STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GENOTYPE ISSUE
Dear Stella
I never knew I would be writing a story such as this. Kindly keep me anonymous. I need your honest answers please
I am 24 years old working in one of the commercial banks. My boyfriend and I have been friends for about 2 years before we started dating in 2019, January. I actually really love him so so much. I really do.
About a month ago, he had his genotype test and turned out to be AS, while I'm AC. He informed me about it and it became a serious cause for concern because we clearly knew the consequences. As fate would have it, around the same time we had the "big" discovery, I met a doctor, he's 29 and doing well for himself.
I feel I am not being fair to treat my boyfriend that way, by going out with someone else, even though it's something I did not plan for. But life just happened. Should I just stop seeing both of them and start on a clean slate? Wouldn't I be missing a huge opportunity?
Dear Stella
I never knew I would be writing a story such as this. Kindly keep me anonymous. I need your honest answers please
I am 24 years old working in one of the commercial banks. My boyfriend and I have been friends for about 2 years before we started dating in 2019, January. I actually really love him so so much. I really do.
About a month ago, he had his genotype test and turned out to be AS, while I'm AC. He informed me about it and it became a serious cause for concern because we clearly knew the consequences. As fate would have it, around the same time we had the "big" discovery, I met a doctor, he's 29 and doing well for himself.
This guy has proven to love me even though I'm a bit hard to convince, but he has proven several times that he does. He loves God, he's super intelligent, supports me like I were his own blood, encourages me, supports me in my career, advises me and a whole lot of other things.
In fact, he has most things lacking in my boyfriend. The guy is super caring, make I nor lie. And he displays maturity in everything. I'm not saying he's perfect. But he is a good person. The guy is even ready to let us wait till marriage before having anything at all. He's not in a rush. This is really hard to find these days.
The problem here is, I started hanging out with him and as a result was not able to meet up with seeing my boyfriend. Now my boyfriend and I have serious issues as a result. He feels I'm starting to ignore him as a result of the genotype issue.
Please advise on what to do. I love my boyfriend to be honest, he has good qualities too and very young, but I already know we can't be together. This other guy is a "whole package", I can't let him slip honestly. I would be a fool if I allowed that. What should I do?
The problem here is, I started hanging out with him and as a result was not able to meet up with seeing my boyfriend. Now my boyfriend and I have serious issues as a result. He feels I'm starting to ignore him as a result of the genotype issue.
Please advise on what to do. I love my boyfriend to be honest, he has good qualities too and very young, but I already know we can't be together. This other guy is a "whole package", I can't let him slip honestly. I would be a fool if I allowed that. What should I do?
I feel I am not being fair to treat my boyfriend that way, by going out with someone else, even though it's something I did not plan for. But life just happened. Should I just stop seeing both of them and start on a clean slate? Wouldn't I be missing a huge opportunity?
*I dont know about the other guy but you need to stop seeing your boyfriend ASAP.....I dont care how you do it but stop already...You both need to have a talk and let each other go to avoid stories that touch.........Harden your heart and do it...You are not doing anything wrong....
Stop seeing your boyfriend and start seeing the other guy period
ReplyDeleteTechnically, you're cheating on your boyfriend.
DeleteI find it quite interesting that Stella thinks you aren't doing any wrong.
You've already made up your mind that you want the Doctor, I'll implore you to officially break-up with your bf & spare the poor lad the emotional trauma you're putting him through.
Ask your doctor friend his genotype before celebrating.
DeleteGood luck
You and your boyfriend should talk about it and the consequences. Also try and tell this Doc friend of yours that you just broke up with your boyfriend because of genotype ish and see whether he will equally reveal his own...before anything.
DeleteGood luck
Baltika
DeleteSupported
Talk to your boyfriend
DeleteI did not see where you wrote that you have asked the new guy about his genotype to know maybe he is AA, abi you want to wait for another two years so that you can break your heart again abi? So if the new guy is AA please kindly swap to him you will be fine after some gifts,attention and affection you will discover that you can always love again a thousand times sef. In short start a new relationship and leave your AS boyfriend alone.
DeleteBaby girl please be realistic, having an SS child isn't funny. My boss's first son died from SS, I doubt she has recovered from it, shes always absent minded and dull, I pity her so please be realistic, speak some sense into your BF AND speak to the doctor about his own genotype before you guys start anything serious biko.
ReplyDeleteAll the best.
You don't want to face reality. You know it can never work out with you and your boyfriend based on the Genotype issues, why wasting time? You didn't tell us the genotype of the medical doctor too. Since he's a 'complete package', why not go for him? No matter how long you hang around your boyfriend, even your families will never allow you guys marry. Above all, let God guide you.
ReplyDeleteShe knows the truth that they can't marry each other but too scared to hurt him for the love themselves. Poster the truth can't turn to lie suddenly so sit together for true talk and stop communicating with him till you both can face real friendship again. Best of luck with your new boyfriend.
DeleteBia this girl, what exactly do you want?
ReplyDeleteHelp me ask.
DeleteMadam just officially break up with your boyfriend and move on. It can't work! Abi?
Poster, you need to talk to your boyfriend! Let him know that the relationship can not continue, as you both are incompatible due to the genotype issue.
ReplyDeleteCut of the relationship in a peaceful way. The guy that you just meant, I hope you have also asked him to go for genotype test; don't start a relationship without first being sure of the blood group/genotype of the person.
No need to act like a cheat! Cut things off with your boyfriend amicably first before entangling in another relationship.
How is this up for debate ? You want to marry ur bf and bring innocent children into this world to suffer ? You guys can remain friends but not date or marry ! D doctor guy, God help u o, cos we can’t b too sure use ur instincts.
ReplyDeleteWhat's it with Naija girls and doctors?when they hear doctor they see saviour,have you asked your doctor for his genotype too or you're still ecstatic with everything about him
ReplyDeleteNot easy to bag an mbbs...n 90% of them that knows their onions are hot shots.
DeleteNothing special about doctors abeg. Mtchewwww
DeleteA lot is special about them o. Those who knows their onions as BB said.
DeleteYou have no future with your boyfriend, you people should break up and move on..
ReplyDeleteThe second guy just cares about you and isn't your guy yet.. Just take things slowly and let God guide you alright.
It's obvious it won't work being with your bf, even if you marriage happens we all know the consequences afterwards. So to avoid all those stories it's advisable to let go of you bf
ReplyDeletePoster your boyfriend of 2yrs? Please don’t just avoid him, sit him down and explain to him why both of you can not be together. Let him know the implications and then wish him well and move on.
ReplyDeletePoster you are not committed to any of them. However if both of you are mature you and your boyfriend can be good friends since you know the implications of your genotypes but you need to have that talk with him however don't be in a hurry to dump him because you meet a doctor. What do you want in a relationship. Don't be a flag like anything goes. So you decide to date this 'fantastic doctor' and you meet another man that has more than Doc. You will dump him as well? You need to be very careful girl and breathe. I wish you all the best dear..
ReplyDeleteHas any of these "guys" proposed to you?
ReplyDeleteHas the "total package doctor" done his genotype too, cos it looks
like
you are led by genotype in making choices?
Where is the place of God, yes, Jesus in
making these your choices?
Have you alienated him and if so, what happens when you encounters
problems if you marry any of these?
Don't you see that involving Jesus from the onset in your life is
the sweetest thing you can do and he
will help you?
Just reasoning with you.
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Why is it so difficult for people especially ladies who are Christians, to seek God on whom to marry?
ReplyDeleteHmmmn
DeleteOh dear, I understand how you feel. But it's not up for debate really.2years is a long time to just end things abruptly without adequate communication.Please sit him down and talk things over, tell him you want to move on, as difficult as it may seem, so you can find someone compatible and not waste your time with him. Be gentle and firm at the same time. Please don't bring up the Doctor in your conversation, so he doesn't get so hurt.Find out the Dr's genotype as well and please take things slowly with him. Wish you all the best dear
ReplyDeleteDo things the right way.
ReplyDeleteTalk to your boyfriend and end things with him properly as you start a new relationship. This way you won't be sneaky and have the feeling of guilt. You can't marry your boyfriend so end things and move forward.
Obviously you're not being fair to your bf. Either let him loose or talk to him. Stop leading him on and letting him see a future with you if there's none.
ReplyDeleteIf however, you both have the money, with therapy, IVF and modern medicine, you can definitely make it work.
The mental gamble is not worth it.
DeleteHope the doctor is AA because you are not ready to leave him even if we advise otherwise.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you just keeping distance from your bf without talking the issue out and move on amicably?
You've already move on,just let your boyfriend understand that
ReplyDeleteyou cant have SS children, you will only have AC, AA and SC. SC is a very milder form of sickle cell family. they dont get sick like SS, its always dormat just like Laycon bbn said. you can see he is strong and not sick. please google things and dont let people discourage you
ReplyDeleteNo chance abeg.
DeleteNot true, my friend was an SC, had lots of bone and skin infections, eventually died during childbirth. Not wise to risk it abeg.
DeleteIndecisive and dumb girl. You don't even know the doctor's genotype and you're already jubilating.
ReplyDeleteBreak off the relationship with that man and stop being annoyingly confused since you don't want to have sense
Wow!!! Dumb girl???? Did you have to call her a name? People smh. Tsk tsk
Delete24 years and you are this desperate for a relationship? Is this not the age to be open minded and discover yourself? At 24, you are finding it difficult to break up? Why are you stressing yourself at 24? You must not necessarily be in a relationship at 24 if you ask me. It's rather the age you must choose well, so if someone doesn't meet the criteria, keep it moving.
ReplyDeleteEnsure you break up with him on good terms. You may need to involve a religious mentor, family members or an elderly person.
ReplyDeleteMaybe ppl should disclose their genotype before they start dating and getting deep with someone. The emotional torture is not worth it. Get that genotype question out from the first date.
ReplyDeleteRemember genotyping is only one hurdle to jump over before accepting a marriage offer. You still need to know hiv, hepatitis and hpv statuses too.
You've already done bad as you're been cheating on your boyfriend with a doctor as you've already known him well enough to feel he's better than your boyfriend in many ways. The genotype thing is just an excuse. Fortunately for you, you have already moved on with your doctor. If it were the other way round and your boyfriend had moved on with another babe like this, you would have started the "men are scum" rant.
ReplyDeleteEnsure you break up with your boyfriend. Genotype is a very serious issue. Get mature people to talk to him if he's proving stubborn.
I wouldn't be surprised if you did't end up with the doctor though as I doubt you're seeing his true nature. You don't even know his genotype.
truth is, in such situations, most females get rash about decisions as this...be clear to him about reality...make him understand, regardless of how hard it'll be for him (it obviously is easy for you as in your almost entire being, you have already "jump ship"), and keep a clear conscience....it'll be a very hard pill for him to swallow, and a very tough time to cope with what next, but he'll heal and be alright the moment reality sets in for him. for your new excitement, do not be too quick to hail the new guy, as it's shacking you now....pray for "discernment".....
ReplyDeletePoster you seriously need to have a talk with your boyfriend to give him reasons why you both can't work so he can move on.So you can also be free to inform your Dr friend that you are done with your boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile I hope you are already aware of the doctors genotype.
I think that many women are scared of rejecting a man or breaking up with men cos society makes them feel guilt for it..especially if he's a "good man". I also feel you are scared of asking men their genotype early on cos you don't want to seem desperate. My dear, the ability to make decisions is necessary for adulthood, you can't run away from it. What to study, who to marry, where to live.. you must make decisions and be bold enough to live with the consequences of your decisions. Of course we don't know the future and decisions can make or mar us, but guess what.. indecisiveness is also dangerous. Hence, you must decide. And don't be afraid to want something. I advise you to
ReplyDelete1. Have a mature talk with your boyfriend and end the relationship due to the health reasons.
2. Ask the doctor and henceforth every man you meet their genotype early on. Every AS guy I ever met asked me asap..men do this so why are women afraid to?
3. If the doc asks you out and you like him, agree.
4. If it doesn't work out either with the doc, move on with your life. Reject thinking it's karma cos you let a 'good man' go. Life is not Nollywood.
5. Of course, pray. Goodluck!
My dear you have to end things with your boyfriend as soon as possible.
ReplyDelete