What could be the reason for this?
What is the husband doing right with his father in law that the wife cannot do with her mother in law?
What is your husband's relationship with your Father (if you still have) and what is yours with his mother (if he still has)
What about your relationship with other family members?
Most divorces are caused by family members,did you know this?
I have a beautiful friendship with my father in law but when my mum in law was alive eh,despite her loving me madly,we never agreed on anything.
Lets gist!
This is going to be an interesting read.
ReplyDeleteIts only fathers of very successful daughters that show suspicion of the agenda of the man that marries her.
DeleteI know of a daughter of a billionaire in this Abuja shoes father is so personally involved in their marriage especially after her heard the son-inlaw was asking questions about how much her father willed to her since she is the most hard-working of his many children. Telling her not to dull o so her father don't will the big companies to only his male children and she should be careful of her dad's new wife that is having young Kids.
Chief hates that son-inlaw of his ehn😂. Even after the guy has begged and tried to modify what he meant, chief still no gree o.
Some son in-laws do oh. Especially the highly irresponsible ones
ReplyDeleteI don't know about all these but while getting married I promised to have an open mind towards my husband's family and it paid me off and still paying me till this moment, but my younger mates that came into the family with fight, they are really facing fire and the fire will burn them. I don't believe any mother in law is bad, it is the way the daughters in law carry themselves. Before una kill me REMEMBER that once you are married and have your own children, you have automatically become a mother in law, the measure you use for your husband's mother and father will definitely be used for you it's just wait for the time to come.
ReplyDeleteJust say you're lucky and don't act as if its because you kept an open mind that is why it worked for you.
DeleteA lot of mother inlaws already feel like the wives are coming to take their space in the heart of their sons which is not true 100%.
The love for a mother is different from the love for a wife.
I kept an open mind like you did because i have brothers and a mother and would want any girl marrying into my family to love my brothers and my mother but i wasn't as lucky as you are and some other women too.
People are different just as characters and attitudes are different.
God bless you Brown sucre, if I should start with my inlaw story ,una go open mouth and not close till next year,I am not a saint o,but this people haa!!,I salute myself for the patience. Entitlement mentality nkò?
Deletebrown sucre ..facts
DeleteMy husband doesn't have a good relationship with my father not because they had a fight or are quarreling. But no sane person will have a good relationship with such evil manipulator, liar, sperm donor, irresponsible, unaccommodating, every word evil name it. And I don't have a good relationship with my mother inlaw because she is almost the female version of my father. Unfortunately my sister inlaws are towing the part of their mum and becoming like her, so i don't get along with them. I just try to stay on my own. I had enough drama growing up with my dad and still even with being million miles away from him. No time for negative energy. People who are blessed with a good father please cherish them. My is a scumbag. Over and out 💔
ReplyDelete😲
DeleteIt is well.
Women get wahala o since 1902..
ReplyDeleteI think the problem is that a lot of women go into marriage with the already polluted mindset of mother In laws being terrible. I don't really blame them tho because there are a lot of real life situations that have moulded people into this. So they go into marriage with the intention of standing their ground no matter what.
ReplyDeleteA sensible person would actually know how to differentiate between when a mother in law is being intentionally difficult and when it Is unintentional or nothing.
A sensible person will also know when to compromise and when to stand her ground. I am coming from a wife's perspective now.
I happen to have one of the most beautiful relationship with my mother in law for which I am grateful for. But we didn't arrive here cos she was the easiest person to deal with. A little compromise here and there from both of us made us achieve this. Even if she's upset for no reason (in my mind) with me, I still try to explain and apologise because it's not even like she complains with insults and what not. I am hoping that eventually skion skoin from both our sides will not eventually get in the way and ruin this. I am working against that.
That being said, there is no denying that there are horrible MILs out there who u as a wife can never please. In most cases, I would advise that u should fight her not. Leave your husband to do the fighting. If he doesn't then u didn't marry a good husband in the first place and in this case, abeg, figt ur battle and fight it hard just be ready for whatever outcome that comes from it.
Let me digress a little since we are talking about marriage here. Wives, pls do not let family members from both sides of the family live with you for an extended period of time. See, if you love the peace of mind you enjoy in ur marriage, defend and protect it at all cost. They will see you as devil but trust me, u are only protecting yourself and what is rightfully yours. Remember it is supported by the Bible, if u are a Christian. Even my marriage counsellor told us this during marriage. Me and my husband are still on this topic and he is beginning to understand me. We will continue till he realises every single reason for it. Never be against ur husband helping his people but know where to draw the line.
Going back to work.
👌👌👌👌
DeleteWell said
DeleteNa you sabi am well, because you speak against living with inlaws, some people begin to say you are evil. If only they know the irreparable damage it causes. If my mum or siblings comes to visit us, I can speak my mind without the fear of a retributtal or being misunderstood. Try it with an in-law and see if you will not be viewed in bad light.
DeleteHow long will one keep walking on tiptoes around them in the name of 'I don't want to be perceived as bad?'
The best is visit and go.
You made sense though. But you shouldn't have used the phrase "skoin skoin"
DeleteWell written Eka Joy.
DeleteWomen ha problem unlike men who can accommodate anyone. Most time mil are jealousy of their sons wife reason they fight them
ReplyDeleteI pray for a sweet mother in-law, the one the will love and cherish me.
Let me quickly add, u see those ones telling you there's nothing wrong with allowing relatives stay with you, when things go wrong either by misconception or misunderstanding, no one will help u quench the fire that would have already ignited in ur home.
ReplyDeleteEve's daughters are like their mother, always bringing trouble to quiet Eden. 😉😜
ReplyDeleteHide my I.D.
ReplyDeleteI used to have a very close relationship with my parents inlaw until life happened, then I decided to focus on mother Inlaw since father Inlaw decided to show open hatred to me. Something later happened and mother Inlaw showed me that truly I wasn't her daughter so how I mind my biz. Don't have any close relationship with any of them inlaws because truly, they hate me because I refused to set their son up/elevate him with my money and my Dad's money.
I hope they will elevate another's child with their money.
DeleteIt is not a bad thing to help anyone though. Assist if you can.
But why did you refused to help him with your money?
But why did you refuse to elevate your hubby when you can, that’s unfair, what shall it profit you to be rich and your hubby is not, if I were them I won’t like you too because you clearly don’t love their son.
DeleteMy parents inlaw are not good people so I stay on my lane. My brother in-law moved in with us from the first day we started living together. Thank God he used his hand to drive himself when he tried to molest my maid. Now he is living with them and doing all what he does in my house and the parents can not take it and keep fighting and reporting to hubby everyday. Na seat down look i dey.
DeleteThey wanted hubby to be build them a new house and he doesn't have that kind of money and automatically it is me that is stopping their so. From doing things for them. Even when I call they ask who is talking so I mi d my lane and don't call. We went visiting and after welcoming her son and grand kids I became invisible, my greetings were not heard and na back them give me. I no send j am on my lane. If money is that easy they should have built and trained the battalion they gave birth to themselves.
Because you have birth to me I have trained all your battalion in school and bought you a car make I still build house for you join. The children I have birth to who will take care if them? Me do I even have a good land of my own. The entitlement mentality of Nigeria is the reason mother and daughters in law fight will continue.
If you have what you call "my money"
DeleteYou are wedded but not married.
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
My hubby and my Dad are good friends. My hubby is on the quiet side so they talk when necessary.
ReplyDeleteMy mother in law has been in my house for more than 7months now. She came around when baby was born and has been in the house since then. We are very okay towards each other. I love her and she does the same.
Sometimes shaa I want her to go for me to have that space but she's a very good mother. God bless her for all she does.
My mother in-law is domineering... If allow her, she will control what goes on in the house.. So hubby and I know how we handle her.
ReplyDeleteMy father in-law, doesn't have any wahala.. He is as gentle as a dove.
My sister in-law has no issue.. She minds her business.
For my brother in-law, Chai, I so so much love them.. I have 2 bro in-law. They visit me whenever they are less busy. They help me with house chores, wash clothes, cook, bath the kids, have their haircut done.. Ah, the list is endless. And these are guys that are in their mid-twenties o..
They do these things voluntarily.. Whenever any of them come, na sleep get me.. I won't mind my sister getting married to any one of them.
They are good abeg.. My 2 boys are always happy whenever they come around..
But when it's time for them to leave, haaa na cry get me o😥😥😥😥. I won't mind emptying my bank account to make dem happy if they are in need. I am feeling so emotional now because it's been a while they visited because of their tight schedule and we dont stay in d same state.I love those guys abeg. My mother in-law really groomed them well
Nice in laws you have👏 but why do you keep saying you would like your sisters should get married to your brother in law? Is it not wrong practice where you come from?
DeleteThanks Anon.. It isn't a wrong practice.
Delete☺
DeletePeace between you and them forever.
Lemme read comments and learn ✌️
ReplyDeleteI think women are more territorial and possessive than men. Mothers have that He-is-still-my-son-and-should-do-as-I-say attitude which the wives try to fight. And sisters-in-law? They are more of the He-was-my-brother-before-you-showed-your-face. In summary sha, all 3 categories of women feel they know what's best for him and he's left to decide what direction to head 😀. I'm female by the way ✌️
ReplyDeleteI don’t think so, the root cause is that men abandon their wives for their children and mothers are in turn married to their kids, so when their kids eventually marry, it feels like a competitor or 2nd wife has been married , if you see husband and wife that are in love and fond of each other in old age, their daughter in-law won’t have any complains cos her mother in-law ll be minding her marriage
DeleteHmmm... You have a point there really
DeleteI loved my mother in-law so much, it was so difficult for me when she died. Even my mum because so jealous of our relationship!My 2 cents:
ReplyDeleteWomen, please go into your marriage with an open mind.
Discuss your boundaries with your husband before marriage. Eg ideology about gifts to family members, family staying with you, etc
Don’t pretend to be all nice and sweet b4 marriage and then become a lion afterwards
No double standards, what applies to his family applies to yours too!
Above all, be prayerful and commit your marriage to the Lord always.
My husby has a good relationship with my father but I don't have mother in law and to other members of my husband's family we are all in good terms with one another maybe is becos of the distance.
ReplyDeleteTherefore, I will be reading the comments
It is the double standards that exist between how men are treated and how women are treated when they get married. This is not a Nigerian or African problem , it is global. The fact that you give up your name alone means that you are the one leaving your parents house to ‘enter’ another persons house as a woman. My husband and I are age mates and we grew up together. I never thought that one of us was ‘superior’ to the other until we got married. My mother in-law asked me not to call him by his name but he calls me by my name. My parents treat him with so much respect- make no demands from him but my mum in law says I must call her every week. Women also have problems with father in-laws some times.I think the question is why do women have problems with in-laws. The expectations that even our parents have from us as wives is so different from the expectations from the men and this is a problem because we are not raised to think we are different or inferior . There are the same academic expectations, career expectations etc. You think if I work hard and do well then I have met the expectations. Then all of a sudden you grow up or get married and find out that you are a lesser gender . In marriage you are treated like you were done a favour when they married you. You might be feeding the man but it is ‘our brother house’ , my sons house etc. I advice young ladies, when you visit your in-laws before marriage as they are assessing you, assess them. We give up a lot in marriage. The odds are against us. You drop your surname, go through child bearing etc. Don’t be so desperate that you act like they are doing you a favour. Living abroad has also shown me that women are not seen as equal to a man not just in Africa but almost everywhere in the world. That said, things are changing. There are more and more nice mother in-laws who treat their daughter in-laws with love. Marriage is hard. Two people with different backgrounds come together and then you will have to adjust to expectations from the family. We don’t do this in our family etc. How many times will the wife’s mother or father say that to a man? My mother in law and I get along very well but these things bother me.
ReplyDeleteExactly what I'm scrolling down to type.. The respect the wives family accord the husband immediately he married their daughter and at the end of the day it will start looking like they are thanking him for marrying their daughter which makes "some" husband even misbehave more to their daughter simply because he knows they can't fight him but beg him.
DeleteSo, how will husband have issues with the in laws?
But for the women on the other hand.. It's more like they are preparing you for war and suffer because everything you must do.. And if you try to say no and stand your ground, na war!
But thank God, things are changing by God's grace.. And I'm witnessing that change starting right from my mother and the way she treats her daughter in law and me as a sister in law gaan.. I do my small duty by calling once a while and doing little things for my wifey and kids, then maintain my lane.. Everybody is happy!
My mother in law so far so good we are fine.. I respect her lane and learning to know things that may annoy her and totally avoid it for life!!! Lol, she makes me laugh dieeeee anytime we get to see.. Me wey Sabi laugh well well🤣🤣 I thank God for her and I pray to God often to let us continue to be the beauty of each other's eyes!
Wow! This is enlightening. I am from a close-knit family and it was important for me to be with a person with a family like mine who would best understand the dynamics of such family. I felt it would greatly ease acceptance but you just made clear to me the underlying complexities of the 'in-law'relationship that I had never considered and why it is often a difficult one.
DeleteThe part of ‘ the abroad ‘ when I de, women that are treated as the lesser gender in marriage are the ones that chose to biko.
DeleteI respect my husband wella and he returns it, he does his own part of the chores, I do mine as we all work full time.
My in-laws didn’t like that, no problem,I kuku reduce their coming.... before Na yearly, now, I do the visiting and stay in a hotel so no long stays.. we good like that.
Sometimes, Na we de use our hand bring trouble for ourselves.
Men are mostly unproblematic and have no time to pokenose and find faults.
ReplyDeleteThey eat what they are served without query or complain and they do not go beyond their boundaries.
How many men go to the pot to dish their food, how many complain that you are lazy and wasting their son's money?
They have no time for pettiness and are ambassadors of 'drink water and mind your business'
How many women have you seen complaining of their father in laws preparing meals for their son's when the wife is present, or holding father/son conversations that exclude the wife.
Even when the mother of the wife visits, the husband has no time for idle chitchat, he goes to work, comes back tired and ready to go to sleep.
His is to provide the food for the family and not to start asking unnecessary questions.
Ah. My father I Inlaw is very problematic o and likes to pokenose in our affair. He stayed with us and caused issues between hubby and I. If you don't serve breakfast by 6am, lunch by 2pm, and dinner by 7pm, his ancestors will hear his voice. I just jejely removed myself from all those wahala by doing me. I stopped trying to please him. Now I only call him on Easter, Christmas and his birthday. Everybody dey your lane.
DeleteMil too was trying to be controlling but when she saw I wasn't having any of that, she decided to respect herself. We good.
6am?that means he can come to my house,me that 9am we neva eat breakfast sef
DeleteMost fathers in law are easy going while the women are domineering. My husband and my father are so close. They talk every single day. And I have been married 20years. As for my mil and I we talk o my when absolutely necessary. She’s too controlling. Always wants to know how much u bought this and that and acting like her child is a God.
ReplyDeleteWomen always have issues.
ReplyDeleteAnd those who complain to you about MIL are worse
than her when it is their turns to be MILs.
The characters of the lady today tells us if she is tolerant,
selfless or selfish.😎😎😎😎
My mother in law is a sweet woman. We live very close to each other but she has never intefered with how I run my home. She minds her business and only chips in an advice when she dims fit.
ReplyDeleteIf I am to choose a mother in law in my next world, I will choose her.
God has blessed me with two sons and I hope to act like my mum in law when they marry in the future.
My husband siblings are okay too. We love ourselves from a distance as they are outside the country.
Blessed to be married to such an enlightened family.
Lucky u. The enlightened part is the key. My own hubby's people feel so threatened unnecessarily. If I call. My people, they say any small thing I am speaking with my family, mbok, who should I speak with? I mean I am with you people there, talking with my people is now wahala. My mom sends me food stuff and buys clothes, males dawa for my son it is also a big case. They turn up their noses and when they grudgingly feel the need to call my mom and say they saw all she got me(cos out of respect I show mother in law all those items) they chip on the fact that they are not starving o(because we all stay together). I cook the meals with food stuff sent, they hardly eat it but when sister in law sends foodstuffs too, I call. And thank her o. Father in law will be going around the house that day, stressing how his daughter bought these and that. I am tired sincerely.
DeleteI went into marriage with an open mind. I treated my parents in law like I would treat my parents especially mom in law that was why I didn't see any thing wrong to move in with them as hubby couldn't secure an accommodation for us(my biggest mistake). Now, I am the evil person. Father in law talks to. Me like he is scolding a child, the worst case is that mom in law will not talk but will silently put fire. Hubby has refused to pack out or see the need of we being on our own. My parents are not happy with my hubby and he doesn't even care. I just keep praying for a job let me move out. My take is, have an open mind and maintain a cordial relationship. Don't pick a fight or come into a family with an expectation of fighting but don't be a push over. The problem with my parents in law is that they want someone they can control but when their son misbehaves, they start disturbing me on how I should be able to control /convince him. Hmm
ReplyDeleteWish I could write the damage my in-laws did to my marriage which led to two years of separation from husband. But I thank God now they know better. Husband sef later on realized that their (his people) actions then were for selfish reasons.
ReplyDeleteWe are back together living our lives peacefully without any interference.
Truly some Inlaws are toxic. Mine are. I have a 35 year old brother inlaw living with us. All they do is to be monitoring spirits. They also caused 10 months separation between hubby and I that's why I don't even get close to them before they will say what I didn't say or do.
DeleteMy own is from my parents in law. I never went into marriage with any skewered mindset. I treated both like I would treat my parents especially mom in law, which was why I didn't hesitate when she offered we come and stay with them when hubby couldn't secure an accommodation for us. But I now know it's a big mistake. The best is to be cordial but maintain a healthy gap. They are not your parents so they will be bias, likewise from the woman's side. Now, I am regarded as nothing. Father in law talks to me like he would talk to a child but I try my best and do. My bit. I just ignore them and try never to get into any quarrel with them.
ReplyDeleteAll these made my parents not happy with hubby. I just keep trusting God for a job and I will. Move out
I think it's because in Nigeria, the woman's family treats the husband like he did them a big favor in marrying their daughter. On the other hand, the man's family believe the woman should be grateful their son married her.
ReplyDeleteAlso, some depend on their sons financially and see his wife as a threat to their continued enjoyment, whereas the woman's family may benefit from her husband's generosity.
Also, women are more territorial than men in the family. Men generally mind their business (except the jobless, lazy ones) while women tend to put their noses where it doesn't belong. That's why a MIL or SIL will leave their homes and try to control another woman's home.
Well, I went in with with the best intentions ever, treated my MIL even better then my Mum but it wasn’t enough so I kuku face front and started doing ‘ love from afar’.
ReplyDeleteI buy gifts, call once a month and no unnecessary long talk.
She ‘seems’ to have realised how she messed up a sweet relationship but I m far gone... I no get power Abeg.
I v vowed to be the best MIL to my Sons’ wives in future (by the special Grace of God)... Amen
My EX-father inlaw is from hell and to think he calls himself a pastor that man is worst than a alien. He came to America to destroy my marriage and me thinking he was actually rooting for me not knowing he was telling his son to leave me and the kids, that why i can never have inlaws come to my home that a recipe for disaster.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI remember how one of my SIL followed me and her brother home from wedding day, a week later, their mum visited and asked me that the daughter wants to stay but she has wahala o and if i dont want her to i should let her know. Me new wife and non-yoruba, i said no problem she can stay. After some months when i was to resume work, MIL said she had a young boy to help me with my son so i resume work because she doesnt like creches in lagos, i accepted, later she said the boy was not doing a good job after all the liv-in nannies i got were write-offs, so her second daughter came, no wahala but things started to change and became more obvious when i refused my son that just clocked one to go stay with her in ijebu for God knows how long. Her son was working far away and came on weekends or every other weekend, i decided we move to where he was not mindng one bdroom, but MIL called and said where do i want her daugthers to stay, i said they can stay in their uncle's place at least one of them came from there.
ReplyDeleteI later learnt the girl left because she was alwys to cook and had to be in on time. but in my place, i cooked, they could help with cleaning but who will control? Overtime, their bro started to misbehave and plenty things sha. We are currently separated after 7years using me to get his sisters married from his house, after threatening me on several occasions that he will leave, no rent paying. before i used to beg but after the last one i just locked up and took charge of my life and faced my kids. everyone he tells about why he left the marriage keeps saying, he says 'my mother said, my mother said'. Even when he took me to welfare because i insisted on being with my kids when he comes to take them out after him not seeing them for over 4 sometimes 8months with infrequent calls, the counsellor told me privately that your husband is omo mummy say, so just ignoer and take care of yourself.
After not picking my calls for close to a year, even on her birthday last year that her so went to her place with his girlfriend, she now reports me that i dont call. I had to tell the emissary that my father was insulted and i took trash from a woman i took as a mother and her daughters i wld always go and beg after any issue just for peace to reign, they brought out the beast in me, so the peace i have now, i am very careful with it. I made it clear i will call when i can so she speaks with her grandkids but i will never call her son. anytime he calls, he will speak with them but they should not assume i am doing that because i want their son to return. I am fine and God will take charge. I know if i my mother were alive, i wont have gone through this but they made me understand that a MIL cannot love you more than her son. I dont know if i am angry still but i know i have found peace and happiness enough to make my children happy always.
Sorry for my disjointed stories, one day, i will write series of my life like Ms.Kay or maybe a biography.... I just thank God for being God. My siblings' MIL have been more like mothers to me and i am also grateful for my family and friends that stood by me. So a woman can decide to be loving to a MIL and not know they are planning how to chase her away. It is well
Madam Stella's blog also gave me some beacon of hope during those dark times. Thank God i am not where i was some while back...
sorry for what u went through......but how did he use u to marry off his sisters
Deletesorry for the typos, they stayed in my place till dey got married. except for one who left to rent a place when i changed it for them the day their last born wanted to beat me because i warned to stop the pretence greetings after i knew she was chatting with her bro's gf who claimed she was pregnant to the extent of adding her as friends on facebook. It was then i wondered so they could live alone why the need to stay in my place to cause havoc... well plenty stories. i remember one time how their brother would threaten me that his sister and the boy wld leave when we had issues as if they i was solely dependent, how i wish i called his bluff then. lats last i had to send the boy away after three years under the guise that i had a daughter and didnt want trouble but the main reason was, the sisters wld call this boy to the room to ask him what i may have said or done or where i went to and that if he doesnt talk they will tell their mother to come and take him back. this boy became rude, thinking they were in control.......... Honestly talk plenty and i pray to forget somany things, everything is still so fresh and still hurts because i had good mind and intentions but these people messed up my peace and emotions. well its one day at a time....
Deletemy sister’s own is that it’s my mom and Her mom- in -law that are even closer.
ReplyDeleteIt’s so weird....but it’s so funny when they start their gist.
My mum and my mother in law used to visit each other to gist. I lost them both within 1 year. This life eh. Very painful.....
DeleteMy take is most men aren't petty, critical, troublesome, unforgiving, nosey, malicious as women. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule.
ReplyDeleteEven when men quarrel, they settle and move on quickly.
My father as a matter of principle has never slept over in any of his children homes whether single or married. He visits and he goes back home so how will he have any issues with any son or daughter in law? Sometimes, too much familiarity breeds contempt and disrespect.
One of the best ways to handle this MIL/ DIL issue is to keep them apart except it is absolutely necessary for both women to live under the same roof and it should not be Indefinitely. Women naturally don't get along with one another, It is just tough.
Your last paragraph sums it well.
DeleteMy father in law was a pokenoser and can do eye service.when he was sick my hubby brought him to our base so he can assess medical care..I see oba for that man hand.if my friends come visiting baba will run out from his room and come to the sitting room, listening to our gist.sometimes he'll even ask me if my hubby is aware that my friends are coming.
ReplyDeleteThere was a day he called the girl staying with me,was asking her if I gave her the cake hubby bought d previous day.the girl came and told me..ha I change am for the baba o.they told him to stop eareat meat but if I cook he'll insist I put meat for him.Anytime my hubby offends me,I'll meet him and tell him,for my face he'll blame hubby and say what he did was bad but when hubby cones back baba go change mouth.
All the while he stayed with us,his wife doesn't call him,I'm sure they were happy hes no longer with them.
Sometimes when I pass where he is sitting,I'll see him eyeing me..trust me,I gave him double dose of his wayala.hell say he wants okro soup,after making it,he'll niw say it's vegetable soup.my bro inlin was staying with us as that time,if I put food for the boy,baba will be checking if there's meat.asking the boy if the food is enough for him.
Last last he died of that sickness..abeg make him carry his wahala go rest wherever he is now.
Oh dear
DeleteIt is well
Okay I want to rant Stella nwanyi oma mbok post, I take God beg you.
ReplyDeleteI got married to my husband with his mother wearing a long face though out the wedding ceremony as in she didn't smile for a second you could tell she was visibly upset we were getting married.
We had a patch patch fake love relationship from afar with me being the miss goody two shoes. Fast forward till when I got married she came for "omugwo" but from when she came till I put to bed I was dragging my big belly up and down serving her like a queen, I thought it would change after I put to bed, I was in the hospital for days after delivery she never cared about my welfare to even send me food. I starved in the hospital settling for the trash they served at the hospital, I got home and the food my cousin brought for me the day I left the hospital I served to her cos I was expected to come home and start cooking for her immediately, I woke up religiously to put water for bathing my son cos if I ever woke up late, my baby would be unbathed till whenever I woke up, while mama would be fully dressed watching African magic, I would put water for bathing, stand like a slave while the bath is on, clean the entire bathroom after the royal bath, cos it would be water logged by the time the bath is completed,from there it's straight to the kitchen, I had a stitch but had to go to the market the next day after I returned from the hospital cos there was no food for me to eat, she is igbo but never did all those things they do for new mums, my tummy still looks like I am 7 months pregnant till date, I slaved for months while she was with us and served her like a princess, I lost so much weight and looked haggard for a new mum, since she left our relationship has gone south, sometimes I feel I am over reacting but I think keeping my distance is best for my sanity. Keeping my distance is the present status quo, I am still bitter though but I guess I have moved on.
Wives are the reason their husbands don't have issues with their FIL. Many women can stand up to their parents and keep their husbands away from them.
ReplyDeleteBut you see these 'hasbands' they cause trouble between their wives and the MILS. Many men don't understand the 'leave to cleave' clause of marriage. And when the wives decide to take their stand, the become 'bad girl' to their in-laws.
For example, I live like three streets away from my PILs, but my MIL cannot watch my kids for one day. Yet, she expects that I do stuffs for her, and my 'hasband' too. At first I was doing it, but when I had a recent 'brain update' I changed it for them. I have concluded that I and my MIL don't owe ourselves anything. Make she dey her dey and I dey my dey. Chikena!
@brown sucre 15.10, @kpakpando 14.25 is not lucky. She is favoured with wisdom, acted on it and it paid off for her. Same family she is married to is giving her co-wives tough time because they came in with the fight mentality.
ReplyDeleteThere are bad families, but the DIL who genuinely seek peace and familyship with her husband's family, not just because of say "I tried to be good", gains. She will get supporter in the family to fight for her
My ex husband mother said over her dead body will I remain married to her son after 3kids 2boys and a girl ,her reason been that her son don't give her money, she assumes am the one eating all the money, without knowing am the breadwinner, well she took her son whlie my mum took me too then she realized that her son is jobless and broke ,that am the one actually running the home with my own fund,she has begged me to come take my husband, me kuku ask her to keep her poor, jobless lazy son, cos am more happy without him,His son has married 3 different women after me yet no show, they didn't have children for him,and the marriage scattered, cos na only me know as I they manage the marriage till God use my mother inlaw to liberate me, guess what I have never confront her for oneday, if she gives me problem my mum always return it to her and her son immediately, my mum and my mother inlaw have fight eee, reach state CID Awka, they're two agbara nwanyi, If you treat any of us bad as a mother inlaw then you have my mum to content with,cos she will remind you that her daughter inlaws don't suffer in her hands so she won't allow any woman maltreat her children all in the name of marriage
ReplyDelete