STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BUILDING A BUSINESS WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND THE INHERENT PROBLEMS
Dear Stella,
Please I need your opinion on this, possibly from readers as well, thank you.
I am used to being very busy, but in a new country, it may take a while and I am currently doing nothing. My husband and I started discussing some online trading business that we both need to be active on jointly. We had spoken about it a while ago, but not in-depth.
He started talking about it and in the course of the discussion, I asked how we will both benefit from the business, individually. He asked: “as a couple?” And I said at least we should both have our own separate profit since we want to do this full time. I am not sure of the mistake I made, he got sooooo angry and said I am being suspicious, that why am I asking for a cut, that my only concern is how much I will make and we should do it as a couple.
I tried explaining that this is a proposed joint business venture and as adults we should be accountable to how much we will both be entitled to. He said it wasn’t the right time to discuss it as it’s still a business idea, and I said ok but from what I know it’s better to hatch out details of a proposed business venture from the very beginning, so it doesn’t cause problems later.
I tried explaining that this is a proposed joint business venture and as adults we should be accountable to how much we will both be entitled to. He said it wasn’t the right time to discuss it as it’s still a business idea, and I said ok but from what I know it’s better to hatch out details of a proposed business venture from the very beginning, so it doesn’t cause problems later.
I do business with different family members and I don’t use sentiments to prevent me from asking necessary questions. You making money from the business alone and taking care of the family is not being accountable to me, I also want to make my money and take care of things as well.
The argument got so heated, I couldn’t believe this would warrant it, and we both said things we shouldn’t have. I understand it is still new and it is an idea not something yielding a lot of profit yet, but so far now he has done a few trials In the said business with my input, and it went through, this is while he was testing the viability of the market and from that test I don’t even know how much was made because he controls the trading and processes. Hence, I feel it’s best to start now to discuss it since we are considering it full time, instead of waiting for when it is successful, then issues will creep in and cause more problems when I ask about what I’m entitled to.
Please is it wrong for me to ask about money I will be making from a possible joint business. I understand we are a couple, and he is the one speaking to contacts at this stage, but was my question so bad? He is making me feel like I am evil to have thought such. Finances has not been discussed, at this stage if we need anything I have to first ask him to provide, something I am not used to, am I wrong to think business wise even though we are a couple?. Does being a couple, running the same business mean I should be quiet while the returns goes to his account without a plan of what I should be making?
The argument got so heated, I couldn’t believe this would warrant it, and we both said things we shouldn’t have. I understand it is still new and it is an idea not something yielding a lot of profit yet, but so far now he has done a few trials In the said business with my input, and it went through, this is while he was testing the viability of the market and from that test I don’t even know how much was made because he controls the trading and processes. Hence, I feel it’s best to start now to discuss it since we are considering it full time, instead of waiting for when it is successful, then issues will creep in and cause more problems when I ask about what I’m entitled to.
Please is it wrong for me to ask about money I will be making from a possible joint business. I understand we are a couple, and he is the one speaking to contacts at this stage, but was my question so bad? He is making me feel like I am evil to have thought such. Finances has not been discussed, at this stage if we need anything I have to first ask him to provide, something I am not used to, am I wrong to think business wise even though we are a couple?. Does being a couple, running the same business mean I should be quiet while the returns goes to his account without a plan of what I should be making?
He said I should have waited till later stage in the business, but when you get used to a format of getting returns, any request for change Later could be a problem. I am in my early 30’s, he is mid 30’s, I am not sure why we can’t have such discussion as “like minds”. Kindly advise please. Thank you.
*Why would your question make him angry?He probably didn't think you would be interested in the profit coming back to you...Please you are on point with the question you asked...If he is not willing to discuss it,then dont do business with him cos it will bring up the Marriage when you ask him to account for anything....
You did nothing wrong poster.
ReplyDeleteBetter not do the business with him since he is not ready to talk finances
DeletePlease look for another business that will bring money to you and contribute to the other one once in a while without expecting anything to avoid problem in your marriage. Your husband to me looks like someone that you cant entrust your all to...I may be wrong thou but please study him more to know how to handle issues with him. Pray for wisdom in all sha.
DeleteTo the singles please courtship is not only about sex, study the kind of person you are dealing with in all areas.
Talk about finance, jobs, sex, religion even house chores to mention a few.
All I have read here is "My profit" "My money" "My this" "My that". Biko are you guys married at all, or you are just co-habiting?. Cuz I find it hard to understand this 'my' 'my' attitude.
DeleteWhat's so wrong in doing thigs as a COUPLE for Christ sakes! Open a special account for the business and all your profits go there. Then you guys can decide collectively on what to do with the profit.
Nobody needs to have a special profit. It's a business you are doing together... as a legally married COUPLE.
You guys are married for crying out loud.
Kai! I have never had a heated exchange with my husband. I dont even think i can look him in the face and use a hurtful word and money is the last thing I will let get me there. So you must have felt cheated the other time you did business together and he did not account for the proceeds? Money!
DeleteWhy don't you suggest joint account for the proceeds of this business where you both are signatories? As this business takes off then you can find additional side hustle that you can snack on.
Singles, don't marry a man you don't trust. Marry men you are sure has your best interest at heart. You will know this with his attitude to money with others, his generosity and selflessness when handling matters that has to do with others. How he treats others, it's only a matter of time and it's your turn.
That is how they behave. Keep fighting for what is rightfully yours. If he doesn't see reasons with you, abort mission!
DeleteHe won't change o!
I'd rather do that type of business with another person so that when things go wrong (in Phil Collins' mouth) will involve the Army/lawyers not the police.
DeleteYou are on point, there should be transparency and accountability in everything.
To avoid divorce, don't do that business with him, period. Let him invest and run it like a man.
DeleteTry do something different and make him your advisor. As you are looking at it now, it might lead to divorce, do you want it?
Don't let money issue scatter your happiness, avoid it.
The question you asked is spot on and do make sure you have an agreement with him before anything else.
ReplyDeleteYour husband has criminal mentality 🙄 sorry to say.
DeleteI just read about two people co-habiting but pretending to be married? Since you both have begun quarreling even before the business started, if it is joint, it may spell the doom of your "marriage." The greatest trust a human can give to another is to marry the person. Sexual intercourse is it, because if this person sleeps with another, he/she can infect you and transmit diseases and spirits. The two are one says the Word of God. So if in little things like finances, you have not found a platform of oneness, you need to re-evaluate and reboot your marriage to conform to God's standard, else it wont sail for long.
ReplyDeletePls asvise on how she should proceed to find this platform of oneness. I'm very interested.
Delete@Everly Rockin
DeleteIt is easier done during courtship when the man is trying to "win the price." So the solution now is to
sincerely get involved in discussions. That's going back to courtship/date meets. If you both have same faith
e.g. in Christ, the Bible becomes a reference point. You can give each other study assignments, for e.gs. finance
management, mutual respect among couples, raising godly kids etc. And these studies are done on days you are both
free from other secular activities. Usually better ended with prayer meetings. It is thorough soul-searching dates.
Tell him those things (he probably have done), that you don't like and so on. If you meet a question you don't know
the answer, it becomes a bible study assignment that will be addressed in the next meet. You will discover how effective
and liberating such soul-searching moments can be. Always remember, "I am sorry" does not cost anything, whereas, "I forgive
you" is actually a "credit alert" to your soul. Cheers.
Do you know the poster? Imagine the boldness at which you just concluded that they are not married...it is this “judging spirit” that has refused to leave you, that will buy you a first class ticket to be with your father Lucifer if you don’t repent. Judging and condemning people is also a sin. Condemn sin, hate sin, but don’t judge what you do not know.
Delete@16:56
DeleteYou don't know me? Yet you've condemned me to hell "with my father Lucifer?"(actually Satan). I asked a question, read my first sentence again. The answer to any question can be either "yes" or "no." If your answer is "no," then my question or perceived assumption is WRONG. That is Logic 101, deductive reasoning. So please, if my contribution irked you, forgive me. Make constructive criticism and proffer solutions which I also did to this lady that wrote in.
Psychologists believe that the biggest cause of breakup in Marriage is money issues. The second biggest cause is sex.
ReplyDeleteMadam shine your eyes. I can't even do business with my own mother without stating clearly the terms of the contract and what is expected. Let everybody know where they stand. I hate assumptions.
If your husband has no ulterior motive and he is a good business man, he's suppose to be the one to even bring it up first that this is how the business will be run. Structure the business from the get go. What you both are entitled to and what goes back into the company or you both will agree you won't collect salary for the first few years and all the money will go back into the business.
Be wise madam. Rich men div8de their wealth between the wife and kids to avoid fighting.
Na so mama chinoso use all her money wey she work take build house wey people think say no papa chinoso build am. Papa chinoso say e no do again say e don get another wife make mama chinoso pack out.
What did I just read? Please this isn't a marriage at all. Yes, you are a couple and the business and everything else should be coupled. Now, those things said by you both "that shouldn't be said" have created cracks, more cracks in this marriage. Why don't you play a supporting role in this business instead of a joint issue that will obviously cause problems? 🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't want to be accountable ,that's why he's so worked up. You deserve to make your money and share the profits together since you do the business together na. Why is he so self centred ?There is no point starting what you won't be able to complete. You will do business together only for him to chop the profits alone because you are a couple, that's a no no!.
ReplyDeletePoster you are on point. Very much so in fact and I agree with Stella. There is something fishy. Maybe start your own business or get a job elsewhere, I'm not sure he would support you........
ReplyDeleteI wish I came across this before making the mistake I made.
DeleteI was pregnant then, working as a health care provider (thats taking care of sick or elderly people in their homes).I was working 7 days a week and the check goes straight to the bastard account. I had no access to it,not even money to send to my family in Nigeria or to buy the scrub I wear to work. It got so bad that the children of the man I was taking care of contributed money on my birthday and asked me to buy scrubs and get my hair fixed.
I asked this demon for some money and he told me we will start sharing the house rent if I ever bring it up. I don't even have a car yet I work 7 fucking days of my life and still take care of the kids when I'm done.
I forgot my phone in the car once and took the car key to get it and found the receipts of money transactions he was making to "WOMEN " to Nigeria. Paying their rents,opened business for 2 different ladies in Port Harcourt, foot the entire bill of a burial of a man he was dating his daughter in Nigeria. The list is long and sad.
My bitterness is that the women he was spending on are likely to be spending on another guy in Nigeria and all these rest on my shoulder while my family were left high and dry.
I called the company I worked for and got everything changed and opened my own account, ready to kill or be killed. The idiot now remembered he was too old for that and want us to start afresh again.
I went back to school as a single mother and DOING VERYYYYYYYYY GREAT RIGHT NOW while waiting for my divorce to finalize. So babe,shine your eyes 👀.
I'm in my late 30's and feel so stupid and used. Oh, I forgot to add that he was making plans to marry someone else back home without knowing the woman was married and working with her husband to milk him dry. He even got her a car,rented a flat for them and placed on monthly allowance of 100k.The worst part is that we lived in the most dangerous part of LA to save money and this zombie was forming Trump for women back home while i worked my bones to death. Today, he's like my houseboy...yes,you read right,HOUSEBOY BUT IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE.
ASK FOR YOUR SHARE NOW OR NEVER!!!! DON'T BE ME.
Chaiii na wa oooooo. But why will you as a grown human being be working and the money is foing into another persons account. Thank God you found out
DeleteThat's the question I still can't answer. He was actually owing a lot to IRS so I threw myself out there to work and avoid him going to jail. I guess I lost track of time and event and he became comfortable with subjecting me to what I can't wish on my enemies and took a job he does twice a week. He even filed tax returns with my name and the kids and keep the money for himself and women.
DeleteI still cried myself to sleep sometimes even though God blessed me over a hundred times of what I was making then.
He tried to blackmail me with suicide since he wasn't seeing anything and I prepared a very delicious bitterleaves soup for him as his last meal...he eat and said he will die when the soup is empty and it has been 3 years now. I left his sorry ass and filled for divorce biko.
May women out there never be the stupid me then fighting for a marriage that was torture just to please the world while I die in silence. WOMEN FIGHT FOR YOUR OWN, EVEN IF NA JUST VEXING MONEY.
$200 used to be like 1 million to me. I have to go to his pocket and steal change and feel so happy and fulfilled that I have money on me even when I'm the one making the money!!!!!!!!!
Oh my God. Sorry about you experience, but you tried oh. May God replace all that you lost.
DeleteA health care giver and he wanted you to work your self out and not enjoy for your hardwork. Chaiii; ThankGod things turned around for you. You are a strong woman.
DeleteMy dear it is well..thank God for your life. May all the camkerworm has eaten be restored onto you. May the Lord grant you beauty for ashes.
DeleteStella your advice to the poster is so on point. Poster please take Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteYou're not wrong, your argument is valid. Stand your ground. In as much as you're a couple you should be aware of your profits and total amount each of you can spend from said business otherwise the business will crash without returns and you're back to square one.
ReplyDeleteMake it an official business probably based on how much each of you contributed for startup
I am with Stella 100%, i am presently going through this, when the profits comes in he has already decided how to spend the cash without asking me, when i inquire, was told the used it for the family. The problem i have in life is when i am close to you, you can use me anyhow you want but pray may i do not pay attention. I have backed out and asked God to show me direction to start mine. Whether Husband and Wife, when it comes to money please define terms properly, LOVE can not Suffice in this one. For me, if you are someone that can not share money peacefully with the other person (even your spouse) without making mountains out of it, then i think i have to apply caution on how much i am worth.
ReplyDeleteYou did not ask a wrong question, in fact he is being unreasonable and this should give you a preview of how he’ll view you as his partner in this business.
ReplyDeleteHe intends to run the business like his marriage instead of a partnership, which will probably mean he will treat you like his wife and not a business partner when it comes to decision making and accountability. If you can’t put up with all these now is the time to talk it out or leave it for him.
Madam stand your ground !! men can be so funny why is he getting angry when you are asking the right questions? since you are putting in your ideas and resources it is right to talk about the profit.
ReplyDeleteMadam stand your ground !! men can be so funny why is he getting angry when you are asking the right questions? since you are putting in your ideas and resources it is right to talk about the profit.
ReplyDeleteI won’t say you are wrong. However, it seems both of you have different perspectives on business. It may be wrong to assume he is being selfish or wants to control all the profit for the business under the guise of ‘couple/family’. I’m sure you know your husband a bit well and you should be able to ascertain whether he is honest and family oriented, or if he is using ‘couple business’ as an excuse to ‘cheat’ you out of any profit. As a married woman I will tell you for sure, during the first 4 years of my marriage I didn’t trust my husband so much and I won’t be even trust him enough to have him take care of ‘our business’. But now in our marriage I have a joint account with my hubby and we have TRUST. I can leave anything in his care and he likewise.
ReplyDeleteIn essence, it may be premature to do ‘couple business’ with your hubby at this time. Not because he is untrustworthy but because it is premature. You guys need to build TRUST, UNDERSTANDING and UNITY in your marriage first.
Pray about it and maybe suggest you guys take it slow. If he insists on going ahead with the business sooner, then I will suggest you be part of it, put in your best BUT have your other plans on how to make your OWN money.
All the best. 😘
Lovely.
DeleteI thought same too.
Same thing with one of my sister and her husband at first.
Now her husband has left most assets to her and the kids. I just pray poster married a good man, that’s all it boils down to at this point.
👌
DeletePoster, this is a big red flag. Your husband is trying to make you feel guilty for wanting things defined. Insist on spelling what each person gets. Be respectful but firm. You did nothing wrong. Stand your ground.
ReplyDeleteYou would have waited for the business idea to materialize,then later on you can get your own cut, most husbands do leave all the finances fr the wife to manage properly. No go dy form woke
ReplyDeleteWhy do you men like oppressing women? If it were the husband asking to define things from the get go would you be advising him to wait for the business to materialise? Did you not read where she said some money had already come in?
DeleteYou did nothing wrong abeg. If you're both contributing to the business, they you both deserve a share in the profit.
ReplyDeleteCouples should be transparent with each other. If your spouse decides to keep you in the dark about the operation of your joint venture leaves much to be desired. Even the board of a business gives account to its shareholders not more your spouse you cohabit with. Your hubby should step up and be more transparent in his dealings with you
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm, how much are you investing in the business? Did you add your own money to it or just your idea?
ReplyDeleteIf you ask me, I would say you were too quick to start talking about your own share. A business that hasn't even started.
Your husband's response was bad.
Una two too love money. Both of you lack trust for each other.
She’s too quick to talk about her own share? In a business venture?
DeleteEven if she is not bringing in any money, do you think good ideas are not necessary to move a business forward. You people will just sit down and be talking trash.
DeleteAsk Jeff Bezos of how his ex-wife was instrumental in making his business what it is today.
You did nothing wrong dear poster. For your husband to be this angry then he must have some games up his sleeves.
ReplyDeleteYou should press on. At least if you both are to work in this online business salary should be paid to each of you.
Anyway try to contain the whole issue and don't let it get too bad, it is well.
Poster, you did nothing wrong. The fact that he got angry due to your questions is a HUGE red flag. If you’re able to start your own business without him, do it. He runs his the way he wants, you run yours the way you want. That you’re married to each other doesn’t mean that you must co-own each other’s businesses. Co-owning a business work for some couples and doesn’t work for others. Do what works for you. Transparency is highly important in any business.
ReplyDeletePoster i took time to read through, your fears are valid. It seemed like he had another agenda to the profit making and sharing cos i don't get why he flared up the way he did. You're right about discussing business at the early stage in order to avoid problems later. Could it be that he wants to act head of the home hence his wanting to be in charge for now, then you come onboard later? Hmm this shouldn't be much of an issue if the both of you can have a common ground.
ReplyDeleteThe heated argument part is not healthy for your marriage. It will make things worse so i suggest you calm down and watch how things would turn out with the business for now, and also observe how he intends to bring you fully onboard. In all, I'm saying calm down.
You both are legally married and you want to start a business together as a couple, but, you also want to make your own separate gain; are you sure you're truly married to this person? Why be with someone you don't trust when it comes to business and money?!
ReplyDeleteWhy not discuss on placing each other on a monthly salary after the business have picked up?!
I don't see the bond in your marriage... You have allowed online marriage warriors to turn your head., Don't use your hand to destroy your marriage!
MsA, God bless you for this advice.
DeleteI've read through all the comments here and i'm just shaking my head! You guys are legally married and yet you want to make your own separate gain! For a business that has not even started yet!
And people are hailing you and cursing out your husband!!
WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW!
What are you saying. Did you actually read the post. Didn't you see were she stated that did trials and her husband could not account for proceeds made.
DeleteDoes the husband look like someone who wants to discuss any monetary proceeds talkless of monthly salary.
What is wrong for her in getting a profit from a business she is clearly a partner.
Nocturnal,nkita racha onu gi. Where did you see BVs cussing the husband. You clearly are a simpleton,no need wasting time with you. Anupama
DeleteAnon 17:05, when I'm done with my fasting, I will come back and reply you. You will not make me fall into temptation this evening.
DeleteNoc-Turnal, I don't support 17:05 insulting you but the comments I read so far from bvs didn't cuss out poster's husband.
DeleteWell, IT IS WRONG for poster's husband to get upset at his wife's request for accountability and profit-sharing. BUSINESS is BUSINESS❗
When you ask your spouse to invest or lend you money, PLEASE BE ACCOUNTABLE and PAY BACK WITH INTEREST❗❗❗
It builds TRUST and STRENGTHENS your marriage.
Let's learn to treat our spouses (wife or husband) WITH RESPECT and HONOUR.
Charity begins at home.
BUILD GOOD CHARACTER FROM HOME!
The day my now husband and I got engaged, the first thing I did was to address this financial issue. I just do not want anything that will scatter my marriage. That is one thing I value most in my life. What did I do? Here are my account documents, my investments. This is how much I am worth. Bring your own, and he did. Then, we've got to join everything and the mandate in the bank is "either to sign" and beyond xyzwp Naira/dollars, we both get alerts on our phones and emails. In that case you will have to explain what you bought or whom you gave monies without the other asking. The day there is a breach two consecutive times, the joint accounts ends. About giving monies to our relative, it is my mutual consent. We've managed it like that for so many years and no financial problems. As you make your beds, so you lie on it. 🛌🛌
ReplyDeletelovely. But that is if the man will agree. Ego is a problem most times.
DeletePoster u did nothing wrong at all by asking. like u said its always better to sort such things out at the beginning.
ReplyDeleteMy love no reach money especially investment. Before I invest, it must be clearly and concisely outlined-loan must be paid back, profit must be shared. If I gift you anything in the name of love and spouse, it stays that way-unrefundable. I am an adult with personal needs first before any union and this must be respected by my other half, or no show.
ReplyDeleteAunty these people are married oo. It's not boyfriend-girlfriend matter!
Delete16:32 Marriage does not make you lose your individual needs or personality!
DeleteDoes your spouse sleep, pee
or eat for you?
It is the UNDERSTANDING and ACCEPTANCE of your INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY and NEED THAT bring about the existing together as one = MARRIAGE.
Marriage is not suppression of one partner to the advantage of the other. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Please you did nothing wrong. Politely tell him you are no longer interested in the business. Take out time to start your own business that will be convenient for you.
ReplyDeleteTo avoid issues, give him small money, use the rest and start urs if u know the business too well shikena.
ReplyDeletePoster you did nothing wrong in asking about the sharing formula. Please just lay low for now why you explore other business ventures on your own. If you can get a job,do so. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteLovelace
Please take Stella's advice word for word.
ReplyDeleteYou're did the right thing by asking him.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing by asking him. Do not back down
ReplyDeleteIt is always very good to define terms at the beginning of any business partnership. If your intentions are honest you don't ask your partner to wait till after years before defining terms. Getting angry over what you said exposed the underbelly of your husband. If he is not willing to define terms, please drop out of the business and start yours or look for a job. I am man, l have read/ heard stories of women who lost out because they chose to trust their partners with their resources. It has happened to my older cousin who got nothing out the multi-million Naira business.
ReplyDeletePoster abort ....it will cause more trouble
ReplyDeletePoster, insist on profit-sharing according to our contribution in partnership business.
ReplyDeleteHave proper legal and binding business partnership agreement drawn up, financial statements (quarterly and annually).
BE ASTUTE.
Marriage is backed by legal and binding documents too. Why not business?
according to *your* contribution.... (sorry)
DeleteI'll read comments
ReplyDelete