Na wah!!!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TOUGH DECISION
Good day Stella,
Please I have a problem bothering me, I live around Ejigbo axis of Lagos State. I am married with a child of 2yrs. I am a health worker. I got a job at Ibeju Lekki area of Lagos with a multi national company and the salary is twice what I am been paid at Ejigbo. The job is also Monday to Friday compared to where I currently work that is Monday to Saturday.
The problem is my area to Ibeju Lekki is more than 3 hrs journey, I didn't know it was that far until the day of interview. My parents and inlaw feel I should not take the job because of the distance, I am willing to rent an apartment around Ibeju axis and become a weekend wife but I am currently running a part time masters program at Unilag and also there is issue of child care.
My husband says I should do what will give me peace of mind but deep down I feel he doesn't want me to go that far.
My husband promised to start a business next year but I am scared of what if he does not actualize it next year because he is building a house around here.
Should I go ahead take the job and see how it goes?
Or should I look for another job around my area pending the to time we gather money for the business?
Ps: I have given my work place resignation letter.
Everything in life is a risk....If the new Job gives you peace of mind and becoming a weekend wife will not upset your normal life then go ahead and take it...it would be better than being a sit at home wife and not being able to do anything because of no money....Do what gives you peace of mind..
My husband promised to start a business next year but I am scared of what if he does not actualize it next year because he is building a house around here.
Should I go ahead take the job and see how it goes?
Or should I look for another job around my area pending the to time we gather money for the business?
Ps: I have given my work place resignation letter.
Everything in life is a risk....If the new Job gives you peace of mind and becoming a weekend wife will not upset your normal life then go ahead and take it...it would be better than being a sit at home wife and not being able to do anything because of no money....Do what gives you peace of mind..
A lot of BVS are in the same shoe,they live very far and travel far to work in different parts of Lagos everyday because they have no choice.....
Hmmmmmmhhh 🤔 the sacrifices mothers have to make in their home. If it were the man, he wouldn't bat an eye in taking that job.
ReplyDeleteDo what gives you peace of mind is a subtle way of saying this job will definitely affect the home but I don't want to come off as an enemy of progress so I'll just let you come to a decision yourself and hopefully it favours us.
My dear I used to work at Ikoyi back in the days and I usually left the house as early as 4.30 on Mondays and 5.00am on other days and only got home as early as 7.30 pm.
Weigh your options well.
I think it be nice you take up the new job and see how it goes
DeleteThe first paragraph of people comment is enough to tell you if you should go further or skip immediately.
DeleteAdded 'their' name to the record of 'smart' people on this blog✍..
Men don't consider their family in making decisions or making sacrifices indeed.. 'very deep'.. too much sense wih not kihh yu.. sensima😕
Dante abeg shift, who needs your book compilation on blog smart people? As if that will boost my CV and land me a job in the best work place.
DeleteMen make sacrifices, but mothers undoubtedly make the most.
I already know how smart you are, keep up the smart work.
Lol.. thank you😊
DeleteBut Why una too like to play victim.. wetin be the gain.. I no just understand😐
I know the sacrifices my father made, I equally know the ones my mom made.. I'd like to say my dad did more but I'll be wrong cos they but did equally albeit in different aspect.. Equity
At least u have a job. The new salary is good but you are a young wife with a young child. If you take this new job, you are putting marriage on the line. Side chic will enter. Your husband will get used to your absence. Next thing, marriage can scatter..Don't be too ambitious as a wife. Consider your family first. It is your husband building not you
DeleteIf your husband is not working why don’t you all move closer to your job? Since your husband will start a business next year he cn start it anywhere. Moreover if you are building it’s doesn’t mean you have to live in it, you can rent it out and use the rent miney to pay your place close to your work. Security is important in today’s Nigeria meaning don’t leave that money. and being a weekend wife is a big risk to your family life which is also important. Location is temporary my dear today eko o tomorrow might be Abuja . Stick to that job. Good luck
Deletesome joker up there said, "don't be too ambitious as a wife"... My chwest!!
DeleteMy dear do what gives you peace of mind..I dunno but if you can talk to one of the employees to know if they have quarters for their staff or see how you can put up with someone that live in the Ajah - Ibeji Lekki Axis during week days..This life no easy..For the part time master program, do they do online classes then take part of it and also read very well..I wish you well just do what you are good with and not bother what people will say..2021 what if the business does not happen then what happens next ?
ReplyDeleteWhatever you finally decide put the welfare of your 24 months old baby as number one priority
ReplyDeleteShining God bless you, I also live at ejigbo and I understand the distance but u should think carefully,life is all abt sacrifices, the welfare of your babe is far more important my love..... And also your husband... Just be patient till next year for your marriage and ur beautiful babe,just manage the job u have now and focus on ur master.... Namaste🤔
DeleteSee lady, even your parents do not support you. Your husband does not.
ReplyDeleteYou are a one woman team, all because of
money?
Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase!
yes ooo,all because of money,because without money that her marriage will break,believe me,most men are insecure because their spouses want to thrive career wise,poster try and see if you can get a place closer to work,then leave your child for your parent's,your mistake was resigning from your former workplace without taking proper decision on what to do .
Delete'All because of money' So money is not important abi. What will pay the bills?
DeleteUntil you wear the shoes🤷♀️
Delete@anon 15:13, not every woman can afford to be a housewife. If being a housewife had a guarantee of constant flow of money, a lot of women would stay home until their kids grow up to an age they can care for themselves.
DeleteI will advice u think of your future then take a decision based on ur conclusion. When u want to cross a road, u look left and right before u cross, think of finance, your marriage and ur daughter, that money is extremely important, it will secure ur future financially, ur daughter's wellbeing is very very important too, if she can be in good hands, not just good, good and righteous hands while u are away, then u are good to go, think of your marriage, will the distance cause u problems, can u manage the pressure if yes, take a decision and take it to the lord in prayer. And are u living with ur inlaws why are they already voicing there opinion. It's well with u my sister
ReplyDeleteDon't make decisions that will make you a rich single mother
DeleteMy dear poster, please take the new job. You didn't say what your husband does and if it would be comfortable for him to move with you to Lekki. Nursing is a good career and getting this job with a multi national is too good a career move to ignore. Who knows from there you could start applying and get an international/foreign job...
ReplyDeleteWhere did she say shes a nurse?
Delete😄😄😄. Health care worker could be nurse, med.lab scientist, pharmacist , physiotherapist, radiographer, etc.
Poster pls pray very well about it, its really a tough decision. I pray God comes through for you.
Yvonne, sorry I was carried away as soon as I saw that.
DeleteMy bad...
While it's a good decision to take the new job,have you considered who will look after your toddler while you are away? Do you have a good hand that you can leave your child with? Your child should be starting school soon,consider that too. Renting another apartment at Ibeju would mean extra rent,have you considered that? Except you and hubby can agree and you all move to Ibeju Lekki. If you go and rent an apartment alone,it may gulp up all the extra income. Pray about it too.E mo easy.
ReplyDeleteIts not only about what gives you peace of mind; also consider your child!
ReplyDeleteYou can't have kid(s) and be selfish! Children's welfare should always be our first priority when kids are involved.
If your husband agree with you and you know there will be someone trustworthy to look after your kid when you're away, go ahead and take the job, look for a small apartment and rent. Make sure the apartment can also accommodate your husband and kid. They might want to pay a visit during the week and want to sleep over.
I wish you good luck in whatever decision you decide to take.
One of the sacrifices women have to pay all in the name of marriage. Do whatever makes you happy
ReplyDeleteAsinn enn
DeleteA man will not even think twice.
Ibeju-Lekki traffic is a no, no now please even with the high pay. Family or job, which is your priority? Depending on your husband, the kind of relationship and goals you both have, you can weigh the option and get a place close to your work place, get a nanny or good creche which can be on the high side in that axis ( are you safe with leaving your 2 years old child with others?) and on weekends go home. I'm sure the probation period is six months and within that time, you can decide whether to accept a confirmation of appointment or resign). For your husband to be building, he is not poor. Why don't you focus on your baby and home for at least a while and keep building yourself up and with time, a far better opportunity would come your way and you can make all the money you desire. Better to be safe with family than sacrifice your home for money as the bankers of the 90's did.
ReplyDeleteIbeju-Lekki traffic is a no, no now please even with the high pay. Family or job, which is your priority? Depending on your husband, the kind of relationship and goals you both have, you can weigh the option and get a place close to your work place, get a nanny or good creche which can be on the high side in that axis ( are you safe with leaving your 2 years old child with others?) and on weekends go home. I'm sure the probation period is six months and within that time, you can decide whether to accept a confirmation of appointment or resign). For your husband to be building, he is not poor. Why don't you focus on your baby and home for at least a while and keep building yourself up and with time, a far better opportunity would come your way and you can make all the money you desire. Better to be safe with family than sacrifice your home for money as the bankers of the 90's did.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you need to live a fulfilled life, have your own achievements too. Pls take the job and get a room on the Island.
ReplyDeletePray seriously about this, research the company online on how good of a company it is, opportunities for growth in the company etc (which honestly you should have done before applying for the job) and TAKE THE JOB. It’s not only a woman that compromises in marriage. Rent an apartment around your new job area and as time goes on your husband and child can relocate to live with you. Couples tend to relocate towards the job of the significant other that pays significantly more. In some cases, they maintain separate homes till they’re able to live in the same house. Commuting 3 hours to and fro is exhausting. Do not give up this opportunity cause you may regret it later. Marriage is important but so is personal growth. You can relocate with your daughter, and register her in a daycare then on weekends you both visit your husband or he does the visiting. Before or after you’re done with your Masters program you may be promoted at the new job.
ReplyDeleteI know nothing about the towns you mentioned but can your husband start his new business in the town your new job is located in or in one of the towns around it?
3Amigos, the BEST COMMENT!💯%✔️👍
DeleteWell-thought-out advice.
Poster DO THIS!
You might not get a good job twice. Your husband will thank you later.
Y’all think it’s super easy with this your statement. Poster goodluck ooo hmmm. I pray you make the right decision because no matter what, if personal growth is also your priority, you will always make effort sha ni. Heck you’re doing your masters degree right now, aka better opportunity for a good paying job. And how much is this offer self? I’m curious. So you’re telling me you can’t grow even higher that this current offer? Na wa ooo. Ok na.
DeletePoster I feel your dilemma.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard decision to make.
Whether you choose to not take the job due to distance and your baby and being a weekend wife or choosing to stay home and wait for your husband to provide business money, you are going to lose somehow with any decision you make.
Just think about the one which would make you feel like YOU actually made the decision... not anyone else. That would be your peace.
But if I were In your shoes, I’d take the job.
Madam Poster, I am a career woman with children, and I have purposely refused to go for some tops jobs on the island because of my home. I love my husband and Children and to train them in the way of the Lord while being a useful wife is of great importance to me. I have a good job but dropped the pursuit of the best job for their sake cos they are my best achievement. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteMadam this is you. Some women work and their children still come out fine. Let her make the decision that will work for her home too.
Delete17:26 thank you!👌
DeleteNwunye Doc everyone can't be you. Inugo❗
17:26, trust me it’s not easy as you think! Kids need that emotional nurturing at a tender age! This is why you see grown women making silly mistakes because they yearn for love and affection. It’s very important parents are in their kids lives and show them love. Weekend wife is not enough. Poster why didn’t you remain single? The child was not asked to be born so train that kid well and be in her life full time.
DeleteYour husband so pull his weight and support
DeleteMen nurture children too
Take the job, get a house in the new area and your hubby will follow. U can be coming down for Ur school.
ReplyDeletePlease I beg you take the job🙏
ReplyDeleteEvery other thing will fall into place sis!!
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house,
ReplyDeletebut with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
So even after your own mom told you not to go, you still want to follow money?
By the way, I expected to read "we are building a house" not "my husband is building a house."
It goes to show that you and your husband are living separate lives.
And you want to further separate from him?
15:48 THAT SCRIPTURE DOES NOT APPLY HERE!
DeleteWhat do you mean by "after your mom told her"❓
This is her life and home not her mom's.
Her mom has lived her life in her own time, probably when fathers were sole providers.
Poster, GO FOR THE JOB. Your husband also needs that extra income you would be bringing in.
@21:40
DeleteSame husband that she told us does not want her to go?
When her home breaks, you will know that that "extra cash" cannot give
her a peaceful home.
You've already resigned and you are asking. Any way here goes.MNC jobs are not easy to come by. Most pay well and in time and tend to have good work place culture. If I were you I would go for it. Back in the day I lived at ijanikin and worked in Ikoyi. It wasn't easy but we managed. As for your husband... he doesn't seem too pleased. Take the job first and if it's not working.. you can resign. It will still look good on your CV and make you more marketable. Cant your family support you with your daughter afterall your new opportunity will be for the greater good. Let me allow others comment.
ReplyDeleteWhen you husband fills another lady's tummy with twins, do not forget our
ReplyDeletefollow up chronicles and to paste the
link to this one for our notice
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteWhat men will do,they will do. Please take the job. The inconveniences will only be for a while. When you dont have a job,men wont respect you. If hubby loves you,he will reconsider and support you and family will respect you. When you support financially in the family,things are easy.the inconveniences are just at the beginning. This might be a one time offer with lots of benefits. Your home is different from other homes,think of the future and work towards it. Just make sure your husband gives his constant to support you. Make him see reasons why you want to take the job.
DeleteIf her husband is a cheat, he would cheat regardless of whether she takes the job or not.
DeleteSee as you're talking as if full time housewives have never had to deal with an unfaithful spouse.
Tomorrow, you're the same people that would abuse a woman for not having a job or a source of income if her husband dumps her for another woman.
17:25 and 17:39 you are both wise. 👌👌👍👍
DeletePoster's husband should be smart and consider relocating with her close to her new job.
Did the woman tell you she does not have a job now?
DeletePlease don't bother to justify stupid behaviour
DeleteAdultery is a choice not a consequence
Take the risk...leave your child with your mom for now and see how it goes...
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best in whatever choice you make. Consider your baby and the future on any choice you make. All the best✌
ReplyDeleteIt is a great opportunity but three hours commute then renting something and being a weekend wife. I believe in making sacrifices in life, but you will be placing a lot on the line. You are not single, you are not childless. Look at every possible angle beyond the money. If you are willing to uproot yourself and disrupt your family life, then why not see if you can start a medical supply or any other kind of business while keeping your current job. You will still be at home with your family, but hustling on the side to bring up some additional income in. Ma you ppl have started successful businesses while still being gainfully employed, you don't have e to give up one for the other.
ReplyDeleteIf you choose to take the new position just be prepared for anything. Know that it could go amazingly also know that it could go horribly. Be prepared for any outcome and have enough a Plan B in place
@ Poster, It is not only about peace of mind. Money is not everything. You need to factor in your husband and child in whatever plans you are making. Marriage comes with commitment.
DeleteIf you must take the job, make sure you are all in agreement and you are all moving to Lekki as one family. Which one is weekend wife?
One cannot be selfish in marriage and think only about what makes one happy.
All the best.
Business is not for everyone
DeleteSo true @17:18.✔️✔️
DeleteMy elder sister couldn't do any business after over a decade as a career woman.
Madam reason well o. You have a toddler, you're running a program on the mainland. Now you want to take up a job that is paying twice your current salary. Let's assume your current salary is 70k and the new place is offering 140k, remember you will spend like 35k on transportation fare in addition to the stress of commuting to work. Then you will rent an apartment in Ibeju Lekki which means running 2 homes. Madam stay where you are and build yourself,the offer is too small. Twice your salary is not worth it. I can't take care of the additional expenses!
ReplyDeleteYou assumed too much @16;31!!!
DeletePoster's husband should open up his heart to what this job opportunity could bring his wife and their family.
The current job could be 250k as well.
DeletePoster I think there are some factors to consider
ReplyDeleteWhat is the resumption time?
What is the closing time?
If these times are not bad, then take the job and be going and coming every day, a lot of people do it.
You have weekends to rest and attend to your home.
Also, get to helper to come in on Saturdays to help clean and wash for you.
Your hubby can help take the child to and fro school.
Poster, you should have weighed all these before resigning.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you for free that you can’t be very effective at work if you ply this distance. Either you get to work late, or you have to leave the house very early to avoid the traffic. Ejigbo to VI is bad enough, then adding Ibeju-Lekki?!
Your family should be a consideration when taking this type of decision. You made it a point to say your hubby is building, this also means or implies that he is not jobless and the household doesn’t depend solely/mainly on your income.
I would suggest you either withdraw your resignation, or see if moving to that axis is a viable alternative for your family. Being an independent woman doesn’t translate into taking decisions that don’t consider all who will be affected. If you can’t move your family, honestly, reconsider. Sitting in traffic to and fro Ibeju-Lekki will tell on your body, loads of stress!
Take the job, talk to your husband so that the whole family can move to Ibeju axis. You guys can rent a house there, at least, the family is together. Luckily your husband is a business man
ReplyDeleteYou mean her hubby should be the one to now travel to and fro ibeju to Ejigbo area to work?
DeletePoster the traffic is mad and it's not getting any better, please don't take the job, still manage the one you have till you get something better around you,
ReplyDeleteIf your husband is a business man that he can’t he move with you to ibeju Lekki so you can work there?
ReplyDeleteIf he had an office job I would have understood, he doesn’t. Men don’t think of family when making decisions like this, marriage is about compromise and support, he should support you.
Is it only women that were born for support and compromise? Can your program be deferred? If yes defer for a year so that you settle a bit.
Working for a multinational in Nigeria should be any employee’s dream because you’ll get paid reasonably well, work place culture is very good, and they have structure and look good on your resume.
If you’re not career driven then maybe you can sit this one out as well, but do not be guilted into losing this opportunity because you’re married as there’s nothing wrong with wanting another identity for yourself apart from being called a wife and mother.
the man should move to ibeju abi....do u think tue rent in ejigbo is the same as lekki ?.....where will the extra come from
Deleteand the standard of living on the island is far different from the ejigbo.or what is the point of working/business is you spend everything just living.
As someone who has lived in Ibeju-Lekki and had to go to work on the mainland, I advise you don't accept the job if you would be going to and fro everyday.
ReplyDeleteI
it's better you get an apartment close to work and take your child with you. Ensure your child is in a good creche close to work, then you and and your child can be going home for the weekend. Your schooling I'm assuming is part time, so during the weekend, you can focus on school. It would be really stressful for you.
It's really unfair that if it was a man, he won't think twice about accepting the job. He would simply move the family there. But women have had to let go or lost a lot of opportunities because of wife or mother-related responsibilities.
Poster, listen to this anon, MNC job is a life changing opportunity. Get a 2 bedroom flat at Ibeju Lekki, get a good nanny or family member to take care of your child there and move. Talk to your hubby prayerfully and he will join you there soon.
DeleteBut no one forced her to have a child. That’s her decision to have a family and part of the sacrifice is putting the needs of your child/family in the equation.
DeleteSee ehn,if it's the opportunity you have been craving for,pls go for it as it might be one in a lifetime thing. If you miss this and it never comes again,your hubby and family will mock you with it later. Please if he his very understanding,talk to him again,plead with him to support you so you can make plans together for your baby. I will say dont miss this opportunity.
ReplyDeleteAnd why would they mock her?? Such a ridiculous statement. If she can’t take the job then she can’t. Point blank! So you’re saying this is the only high paying job she’ll ever come across??? What if she finds a better opportunity outside of the country? Especially places like Canada need health workers. Start thinking outside the box abeg. You and your narrow mindset 🙄
DeleteThe pay may be more than your previous one but have you taken into consideration the amount you would spend on transportation and feeding because you would be leaving the house really early and may not have the time to cook before going to work? If you take these into consideration, the increase in the salary may not be much.
ReplyDeleteApart from that, have you taken into consideration the time you would spend in traffic? The traffic in Lekki alone is horrible, not to talk of Ajah, Sangotedo, Awoyaya. The roads are horrible. Also, we don't know how the #EndSars protest would turn out. People have been trekking on Lekki roads these days.
You are also doing your master's. If you take this job, you may be too exhausted to focus on school during the weekend. You are also a family woman. You have your home responsibilities.
If you decide to get a place in Ibeju-Lekki, you would be exhausted because of the traffic going to school during the weekend.
Also, from your family's response,they don't seem to be in support. It's unlikely your husband will lift a finger to assist you, else he would have come up with solutions instead of the response he gave. I fear you accepting the job may eventually lead to frictions in your home.
Your child of course is a priority. Is there anyone you absolutely trust to care for your child? Is that person willing to?
I hope you make the right decision.
So any job you want to take, you will inform your family to seek their support because you are still a baby.
ReplyDeleteDecide what is best for you.
Do you want the job or not?
If you don't , let someone else have it.
Money is not everything but do you see how people lobby for giveaway.
Reach a compromise with your husband. You can meet each other halfway. Move to somewhere that is an hour and half drive so your husband can still commute to his place of work while you do same.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
My dear, I wouldn't even mince word rn. Take the job. while on it,look for studio or vacation homes or even family homes you can rent for the purpose of bonding with your kids and coitis (in sheldon coopers voice) with hubby. Discuss this with hubby, make a scheduled arrangement. With time, everyone will adapt. If you don't take the job, another person will and you'll regret it.
ReplyDeleteIn that hectic Lagos?? You think it’s easy? I wonder how much she’s getting paid in this her new job
DeleteAsking question after you already turned in resignation letter?
ReplyDeletePlain silly!
I don’t know why ppl are wasting energy to talk
2x salary but now you will now spend the extra money on transportation.
Poverty mindset is bad!
You didn’t check costs
Even your time has a cost
The stress has a cost
Now you have 2 options, to be jobless or take the new job.
All I can say is take the new job and still be looking for another job, and get rid of your poverty mindset! If it was 4x your current pay, diff situation.
My dear take that job, get a self contain and finish your masters. Your husband asked you to do what makes you happy. He will adjust while you come home every weekend.
ReplyDeleteI doubt she resigned from her place of work. I guess she added that to influence the opinions of blog visitors
ReplyDeleteAre you going to stop the masters program.
What happens to your daughter?
Becoming a weekend mother amounts to spending just 6days with your daughter and husband
If you and your husband have a very healthy sex life, have you of what could happen
Please take the job, work for a while and see how it goes. I live at Okeafa and work at Ikoyi. I have worked in Ikoyi for 10 years. God will help you. Just make sure you cook every weekend and get a good nanny. All will be well.
ReplyDeleteIkoyi and ibeju lekki no near oh,
DeletePls how long can a married man stay without intercourse? Is it that men have no control and once their wife does not live with them 24/7 they're off to cheat? Poster will still in same Lagos and see him EVERY weekend. My friend came to the US to deliver but due to covid had to stay back for months. She said her hubby will most likely cheat and it's covid's fault. Is that justified? A married man can't stay 6 months without? He would rather go pick some side chic and diseases over waiting patiently for his wife.. is that normal?
ReplyDeleteYou mind them?
DeleteThe average Nigerian woman has taken it for granted that their husbands would cheat. It's sad
And ignoramuses assume it is a normal thing for weaklings with no self control to spread seed disease and demons about
DeleteTHERE ARE NO JOBS IN NIGERIA!!!! TAKE THE JOB. I’ve been looking for job for 5 years! Nothing.
ReplyDeleteI feel you should take the job and see how it goes...You can decide after your probation if you can't cope. At least you will be satisfied that you did give it your best shot instead of looking back later and say if i had...
ReplyDeleteGive me the job if you don’t want it
ReplyDeleteI usually don't comment, but I have to mainly because of your toddler. All the people saying do what give you peace of mind, what's peace of mind when you can close from work and cuddle and bond with your toddler? With all the stories of child abuse everywhere who can comfortably look after your child in your absence. You can not be selfish when God is bestowed responsibility on you as a mother. You also have a master running, the weekend you are supposed to spend with your family will most likely be used studying. Why not be patient? I wouldn't advise any mother to leave her child especially toddler for a higher paying job. If the child is more mature and can care for him or herself that's a different story. In all, do not be selfish think of the welfare of parties involved. In your mind, this increased pay will help the family
ReplyDeletePoster, I work in the health sector too and we know what our options are in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteI'll suggest you take the job, give yourself about 6 months to 1 year to see how you can cope. You can then resign if you cannot cope with the stress. By then you can have it on your CV. It'll be a big advantage for better jobs in future.
It's not just about the money, it's a big career boost for you, one that can open doors that even your husband and family will be grateful for, eventually.