Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

Hmmm.....na wah!!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

BOYFRIEND WITH DOUBLE BARRELL MOUTH

Good day Stella. Pls, I need the input of Bvs, matured ones and especially those of men. Last year Dec, I came out of a relationship even after d intro have been done. I couldn't go on with him cos of the red flags. Thanks to u and bvs for setting my head straight. I took to your advice.


In Jan, I met a very handsome guy that was giving me green light( we were both running our PG studies)I used him as a rebound. We had a mutual gbensh in March. I initially wanted it to just be that( I told him this during the first session). He didn't say anything and I made d assumption he also wanted d same. But, I noticed that he started caring for me beyond a babe for booty call. We were in d same space for a week and den Covid19 separated us in March and I returned to my location.


Surprisingly, we started building things up thru constant communication; calls and chats. We spent four months apart ( without sex) over d phone to know each other well. Then, I started catching feelings, of which I didn't want to. Also, he started showing more care and attention. He became all up in my business with long hours calls and chats. We exchange words like "I care about you", 'I love you" etc. 


Then in June, I asked him to define what we have; whether friends with benefits that would end after a while ( in my opinion) or something we need to build on. He flared up and said why would he be investing in and taking time committing, getting to know me, bonding  and co if what we have is not leading anywhere. He said he's not just with me for sex ( I know this to be true) and he wants us to be committed to each other.. He wants me to trust him and be with him. I even suggested an open relationship but he said so far he's not cheating on me, I dare not cheat on him. He said he'll walk out of d rel d day he sees signs of me seeing another man. He added that if he's with for sex, he wouldn't be in my life now that sex isn't available for him. He taught me the meaning of commitment, sticking to ones' guns and loving at all times. 


We made arrangements to see as a couple in July. I noticed he was more into me. I was even the one asking for intimacy but he insisted he's not with me for physical touch but to know me beyond that. We had it, yeah but we spent more time bonding( talking, doing movies, praying, discussion abt our career et al). His body languages, actions, sacrifices, during my 3-days visit showed he is in love. Of a truth , as a Yoruba babe, I do hear how Igbo men take care of their women..I never experienced such pampering from any of my Yor exs until I met this my Igbo bf. He gives me attention,love, loyalty, respect, freedom of speech, password to his phones. I caught him severally staring at me, stealing glances. I woke up one night with his gaze fixed on me. 

 We got separated again and his loving became intense. I felt he was doing more of d loving sef in by his actions cos he's a man of few words but does more actions. I also noticed he was asking me questions relating to marriage, how we would cope with the diff in denomination, using "we", talking in futuristic tense and all that. We spoke about d age, d tribe and church differences. We talked! I fell for him after this meeting.



Earlier this month, on his request, he spoke to my dad on my dad's birthday. Then I asked him if he knew d interpretation of what he was doing cos talking to my parent is a new kind of commitment. I told him I don't allow flings into my family cos I don't want to put their hopes up that I have a man when I don't know yet if there's truly a man they can bank on( judging from my past messy breakup). He said he understood and reaffirmed his commitment level. In his words "we die there".

 To be sincere, this guy is a perfect boyfriend even though no one is perfect.


Then, one talk led to another a week ago( since we've reached d 6 months milestone). We had to speak about future plans and all. I told him I'm not ready to settle down now, but prob in the next 2/3 years as I am still working on myself. He's on d same page with me on this too. We're not both ready. But, I told him that we've gone beyond flings and I'm already building on this relationship from a positive light (just as he was asking me to). 

I let him know the more we go into this, the more I fall. I came out straight and asked him if what we have is 'us building for the future' or just for 'the meantime'. He then started contradicting what he told me few months ago. He said it's for d main time and he's not seeing marriage in view. He said we are not going to get married.


I faulted him for the discrepancies in his words as he knew how I take words seriously. It wasn't as if he was saying those words then when he was wooing me or trying to get into my pants. He knew what we had sexually was consensual as we both had fun. So, why did he have to work, beg and told me to trust him. He practically worked and begged me to start committing to d relationship. I gave him a piece of my mind. Then, he apologized profusely. I forgave him almost immediately cos I never regretted the moments we had.


I asked him for a space for me to get back to my initial feelings.I told him to get lost and I backed it up by instant withdrawal. I stopped getting in touch with him. In d early hours of d next day till today, he is still doing the chasing, calling and WhatsApp chatting. I ignored him for days. He said he's down himself. I told him if anyone is supposed to be down, it should be me and not him. He said I'm no more loving, and my new me is hurting him. He's begging me to get back to how I used to be with him, of which I told him it's not possible. We've been on this issue for days.


For four days now, he has been disturbing me with calls, chats and msgs. Mind you, there's no s*x between us cs we've not seen since that July and we're not currently in the same state. We're not even making plans to see anytime soon. As I am writing you Stella, he has disrupted me for 5 times with calls. He said he is in love with me, he can't get his mind off me, he's distracted at work, He can't study, he can't cope. He's sorry. He said I shouldn't take him for his words but his actions; since he's a man of few words with more actions. His actions speaks more volume. 

He asked me if his actions don't depict his true intentions? Of course, they do. He said he needs me in his life but we should stop talking as regards marriage since his words on that issue brought disagreement. I told him I'm not asking him for marriage now( he confirmed dt I'm d first babe in my age bracket he has met dt won't be pestering her man for marriage) but I can't be with him anymore if all what we are doing is just entering the baskets, with no futuristic plans.


I'm 28, he's 27 y/o, he's Catholic, I'm Pentecostal. I'm not trying to find excuses for him. I told him he has made me fall in love already and I can no more be dating him casually cos I might forget myself in the relationship and let serious suitors pass by. He said he's taking back his words as he now wants us to build things and see where it will lead to.

 Stella, I don't trust this guy anymore cos I believe he is changing mouth cos he wants me to stop ignoring him. I told him I prefer being alone than to keep deluding myself in a dead-end relationship with a confused man. Yet he doesn't want me to go . I like him too cos he has helped me to become a better person in some areas in this space of 6 months


He do repeatedly say he can't intentionally hurt me yet he couldn't answer me when I asked him what he would do when it's time for him leave in d nearest future if not to hurt me. I've told him to give me space and work on his feelings; if he's chasing me cos he misses having me in his space or cos he's sincerely in love with me. But how can a man says he love a lady yet going back and forth with her. Pls advise me. Am I overreacting?



Thank you.

*Have you asked yourself all the basic questions?

Does this guy have the capacity to settle down now?is he emotionally ready for that step?I dont think so?

Do you also know that someone people hold unto you because they cant stand seeing you love someone else the way you loved them?

You sound really intelligent so i am begging you to borrow yourself brain...

I hope he does not end up telling you his people want himt o marry from his side?Cos this is always the format.....

Decide what you want......A fling and you stick with him without emotions or you leave now before the major heart break occurs.