Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
STEP DAUGHTERS WEIRD BEHAVIOUR
Trust you are keeping well. Allow me to toe the cliche line of anonymity.
I've been married for about 6 months now to a widower, who has an eight year old daughter. All my efforts to get the little girl stay with her late mum's younger sister, who stays in the same city as me, proved abortive as it appears the aunt appears to be hellbent on not taking custody of the same niece of hers, that she has lived with for the past 3 years that the little girl's mother passed.
As for me, raising another person's child is quite delicate, because for the most part I find myself not being firm in trying to correct her, so she doesn't hate me and push me into the stereotypical 'wicked stepmother'.
I'm literally walking on an eggshell and the little girl is taking advantage of it...simply put, I'm losing my mind.
Another weird thing is, her father and I sleep in the parlour, and every morning this girl will leave her room, and stealthily open the parlour door to peep at us,(the doors in Europe houses, usually don't have locks, and I don't know why).
The other day, her father and I were making out in the parlour, and I suddenly sensed we had an audience, it turned out this girl was peeping at us, she quickly shut the door when our eyes met. Since then, even when I tried to put chairs as a barrier to the parlour door, she still manages to get up as early as 6am to try to peep at us.
I told her father about that, and she claims she wanted to check for the time, and my question is, couldn't she have just knocked? I find it creepy, and I'm gutted by the fact that this girl might just be trying to watch some adult moment.
Can I get any sort of clue from you Stella, and indeed the amiable BVs. Thanks, and have yourselves a great day.
*Since you noticed that she comes in to peep,why not sleep in your bedroom and make out there?Who say doors in Europe don't have locks?All my doors have locks oh...
Please try to make friends with this little darling and find out if anyone has abused her either at home or when she was living with her Aunt.
Please note that she may be interested in watching you make out cos her mind has been polluted.....Imagine if she was your daughter?
Please help that child!!!
This is seriously serious and it be nice you have a heart to heart talk with her please
ReplyDeleteThe girl has been abused and is missing it, so watching you n her dad is her sharing in the moment she wishes to have
DeletePlease take her as your child.
DeleteI suspect exposure to porn or abuse for her to enjoy peeping when you are making out. Address the issue now before you have your own children to avoid her experimenting with them.
Leaving my children with someone is my greatest fear in life, i get tired as their mother sometimes let alone someone else.
May God give us all long life to train our children and eat the fruit of our labour.
Once again am begging you in the name of God to please treat her like your child and God will reward your effort and make her and your own children great in Jesus Name.
She might not really be peeping but just want to be with you guys.My children wakes up very early in the morning and all three of them comes to the room i and their dad share to sleep on our bed,it started this lock down period.At times they all come in at midnight to ask for as little as water.The 3 of them at once.
DeleteThat little girl just want to be loved and accepted in my opinion.
Since you know a child is around lock the door with locks when making out.I lock our bedroom door whenever we want to make love because i dont want my children expose to such at a tender age.They can come in at anytime.
Show that girl love that is what she wants and i dont see any reason why you should want her away from her dad.
Royal pervert....tueh
DeletePoster na wa for you. You are already behaving like a wicked step mother.
DeleteAn 8year old is still a little child. Draw her closer and bring her up as your own. If you have an 8year old, how will you treat her? I think you should talk more with her, play with her and try bonding with her.
Na room and parlor una dey stay? Why can't guys sleep in the room? Stop subjecting that child to live porn.
In all, how will you treat your own 8year old daughter? Treat her that way.
All I see is a wicked step mother. So the innocent girl shouldn’t be free in her own house because you want to make out with her dad.
DeletePlease change from your wicked ways poster
Royal Tribe your comment is disgusting.
DeleteAn eight year old is still afraid to sleep alone. That is why she wakes up to look for you guys. Nothing much. I think.
DeletePlease take that little girl as your own daughter, please and please.Scold and correct her the way you would do to your own blood.
DeletePlease try and fix a lock if there is no other convenience to make out if not the parlour. Don't let that little girls mind be polluted cos she may be damaged with all is happening now. Do something poster and sometimes allow her to sleep with you guys to feel that motherly love/parental care,rememebr she is still so little like a kid.
May God bless you as yo do.
It's natural. An eight year old is curious and if she is not then you should be worried. Then it's up to you and her dad to feed that curiosity with healthy things not making out in the open and expecting her not to watch.
DeletePoor girl. You and her dad Are abusing that girl and it's so unhealthy. The problem is not the child. The problem is you and her dad. Get a handyman to fix locks so you can have privacy and you need to have a cleansing talk with that little girl so to disabuse her mind with the rubbish both of you have filled he mind with. Give her sex education and let her know such acts is strictly for adults.
I guess she is afraid ,see me as I old afraid still dey catch me dats why I nevr rented my own apartment wen I was single.infact I didn't mind doing house girl for my elder sis just to stay with her even with better money for my account.Uptill now I can't sleep in my flat once hubby travels .I jappa straight to my mumsy place cos I cannot wake up at night after dreaming bad dreams fear go swallow me.
DeletePls just let her be check up on her and ask her things,I guess she will open up to u.probably why looking for u guys she bumps into u and ur hubby doing d do.pls make her get close to u.
DONT you have a room??? Why making out in living room? Nothing weird in what shes doin abeg...shes just lookn for attention when she wakes up.
DeletePlease exercise patience with her ,discuss your observation with your husband and work a way around these peeping issue. God will give you wisdom to handle this matter.
ReplyDeleteYou are already a wicked step mother my dear, how dare you try to chase that child away from her dad?
DeleteIf you had an issue with raising another person's child, you shouldn't be with that person, and hey! Stop judging other people's kids until you raise yours... that's how my sister always judged everyone's child until her own came, and she can't say a word:
My niece was caught "making out" with another girl in her class, while she was just 10yrs old.
She's been caught texting guys since age 11yrs, and guess what? Ì don't love her any less, neither has her mom thrown her out, all we do is pray for her and counsel her.
God has placed that little girl in your care for a reason, but your wicked heart won't let you see beyond "early morning making out".
This life is not promised, tomorrow you might be the one who died and left your child/children. Would you be happy if someone treats them the way you treat your step child?
Weird story. So in the whole of Europe they don't lock door? The father, your husband sef is somehow. Why allow his 8 year old to keep watching him sex you? I don't understand. What kinda life are you all living over there? Poster, you knew this guy had a daughter. Why then did you marry him if you can't allow the child from his late wife be part of your life. Poster, you are weird to me. Would you allow your children watch you sex your hubby? Why then don't you make sure your hubby and you find a private place to have sex?
ReplyDeleteMine too, no lock, even the toilet. I wonder what is going on in her small mind but pls take it easy with her, assuming she's your daughter, will you throw her away?
DeleteComprehension is a big problem...
DeleteI lived in the UK and I always wondered why my house had no locks too. Stop being so judgemental and cut the lady some slack. I don't know why we Nigerians always like to give off this "I can do it better than you" vibes. Poster,those UK houses can be rather tiny, but as a growing family you may have to opt for a bigger apartment so you and hubby can have some privacy and the poor little darling does not go blind ok?
DeleteNawa o
ReplyDeleteRaising another's child is just the most difficult thing. Pls God, let me live and raise my kids myself
ReplyDeleteAmen o, i say this prayer all the time.
DeleteAmen.
DeleteAmen o.
DeleteVery big Amen.
DeleteAmen!
DeleteAmen 🙏🏼
DeleteAmen 🙏🏼
DeleteAmen 🙏🏼
DeleteAunty, what happened to your room nah?
ReplyDeleteIt may not necessarily be peeping, children are fond of waking up early to join their parents in bed, at least mine do.
ReplyDeleteShe may not feel free to join you guys and her hesitation is being interpreted as peeping.
This is a delicate matter and no matter how much you try to win her over, she may not easily tilt towards seeing you as her mum because you are not.
Treat her with love and try to be you while doing that instead of tiptoeing around her.
With time ,she will see you are for real and learn to love or at least respect you.
👌👌 poster next time she comes around invite her into the bed and the three of you should play and crack jokes. She probably wants to be around her parents in bed like other kids her age. Please draw her closer and you wouldn't have to walk on eggshells like you stated.
DeleteMay God grant you the need wisdom.
God bless you for this TS my children does that too.That innocent girl is not peeping anything,she only want to join you guys.
DeleteGod please dont let us die prematurely
This method makes bonding easy.
DeleteGod Bless you dear TS .
DeleteThank you .
Amen 🙏🏼 to your prayers- Anonymous 16:39
DeleteGod bless you. TS. It's a delicate situation. I don't know why people are judging the poster harshly. Poster, pls take the advice above and may the Lord give you the heart and grace to love this child as yours. e-hugs dear.
DeletePoster this is not to judge you but I'm sorry to say you are being unreasonable for not wanting the child to stay with you. If that is your stance, you shouldn't have married the father to start with. How would you want a child who has no mother to even grow away from his father. Would you want that for your child. Please I advise you start treating that child as yours for right now, she's yours. Ask yourself if it's your child that comes to peep at you, what will you do and do same. All the best.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you .
DeleteThank you
Delete👌👌👌
DeleteIs that all you saw? Do you know of the agreement between her and the husband before marriage? Also, didn't you see where she addresses her concerns regarding disciplining the child so as not to get the wicked step mother tag?
DeleteHow about addressing the serious issues in the chronicle?
I wanted to comment without reading anyone's comments. I don't know what part of my mind I am reading from but, I kind of sense you don't like your new step daughter. Then let me ask why did you marry your husband without putting into consideration the daughter part.I also sense it from the way you refer as "this girl" "the girl". Madam what is difficult in loving an 8 year old? If she was 15 or 18 is say she could give you issues. So, why are you trying ceaselessly to separate her from her father. Madam, palour without door is where you make love or are you saying you live in a self-contained house with no door, that you must make-out in the sitting room, yet you don't thonk you are the problem. Madam you never talk your truth. You should be blaming yourself for harassing and exposing a little girl to porn. Madam you married a man with a child and knew what you signed up for. Stop blaming the little girl she is father's child if you can't cope. Waka!!!!
DeleteI wanted to comment without reading anyone's comments. I don't know what part of my mind I am reading from but, I kind of sense you don't like your new step daughter. Then let me ask why did you marry your husband without putting into consideration the daughter part.I also sense it from the way you refer to her as "this girl" "the girl". Madam what is difficult in loving an 8 year old? If she was 15 or 18 id say she could give you issues. So, why are you trying ceaselessly to separate her from her father. Madam, palour without door is where you make love or are you saying you live in a self-contained house with no door, that you must make-out in the sitting room, yet you don't think you are the problem. Madam you never talk your truth. You should be blaming yourself for harassing and exposing a little girl to porn. Madam you married a man with a child and knew what you signed up for. Stop blaming the little girl she is father's child if you can't cope. Waka!!!!
DeleteAll I see is a wicked step mother in the making but you pretended six months before marriage that you’ll be a good mum now that he’s wifed you you’ve changed suddenly women and pretence smh . Pls God protect that little motherless child don’t let this pretentious woman hurt her in any way 😭🙏🙏
DeleteAnon 16:22. You are not only daft but rude too. What's the attack for? So in your daft mind, she having an agreement with her husband not to allow the child stay with them even before marriage is achievable? A human being. Or you think the girl is a piece of furniture. Some of you think you are woke but just plain dumb and stupid. Next time make your comment and move on; don't come attacking other commenters. If you have sense or any home training, you would have known that, the child is the man's family so when things get real, she would have to stay with her father no matter what stupid agreement he might have had with the poster.
DeleteAnon 16:22. what agreement are you talking about. You want them to be in agreement to separate a child from her family, are you not wicked. A young motherless child is going through this in the hands of the step mother you are talking of agreement. God have mercy on you.
DeleteFunny how you accuse a commenter of being daft and rude for expressing her own opinion when you called her abusive words. For every finger you point at someone, four is pointing back at you.
DeletePoster, I recommend you remove the "step" in your heart and treat her as your own daughter. It doesn't seem like you were expecting her to live with you although why you would even think that is surprising. Who is the child supposed to live with if not her own father?
Anon 16:44 No. Funny how you didn't see his/her comment as wrong and an attack. What happens to him/her making her/his point without attack? When you throw the 1st punch, be ready for anything. No one has a monopoly over being rude.
DeleteYour case is actually a simple one.
ReplyDelete1. Your excuse about not being firm with the girl is bull crap. The man is her father and all children deserve to be with their parents. You are marrying a single parent and should treat the child as yours. Pray to God for guidance and treat her like you would your own daughter. She is now your child by marriage. Your first child at that. Discipline and love her like you would your biological children. Imagine if you were in her shoes and has to watch a new family spring up without her. That’s how children grow up to be resentful and damaged. Don’t use your insecurities to destroy the life of an innocent child.
2. Lock your door! And apply my first advice in 1. to gain her trust and confidence. Then you can educate the girl on her curiosity. Children see and experience more than they ought to these days and one needs to properly supervise and educate them in love to train them well.
And please thank the aunt for poking after the girl for so long. Promise her you will do a good job. The woman is a wise woman and wants the girl to experience a family with her father, new mother and siblings to come.
Very good advice
DeletePoster I hope you're reading comments .
Madam simply treat her as your own child, and you both should stop making out in the sitting room.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSimple, straightforward and best advice from Mrs Korkus! 👍🏾👍🏾
ReplyDeleteDon't just move to your bedroom, change your locks too! And try to figure out the little girl.. Something isn't right for her to be putting such energy just to wake up early to peep at you both! Something is wrong
Poster, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WEIRD ABOUT THAT CHILD! She is 8 for goodness sake!
DeleteShe just wants to cuddle up and feel loved. If she lived with her aunt for 3 years, she must have lost her mom at age 5 or earlier.
PUT YOURSELF IN HER SHOES AT THAT AGE!
I slept in my mom's bed I until my JSS 3. In fact, I cuddle up to anyone while sleeping - my grandma, my older sister and cousins. That warmth lulled me to sleep.
PLEASE , LOVE HER. You and her dad should watch TV with her sitting cozied up between you on the couch.
Read her bedtime stories at night.
When she wakes up before dawn, find out if she's cold or had a nightmare.
Children have pure hearts. Stop imagining what her innocent mind cannot even conjure.
Maybe your apartment is just the bedroom and living room, that's why you and hubby sleep in the living room. If so, move to the bedroom, fix a lock and get a daybed for your little daughter to sleep in the living room.
Please, teach her to knock on doors and other simple courteous behaviours.
You love the father, love his daughter also. 👨👩👧
- Kay
Kay.. Nice one 👍🏾
DeleteThe only experience I have of a child crawling into my bed in the middle of the night or in the morning are my 2-4 year old niece /nephew when they come visiting my parents.. But for an 8year old, I really don't know..
Poster, please just start paying full attention to that girl like a mother would,love her, cherish her, figure her out! Remove the clause you've created in your mind that you are her step mother please.. She needs you!
@rajabfoodrepublic that's because I'm the last child.
DeleteThat girl is obviously an only child for about 5 years before her mom died and now 8 after living with her aunt for 3 years. It could be that her late mom doted on her.
I can't imagine losing my mom at that age because I was such a big baby right into my teen years.
- Kay
You're very right @Kay. My son will be 8 in February and he still loves to "relax" between mum and dad. He still loves to get hugs every morning and night. The child just needs that warmth of a mother's love.
Delete@poster that baby needs you. She's giving you green light, showing you she's ready to accept you to fill that void but your selfish mind is worried about making out. please go to a hardware store,we got locks for our bedrooms and bathrooms after we bought our home so you are right about no having locks... But please don't lock her out. She needs you.
Love her and she will be an amazing big sis to your own kids when u have them.
See how you tabled the matter of an eight year old little girl who obviously craves nothing but love. Remember this little lost her mum and is obviously clueless about a lot of things, the least you can do is treat her like she's yours since she doesn't have a mother. From your chronicle, everyone can see that you want that girl out of yours and her father's life. If she's your daughter will you bring her matter here.
ReplyDeleteMadam biko, change your attitude towards that child and begin to see her as your own. 🙄
God bless you for this beautiful comment 🤗❤️
DeleteThank God for all this reasonable comment.That girl is not peeping anything.Please dont go about telling people this.She is just lonely and want to feel loved.
DeleteLoud it o, she no like the small pickin and wants out of that house. That's all I see.
Delete👍🏽👍🏽
Delete👌👌👌👍😍
DeleteGet a bolt and bolt the door. Also, try find out od she has been abused as Stella said or her mind polluted. Since it's so now, you both can't do any spontaneous quikie anywhere in d house. Plan it. (Yessoooo. D situation demands so) ).
ReplyDeleteAnd the aunty isn't
She has nursed d child in absent of a mother. Now you are d new mother. Time for the girl to blend with you both and have all the affection she has missed from parents, over the past 3 years.
Also, pls discipline her. Don't be afraid to be tagged "a bad stepmother". Rather, be afraid of God who will judge you for how you handled d girl. Raising up a godly, disciplined and mannered child, or reverse, to answer a good name from a child or people.
More so, remember that child will influrnce your children wether good or bad. So raise her well, to save your kids in future.
Lastly, love means also scold, discipline, and strict as d case may demand. So, be intentional in raising her up. Removing what needs to and adding what needs to.
Seconded
Delete👌👌 u just said my mind, poster remember ur kids will grow up with her,so if u like dont decipline or train her properly now, when u start having kids,she might influence them negatively.so for ur own good, love and treat that girl as ur child. i know it's not that easy but ask God to help you.
DeleteI'm a bit concerned on why her aunt doesn't want the girl to live with her. are we sure the father was not sleeping with her aunt and the aunt was angry the father married another woman?
ReplyDeletehow is an 8 year old interested in adult things if not that she has seen or been abused before? I have an 8yr old that doesn't barge into the room and if she mistakenly barges into the room and sees that I'm dressing up, she'd apologise and leave.
do your findings and get a lock on your door sis.
be friends with the girl. indulge her.
ask her questions like why she always come to peep and ask if she has tried something like that before ask her questions that would make her not want to come and peep an 8 year old can't be smarter than you.
Anon 15:21 you are mad. Why should the girl be with her aunty when her father is still alive? If the poster can not be the girl new mum then why did she marry the widower? I am married to a widower too. He had two little sons when i married him and today those kids are mine. I treat them and my biological son same way. They eat the same food, wear the same clothes and you will never know i didn't give birth to them. Women you people should fear God because tomorrow is not promised.
Delete15:21 you sound heartless!
Deletesome of these comments are really getting me emotional 😭
DeleteThis is just so sad!!
Let's all remember tomorrow isn't promised, be empathic and reason like a right thinking individual.
How about looking for ways to help the child rather than making filthy comments ?
Her mother is dead.
ReplyDeleteRemember, none of us is sure when death could knock.
You too may have "an eight year old and die..."
How will you want her to be treated by the next woman?
that is the answer to your question here. Do that without
any ill conscience.
Jesus taught that the golden rule is to treat others as
you would like to be treated.
Do you know him as your Lord?
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I have a firm believe that when you marry a parent, you marry their children too, especially if they are still kids. The girl needs a home i.e with her father, a mother and other siblings if you are interested. She has no business staying with an aunty since she has a father. If you haven't, please accept her as your own daughter. Talk to her, play with her, pamper her, be firm with her and discipline her just like a mother would. No need walking on egg shells if you have wholeheartedly accepted her as your own.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, please keep your adult moments in the bedroom where she shouldn't have access to at all times. The parlour is a general place. If it were just you and your husband, you can have your adult moments anywhere in the house but since you both have a daughter, please keep it under wraps.
Did your husband hide his status from you when you guys were dating
ReplyDeleteIf he didn't ,then I am sure that you were already mentally prepared that you have an adopted daughter.. The girl is your husband's responsibility, he was the one that made the baby and if your husband is not incapacitated, I don't understand why you are trying to shift the responsibility to an aunty.
Ko wrong na..
Chizzy j.
i am sure you knew your husband had a child before you agreed to marry him. Pls take care of that child like you would your own child, correct her, be stern when the need arises.
ReplyDeleteVery silly. U want her to be raised by her aunt. U allow her watch u make out. U dont feel u can raise her. My dear why did u marry a single dad
ReplyDeletePoster that your excuse is lame. Just 6months in that's your flimsy excuse for trying to chase a little girl from her father's house. A home she lived in before you came along
ReplyDeleteYou haven't even asked yourself the condition she was under in her aunts place. Do you know if she was abused?
Try talking to her and start forming a relationship with her. She obviously can't open up to her dad because her dad is into you and she's also walking on eggshells around you.
Infact poster you are WICKED!!!
if you were in that child's shoes what would you wish to happen?
YOU ARE THE WICKED STEP MOTHER NOBODY WANTS TO END UP WITH
Please take it easy jare, the way we are quick to term someone we don't know wicked is cringe-worthy.
DeleteShe needs advice to improve her relationship with her step daughter seeing she is not a parent yet.
What is wicked about her?
Wow, poster steal your pant? Why so harsh?
DeleteThank you, Troy II. You saw through her goings-on.🤝
DeleteLeave that her yarn...wwhich kyn nonsense yarn be that. This poster no get problem at all. She doesn't even want to try.
DeleteAbi oga hide im Pikin before Una marry?
Troy nailed it.
DeletePoster, the fact that you wanted that child to live with her aunt instead of you and her father tells a lot about you. For Pete’s sake, you’re talking about a motherless 8 year old child that needs a lot of love and care from you and her Dad. Seems like you married the Dad with the hope that the child will be raised elsewhere.
You should have started bonding with that child before you married her father.
Gbam
DeleteTroy I feel your pain!!!
DeleteI really share in your sentiments.
Troy II, you nailed it.
DeleteImagine how she described her stepdaughter, 'the girl', 'that girl'!
Just 6months ooooooh, just 6 months!
You want to deprive an 8year old of her father, yarning dust!
God biko may every woman be the one to train and look after their kids, Amen.
God bless you Troy for not being biased
DeletePoster your excuse for wanting to send her to stay with her son this not tenable.
ReplyDeleteLet her stay with her father please!
Treat her the same way you would treat your children when you have them (I'm assuming you have none yet), and when she sees you treat your biological children the same way you test her, she will understand you are not being bias. Be firm when you need to be.
Talk to your husband about moving to your bedroom as against the living room you've been sleeping, change locks if that makes you feel better.
Talk to the girl too about respecting privacy and knocking on the door before entering a room that's not hers, trust me she's old enough to be that reasonable as long as you go about it the right way.
Just be her friend like you would your biological daughter.
Exactly!!!
DeleteThis poster seems impatient, if it were to be her child would she not find ways to create a balance ?
She said when they made eye contact the little girl shut the door , so what happened afterwards? Did she try to correct her , results might not be immediate but I mean constant efforts would yield results .
Moreover I doubt her father would want his Child to see his wife anything less than a mum!!!.
There should be some sort of balance , i mean if that's the only room in the house how about finding other ways around it ?
This is an 8 Yr old, she is still in the formation stage, we don't know what happened all the time she was with her aunt , poster needs to bring her close as her own daughter.
If i ever married a man with kids I would never see them anything less than my own blood, with prayers and the support of my husband I would be able to bring them up in the way of God.
D little girl is curious as a child...she has no one to explain to her how adults are. Go to your room n make out n stop trying to separate father from daughter. Send her away n the mother will terrorize you in your dreams.
ReplyDeleteIf she try to send that child away again, God will punish this poster in a very painful way. God doesn't joke with the tears of orphans, motherless and fatherless kids. I have seen it happened Severally. Poster if you don't want to see God wrath please from today, start showing that kid love and attention like a good mother. Even when you start having your kids, still treat her like your first child with love
DeletePoster love and care for this child as yours,find any means to win her over and both of you should stop knacking in the sitting room for God sake🙄🙄 is it a 1bedroom apartment?cos I don't get why making out in the sitting room to begin with..have a heart talk with her,even her dad also and do your findings about any ish she might have or be going through..you already know he has a daughter and accepted to marry him,so take of that child like yours and give her motherly care..how will you feel if it was your own daughter that sees you making out with a step dad? Think about it and do the needful,you need alot of wisdom, patience and love to handle her
ReplyDeleteTreat and take her as yours. Correct her in love the way you would correct yours. Scold her when you need to. Show her understanding and motherly love. Involve your husband in the bonding. Ask her questions and explain in details. Be patient with her and always pray for her....
ReplyDeleteAll the best....
Why would you and the father make out in the parlour with a child in a room. You both are irresponsible.
ReplyDeleteKnowing there is a child , caution should be applied .
DeleteSeems there's only a room they have sacrificed for the girl and sleeping in the parlour instead. If this isn't the case then I don't see why you should be making out in the common area when you are not alone. Take the girl as your daughter please. I don't know why you want her to stay with her aunt, she has a father and you knew he had a child before agreeing to marry him. That child is now under your care and God will ask you how you took care of your ward. All the best, being an instant parent is daunting but may God give you the grace to be an excellent one
ReplyDeleteYou are simply a wicked woman just finding faults with the kid to justify your wickedness.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you would have pretended to be a loving, nurturing, children loving woman to deceive the gullible man to put a ring on it. Now the ring is on, your true character is out.
God will reward you accordingly.
Don't mind the witch. See her trying to separate the poor girl from her daddy. I like the fact that her aunty refuse taking her because it is your duty as her step mum to start taking good care of her like she is your child. I don't know how some women reason. Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. What if you die tomorrow and leave a small child in this world, would you like your husband new wife to treat your child or children this way? Thank God you are abroad. Imagine if the poster was in nigeria, she will be beating and abusing the poor child at any little provocation. Please try it there and you will get arrested. Shey you don't want to use your the sense God gave to you. What were you thinking when you married a widower with a little child?
DeleteIt’s not fair at all that you’re trying to separate that child from her father and I don’t buy the excuse you’re selling, but that’s just me. If you knew you couldn’t raise the child of a dead woman, why did you marry her father? As it stands, you’re the only mother that child has and you’re making up all sorts of excuses to send her out of her father’s house. She’s still a baby for crying out loud and she must feel so alone, imagine being motherless at eight
ReplyDeleteIf you know how you’ll treat your own child, kindly start treating her that way. You’re not her stepmom, you’re her mother that is alive. She’s still very pliable so the hand with which you raise her is what will stick. If you raise her with a mother’s love, she’ll love you like your own child
Madam, please take that child as yours, show her love, nurture her, protect her, be her friend, let her know you have got her back, care for her, scold her when she misbehaves, teach her values. Most Importantly, be patient with her, With time she will reciprocate the love and see you as her mom.
ReplyDeleteDo not push her away, If her mom was alive It would have been a different story. You and DH should sleep in your room for now.
You married a man with a child. Of course its only normal that the aunt will want the child with the father since there is a mummy figure in the equation now. Treat that child the way you would take Care of yours except you are so nasty you would treat yours badly. Put lock on doors. Curiosity and l don't know what else is in play in this situation. Get close to that child. She is your child now. The more leeway you give her, the more she will keep testing to know how far she can go. Nip that in the bud. Overall, love her like yours. She is still young.
ReplyDeletePlease treat that girl the way you intend to treat your own children. It is her right to be raised by her father and not an aunt. She is too young to be judged. Maybe she woke up afraid and needed a company.
ReplyDeleteMay God give you the grace and wisdom to bring her up in a right way. Amen.
Yes,that girl isn't peeping
DeleteThank you Zaram. I didn't even see your comment before i dropped mine.
DeletePoster please protect that child's innocence.
ReplyDeleteYou're not walking on any eggshell, you just don't want to take that child as your own.
You can fix locks on your doors,, don't use the doors doesn't have locks as an excuse to abuse an innocent child (yes, its abuse for an 8yrs old child to be seeing you making out or having sex)
You can go make out in your bedroom and do all the naughty things in the world.
Show unconditional love to that little girl and you will not regret it.
Madam poster you are not wise! Look at what you are saying about an 8year old girl! What kind of mother are you? That girl is your daughter by marriage. She is your first child your first duty is to bond and get close to your daughter, let her open up to you and gain her trust. Can't imagine what that child is going through. I married my husband as a single mother my husband accepted my son who was a 15 year old at that time. My husband bonded with my son first, he corrects him and also scolds him when he is wrong so two of them get along now. My son told me one day that my husband is the father he never had! Look for a way to reach that young girl's heart! Be a mother to her.Stop all this talks and look for way to secure the door when you and your husband want to have sex. I don't know how you people are behaving in that house!
ReplyDeleteI really feel very sad reading this chronicle,i feel sorry the the little girl.
DeleteI wish i didn't open this post .
DeleteI'm quite emotional right now .
Poster may God guide you and may you open your heart to learning how to make things right.
Poster pls in God's name take that 8 year old and make her your beloved daughter because that's what she is. It's easy to mould her to your taste cos she is very young. Love her not like your own cos she is your own. She is your daughter. She craves your attention and that of her father. Dont deny her that please. Nobody knows when he or she would meet her creator, treat her right.
ReplyDeleteIt appears you live in the UK. Internal doors in a house are usually without locks for health and safety reason in the event of fire.
ReplyDeleteYou can install a plastic child lock (check Amazon) on the door and it will take a serious force to open it from the outside so if you and hubby are making out...you will.kmow easily.
As for the kid. 8yr old are curious and may be wondering what you and the dad are doing.
It's the job of your hubby to sit the child down and have a conversation.
However...please don't resent the child. Kids do the dandest things.
Take the child as your own and a old if need be...just don't be excessive. Correction in love is important.
But your hubby needs to take charge of this. Wish you God speed.
You don’t even need locks just jam towel strongly between the door shikena
DeleteThank you so much anon 16.05!
DeleteYou're the only sensible person here who doesn't pretend and your comment is so on point!
You see all those pretenders up and down here, take it from me, they could've blinded the girl a long time ago.
Like Stella said, sit that child down after making her your friend and find out how bad she have been exposed to adult life. I'm talking from experience because a neighbor's 9 years old that was abused when I was in Nigeria was doing same thing with her parents, my uncle and the neighbors till she was caught, beaten and she opened up. Please talk to that child and take her as yours because she is at that age when you can replace her mother's love but only"IF" her mother is really "DEAD" & NOT DIVORCED OR SEPARATED.
Whatever the case is, you signed up for it so handle it with love and please don't separate that child from her dad because that alone will make you a wicked stepmother before God and man!
Get that door fixed! Yes, I said it, she is peeping at you guys while making out FULLSTOP and I said so!
My three year old knows she is suppose to knock on any closed door when mom and dad or anyone is behind it and wait till she's invited not to talk of a eight year old.. Why did she run the day you caught her peeping one on one?
Please help that poor child,she has been exposed in one way or the other. You will be surprised if you treat her with so much love and let her open up to you why she peeped.
May God see you through and show you the right answers and steps to make. Forget all those running their mouth, they just want to sound like mother Theresa but ending up sounding dumb!
Follow Stella's advice and help the poor girl. I REPEAT, DON'T EVER THINK OF SEPARATING HER FROM HER DAD. BIKO,PLEASE!
She's just a child, treat her with love watch her see you as her new mummy, it won't be easy but most importantly apply wisdom in all that you do.
ReplyDelete1. I'm wondering why you were expecting your step child to continue staying with her aunt instead of her father.
ReplyDelete2. Get locks in your home or restrict your display of affection to the bedroom
3. Treat the girl as your own daughter. I'm fact, from today, don't think of her as step daughter. Think of her as daughter.
P.S: Ladies, if you know in your heart that you cannot treat another woman's child as your own, avoid men with children, please.
Your footnote is everything 🙌 and
DeleteAn in uk the doors itself don't have locks, landlord put them in the rooms so parlor would not have
ReplyDeleteYou are blessed with a husband and an extra gift on the side and the first thing you could think of, was discipline, not fun activities, having a little bestie, a mini version of yourself. So many lovely plans should be going on through your mind on how to bond with that lovely creature and make her love you and see you as the mom she never had but no, you would rather prefer to alter harmless situations to fit into your delusions and paranoia. At first, I thought you had a teenager on your hands then I read on and realised it was just a sweet little girl of 8 years old. Then I shuddered thinking, "how petty can she be?" You just didn't want your husband's child living with you because you fear your demons, so miss me with that false concern of discipline. The mere fact that you expected a daughter to live apart from her biological father speaks volume about your kind of person. Were you forced to marry a single dad or he hid all that information from you so you feel you are within your right to make unreasonable demand? I read about women saying a man who wants them must also accept their child but you think a man should make an exception for you when he isn't a fool. From the way, you write it showed you never even made any effort to get to know the little girl. To you, she was just a pest you couldn't wait to get rid of. You wanted just the father but having an extension of him irks your very soul.
ReplyDeleteI have lived in Europe so miss me with that talk of doors not having locks. You both are quite irresponsible making out knowing fully well a little girl shares the same space with you. Stop abusing that child and help preserve her innocence by acting like the adults you both claim to be. She doesn't owe you both any privacy she probably just want to join you both to play, like most kids her age do, she is a child stop twisting the narratives. You are the one who owes her as her parents not to ruin her childhood by shoving adult stuff right in her face and turning around to blame her for it. Quit talking about putting a chair at the back of the door just to give her a bad name in the eyes of her dad. From the way she behaves she is scared of you and doesn't feel comfortable around you. Hey! I myself writing this, though not beside you, your post gives me the creeps.
😘😘😘
DeleteSabella is upset... and rightly so! 👍
DeleteIt doesn't take anything to love a child.
Poster,pls don't see her as someone else's daughter. If she needs discipline, do not hesitate but be mindful of the kind of discipline bearing in mind where you stay.
ReplyDeleteNow to the part of her peeping, you and your husband should use your bedroom. Nothing should make you make out in the parlour of all places when you know you have a child staying with you. It's very inappropriate. You don't even know whether the child is asleep or not and you're making all the sexual soundtracks...which by the way may be why the lil girl is coming to see what's making you guys make those particular sounds.
Pls apply wisdom. Don't make out anywhere else except in your bedroom.
Righto! It's their "adult noise" that scares and wakes the lil' angel from her sleep.
DeleteShe's just a child, treat her with love watch her see you as her new mummy, it won't be easy but most importantly apply wisdom in all that you do.
ReplyDeleteYou know this man had a child from his late wife, why then can't this little angel stay with you and her father? Losing a mother is enough pain for her already. She needs her father around her and if you can't act like her mother right now by taking care of her and treating her like she is your child then you are wicked and you are the weird one here. For the peeping part, it is not intentional. She probably just lonely and wants to come and stay with the both of you. Alot of kids do this and i see no wrong in it. When she start having siblings and grow older she will stop. Also try and get a lock on your door so she can knock and she wont just have easy access in except you or her father open the door. Please get that girl closer to you and treat her right also allow her have access to her dad. Remember you are now her new mum. Nobody knows tomorrow and no child wants to lose their mother. See that girl like your child and allow her stay in that house with you. You know what you were getting into before you married her dad
ReplyDeleteI find this chronicle heart wrenching. Poster, you are the one that has a big problem. Why cant you love this little that lost her mum? I am not being judgmental but I think you are a wicked person.
DeletePoster please have mercy on this girl. She is 8 for Gods sake which means she lost her mother at 5. Please treat her with love. Discipline is good but please show her more love so she will be willing to change when disciplined. Discipline without love amounts to wickedness. Take her out, look for fun activities, open your heart to her so she will help train her other siblings tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteStart loving her now she is still young to avoid her being rebellious against you tomorrow. Also quit complaining to her Dad about her misdeeds, she will love you the more. Always explain things to her with love. Please show her love more and less discipline you will see her turn around. I know it might not be easy but God will make it easy for you. Please love her.
Poster, stop making out in the parlour. Don't you have room. Please, take this child as your own because you won't make out where your child will see you. She keeps bumping on you two. That means she is not enjoying your presence as a mother. Please take very good care of her.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful comments from wonderful and wise BV's may God bless you all.
ReplyDeleteStella thank you very much for this platform, i've learnt alot from this blog my prayer is that God will continue to bless and promote you in every thing you do in Jesus name Amen
Amen
DeleteDear poster, welcome to the club if step mums. Youu will have to reset your mind about your step daughter and your marriage. You are in and no turning back. You don't have a problem with the girl except the one you create.
ReplyDeleteI have 2 adorable step daughters. Has it been easy no. You can win. Eventually the girl will know only you as her mother depending on how you treat her. Now let me tell you that children know when they are wanted and when they are not. If she has been exposed to porn this is the time to correct it in a loving manner. Like many ladies have said she is looking for love. My youngest daughter slept in our room until last year when she turned 11 and left for boarding house. And her father and I fought because I wanted her at home but he thought boarding SCH will be better for her. Butot so many people don't know I'm not there mum. I have told myself I will do my best for them because when they grow up they will know if I treated them well or not.
My youngest daughter will just sneak into the room and lie in between us. I never turned her back. She was left with her father at such an early age.
For your daughter I must say she is going through a lot. And you must help her adjust. It must be with tough love. You must scold but explain why her actions are wrong when necessary. For my youngest daughter as soon as she knew she was wrong she will apologise many times. For older sister it was a bit tougher. She was about your daughters age. It was frustrating and I will get so upset. But God worked on me as I submitted to Him. Let me tell you its only during this covid that I see the walls that were built crumbling. She gave me attitude as long as I remember. I kept telling her that I loved her and I was praying for her. If she wants something I will do my best to get it without asking her father except the ones I could not handle.
Pls can you make the girl your friend? Talk to her like an adult you will be shocked the things she will share with you. But she won't except you have accepted her and she will know by herself without you saying anything. Love this girl .and be honest and straight.
When my girls misbehave I read the Bible to them and show then its not coming from me.
As for people judging you, forget about that and do what is right. Think about the future. People will talk but what is God saying? Remember God sees. You will go through the mine fields but you will overcome. If you love that girl, your hubby will love you on another level. There is no competition.
Because she is there with you you must plan when to have time together. Protect her. And believe me God is your reward. Don't forget God says he is the father of the fatherless as well as the motherless. Don't maltreat this girl because you didn't birth her. Her Aunt did well, the responsibility is yours and if you do well you will be grateful for it.
I just love you Lady T, you are a rare gem, God bless you 😍🥰😘
DeleteLady T God Bless you real good , you're a wonderful woman , it is evident in your comments .
DeleteI never skip your comments God Bless you richly for this beautiful advice as someone who's in the same situation,
I'm hoping the poster would read through and pick the comments that would better her relationship with her daughter.
@ Twins Squared, Amen and thank you.
Delete@Chocolat, Amen. Thank you.
Thank you so much Lady T!
DeleteYou're one in a million and I wish to be your friend. I love wise diplomatic women and you are one of them.
I have to disagree about you people saying an 8 year old isn't a peeping Tom. I have met precocious children who absolutely know what sex is at that age. Poster instead of feeling put upon by this little girl why not challenge yourself and see how best to bond with her? She's 8 not 18. You still have time. Remember she'll be the big sister to any kids you have with her father. Start laying the ground work for a great sibling relationship today. Peace.
ReplyDeleteI'm really happy to see and read some wise comments from intelligent people unlike the pretenders!
DeleteThanks so much anon.
I’m a single mum and my son is 6 years old; I live in a 2 bed house. He wakes up 6/7am and till age 4 he would barge into my room straight and wake me up but I started home training on him so at age 5 when he wakes up he plays with his toys and waits for me to wake up and call him into my room or for me to leave my room before he come to me and greets me good morning.
ReplyDeleteEven if I wake up 12pm and call him or leave my room he will wait for me he never ever barges into my room ever again it is call HOME TRAINING. She is 8 start the home training.
Shalom
GBAM!!!!
DeleteWELL SAID!
As God will have it, I didn't see your comment till I wrote mine up there about my three year old knocking on the door before coming in .
Part 2,
ReplyDeletefrom the moment you wake up involve her in almost all the things you do especially cooking and cleaning. Ask her opinion about things even when you know the answer. Take her out just you and her. Buy her stuff and ask what she likes. What movies she likes to watch and why. And pls as much as you can watch her shows with her. It is from there you will be able to correct her. Otherwise she will think you are attacking her while correcting her. See what works with her. My girls don't like been yelled at. So you must learn. I've mellowed to be able to achieve what I want. Kai, I've seen God help me tremendously. My older girl now hugs. Something she detested. It has been a long walk but I'm a better person too. I talk from knowledge acquired because I've been there. I'm still learning. If you pray then you need to pray more and ask for wisdom and understanding. And Grace.
She just wants a family. And by the way she is your first daughter and child. Its okay. There is nothing to compete for. All the best.
You are lucky her mother's people want you to handle it, I haven't been so lucky. They have tried to paint me bad and make me uncomfortable. But I didn't come to replace their sister. But she is no longer in the pix. It is well. You will learn things and God will help you. Pls try not to.report issues to your hubby it always backfires. Learn to handle things with wisdom.
Cheers.
God bless you Lady T.
DeleteMay God grant you all your heart desires AMEN .
Amen. Thank you.
DeleteWords of wisdom from Lady T, @ poster read and assimilate, the Lord will help you. The fact that you didn't carry her in your womb does not mean you cannot love her like your own.
DeleteThat little girl is your daughter, you are her mother, no competition, stop trying to get rid of her. She has lost her mother and you want her to lose her father as well?
She is a part of you now, stop seeing her as an obstacle, she belongs in that house, It is her home, she has a right to live with her father. You shouldn't even agree If your husband decides to ship her away.
All the best.
SHe need space so she can fuck the poor girls father as she wants but she can’t love the daughter. I think the man moved in with the poster hence this discomfort London men and perching with women sha
ReplyDeletePlease poster bring her closer to you as she's still very much young,how much love you show her will help fast in the bonding of you both and am sure the dad will be so happy to see you both bonding together as the two most important people in his life.
ReplyDeletePlease for those saying the little girl should learn how to knock,for Christ sake that girl ought to be anywhere you both are except when you making out.She is just a kid,so it is not even advisable to leave her alone in a place while you and her father are in another place in that house, haba naw.
ReplyDeletePlease and please endeavour to give that girl the motherly/parental care she needs and sometimes carry her and allow her to cuddle you as her own mother. Wtf is this distancing you tryna do with that little kid.
Dont execute that your plan on that kid so you can receive your full blessings from God.
God bless you as you take every part of that girl as yours.
Oh God,may another not train my kids.thid chronicle just made me cry.
ReplyDeleteMy second daughter loved to peep and I love her unconditionally.
Poster ,you are wicked.
The day you kick that innocent girl out all because you want to knack well well and have your husband (her biological dad o) all to yourself, will be the beginning of the end of that marriage and that’s a fact. There’s no way any normal and sane man will love you 100 % if you don’t love his child the same way. I mean it’s common sense. You want a part of him out of your home yet you want to have your marriage. And you don’t want to be called a wicked and mean step mother??? Get the F outta here woman. I’m so so upset at you. Have compassion and love towards that child for God’s sake. She’s gone through a lot at such a tender age! If you love her dad, then you must absolutely love his child! And y’all better move out and get a two bedroom apartment so you don’t traumatize that child! Whenever she wakes up in the AM, call her to you, hug her, kiss her forehead. During the day, build her self esteem, positive affirmations(you both can write on flash cards), do fun activities with her like painting, apple picking, gardening/planting, baking/cooking, out door games, do fun things Together as a family, Sign her up to dance or music classes, let her know you care about her, ask questions if she’s not in a good mood, make her feel safe and make her feel loved. Encourage her dad to do the same. With time, you’ll create enough bond and you’ll be able to call her out whenever she misbehave. This is what you’ve signed up for when you say I do! Na wa for you sha o. You sound stone cold and lack that womanly sweetness and warmth. I may be wrong sha. Goodluck.
ReplyDelete