a wicked demon that leaves its victims wretched and that spirit boomeranged on your cousin after the death of his parents.
*Maybe his penchant for photography could be that his wizard/witch parents tied up their victims destinies with their photographs.* 😣
Good one.Take this advice
DeleteDon't you think it's extra cost on the poster. You divide and separate the kids from their parents. The lady will still provide for her cousin and wife,take care of the kids by sending money to her sister or mother. Then still cater for the skills acquisition till she finishes. If the wife is wise she can still make use of whatever will be provided to sustain her family. Some women do singlehandedly shoulder the responsibility and succeed at it.
DeleteEven when they were hungry, they were making babies you now want to take the babies and responsibilities from them? You will be training 3 sets of twins within four years. Let her kids remain with them so that they remember what exactly they are being retrained for. If you take the stress of kids off of the woman, she will relax with her husband expecting you to train them and then they would come and be giving her monthly upkeep for being a retired mother. For a woman to settle for that kind of man, you should know she is like her husband it is just that women bear the pain of hungry children more.
DeleteLet both the man and his wife apprentice at their respective vocations whole supporting with like 10k- 15k per month just enough to feed the family- feeding is cheaper there than in town. After they are done say like 10 months max, buy them tools as your last form of support- no one owes you office space in today's world. With an umbrella or shade, they can both SEt up and start bringing in customers and work from home
Inukwa 40, married with kids, lazy and you guys are looking at his face...
ReplyDeleteAt this point, if there's going to be a change in his life he'll be the architect of the change and not you all. Quit giving yourself worries..
Y'all allow him do what suits his mind.
Poster tell them to stop having kids till they stabilize. No go train a whole family whilst delaying yours.
ReplyDeleteHe can actually make it with the camera too. Why has his work not got the needed recognition? I’d advice you get his work assessed by a professional, maybe he needs a few week refresher course. With the right equipment, a studio in a visible location and right marketing , he’d become millionaire in no time. You guys can do feasibility study of how much he needs , if achievable, then rally round him. If not achievable by you all, he may be encouraged to join in raising the money too. Ambition is really a strong thing , it’s a pity you guys are not seeing what he’s seeing . I don’t want to believe he deliberately wants to lazy around
ReplyDelete