Oh Dear..............
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO AN IRRESPONSIBLE MAN
Good day Stella, I don't know if these qualifies as a chronicle but right now I feel like letting it out cos I am losing my mind...
Please keep me anonymous.
I am a 26 yr old Lady married to an irresponsible husband in his early forties... My husband is so irresponsible that he doesn't know what it means to be a husband and a father. He doesn't do shit.
I met him via SnM and to be sincere, I did not notice any signs except the fact that he was still living with his mum in his father's house.. And the reason he gave me then was that he just relocated and will look for an apartment which I reason with but up till this moment,he is still living with his mum and eating from her pot
My husband will Leave for work in the morning without dropping a dime for me and my son and when I ask, he ll direct me to his mum...
The annoying thing is that I don't know when he has money or not cos he is always complaining of brokenness
I am not a lazy person, I do all forms of job to earn money to feed my baby and I
During the coronavirus lockdown, I exhausted all my life savings to pay bills
The mum is trying In Fact she feeds us from Her little Business and sells on credit which I am always ashamed to ask cos my man ll not pay
I am so fed up of my married life cos am living like a single mum...
I am tired of suffering in silence and want to leave my marriage...
I am not a lazy person, I do all forms of job to earn money to feed my baby and I
During the coronavirus lockdown, I exhausted all my life savings to pay bills
The mum is trying In Fact she feeds us from Her little Business and sells on credit which I am always ashamed to ask cos my man ll not pay
I am so fed up of my married life cos am living like a single mum...
I am tired of suffering in silence and want to leave my marriage...
I have not told anybody yet cos I am planning to run away one day but I am scared
Am I making the right decision or what do I do cos I am loosing it
Thanks ..
Am I making the right decision or what do I do cos I am loosing it
Thanks ..
This one off me!!!
What kind of human being is this?Please if the load is too much,do what makes you happy please.
A 26 year old with this kind of marriage. Where were you rushing to? Rush in, rush out. That was why he married you. Probably couldn't handle an older mature babe. Enjoy your 'Mrs' tag.
ReplyDeleteE see SnM na, e see 'Mrs' lmaoooo, na den dey use side eyes dey mo k singu ladies, if you no shit wey dem dey chop of the suffer wet dey dia head unto kf the Mrs, you go fear.
DeleteAnnon please be nice.
DeletePoster,you're still very young to get your life together. If you feel staying put will keep hitting and dragging you back,then live. Afterall,marriage is not an achievement.
Please your words are kinda harsh.
DeleteWe all make mistakes but hers shouldn't be rubbed on her face mbok.
EYAAAAAAAH
DeleteTchewwww, as if some women who married in their 30s don't have bad marriages also, una go just open your mouth waahhhhh and spew trash..
DeleteIt's not too late for you to start all over. If it's not working, pack your load and leave. You are still very young and got a lot to do with your life. You sound like a very hardworking girl and an intelligent person that fell into wrong hands. Don't let any lazy man drag you into the mud.
Deletenasty bitches and your type on this blog should just shut upif you cant be nice. fustrated idiots...so only small girls hae this kind ofmarriage with your stupid mentality...i hae seen mature ladies rush in and rush out....poster pls plan yourself well and start saing to get an apartment no matter how small. from there start planning for only yourself and baby...
DeleteSmall issue in marriage,children of this generation will give up!..
ReplyDeleteThey cant stand with a man through thick and thin!...
Poster,you are not a wife material..
Do you know how many women that are breadwinners?...
Let's start from mercy Johnson,funke,omoni,chioma akpotha,omotola etc..
So many of them..
These are celebrities oo doing everything to stay married..
Look for something doing,get a sugar daddy by the corner...
That's what all these celebs I mentioned are doing!...
@queen I hope you have sugar daddy as well
DeleteShe should get a sugar daddy by the side! Smh. Who bears the shame when she's caught by the same man she's trying to feed? And who gets thrown out by her husband to start afresh broken, lost and probably too late then?
DeletePoster this is an advise you should never consider.
This Queen na waho for you. You have finish yabbing all our celebrities 😂😂😂. Poster don't take her advice oh.
DeleteInitially I felt was it real Queen telling a woman to manage but when I continued reading I got the gist. Single ladies should never agree to marry a man staying with his parents, he must get an apartment before the wedding no matter how small the place is.
Delete🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆 @ get a sugar daddy...
Deletestupid idiotic comment....which omotola is a breadwinner? married to a pilot of how many hours flying...you just omit rubbish from that yourlocal brain
DeleteStick to Stella s advice 😳😳😳
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of people will not agree with me but.....according to you, your husband is too lazy to hustle while you are the hardworking one, why not explore a role reversal? Your husband might be better suited for caring for the home (which is actually hardwork though SM has made it seem like homemakers are lazy). More and more women are becoming the breadwinners in their homes. I know this will require a degree of open-mindedness but without resentment and bitterness, it is doable. So why not unbiasedly consider switching traditional roles? As a woman, you know caring for a home and a child is difficult and your husband knows by now how tough making money is. If you actually went out there and got the money, he would respect your hardwork and if he was able to keep the homefront running, you would better appreciate him. Marriage is a partnership and both of you are the captain of your ship because you are one. Whoever could, should, taking into consideration eachother's strengths and weaknesses. If he can clean diapers, good and if you can broker deals, perfect. At the end, your goal should be to make your marriage work while providing the most conducive home environment for your kids.
DeleteI know how implausible this seems but that is because we have all been conditioned to think a certain way about our roles in society. This is the reason why a husband is defined by his ability to financially sustain his family and a wife is blamed for not doing laundry even if she works same hours as the man and contributes just as much to the family finances.
🤷♀️
Is she a glue?🙄🙄🙄
DeleteKamikaze, the longest comment I've seen from you.
DeletePoster, consider this advice. 👆
Kami do you really think a Nigerian man will ever agree to be in charge of the home?. She will end up bringing the money and taking care of the home too. He will say " she is trying to turn me into a houseboy just because i dont have money"
DeleteKamikaze so they should swap roles and later one family member will say she has used their son's head and whatever she labour's for in that marriage to achieve belongs to who. God forbid.
DeleteKami, you're so on point. This method worked for me when my ex had issues sustaining his job. He was always on a new seeking out new job every three to six months.
DeleteWe had to switch roles. While I hustled harder, he took care of the home front.
That plan isn't supposed to last for long.
Marriage is a joint effort of two responsible individuals.
Poster, do what makes you happy
I wish you all the best
kamikaze be talking rubbish...is that adice for a saija setting or where...dont you people read before commenting? the husband in question here does he sound like the type to look after the home front
DeleteOhhhh wow the signs are always there. Being irresponsible and broke what a combination.
ReplyDeleteI pray your helper locates you 🦋
You're complaining that your man is irresponsible yet you want to do the irresponsible thing and run away.
ReplyDeleteQuestion 1. Are you running with your son?
Question 2. What exactly will running away solve?
3. Are you tired because of the lack of money or irresponsibility of your husband. If it is the later, then why now, what ticked?
Please if you want a divorce, come out right and say it. Place all cards on the table.
You married someone who wasn't ready for marriage but was tired of being asked 'when will you marry?'
In other words, you married a child.
Whatever it is you decide, don't leave that child behind.
Dear poster's husband, welcome oo.
DeleteBoth of them were not ready at all.
Delete@anon 15:40 posters what now???
Delete#totalconfusion
una dey craze...how is she the irresponsible one now?
DeleteRED FLAG.. "he was still living with his mum in his father's house" RED FLAG..
ReplyDeleteHonestly. one has to look well before entering marriage. There was one guy on my neck sometime ago. I've known him for many years, we weren't dating oooh just friends. Nothing has improved in this guy's life since I knew him...And he shows signs of irresponsibility. Omo mehn...when he started disturbing me for marriage, I just told him off. I cannot come and shout and be paying Bill's alone. I wasn't even in love with him. His family were on my neck to say yes. The brother even told me that he'll sponsor the wedding...lol...I cannot open my two eyes and enter one chance, mbanu! I am not saying all men must be rich, but bring something to the table. Even if it means splitting bills 50-50. Can't stand irresponsible men....
ReplyDeleteThis was sad to read.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that most chronicles are written when the ladies
want to jump (the marriage)ship?
I will encourage more of you to write
when things are good and you want
to make meaningful decisions.
As for this post, you have made up your mind to leave but think about it,
Will leaving make you have food and cash available for you and your baby?
Why not be patient and look for better means of livelihood while in
your husband's house.
There are a lot of temptations outside; adulteries with random
men and that won't make you guiltless.
Guilt can kill. At least thank God
that right now, you have a support in
your MIL, who is not complaining.
And above all, trust God.
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
You were silent about any courtship in
ReplyDeletethis relationship before
it progressed to marriage.
You were silent about your relationship with Jesus.
You. You should get the second one
fast, to get something worked out for
your good in this present circumstance.
Please Poster, follow your heart, if running is what will make you happy do so.
ReplyDeleteStart planning how to run from today.
ReplyDeleteStart packing your things small small and then you amd your baby will just leave one day and never to return.
Ensure that your family returns the bride price paid too so you can be free.
Double your hustle too so that you won't be forced to come back to his lazy ass.
This one bad gan
ReplyDeleteLife can be so unfair. Chai.
My advice? If you have supportive parents you can leave to join them. Stop sleeping with that lazy man you call a husband.
If you don't have parents or supportive relatives who can carry you until you are able to get stable then remain in that house, if you can avoid sex please do. Get a job ,begin to save and plan your exit out of that house.
If not you fit manage am like that.
Poster be careful not to get pregnant for now as it looks like fire is on the mountain.
DeleteGoodness gracious! This got me shook and what sort of a husband is he? He's such a flibbertigibbet
ReplyDeleteInstead of running away like a criminal, sit both mother and son down and table your matter. Look the fatherfucker in the eyes and tell him you're done with him and have only been enduring because of his mother.
ReplyDeletePoster you are the foolish one here, what’s chasing you? At 26 desperation to bear Mrs lead you into an irresponsible man like you said, you guyz don’t listen, isn’t in this blog people have said it severally that do not marry a man still living with his parent, btw the guy is above 40 and yet no 1 room apartment to his name, even if his mother is the landlady so ducking what?
ReplyDeleteSo what will ladies that are in their 30s do. You enter one chance so deal with it
They don't listen to the advice. Ayam even tayad of advising same thing every time. But they wee come for more advice. Mtchew
Deleteare you people mad....what has she said in her story to judge desperation? so if the guy says he will leae the parents house she for no beliee abi? you all come harshly judging others and probably still stuck in no loe relationships yourselfs. pls be nice in your comments if you must comment at all..some een looked well and not desperate but still hae problems
DeleteNawaoooo. You jam bad husband.
ReplyDeletePlease, leave honorably. Don't run away. Tell his family that you are not doing again. Let your family return his bride price so that you can be free to move on..
May God help you.
This story is incomplete kind of. You met him on SnM, then how did you court? Didn't you see any red flag? Was he spending anything on you? You already knew he was living with his mother.... Is he working, into business or what? Na wa ooo
DeletePoster I am sorry for your situation. Please check your options and do what feels right for you and make sure you don't fall pregnant for him a 2nd time.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is for singles out there. Biko, young beautiful ladies, there is absolutely nothing to rush about getting married once out of school. Kindly do yourself a favour and have fun, build a career and see to it that that business or career has found a formidable root before you think of marriage. Have exactly the same capacity that is expected of a man before dreaming of marriage. I will not even advice any girl to marry b4 30 because even if you have a job or career at 24, you need to give it some level of dedication to grow such that it is able to sustain a family. Yes, marriage is about two whole individuals coming together not two halves or a whole and a half. There is nothing wrong with you having enough and your husband also having enough. That is what brings about aboundace, mutual respect and reduces the possibility of domestic violence/oppression.
When you are mature in age, experience and depth of your pockets, you even attract better men and have better capacity to discern a good man from a bad one. Your capacity for good decision and good choices are better with maturity so long as you don't allow desperation set in.
You’ve typed nothing but the truth but your last paragraph is ❤️❤️❤️...so true.
DeletePele dear
ReplyDeletePoster don't run away like a thief,instead sit him down and talk to him that you're done ,like done! Tell his family as well and don't be cajoled on staying unless you are not ready to leave! Let your family beware too so they necessary things can be returned back to his family
ReplyDeleteAll the best
God av mercy
ReplyDeleteWhere will you be running to? Tell him and his family members that you're not doing again if he's not willing to do better.
ReplyDeleteI can't even date a guy still leaving with friends, talk more of the one living with his parents... Women you guys never learn. Someone is still about to make same mistake after reading this chronicles believing hers will be different. 🚶🚶🚶🚶
ReplyDeleteThat is just the problem. We all think our own will be different untill it happens to us.
DeleteThat is just the problem. We all think our own will be different untill it happens to us.
DeletePoster please call a family meeting and table the matter and let them know if there is no changes you are leaving. Thank God his mother is aware that her son is irresponsible.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is, if Poster had come before marriage to ask for advice on whether she should marry the man and I said she shouldn't, some awon BVs will call me gold digger and how they or someone they know married their husbands when he was poor and now they have houses everywhere.
ReplyDeleteLadies, don't marry a man who doesn't have a reasonable source of income and a place of his own. Even if he's living in one room self contain, so far it is his own, that is fine. Not all this living in parents' house. In fact, if you observe that he can't even find your (reasonably priced) wedding without contribution from family members, that's a big RED FLAG. It's better the man tells you corocoro that he wants to be a stay at home husband and you accepted.
Making sure your intended is financially capable of taking care of the family does not make you a gold digger. You owe it to your future children to make sure they have a responsible father.
Well, I prefer not to judge the guy until I hear his side of the story.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what do not runaway with your child because the story will change if you runaway. It will be better you have a family meeting to discuss all your fears, talk to your family members too.
ReplyDeleteMake sure you have money to rent an apartment for you and your child, do not go back to your family house because you will be more angry and end up going back to your lazy husband which him and his family will laugh at you.
Take your time to plan your exist at the end both of you will be happy you did. For now close your leg before child number two will enter, you have not finish taking care of one how will you add more.
Happiness is all that Matters.
Poster please run away and while at it, go with your child.
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, go and do veeerrryyyy good bitth control. Dont start getting pregnant again when you can barely feed the one you have. If you do nothing else, DO THIS!
ReplyDeleteCant you look for a job?. Do you have qualifications?. For now forget about the "husband". For me, if you stay or go, you need a source of income, not so?. Why not get your mum in law to babysit while to go out to hustle. Start doing something to progress your life. Leaving will not put you in a better situation?
The mum in law has really tried.
DeleteImagine.see life.the way few ladies yab me when I told them how much I earned on s n m.i earned 150k per month with side hustle that bring 10k per day.they told me never to think of marriage .
ReplyDeleteLet's be friends anon.
DeleteDear Poster, you saw the Red Flag before he married you but you girls of nowadays/generation are too desperate to get married and have that Mrs tag to your name that is why you were blind to the Red Flag. If you will be honest with us, it might be you who was pushing for marriage, right ?
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, you saw the Red Flag before he married you but you girls of nowadays/generation are too desperate to get married and have that Mrs tag to your name that is why you were blind to the Red Flag. If you will be honest with us, it might be you who was pushing for marriage, right ?
ReplyDelete